by Les Rolt
*****
“I still can't believe it.” She said as the cab hurtled down the motorway. “I mean, what kind of man cheats on his girlfriend? It's disgusting.”
“You should have answered it.” Sam replied, staring out the window.
“I don't know how we even begin to have a conversation about this, Sam. It's all words, isn't it; ‘Hello, I'm sorry, I forgive you’. They don't really mean anything.”
“Words always mean something to a person, when they mean something to the person who said them.”
“But they don't change the past, they don't erase what happened.”
“And they never will. But the way I see it, there's nothing to be gained in life by being perfect. If there are no mistakes, there's no pain; no pain and there's no suffering, and it's that suffering that shows you there are consequences to your actions; mistakes give you a chance to learn, to grow, to be better. You can come back from this, from anything, and you can come back stronger. But it will take time.”
Lucy stared out of the window at the cars passing by. Placing her hand on her lap, she felt the pregnancy test in her pocket, a reminder of the situation she was trying to escape.
“There’s no shame in it Lucy, you wanting to speak to him, and him wanting to speak to you. When you find someone you care about, it really doesn't matter if it's perfect or not. I just know that if I had another chance with Nancy, I’d do things differently. I still dial her number sometimes, when I’m drunk or feeling low. I dial her number even though I know she won’t answer. I guess it’s hard to let go.”
“You really loved her, didn't you?” Lucy said, looking across at Sam.
“Yeah.” He replied, his eyes red. “But life goes on.”
“Does it?”
“I'm here with you, aren't I?”
“I guess. So did you and Nancy travel a lot then?”
“We travelled the world, or at least we were supposed to. I guess we had this whole future planned out; we were going to travel across the States, that was my dream. She wanted to travel the Inca trail, and drive along the Australian gold coast, visit the Whitsundays. I wanted to travel Route 66 ever since I was a kid It was a dream that I never really thought would be possible – but then I met her and she made me believe anything was possible if you just stripped away the bullshit, planned out how you were going to do it and went for it. She was a big believer in having faith, but faith can only get you so far.”
“Well, this definitely isn't how I planned my life would be.” Nancy replied. “When I was a kid, I always dreamt of becoming a nurse. I thought I’d be a nurse for a few years before starting a family. We'd get married, we'd buy a house, then, when we were ready, we'd start a little family. I used to dream about it. But it never quite worked out like that. One day you’re young and carefree and planning for the future, then the future comes and before you know it life has passed you by. I never thought I’d end up being the girl that nobody takes seriously, that jumps from one temporary job to another. That wastes her weekends at clubs, getting myself involved with people I shouldn't, making mistake after mistake, if you can even call them mistakes when you choose to keep doing them over and over again.”
“I think you’re being harsh on yourself.”
“I know what people say about me Sam; I know what people call me. I get drunk, I kiss some random guy. God forbid I might sleep with someone and then never see them again.”
“Nobody says anything…”
“Come on Sam, I’m not an idiot. Even you think I’m just some peroxide-blonde air-head, who just cares about reality TV, celebrities and getting wasted.”
“Maybe I did, before I got to know you.”
“Well, maybe if you weren’t so wrapped up in your judgemental little bubble, you’d have realised there’s more to me than that. But you stay living in some weird fantasy land, imagining you’re still with your ex.”
“Well, maybe I’m not the only one living a lie, Lucy. I might be an introvert hiding behind closed doors, but you’re no different to me, not deep down. You just hide your pain in plain sight. You live up to the stereotype because it’s easier than facing reality.”
“You’re one to talk!”
Her smile cracked first, and his followed as they mutually acknowledged the futility of their argument, both accepting the truths they tried so hard to deny.
“Maybe we’re just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year.” Sam said taking her hand in his.
“Very poetic.”
“It’s Pink Floyd.”
“Wish You Were Here?”
“Yeah,” Sam replied with a smile.
“So maybe it’s time to leave the fishbowl. Escape reality.”
“Perhaps, but then again maybe we don’t need to escape from it, maybe we need to accept it. I mean, no person can be truly happy when they have to fake reality. Maybe it’s time I let go of the past and move on, maybe it’s time you confronted the future and settled down. But hell, what do I know.”