by Katy Kaylee
“God, baby, you’re going to be the death of me.”
She hummed happily, and it was hard not to lose myself right then and there. Why was everything with her so much brighter? Sharper? Even touching her seemed more intense than I could possible handle, and yet there I was, holding onto my desk with my dick in her mouth.
I couldn’t resist any longer. One of my hands slid below the wooden surface of my desk and found the professional bun that always sat on top of her head whenever we were in the office. Tugging at it, I managed to pull her long, dark waves from it and bury my fingers in the tresses.
She handed control over to me so easily, groaning while I shuttled her up and down my length. I didn’t understand why she trusted me so implicitly, but it filled me with a warmth I wasn’t used to. A warmth that sort of filled my chest and made me feel more secure, more confident than I had ever been before.
Another little groan escaped her swollen lips, distorted around my manhood. I knew what she was asking for though. Like usual, she wanted more. Faster. Harder. The little virgin that I had somehow been lucky enough to seduce wanted to push her limits as far as she could.
I obliged her, pulling her down more, thrusting in a bit stronger. I never wanted to hurt her. The very thought made me want to crawl up inside of myself and disappear. But I couldn’t help but want to give her whatever she asked of me. Demanded of me, in that submissive, wide eyed way of hers.
It didn’t take long before I was about to reach my end, so I gripped her hair tightly and pulled her back. “I’m gonna-”
But she just nodded, letting out a little hiccup before engulfing me in her mouth and swallowing as much as she could of me.
“Shit!”
I nearly doubled over my desk as I spilled into her, feeling her swallow everything, I gave her. When it was over, I fell back against my chair panting, and she slowly emerged from under my desk looking pleased with myself.
God, she looked so beautiful like that. Her cheeks were flushed from her efforts and her lips were slick from our activity and slightly puffy. If she had been born in another time, there would have been chapel ceilings and statues made in her image, an homage to a goddess clearly stranded among mortals.
Actually, that wasn’t a bad idea. I could probably commission an artist to make a sculpture of her. Of course, it could never do her justice, but I wouldn’t mind having a reminder of her when she wasn’t around to worship.
“I’ll go get your lunch,” she said, wiping the corner of her mouth with a napkin that had been sitting on my desk before striding out.
Her words brought me out of my musing, reality crashing in like a cold wave. What was I thinking? Building a statue of her? That was ridiculous. Utterly ridiculous. That was something eccentric billionaires did with someone they lov-
No.
No.
I wasn’t allowed to think that word. What Bev and I had was just sex. Mind blowing, educational and incredibly hot sex. There were no feelings beyond our mutual admiration for each other.
I was not in love.
I hadn’t made it into my forties just to get all doe-eyed and slacked jawed by my assistant. I wasn’t going to be a trope like that.
Abruptly all of the warm, fuzzy feelings I had were gone and I stared down at my hands. There were still a few strands of black hair wrapped around my fingers, a reminder that I was letting her bind me up far too easily.
Shit. I hadn’t even realized how far I had slipped. Everything had just felt so good and the sounds she made… well, they made me forget anything and everything else.
My door opened, and Bev returned with the lunch we had ordered. Either they had been holding it at the front desk or our timing had been impeccable. Not that it mattered, because then Bev was marching right up to my desk and sitting on the end of it, right next to me, as she placed the meal in front of me.
“Did… did I do alright?” she asked, the nervousness in her tone reminding me that even a modern day Aphrodite could have some insecurities.
“Yeah. You did fine,” I said shortly, closing my eyes against the after image of exactly what she had done. I didn’t want to get hard again. I needed time to think, to gather myself.
“Oh… okay. Are you alright?”
“I’m fine,” I answered quickly. Too quickly. Since when had I lost all my smoothness, my charm? “I just realized I forgot several correspondences that were important.” I looked to her with what I hoped was a reasonably polite expression. “Why don’t you do your normal runner’s tasks while I get caught up?”
“Uh, I… alright. I can do that.”
She slid off my desk and I could almost see the uncertainty in the air around her, but I couldn’t allow myself to comfort her. No, doing that would have me sliding back in and then I wouldn’t know which way was up or down again. I’d just been drowning in everything that she was and my hindbrain wanted her to be.
She left, and I sagged in my chair, thinking. We were just sex. That was it. Sex. It couldn’t be anything more than that because I didn’t believe in anything other than that. I was never going to marry. Never be a couple. Because that was stupid.
But if that was true, why was my gut twisting so hard? Like I was denying myself something I needed more than anything else?
No. That was stupid. It was probably just something I ate.
Bev
I was confused.
I was also probably leaning towards a little hurt.
But mostly confused.
Fitz was avoiding me.
At first, I thought it was just in my head, because we worked together after all, but after a few days and a weekend without so much as a text from him, my brain put two and two together and I realized he was giving me the cold shoulder.
“Oh hey, Bev. He got you doing grunt work down here?” I recognized the voice of Donella, a one of the lovely managers that worked a floor above Chris. She was in charge of wardrobe, if I remembered right.
I pulled my head from the fridge that was cleaning and nodded. “You know how it is, there’s always something that needs done around here.”
“I dunno,” the woman retorted. “The way I hear it, if you were allowed to work more overtime then this whole building would be ahead of schedule and wrapped up with a bow.”
“Oh, well I don’t know about that,” I said with what I hoped was a warm smile.
But it didn’t reach my eyes. How could it. The reason I was doing so much work outside of Fitz’ office was because he had started locking his door.
That had been a particularly unpleasant shock. I’d walked towards his office Monday morning after the weekend where he hadn’t talked to me at all only to find the door shut fast. When I used the intercom, he said he was occupied and would email me my tasks.
And that was what he continued to do. I didn’t even see him lately, only communicating through email and it hurt me more than I ever thought it would.
“Are you alright?” Donella asked, stepping a bit closer and I realized I had let my expression get to my face.
“Oh yeah, sorry. The wipes I use sometimes make my eyes sting. Anyways, I’m gonna finish up. Wasting electricity with the door open and all that.”
“Ah, right. Of course.”
She tottered off, no doubt with her own important list of things to do and I stuck my upper body right back into the break room fridge to continue cleaning.
I just felt so awful.
I had told myself that it was stupid to get involved with my boss. And then I had told myself that it was just sex and I needed to be practical about it.
But then he had to go and ignore me, and I was faced with just how much bullshit I had fed myself.
What had I done wrong? Did he think I was fat? Ugly? I would think that he had just gotten tired of me, but the transition had been so sudden from him being seemingly mad about me to mad at me was far too sudden.
I didn’t know, and it was making me absolutely miserable. Would it be so wrong t
o ask for an explanation? I thought that we were friends at least, and wouldn’t a friend tell me to my face that he wasn’t really interested anymore? Wasn’t that what adults did? They broke up with each other and moved on to their next friend with benefits? I didn’t know, but I felt like I deserved at least that much.
But it wasn’t like I could tell Fitz that over the intercom, so I just kept on cleaning the fridge. Maybe that was all that I was good for anyways.
One thing I’d been told since my first foster family was that I had a temper. Normally I could keep it tramped down with logic and determination, but as more days passed, it burned hotter and hotter until I felt like I was a lit firecracker that was just waiting to explode.
I started messing up at my job on purpose. Dropping things. Forgetting things. Anything to make Fitz pay attention to me.
But he didn’t.
He wouldn’t even take the food I delivered to him, instead having me drop it at one of the secretaries’ desk. I had never thought that just a simple exile from his company could be so cruel, but every day it wore on me more and more until that hurt just turned to outright anger.
I gave him my virginity! I signed a stupid fucking contract for him! I called him…Daddy! Okay, I loved being his baby girl!
But didn’t all of that afford me at least a little bit of closure?
Sure, maybe I had been stupid enough to daydream that there could be something more between us, that my ill-advised tryst could have some longevity to it. That was on me. But what wasn’t on me was him locking me out in the cold and effecting my job. Hadn’t that been what the whole NDA business had been about? Making sure neither of us were negatively affected -at least professionally.
I couldn’t handle it anymore. I wasn’t a girl who let things just lie. I either conquered or defeated every problem I ever had and at the moment, Fitz was giving me a real problem.
Letting out an angered noise, I grabbed my laptop and logged into the software that let me connect to work. I pulled up Fitz’ social calendar, one I hadn’t needed to look at since he shut me out, and I saw that he was at a grand opening of a new theater. It wasn’t a big press event, but it was important enough that I knew he would be here.
Fine. He wanted to ignore me? Then I would force his hand. I wasn’t some lay to be dismissed and ignored. I was his coworker and assistant. He would dump me like a grown up or explain why he was being such an ass.
I threw on a simple tunic and leggings then headed out, my mind full of telling him off. There was so much I wanted to say, so much venom I wanted to roll off my tongue. But mostly, I just wanted to know why he had abandoned me just like everyone else.
Crap.
There was that emotional baggage again. I thought that I had gotten over the friendships and guardians that I had lost, but apparently not. I had told myself that Fitz’ inevitable ending things with me wouldn’t hurt, but I had never thought us stopping sleeping together would end everything else. The fun workplace banter. Our sense of camaraderie. I had had known… well I never would have let him touch me in the first place.
I had enough money that I didn’t have to take public transport to him. Instead, I just called up a ride-sharing app and rode right up to the front of the theater. There wasn’t a red carpet for this event, so I didn’t have to worry about paparazzi or anything like that. All I had to do was march up and find him.
So that was what I did. It wasn’t hard, he was right in the lobby getting a drink. Security let me go up to him, obviously recognizing me as his assistant, and the next thing I knew I was in front of him.
“Bev,” he breathed, his surprise written all across his face.
“Fitz,” I said, my voice full of stone and steel. I wanted him to feel how much he didn’t mean to me. It was a gross, biting feeling that I wanted him to be stuck in like I had.
“You’re not supposed to be here.”
I crossed my arms and willed myself to affix him with the strongest glare I could. All the anger that I had been building up over the past few days flowed over me and my tongue turned into a weapon I was oh so happy to wield. “Yeah, because lately I’m not supposed to be anywhere around you, am I?”
His eyes flitted anywhere but me, but I didn’t care, pressing forward with a finger in the center of his chest. “It’s not-”
“It’s not what?” I snapped. “Not like you used me and dumped me without a thank you ma’am? Call me needy, but I thought that we were friends enough that you wouldn’t treat me like a damn leper after having your dick inside of me!”
He looked guilty at that. Good. He should. He hurt me. “Bev, I-”
“No!” I interrupted. “You don’t get to talk now. Not after you took away my ability to talk for over a week. You made me sign that contract to protect us, that’s what you said, but now you’re affecting my job, affecting my happiness, and I think I deserve a goodbye! So, you’re going to act like an adult, tell me why you ended things, and then we can try to pretend that everything has gone back to normal.”
I was red-faced and panting by the time I finished, feeling a bit vindicated. I had proven my point, told him I wouldn’t be forgotten and thrown aside like a sex toy. It was a nice, freeing feeling after so much misery that it took me several seconds to realize Fitz’ eyes still weren’t on me at all.
Dammit, what did I have to do to get him to treat me like a human again? And what the hell was he staring at!?
I turned my head and all of those nice, warm and justified feelings vanished as I realized a decent little semi-circle of people were around us, two different people with their cell phones out, filming.
Shit.
I stumbled back, eyes wide and feeling like an absolute idiot.
In my rush to smack down Fitz with my truth, I hadn’t thought about the consequences. And in that error, I had exposed our little tryst to the public.
Shit. Shit. Shit!
I hadn’t meant to, but that didn’t matter, did it? There were far too many eyes on us and I felt all the color drain from my face. For all my demands of deserving closure and better treatment, I didn’t actually want anyone else to be in on our personal matters. What went on between him and me was private, even if it broke my heart.
I took one last glance at Fitz’ face, who looked like he was still trying to figure out exactly what had happened, then turned on my heel and peeled out.
I had messed up. I had messed up big time.
If I had worried about effecting my job before, it was definitely ruined now.
I never should have taken the damn job.
Bev
I stared at my alarm clock, willing it to stop ringing so I could have a damn moment to think. Really though, I didn’t want to think at all. I just wanted to disappear into the ether and never resurface.
Ugh. Weekends had once been a nice thing, but lately they’d just been a chance to think and ruminate on whatever stupid thing I’d done on Friday night. And maybe that would be fine if the weekends stuck around, but eventually Monday always arrived and I had to face the consequences of my actions.
Which I really, really didn’t want to do.
I didn’t even go on the internet, afraid of what tabloids or other information I might find. I suddenly understood why Fitz valued his privacy even more than I did. The thought that such an intimate, embarrassing moment could be out there for so many to judge without the context around it was infuriating.
Would they think I was a gold digger? A jilted lover? Or would they see my round stomach and my cellulite through my leggings and think how could he ever be with her? It would be so easy to paint me as some delusional, desperate groupie. Because if I saw a picture of Fitz without knowing him, I would never think that I was his type.
My alarm went off again, insistent in its shrillness, so I forced myself out of bed. If I was going to be both fired and sued, then I might as well get it over with. Funny, for all my thoughts that the NDA was unnecessary, and I wasn’t one to kiss and tell, I had
gone and broken it at the first sign of trouble.
I was an idiot.
But as I said before, I was an idiot who was going to face the music for my own actions. I got on the bus with my head held high and kept it there all the way along the march to my desk.
I’d never felt so far from Fitz’ office, tucked into the corner as I was. It was like the small expanse of space between us had stretched and stretched until it would take an entire expedition to cross it. Maybe I would luck out and security would soon come to get me and march me out of the building before serving me for violating the NDA. Yeah, maybe I would have to see Fitz at all and the look of betrayal he no doubt had on his features.
Or worse, what if he looked resigned? Like he had been proven right once again that he could trust no one. That thought actually hurt even more than the previous.
I felt my brave façade crumble a little, so I quickly booted up my laptop to distract me. Just like every other morning, I checked my email first and foremost.
I wasn’t sure exactly what I was expecting, but it certainly wasn’t an email from Fitz hanging there front and center. I had a wicked sense of de ja vu as he bade me come into his office.
My eyes flicked to the glass wall that separated me and the secretaries from him. The blinds were all closed again, shuttering him off in his own world. Was he going to give me privacy as he fired me? Strange. I didn’t feel as if I deserved it.
Feeling a bit wooden, I got up and walked into his office. It was actually unlocked for once, and for a moment I was reminded of how happy I had been every time I’d entered.
Had that really been less than two weeks ago? It seemed like longer.
“Bev,” Fitz said, drawing my attention to where he was sitting behind that massive desk of his. He looked so deathly serious that I felt a chill. Even angry, even disappointed, it seemed like my body couldn’t help but react to him. “Sit.”