He’s not telling me something.
Lily swung down from the bunk and stumbled into the passenger seat, finger-combing her hair and straightening the T-shirt and sweats from the truck stop. “This isn’t the dirt road we took to the concert.”
“No, ma’am.”
They were back to that? Lily drew a deep breath. Last night had been wonderful. She’d felt the bond between them grow. And it had felt right, that connection. And now? He was more like the nervous, kidnapping cowboy. “What happened last night?” Lily asked, not sure if she was asking for his perspective between them or what had made him pull up stakes and leave during the night.
“Nothing much happened after you went to bed. I had somewhere to be this morning is all.” Conner didn’t sound convincing. Plus, he hit another pothole and he hadn’t even been drinking coffee.
Muffled protests from Pepper and Natalie drifted from the bedroom, complaints about road conditions and respect for their beauty sleep.
“Don’t worry,” Conner said. “I’ve got this.”
Right.
Conner was keeping her on a need-to-know basis, just like her family and Danny used to do. An uneasy feeling spun through her stomach.
“We’ll make sure your wedding is special,” Amanda would say whenever she asked about logistics.
“I’ll take care of everything,” Danny would say whenever they went on one of his adventures.
“Let me sort through the details,” Rudy would say whenever it came to important choices, like medical or car insurance, or automobile purchases.
She’d allowed herself to be directed through her life because she’d told herself it allowed more time to devote to her business, or time away with Danny. And they offered to do it because...
Lily slouched in her seat, staring at her hands. Her numb, tingling hands.
It was one thing for Lily to harbor doubts about her physical limitations and how that impacted her life. It was another for those who loved her to think her injury meant she was incapable of caring for herself or making decisions about her life. Their voices built in volume and echoed in her head.
I’ll get that...
Don’t worry about...
I signed for you...
She covered her ears. This was worse than Rudy wanting her to marry Danny. Her family didn’t think she was capable of living independently. And she’d enabled them in that opinion. She was a businesswoman. An entrepreneur. She was capable of so much.
Except...
She developed her tours with Danny. He came up with the ideas. They tested them together. They talked about how to modify them so she could lead the tour on her own. Danny helped fill tour spots. He went with her on the tour’s maiden voyage.
It’s not my business at all.
Lily rolled down the window and leaned out to get some air.
“You okay?” Conner touched her shoulder.
Lily’s hands returned to her lap. “I need to make some changes in my life.” More than just backing out of a marriage. “Take the reins, so to speak.” Could she run the tour company by herself? Would anyone book a tour?
“I thought that’s why you were going to Montana.” Trust a cowboy to oversimplify when there was so much more to be considered.
Which reminded her. “You should have told me we were headed out early today.” Her jaw clenched. She needed full disclosure, now more than ever.
“I didn’t want to wake you.”
Lily unclenched her jaw and said evenly, “I meant, you should have told me last night what was on the agenda today.”
“I didn’t want to—”
“Worry me with the details?” Lily’s head began to pound. Even Conner was coddling her. She stared at the road ahead. A large brown cloud hovered over the next rise. “Are we going to that?” Whatever that was.
“Yes, ma’am.” Conner set his coffee in his cup holder.
Ma’am? “Why?” she asked through gritted teeth.
“It’s a wild-horse auction.” Conner wrapped both forearms over the steering wheel. He leaned so far forward, his chin nearly touched his hands. “Big E and I were going to pick out some stock. Now it’s just me.”
“Are you going to train them?” Was he reconsidering the choice he’d made after his accident? That might explain his hesitation in telling her their destination.
“No, ma’am.”
“Conner, if you call me ma’am one more time before I’ve had coffee, I might have to butt dial your mother.” Which was impossible, given he had a flip phone.
Lily swiped his coffee mug from the center console, noticing her Old West postcard was missing. She glanced around the floorboards but didn’t see it. She sipped Conner’s strong coffee. Black. Why couldn’t he drink lattes?
“Sorry about the ma’am-ing,” Conner said. “I get polite when I haven’t had any sleep...Lily.”
Conner could be a pain in the butt or utterly adorable. That statement was adorable. And yet... “I don’t understand. Why are you picking out horses you aren’t going to train?”
“I’m a representative of the Blackwell Ranch.”
“Let me get this straight.” Lily placed the mug in the cup holder on her side. “You own a ranch that you barely run, and you don’t train horses anymore, although you loved it. You’re a camp counselor to wedding parties and drive a motor home around the country for the Blackwells. Are you a cowboy or a corporate man?”
Conner opened his mouth to respond, but nothing came out. He looked so perplexed that she reached across the divide and rubbed his shoulder.
They made it to the rise. The prairie spread out before them, divided into huge pastures filled with horses. Trucks and trailers rimmed the nearest fences. A few cowboys milled about. There were easily a thousand horses in all those enclosures. Dirt hovered over the area like a cloud, kicked up by incoming vehicles and the horses themselves.
“So many pretty horses.” Pepper knelt at the center console wearing a cute pair of pajamas, pink with big red hearts. Her hair had been combed and fell in a thick sheet down her back. She’d brushed her teeth. All her put-togetherness totally put Lily to shame. “Is Big E starting a breeding program?”
“No.” Conner frowned. “The Bureau of Land Management rounds up wild horses every year and puts them up for adoption through a sale. It’s a great way to get good stock if you have access to a good mustang trainer.”
“Which Big E does,” Lily murmured before being struck by a thought. “There are more horses out here than cowboys. How can they all be sold?”
“They won’t be,” Conner said softly. “Some will live out their lives in this dust bowl.”
Lily shivered.
“Grandma Dot said you’d train a horse for me.” The reason for Pepper joining them in the front became clear. “I see some white ones. My life plan is to ride down the aisle on a white steed, like in a fairy tale.”
“If you’re looking for a white horse to ride down the aisle, it won’t be a horse you find here. These will take months of work before they’re ready for that task. You have to establish trust and work them with a gentle hand.” Despite his cautionary words, there was longing in his eyes.
Why didn’t Conner realize he should be schooling horses, not chauffeuring wedding guests? Forget her family sheltering her. Lily hadn’t let her accident stop her from doing what she loved. Why should Conner?
“You’re raining on my life plan, Conner.” Pepper returned to the bedroom, stomping in a way that indicated the conversation wasn’t over.
Lily waited until she’d closed the door to ask, “What does it take to become a horse trainer?”
“Are you considering a career change?” There was no ma’am-ing in that question. But he’d delivered it with some disbelief.
“Would you discourage me if I was?” She sat on her hands.
Conner drew a deep breath. “If you had a passion for working with horses, I’d encourage you. But if you were drawn to the danger, I’d tell you it wouldn’t replace the void left by that best friend of a groom of yours.”
“What has gotten into you today?” Lily tugged at the seat belt, which suddenly seemed too restrictive. “Danny may be reckless, but he’d be happy for me if I pursued something that made me, well...happy.”
“Danny,” Conner muttered, slowing the motor home down and turning toward a spare patch of dirt. “You think he’d be happy if you found a new life in Montana? He and your stepdad couldn’t keep tabs on you.”
He was right. “I can’t let them control me anymore.” Didn’t mean it was going to be easy.
“I need to know.” Conner brought the motor home to a stop and turned to her. “Do you want to sit down and talk to this Danny person about what happened? Mend fences?”
Did she? Lily hesitated. And then she shook her head. “Everyone I left behind deserves a chance to say their piece to me. But I seriously doubt Danny will want to have anything to do with me.”
Conner scoffed. “He was a fool not to see what he had all those years. A fool to have doubts. He’d be a fool to let you go.”
“You think he wants me back?” You wouldn’t have let me go?
Before he could answer, Pepper flung open the bedroom door. She wore her new cowboy outfit and a cross-body black leather purse. “I’m ready to go horse shopping.”
“Grant me patience,” Conner murmured before mustering a strained smile. “Sure. Let me register first.”
Pepper paced while Natalie and Lily got ready. “I have a life plan. Mature love. Western theme. White horse. Lucrative freedom.” She repeated those words like a mantra, even when pouring Lily a mug of coffee.
“Are you happy, Pepper?” Unable to suppress her concern, Lily tugged on her cowboy boots, the taste of black coffee in her mouth. “Life isn’t a fairy tale. It doesn’t always follow a set plan.”
“Woop-woop,” Natalie said, raising her hands like she was raising the roof.
“You sound like Ken.” Pepper’s countenance leaned more toward a frown than anything else. “I have to be true to myself. You don’t know what it was like growing up...” She mustered a smile, but it was missing her trademark gush. “Dreams are important.”
“But dreams change over time.” Especially when those dreams had been made at age eleven, as Pepper’s had. Or had been shaped at age seven, as Lily’s had. Maybe Lily needed more than a break from her family. Maybe she should consider horse training as a career, more than just a charitable challenge. She could come to Montana not for a bit of breathing time, but for a completely fresh start.
They exited the motor home into the cold morning air.
“So long, hot desert.” Lily shrugged deeper into her thin jean jacket.
Conner wove his way through several parked trucks to reach them. He moved with eye-catching confidence. That hat. Those shoulders. All that body-hugging denim. He was as much a breathtaking view as the mountain peaks surrounding them.
He folded a bunch of papers and stuffed them in his back pocket. “Come along. I’m cleared to buy.” He veered toward the main pasture, but his attention seemed to be on the parking lot, as if he was looking for someone. Big E?
Lily hurried to keep up.
A pair of cowboys on horseback whooped and cracked whips in the pasture, trying to separate a white horse from the herd.
Pepper and Natalie got sidetracked, stopping near the slew of cowboys hanging around the main gates. Lily and Conner walked on.
“How many horses are you going to buy?” Lily breathed in dust and the smell of manure.
He glanced over his shoulder, not toward her, but at the parking lot. “I’ve got permission to purchase ten.”
“That’s depressing.” Lily paused to watch a small group of horses thunder past. “Ten won’t make a dent in the number here.” Not even if every cowboy she’d seen bought ten. “Can’t you purchase ten for your ranch?”
“No.” That was a hard no.
“I’ll buy ten if you agree to train them. You can float me the money. I’m good for it.” If she didn’t pay Rudy back for the wedding. She had to pay him back. But she could save some horses first. “How much are they? Can you spot me? I don’t have my checkbook or a credit card.”
“Don’t go there.” Conner was a brick wall standing in the way of her admittedly early-stage plan to reshape her life.
A small burro ambled by, pausing to sniff in the direction of Lily, stretching its nose between the barbed wire.
“I like the burro.” She reached for its nose. “Nothing seems to rattle her.”
“Like you,” Conner said absently, pulling her hand back. “Donkeys are stubborn. And a few are biters. Be careful.”
Was there a compliment hidden in there somewhere?
“What about that brown one?” Lily pointed to a large horse grazing nearby.
Conner tipped his hat back and gave the animal more consideration. “He’d be a good trail or pack horse for a cowboy.”
“That’s so sexist.” Lily plucked a clump of grass from the ground and held it toward the burro.
The little thing took the offering gently, without a sign of animosity. Lily reached out to pet it.
“Okay. Fine. I meant good for someone who has experience with difficult horses.” Conner heaved a weary sigh, guiding her back a safe distance. “Look how big and muscular that horse is. You’re not going to break him with soft words and carrots. That’s a professional’s job.”
“Sounds good to me.” In fact, it sounded like a challenge to her.
“It’s a physically demanding task.” His gaze drifted to her hands. “And before you fall in love with that burro, consider this. A burro serves no purpose on a ranch.” He turned at the sound of an approaching truck.
“Other than companionship and overall cuteness, which lowers stress levels. The cuteness, not the companionship.” She tapped his shoulder. “Are you expecting Big E?”
“No.”
Lily didn’t believe him. She shaded her eyes and perused the parking lot.
“This isn’t productive,” he muttered, staring at Lily with an inscrutable expression.
Just once, she wanted to make him smile the way she imagined he must have at least once as a boy, with pure joy. “What isn’t productive? Checking every truck that pulls in or being here with me at the horse sale?”
He drew in a breath the way Rudy did before launching into a lecture he didn’t want to give. “I have a job to do. I need to keep that in mind.” And with that, he spun on his heel and walked toward the fence.
The burro ambled toward the brown horse. Both their coats were blanketed with dust and fringed with mud. The air above them was a dirt-filled blue-brown.
“I don’t understand what you’re looking for.” Lily glanced around. The number of horses was overwhelming. “What criteria are you using to select horses?”
“Good confirmation. Bright eyes.” Conner strode briskly near the fence line. “Character.”
A dapple-gray horse charged toward them, baring its teeth.
Lily ducked behind Conner, who hadn’t so much as flinched.
“Is lack of killer instinct on your list?” Lily peeked around him.
“It’s a consideration.” Conner watched the territorial beast trot away. “But not a deal breaker.” He considered her, eyes full of questions. “Are you still interested in training mustangs?”
“If you put it like that, yes.” She never could resist a challenge.
He shook his head. “Big E won’t like that.”
“Nobody will like that. But it’s time I chose a life for myself.”
He made a noncommittal noise and returned to the task at hand. They traipsed through t
he low, sparse grass, moving farther and farther away from the gates.
Conner stopped without warning and pointed toward a reddish-brown horse with white markings on its legs. “That one looks good.”
“One?” They’d walked close to the length of the fence on this side of the road and he’d only found one horse he liked? Lily’s heart ached for the rest.
A white horse raced past, followed by eight brown horses, and a couple of cowboys with lariats twirling.
Lily stopped to watch the chase. “Pepper’s going to be disappointed if someone else gets that white horse.”
“She shouldn’t be. That mare would gallop down the aisle and jump over the fence on the other side of the altar.” Conner rolled his shoulders back. “And that’s even if she postponed her wedding six months.”
“How can you tell?” Lily admired the white horse as it continued to evade her pursuers.
“That mare’s alpha. See how she nips at the others, keeping some away from her little band and herding others to join her even with cowboys chasing her?”
“I thought only stallions did that.”
“Mostly. But that mare... She’s not going to want to join a human herd.”
“I want her,” Pepper announced, having caught up to them with Natalie in tow.
“You shouldn’t.” Conner turned, scowling. “You’re starting dental school. You don’t have time for a mustang, much less a retired trail horse. These animals require commitment, patience and love.”
“I’ve got all of that.” The young bride tossed her thick brown hair defiantly.
“I should have added courage and maturity to the list of things a mustang needs,” Conner mumbled to Lily.
“I want her,” Pepper said in a previously-unheard-of tone, one that rang with stubbornness. “And I’m going to have her.” She waved a paper in the air. “I bought her.”
“You what?” Conner’s jaw dropped. And then his voice turned as hard as Pepper’s. “I told you not to. Come on. We’re going back to take care of this.”
“No.” Pepper trembled, not the way she’d done previously when she was excited, but a deep shaking that conveyed upset. “I told you a white horse was important to my life plan.”
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