'Thanks mum, and don't worry I'm safe at the farm,' he told me confidently.
'Mothers always worry,' I laughed, then gave the radio back to Faye.
'Are you sure your alright Finn, you can come home you know,' Faye almost cried.
'Don't worry about me little sister, Jade and the others are looking out for me. Plus we all have to do our part, you and mum help make the vaccine, me and the others distribute it,' he answered gently.
'Hey, what about me,' Leon shouted.
'You have the most important job of all, keeping Faye and mum safe,' Finn laughed.
'Really?' Leon asked, surprised.
'Yes, it's up to you to look after them. Only you can do it.' I almost laughed as I saw Leon straighten up and try to look serious, even though he'd not spent much time with Finn, I knew he looked up to him. Poor kid didn't want Finn to leave, but somehow he got through to Leon and made him understand. Even now, after they'd been gone for so long, Leon still squealed with excitement every time Finn called. I smiled, one day, one very far away day my son would make an amazing dad. He was so good with Leon and with his sister. I felt a pang of guilt, that it wasn't me who'd made them into the kind, brave people they were, but on the other hand I was proud of who they'd turned out to be. They survived this world, they almost thrived in it. 'I'll make sure they're safe,' Leon told Finn bravely.
'I know you will,' Finn answered proudly.
'Do keep us updated please,' Faye said fretfully.
'I promise. I'll speak to you tomorrow sister,' he replied.
'Bye,' we all shouted.
Faye put the radio down and slumped in a chair, I knew she was worried about Finn.
'Are you alright?' I asked.
'I want him to come home mum, I can't bear the thought of him being out there in this awful world,' she told me, sounding as if she was close to tears.
Before I could say anything, Leon spoke. 'I miss him too, he saved me from be alone when everyone I knew died. I didn't want him to go, but I knew he had to. He's going to be alright, I just know it and when he comes back, he will have saved so many people,' he smiled brightly.
I felt the tears in my eyes, he was such a brave little boy. He was wise beyond his years, even I struggled to grasp the concept that my son HAD to help save the world. I put my hand on Faye's shoulders, I didn't know what I could do to comfort her but as her mother I had to try.
'He's right you know, I'd love nothing more than to drag Finn home but he needs to do this. He can't just sit and do nothing, and truth be told I'm proud of him for going out there and saving people,' I beamed.
'Your both right, but I just dread when the radio crackles, I keep thinking that one day it won't be Finn on the other end. It'll be one of the others, telling me he's dead,' Faye cried, tears now spilling down her face.
Both Leon and I put our arms round her, we didn't know what else to say. We just sat with her as she cried, Faye always seemed so strong, so brave about her brother leaving. She was the one who told me he needed to go, but I see now that she was just acting fearless for my sake. I felt the tears well up inside me once more, it seemed that after all this time I had forgotten what being a mother meant. I wasn't even sure I could be one again, not after all this time.
I had no right to tell my children what to do, not after I abandoned them for so many years. In that moment we all crumbled, I clutched my daughter so tightly not ever wanting to let go. I couldn't just be a scientist any more, I had to be a mum first. What was the point in saving the world if I lost my kids in the process. It was then that Jade's words floated round my head. She told me that one life cannot compare to the saving of thousands, I shook my head. It was different for her, Frankie and the others were grown up, my children were still young and they needed a mother, a real one.
'I'm sorry Faye,' I wept. 'For what?' She asked, confused.
'I shouldn't have let him go, I'm your mum but I haven't been acting like one,' I cried.
She shook her head and wiped away the tears. 'Don't be stupid mum, I may be only fourteen but I understand as well as any one the sacrifices that have to be made in order to save the world. You do what needs to be done, and that's what matters,' she told me fiercely.
'That's no excuse, it should be me bringing you dinner and taking care of you, not the other way around.' We both sat there looking at each other, she was trying to help, to make me feel better but in the end I knew I was right. I had to be better for her, for Finn when he came home and for little Leon, he was so young and we were the only people he had left in the world.
'Mum-,' 'No, stop trying to make me feel better Faye. I know I've not been there for you the way I should have, but I swear that it will change. As of right now, the world can wait, you two need me more,' I told her firmly.
She looked like she was about to say something, but in the end Faye just nodded.
'Besides I need a night off from work,' I smiled trying to lighten the mood.
'She's right,' Leon piped up.
'Any chance we can watch a DVD on that old machine you've got in the rec room,' she said cheekily.
I'd always said no before as I wanted to conserve electricity, but Finn and the others had made sure we had enough to last a good long while.
'Sure why not, though I don't know what films we have to watch. No one really spent much in there,' I replied cheerfully.
'I'm sure we'll find something,' Leon smiled as they ran off to the rec room. I sat and ate my dinner as I thought of what I could do, I had already made another few hundred doses of the vaccine for when the others came back. I couldn't attempt to find the antiserum for the mutated strain of the virus until I caught one of the stronger walkers, and I wasn't going to do that yet. Same with the infected animals, I would research a vaccine for that strain too but for now I just needed to be with my daughter.
I put the pots back in the sink then went to join Faye and Leon in the rec room, they'd managed to find some old romantic comedy for us to watch. We didn't have any cartoon's for them, but at least they weren't watching a horror, not that it would scare, especially when the outside word was more scary than anything they'd watch in a film. I sat with them either side of me, I put my arms around both them as we sat and laughed at the film.
'Our lives may not be perfect, but I'm glad I found you,' Faye told me softly.
'As am I,' I smiled.
'Me too,' Leon said sleepily. I felt my heart swell, Leon may not be my blood but he was my son. I'd make sure he grew up safe and loved, but more than that I would ensure that he became a kind and loving man, I would not let the word turn him cruel.
Before long both of them had fallen asleep in my arms, I looked down at Faye, her hair was strewn across her pale face, she looked so peaceful, so void of fear and worry as she slept. Leon's chest rose and fell slowly, he was clearly in a deep sleep.
He was so young, so innocent considering everything he'd been through and that in this world was a miracle.
I slowly untangled myself from them, I picked up Leon first and carried him to his bed. He did not wake as I tucked him in and took off his shoes.
'Good night,' I whispered, kissing him on the forehead.
I returned to Faye to find her slightly awake, though she was rather groggy.
'Come on, it's time for bed,' I told her softly. She held on to me as I walked her to her bed, Faye took off her shoes and hugged me as she got into bed. I pulled the covers over her, just like I did when she was a child. She smiled as she closed her eyes, no doubt she was thinking the same thing. It was then that it occurred to me, I'd not done this once since she'd been back. I felt a pang of guilt, but I pushed it away as I knew that from this day forward, I'd be a mother first and a scientist second.
I took one last look at them before exiting the room, they slept so soundly, so peacefully. I smiled, knowing that I needed to make the most of this time before they grew up and became adults. I knew just how quickly time would pass, and I for one didn't want to mi
ss another moment of their childhood.
Before I retired to my bed for the night, I radioed Finn. I needed to hear his voice before I slept.
'Finn, are you there?' I asked.
I did this a few times before I got a response.
'I'm mum, is everything alright?' He asked worryingly.
'Yes son, we're all fine. I just wanted to hear your voice and make sure your okay,' I said softly.
'I promise I'm fine mum, I know your all worried about me but Jade and everyone are taking good care of me,' he told me. 'I know, but I can't help but worry about you. You are my son after all.' 'It might feel like I'm going to be away forever, but I swear once we've given out the vaccine I'm going to come home. You and Faye are my family, and I'll make sure I come home in one piece,' he promised.
'And I have every faith in you son, I'm so very proud of you.'
'Thanks mum, listen I have to go but I'll speak to you tomorrow, okay.'
'Good night.'
'Good night mum, don't let the bed bugs bite,' he laughed. I couldn't help but laugh back, he used to say all the time when he was a child and hearing it again reminded me of all the good times we'd shared before the world ended. I knew he'd come home, somehow despite my worry, I just knew that my boy would come back to me.
I retired to my bed, feeling for the first time, at peace.
Chapter 32
Finn
We'd been at the farm for five months, life was so good and peaceful. Yet I could not help but feel frustrated that we'd put a pause on our mission, my mum had worked tirelessly for years to develop the vaccine and I didn't want to see it go to waste. Don't get me wrong I understood why the others were reluctant to leave, they'd all found something here that made this place feel like our home. We'd agreed to stay here until the new year, so this would be our first and last Christmas here. I knew that Rob and the others who lived here wanted to make it special for us. Even I found something I loved, well not just something but also someone.
I'd known it for a while, but I'd not plucked up the courage to say anything and now it was too late. She'd been with Kyle for the last few months, I still didn't trust him, he was the same reckless, egotistical, dangerous wanker he'd always been, no matter how nice he was pretending to be. I hated seeing them together, he didn't deserve her, Rowena could do so much better. It wasn't just that I was jealous I just didn't want to see her get hurt and I knew that at some point he would hurt her.
I put some of my crankiness down the fact that I missed my family and little Leon. Jade and everyone were my family too, but I wanted to see my sister and mum again.
'Morning sis,' I said through the radio.
'Morning, how's things in Whitmore?' She asked cheerfully.
'Same old same old, I'm working hard on the farm so's everyone else,' I replied happily.
'What's big brother, I can tell something's wrong?' She told me laughing.
'I'm just anxious to get going you know, but everyone is so happy here. But I don't want to see mum's hard work go to waste,' I answered sadly.
'You worry too much, and mum doesn't mind. Honestly she's happy your safe, besides it's Christmas you should celebrate,' she laughed.
'You're right, I've already got the others some presents from runs we've been on. I'm sorry I'm not there to give you anything.'
'Don't worry about me. Leon, mum and I are having our own celebration,' she giggled excitedly.
'Well have fun and tell mum I'll check with you all tomorrow,' I said smiling.
'Will do, love you big brother,' she replied happily.
'Love you too.' I had to admit, my sister sure had a way of making me laugh. I was looking forward to tomorrow, it had been a rough year for us all and we deserved to celebrate. This time last year, I was on my way back to the lab, I'd not seen my mum in five years.
The others of course had their Christmas in Sanctuary, I was told it was amazing.
Since then we'd all lost so much, though it was Frankie and Delilah I felt for the most. I felt relieved that I wasn't there to see Nikkita die, I know I hadn't known her very long but I couldn't bear to see Frankie have to go through that. Delilah had loved her too and know that in many ways Nikkita's death affected her more, unlike Frankie Delilah didn't have anyone else to really be there for her. Then when Sanctuary was lost, all of her friends had died. I know how the others felt about Delilah, she was one us but I knew that for a while she'd felt a little lost without her friends. It was nice to see her happy again though, I did wish that she could find love as well.
It's a shame that Tamara wasn't still alive, I think they would've made a great couple. Sometimes I laughed at myself, it wasn't that I was particularly quiet or anything but I observed more than people thought. I knew how nervous Jade was about talking to Ash about coming with us on our mission, she was afraid he'd want to stay here. I was glad when he said yes to joining us. One I really liked him, and two I wanted Jade to be happy. After Dom dying she certainly deserved it.
I didn't see too much of Frankie these days, she was usually off helping out with various things. Though she remained one of my favourite people, even after all she'd been through she hadn't become cold or cruel like so many others we'd seen.
I had become quite close to Jensen in these last few months, he was someone close to me in age but he wasn't a dick like Kyle. We were often out in the fields together, he was the only one I'd confided in about my feelings for Rowena. I think the others kind of knew, well Delilah did at least, I thought laughing. That girl always seemed to know what was going on.
I could talk to Jensen in a way that I couldn't with the others and I knew that aside from Frankie he wouldn't tell anyone. I couldn't believe that it was actually Christmas tomorrow, were almost through another year of this hell. I'd prepared gifts for everyone I was close to, for Frankie I'd got her a three part series of some really witchy books that I'd found in Stoke.
For Jade I'd got her a grinder with a large cannabis picture on the front, I'd also gotten Ash one. For Jensen I picked up some new footballs given that he'd lost the one he had.
For Delilah I found new clothes, she had some new thick, black leggings, a long sleeved v-neck top with a picture of horse on the front and some fluffy, woollen socks. Brooke was difficult as even though she'd been with us a long time I still didn't know her very well, I remembered that she loved cats so in the end I settled for a large, fluffy blanket that had some playful looking kittens on.
Violet was easy to get for, I got her a load of those dolls that were really expensive in the old world and house for them to play in. I couldn't wait to see her little face when she saw them. For Marcel I grabbed a t-shirt that had a picture of one of his favourite rocks bands on from the eighties. As much as I didn't want to I had to picky Kyle something up, I found him some new trainers as his were more than worn out.
Getting something for Rowena was tough, I knew what I wanted to give her, this beautiful silver necklace with a heart pendant on it. I knew I couldn't give it to her though, as Kyle would see through my gift and know that I had feelings for her. I'd been very careful not to let on that I loved her, and I didn't want him of all people to know.
So instead I settled for copious amounts of hair dye, she had enough here to last her a few months, I picked out bleach as well, so the bright colours would show properly, then I'd gotten her pretty much every colour they had, pinks, blues, reds, greens and purples.
I even managed to pick the other little kids something up, for the boys I stuck to the basics and got them some remote control cars, and for Abby the little girl I got her some dolls and plenty of clothes to put them in.
None of the others knew I'd gotten all this for them, as I'd gone out by myself. I knew they'd scold me when I told them but at least they'd have presents for tomorrow. I smiled to myself as I thought about how they'd all react.
'Finn!' I heard Jensen call.
'Over here,' I called back.
He came over looking happy an
d excited, I felt a little guilty for pushing them all to leave after new year, they were all so happy.
'What's up?' I asked as he walked up to me.
'I wanted you to take a look at this, I got it for Frankie for Christmas,' he said nervously.
'Sure thing,' I replied cheerfully. He took a small plastic bag out of his pocket, I could see how nervous he was. It was beautiful charm bracelet, but it was no ordinary charm bracelet, it was one from the TV show Frankie and I had liked, the one about the two brothers that went round hunting demons and ghosts.
It had a little gun on it, an angel blade, a miniature version of the car the boys drove, an angel wing and a pentagram. I laughed when I saw it, how on earth Jensen had managed to get this without anyone noticing that he was gone.
'This is amazing, she'll love it. But how on earth did you get it?' I asked smiling. He smiled, 'I had Delilah help me, we went out together a few weeks ago. I remembered that in Stoke there was a shop that used to sell goth stuff but also things like this from TV shows as well as comics and films,' he replied happily.
'You're good at this, I'll give you that.'
'Good at what?' He wondered.
'Being a husband, I know your not actually married yet but you might as well be,' I joked. 'Thanks, I'm just glad I make her happy,' he said sounding a little shyly. While we could talk about our feelings, we weren't mushy like the girls and I know that sometimes he felt like he wasn't good enough for Frankie. I reassured him that while yes he was lucky to have her, she was also lucky to have him. I didn't know if I'd ever be that good of a boyfriend, assuming I ever got the chance to be a boyfriend.
'I can guarantee that you make her more than happy, she loves you and given how you are with her, it's not surprising that she does,' I told him.
'Cheers, right I'm off to go and help Lottie with the food for tomorrow.'
'I'll be with you soon to give you guys a hand,' I told him. He nodded then headed back towards the house, I'd been with these people for so long and yet their kindness never ceased to amaze me. I put my hand in my jeans pocket and took out the necklace that I had wanted to give to Rowena, it would look beautiful on her, but while ever she was with Kyle I knew she couldn't have it. Jensen often reassured me that they wouldn't last, I tried to hold out hope that one day I might be able to give it to her. I shook the thoughts away, it would do me no good to dwell on it, for all I know they could be lifers, you know together forever.
Dead World Rising (Book 3): The Cure Page 32