by David Harder
Mary was gleefully typing away and broadly smiling at the same time. Arleen looked around the conference table, and every man was staring down at the conference table because they knew she was correct—but not Dr. Nolan. Unlike the others, the doctor was fascinated because in the weeks this group had met, the stenographer never displayed any expression, other than her dour, business-only face. Meanwhile, Pastor Michael looked uninterested. Almost bored.
“I instantly trusted James and never regretted my decision. I liked his professionalism and character. For the first ten years, I randomly saw James visit our company for presentations and business meetings. When my employer decided to diversify our product lines, I was promoted to project manager over one of the new products. At that point, James and I started working closely together and more frequently.
“Our new products were being developed for a younger market, and this involved commercials for television and radio. James and I would work long hours and share dinner often. One of the things that impressed me about James was his genuine interest in me, my family, and my life. At first, I was suspicious because all the men I had known previously had ulterior motives, but James never made any advances toward me. I felt safe and secure that our relationship was strictly business.
“Occasionally, James and I would go see a movie, or, whenever I was visiting America, we would see a show or a play. We had many things we shared in common. Over time, our working relationship developed into a strong friendship.”
Pastor Michael snorted. Tony silently hoped everyone would ignore the minister, but Arleen could not.
“Excuse me, Reverend—did you have something to say?” Arleen asked.
Mike looked around the table and saw everyone glaring his direction, including Mary, the stenographer. “Well, didn’t you see that Jim was married and wonder why he was spending his evenings alone with you?”
“Tell me, Mike, do you have only men attending your church?”
“Oh, of course not, but what I meant is—”
“And do you talk to women in your church, perhaps even privately in your office?”
“Yes, well, that may be true, but the difference is someone else is with—”
“The difference is nothing, Mike. In the workplace, I interact with men and women, just like you. You’re assuming we had an affair because we worked so close. Is that not it?”
Mike tried to laugh, but it was apparent he was nervous. He maneuvered to have the others take his side in the argument.
“The letter from James that Tony read to us on the first day was quite clear. In fact, everyone at this table knows exactly what I’m talking about.”
“And you must know that you are completely mistaken, Mike. You are flatly wrong because I met James nearly thirty years ago. The letter from James was written recently. As a result, your assumptions are erroneous.”
Everyone at the conference table was moving their heads following the conversation, like spectators watching a tennis match. Arleen did not wait for Mike to defend his position. She immediately went on the defensive.
“Tell me, Reverend—based on your relationship to James—did he ever disclose an intimate relationship with me?”
“No, but I assumed, based upon his letter—”
“Your assumption was wrong—the same as your thoughts that he and his wife were happily married. Now, if you will show a little restraint, I’ll share with you when James and I became closer than just friends. We all sat patiently while you droned on about your boring relationship with James, so please show me the same courtesy.”
Mike shifted in his chair uncomfortably. “Certainly, Ms. Chenair.” It was clear Mike was embarrassed. Arleen smiled.
Nate was impressed with her bluntness.
“Since Mike has been so forward in his assumptions, let me explain something to everyone sitting here.”
Tony stuck his hands out. “Arleen, I don’t think that is necessary. No one sitting here is making any assumptions.” Tony stared at Pastor Mike. “Isn’t that correct, Reverend?”
Mike nodded silently, hoping the attention would move in another direction.
The room was silent for a long pause, and then Arleen continued to speak. “James was married. He knew that. I knew that. We acted like adults and showed respect to one another. Over the course of several years, one develops a friendship with the folks in their workplace, be it a woman or man. James was no exception. We would share our lives with each other. I learned about his three children, and he learned about my family.
“I was an only child, and I was obviously interested in James’ family, since he had siblings. James was proud of his brothers and told me many stories about his childhood. Even with our years of sharing, James only provided me with the information that his older brother died during the Vietnam War, and his father had passed away many years earlier. Until Dr. Nolan shared intimate details of his story, I had no idea of the tragic events in James’ life. Initially, he kept many particulars from me, speaking only in general references.
“Over the years, our friendship grew as we learned to trust each other. When his mother, Jane, was ill, James was apparently overtaken with grief because he was close to his mother. In fact, he canceled several European visits because of her illness. As his friend, I tried to show support and listen, but James took her death rather difficultly. He loved his mother.
“Emotionally, James was like a roller coaster—up one day, down the next. Jane fought hard to overcome her cancer; but, unfortunately, cancer eventually won the battle. The moment I found out about her passing, I flew to America to be with James. At her funeral service, I watched the poor man sob like a baby. It was the first time I saw the emotionally sensitive side of James, who generally displayed a controlled presence. During my visit and the funeral service, James even introduced me to his wife, Samantha, but the woman was chilly when she spoke with me. During the service, she stood next to a young man, apart from the other family members, and held the young man’s hand. James said the man was her boyfriend.”
“Were you shocked by James’ comment?” inquired Dr. Nolan.
“No, Doctor. I was more shocked by the calmness of James as he explained her relationship with the man. As he disclosed details I didn’t want to know, his feelings were absent, almost robotic.”
“And did he explain what happened?” Joe asked.
“No. I think he was looking for someone safe to share his feelings with and without judgment. We had shared similarities regarding our secrets, so James needed someone who understood his dilemma. The day I met Samantha, I suddenly knew why James was always reserved and careful regarding his private life. Yet, somehow, the shared experience bonded us closer.
“Most men don’t know this, but a woman understands the character of a man by how he treats his mother, his wife, and his daughters. James was an amazing father and son, but he felt like a failure when it came to his marriage. I had no intention of being a surrogate, and James never made me feel that way either. But I did try to be a supportive friend when he was grieving.”
Arleen looked at Nate with intensity. “Originally, I wasn’t going to share my personal story, but now I feel differently. I think it’s important.”
Nate shifted in his chair and leaned forward, wondering what Arleen might disclose. Arleen was usually reluctant to share intimate details of her personal life. Years of repressive feelings surfaced, immediately reminding her of the pain she had suffered years earlier and the judgments people rashly made of her life. As she sought the rationale for disclosing her story, she finally decided that if she were going to give meaning to the life of James Kreider, she needed to be honest. Even the idea of being honest about a hidden part of her life seemed almost terrifying. She was finally finished worrying about Pastor Mike because she had lost all respect for the man, but the others were another story. She would choose her words carefully.
Taking a breath, she began. “When I was a very young teen, I made a grave mistake.”
Pastor Mike shifted in his seat, and, despite all efforts to avoid eye contact with the man, Arleen sensed he was about to interrupt again. Taking a brief glance his direction, she witnessed Tony wrap his hand firmly around the wrist of the outspoken minister. Satisfied she could proceed in safety, she continued her story. Mike looked wounded—like a boy caught red-handed stealing candy—but held his tongue nonetheless.
“I was only sixteen at the time, and I had a crush on a man in college, who was twenty-five and many years older than I. Through very poor choices, I foolishly became pregnant. On the day I was to give birth to the child, my embarrassed and horrified parents took me to a far-away clinic, where I gave birth to a child I never saw. While I slept under the administration of potent drugs, the doctors removed the child, and I was allowed to recover without ever knowing the gender of my baby or any other specifics.
“Embarrassed, my parent refused to discuss the matter and eventually sent me to a special school run by nuns. Years later, they sent me to finishing school and, eventually, off to college. No one in my family or the town I grew up in would ever discuss the matter of my child or acknowledge it existed. Eventually, I gave up trying to find the child and worked to forget I ever experienced anything at all.”
“Arleen, what a devastating experience it must have been for you,” expressed the doctor.
“You are correct, Doctor, but as you said earlier, we all make mistakes.”
Arleen looked directly at Pastor Mike. “Like the nuns told me in school, Reverend: ‘All of us have sinned and fallen short of God’s ideal.’”1
Using his brain finally and not his mouth, Mike casually and slowly nodded in agreement.
“My experience created very negative feelings towards men, and I felt I could not trust them. As I grew older, men continually reinforced my mistrust. I have never been married and had no desire for marriage either. I saw less need for a man in my life the more involved I became in my career. Then I met James, and my whole idea of men changed.”
“And what about the father of the child?” asked Joe.
“Tragically, he was killed in an auto accident a year following our illicit encounter. I never told him about our child and never spoke to him again.”
“That’s awful, Arleen. I’m so sorry,” said Joe.
“Thank you, Joe. It was a long time ago, and, with time, the feelings fade—but not the memories.” Arleen glanced down at her notes briefly. “James was a sensitive and caring man. During our times of sharing, I disclosed the knowledge of my child to James. He was sympathetic and a good listener. We shared tears and laughter concerning both our lives. Completely unknown to me, James began to inquire concerning the whereabouts of my child.
“Additionally, I discovered that James hired a private investigator to locate my child. Over the course of a year, James worked diligently to find the child I gave birth to. After an exhausting seven months, the private investigator located my daughter. It wasn’t until James was certain that my daughter had been found before he disclosed this information. Unfortunately, we could not contact my daughter directly.
“The government requires many documents to approve direct contact between a birth parent and a child. The government writes the child, requesting permission for the contact. If denied, then our energies would have been wasted. But my daughter agreed. During the next ten months, with government bureaucratic paperwork, I was finally granted the approvals to initiate contact with my daughter.”
Arleen smiled. “Not only did I discover I had a daughter, but I also learned she was married and that I have two grandchildren.”
The room erupted in cheers and mild applause. Arleen nodded approvingly.
“I now have a reason to smile and be happy.”
Arleen pulled her cell phone from her purse and scrolled to the files she wanted. She then showed the pictures to Tony. As the pictures traveled around the table, Arleen continued to describe her new family.
“My grandchildren call me Memau. It’s a French colloquial word for grandma. The children are five and seven years old. My daughter’s husband works for the diplomat corps of France and translates documents from English and Russian into French. He is brilliant, and so are the grandchildren. My daughter was working as a secretary, but she quit working after her children were born. My daughter, Nicole, says one day she might go back to work, but, for now, she is happy being a mother.”
Nate smiled. “Arleen, with all the emotional pain you’ve suffered in your youth, it is wonderful to see such joy on your face. You must be very proud.”
Choking on her words, Arleen nodded in agreement and said, “I have James to thank for my family. I didn’t know where to start, but he took the initiative and pursued my daughter until he found my family. His gift is very precious.”
“Sounds like love to me,” the doctor said kindly.
Arleen chuckled. “You are correct, Doctor. And although it is too late, I now realize how much James loved me in so many ways.”
Tony watched Mike shift in his chair, and he could tell Mike was about to say something insensitive, so Tony broke into the conversation.
“Tell us, Arleen, when your relationship with Jim changed and, perhaps, the circumstances allowing this to occur.”
As Arleen continued to speak, Tony glanced at Pastor Mike, who had his face down, staring at the conference table. Without raising his head, Mike slowly lifted his eyes and glared at Tony. Without blinking, Tony gave Mike his best courtroom smile, knowing he had beaten many men in fierce courtroom battles before and without drawing blood.
“James was a very cautious and kind man, intelligent, but sometimes humble. I have observed him assisting elderly to board a train while he stood in a downpour. Everyone around him seemed to like James, and my colleagues were always teasing me and telling me I should marry the man. Because he was already married, I didn’t pursue the relationship, and we remained good friends.
“It was during his mother’s funeral that I learned why James was careful and protected his relationship with Samantha. He wanted his children to experience two parents, even though their marriage was horrible. I met all three of his children at the funeral, and everyone was polite and kind. When Stephanie observed her mother and the young man together, she immediately confronted her father.
“James and I were casually speaking when Stephanie walked up and began criticizing her father for being weak. She demanded that James fix the situation, stating that Samantha was embarrassing the whole family. James guided Stephanie away from the group of people, and the two of them talked. I watched from a distance and could see they were in a serious disagreement.
“In the meantime, Samantha and her boyfriend, along with most of the guests, began leaving and driving away. Before she left, Samantha came over and thanked me for being there. Then I stood with Staci and Robert while we watched James and Stephanie argue. Robert said they would be okay, and Stephanie was just overreacting. Staci called her mother an awful name and stated she hated the woman. This was my introduction to the Kreider family.
“When Stephanie and James walked back, I could tell she had been crying. I offered some facial tissues from my purse, and at first, she declined. As we walked back to the cars, she put her arm around my shoulder and said she would take me up on my offer after all. We lingered behind, while James and the others walked ahead. Stephanie thanked me for being there to support her father, and then we hugged.
“A few days later, James called me and asked me out for dinner. We met, as usual, at our favorite restaurant, Le Cardon. Throughout the dinner, James smiled continuously; so, eventually, I asked him why he was smiling so much. He told me he was beginning to have feelings for me and that he loved me.”
Mike blurted, “The man was married, for heaven’s sake!”
“Listen, Mike, you be patient. This is my time to talk, not yours. Let me tell my story.”
Mike closed his eyes, holding up his hands in resignation.
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��Thank you. I was flattered by James’ confession and confused at the same time. His marriage to Samantha complicated our potential for a relationship, and I stated this to James. He agreed, but he also said he could not deny his feelings any longer. With Samantha’s boyfriend and their relationship, James felt the marriage was reduced to a piece of paper. He had no feelings for Samantha, other than the fact that she was the mother of his children.
“That evening was the turning point in our relationship; and for the first time in my life, I actually allowed myself to love another man. Our time was spent discussing how our relationship might advance in the future, and he openly discussed divorce. He stated that Stephanie was supportive of his decision and encouraged James to finally enjoy life. Unfortunately, James was frightened of the idea of divorce.
“Apparently, Reverend, you and he did discuss the idea of divorce, but—”
“Yes, Jim and I did discuss the idea of divorce, but he said he was asking questions for a friend of his. I explained—”
“You told him it was wrong, and the Bible is against divorce. You said to him that a man who remarries openly commits adultery—”
“Well, he does!”
“But that’s not the total truth, is it, Reverend?” Arleen overemphasized the word reverend. She didn’t give Mike a chance to respond. “You see, Jesus said that when one of the people in the marriage commits adultery, the other may be granted a divorce!”2
Mike was taken back. The Jezebel was now quoting Scripture. He sat up straight. “Now you listen here—”
“No! You listen to me. You filled James’ head with inaccurate information and half-truths. Dr. Nolan is correct; you should spend more time reading your Bible and less time talking about it.”
Mike began to stand up, but Tony grabbed his arm and pulled Mike back down.
“Sit down, Reverend.”