I lean against the railing and cast my gaze back to the water, to the inky blackness in the distance.
What I find so strange is that you assume sight would be the most important sense at the beach, that the view would be the focal point. But in my sneaky evening moments alone, I’m recognizing that my other senses seem to be taking over.
The smell of the ocean, the sound of the waves, the feel of the cool tiles of the patio under my feet, the taste of the salty air.
It’s a moment full of sensation, and I feel at once both overwhelmed and incredibly sad.
It’s breathtaking to experience something as magnanimous and dominating as the ocean, and I doubt anyone who has grown up near the beach will ever fully understand how it feels to see it for the first time.
But it’s also lonely, standing out here on the patio by myself. No friends or family at my side to revel in this newfound understanding of the world together.
Lucas seems like a nice person, and I’m honestly looking forward to getting to know him.
But I can’t help but wish Joshua was here with me.
I wonder if he ever saw the ocean. If he ever had this feeling in his chest when he heard the power of the waves.
I guess that’s something I’ll never know.
Unsure of how long I’ve been out on the patio, but recognizing that I’m finally starting to get a bit tired, I turn to go back inside.
The house is still dark, since I didn’t turn any lights on, which is why it’s easy to slip over to a corner when I hear footsteps padding down the stairs.
A girl giggling and a man making shushing noises.
Lucas and…
My eyes widen when I see the woman at his side.
Lennon.
I keep my mouth shut and stay tucked away as the two of them walk together to the front door.
“Thanks for letting me come over,” Lennon says when they stop in the entry. She wraps her arms around his waist and tilts her head back to look up at him. “You know I always have a good time with you.”
It’s hard to tell, but it looks like Lucas smiles at her. Leans down and whispers something in her ear. Goes in for a kiss.
I turn my eyes away, trying to tuck myself further into the corner where I stand, focusing on my fingernails. Lucas seems to be a bit of a playboy, if I’m reading everything correctly. He’s got a girlfriend at college, I think. And then there’s Paige, because I can’t be sure that relationship isn’t something. And now Lennon, who I thought he didn’t want around.
My earlier thought comes back to mind.
A different world and a different set of rules.
After another minute or two, a few moans and giggles, I finally hear the front door open and shut. Hear the lock being turned back into place.
I let out a quiet breath. Perfect. Now I just need to wait for Lucas to go back up to his room and I can…
The living room lights turn on, and Lucas and I lock eyes.
“I knew it,” he said, a smile on his face. “I could just feel it. Like a sibling sixth sense or something.”
I chuckle awkwardly, not sure what to do. “I’m so sorry,” I blurt out. “I was down here already and looking at the ocean because I was having a hard time going to sleep. I didn’t mean to…”
“Hannah.” That stern voice again. The one that’s a reprimand in just one word. My name. “It’s not a big deal. You live here, too. I’m not gonna have sex on the couch or something, okay? Anything that happens out here I’ll assume is public.”
My shoulders drop, relief rushing through me that he’s not upset. I don’t know why I’m so afraid of upsetting him when he’s done nothing but make sure I feel welcome since the minute we started emailing.
But the fear of upsetting my host is very real.
Old habits die hard, I guess.
I take a few steps out from my awkward place in the corner, heading to the kitchen to fill a glass of water.
“Thirsty?” I ask, glancing over at him as I search through the cabinets for a glass, finally finding them next to the fridge.
“Yeah. Sure.”
I fill up a blue-rimmed glass for him and then one for me. We both take quiet sips from opposite sides of the island.
“So,” I finally say, feeling like I should break the silence and only having one thing on my mind. “Lennon, huh?”
I’m feeling confused based on his reaction to her earlier. He’d seemed pretty clear that he wanted her to take a hike.
He laughs, drops his head back and stares at the ceiling. “Yeah, I know.”
“I mean, I don’t know her at all. And I’m not judging. But you seemed super disinterested earlier today. And I thought you said you have a girlfriend.”
He bobs his head, grits his jaw. “Remmy said she wanted an open relationship while she was at school.” He shrugs, but I can tell he’s irritated. “I don’t normally…” he trails off. “I guess the best way to explain it is…” he pauses again, scratches the bit of stubble growing on his chin. Then, a devious smile comes across his face. “Lennon and I are physically compatible.”
My face flames red.
He’s talking about his sex life.
“Ooooooh, Ms. Morrison. Is someone easily flustered?” he says, his voice teasing.
I cross my arms and narrow my eyes, trying to neutralize my facial expression and failing miserably. “Maybe,” I finally say.
“Nobody gave you the uncomfortable sex talk huh?” he says, laughing slightly.
I know he’s joking, but I shake my head. “My friend Sienna always had something… interesting to say to me that kept me adequately informed. But I didn’t really have anyone to talk to about this stuff at the places I used to live growing up.”
His smile drops. “Oh. I guess I didn’t really… think about that. That you didn’t have someone to talk to. About life.”
I lift a shoulder. “It wasn’t so bad.”
Lucas’ jaw tightens again, and a part of me thinks he knows I’m lying. But it’s still too early to share those pieces of me, the bits that I try to shove down deep and ignore whenever possible.
That’s if I decide to talk to him about it at all.
“I just feel like… I could have done something.” He looks at the marble on the island. “So you weren’t alone.”
I reach across the island and place my hand over his, the move seeming to surprise him.
If I’m honest, it surprises me, too.
But there’s something in his expression that makes me feel like this is the only way I can convince him that he isn’t to blame for my shitty circumstances.
“It isn’t your fault,” I say. “Life just happens sometimes. Things aren’t fair. And yeah, it sucked to basically be alone and on my own for so long. But I’m okay. Or… I’m at least mostly okay. You couldn’t have known or done anything different.”
Lucas takes a deep breath, something shuddering inside of him. Something painful.
It makes me want to give him a hug – another surprise – but I stay where I am.
Lucas’ head drops forward and he rubs his nose, his eyes squinted shut. Then he looks up at me.
“I’m going to make sure you’re never alone again, okay? I promise.”
I give him a soft smile, appreciating the sentiment. I truly do want to believe what he says. But I can’t help that the whisper of doubt stays ever-present, like a bug hovering near my ear that I can’t manage to swat away, no matter how hard I try.
“Lucas, I don’t expect you to promise me anything, okay? I just want to spend time getting to know you. I haven’t had family in a long time. Let’s just see how this goes.”
He nods, letting out a long breath.
Then he gives me a small smile, takes my hand, and tugs me sharply against his chest, his arms wrapping snuggly around me.
“First thing’s first. You need to learn how to accept a hug.”
I laugh. “And if I don’t want one?”
“Well I’m y
our brother and I’m bigger and stronger, so tough shit.”
“Oh, you gonna give me wet willies now, too?”
“I have a lot of time to make up for. Expect me to use your stuff and steal your toys and eat your snacks from the pantry.”
I laugh again, finally letting myself enjoy his hug.
It’s easy to forget what unconditional love feels like when you haven’t felt it in so long. And this with Lucas might not be there yet, but it feels like we’re on our way.
"This is delicious,” I say, taking another bite of my pancakes. “I haven’t had a breakfast as fantastic as this in a while.”
Paige laughs. “Honey, get ready for a whole lot of deliciousness. We do Monday brunch here every week.”
“Have you eaten everything on this menu? Because I feel like that would be tempting.”
“Unfortunately, no. I stick mostly with the low-carb options.” She pats her incredibly flat stomach. “Gotta keep this body in top shape.”
I nod, though I don’t feel like she has anything to fear. Paige is one of those women who are naturally beautiful. But I guess we all see different things when we look in the mirror.
“I’m sure Lucas will bring you to the next one. You’ll get to meet the whole gang. There’s a pretty big group, and we call it Monday Mournings. M-O-U-R-N. Because we commiserate about the tragedies from the weekend.”
“That’s clever,” I say, picking up my orange juice. “But I probably won’t be able to…”
“Don’t say you won’t be able to afford it. I’m under strict instructions from Lucas not to let you think or worry about that at all while you’re in town.”
My eyes widen in shock, then narrow as embarrassment pulses through my body. The last thing I want is to be Lucas’ charity case.
“Paige, I don’t expect for you guys to pay my way. I’m going to get a job while I’m here. I’ll just have to be choosy about what I can afford.”
But she’s already shaking her head. “Nope! I totally respect where you’re coming from, especially when considering that you have a famous brother who not only comes from a lot of money but also earns a lot of money. But you also have to accept that Lucas has a lot of time he wants to make up for. He wants you to have fun, enjoy yourself. And that includes spoiling you and making up for all the years you guys haven’t had together.”
I let out a sigh. “But…” I pause, looking away, towards the water in the distance. “I don’t want him to see me as someone he has to take care of. I already feel bad enough by living in his house without paying for anything.”
Paige leans forward and rests her hand on mine. “Honey, you’re not mooching. Let the man take care of you.” Then she sits back. “You’ve been on your own for a long time, right?”
I flush from cheeks to neck, wondering if there’s something about being near the ocean that causes me to turn bright red all the fucking time. This never used to be an issue.
But I nod anyway.
“You’re not on your own anymore, sweetie. You have family now, and family takes care of each other.”
God, she makes me want to break into tears, but I grit my teeth and give her a tight smile.
Paige is a conundrum. Both obsessed with gossip and yet I don’t doubt she is also a great secret keeper. Focused on looks and the superficial, but kind and welcoming to her core.
When I first met her, I thought she was just a richer version of the mean girls that I went to high school with. The ones who called me The Cactus, or Homeless Hannah. But the more I talk to her, the more I realize she might just be the exact opposite of those girls. She’s probably what those girls wish they could be, but they’re too small-minded and self absorbed to figure it out.
Paige pays the check, glaring at me when I try to grab it, and we clear out from our place on the patio. Having breakfast at Mary’s was her idea, a pit stop on the way to her house to pick out something for me to wear to the charity auction at the yacht club tonight.
It’s a great little spot, a breakfast and brunch place only a few blocks away from Lucas’. There was quite a crowd waiting when we got here, but Paige walked right up to the host and gave her a hug. We’d gotten a table with a view of the water just a few minutes later.
“Oh, shit, I left my phone on the table,” I say just as we get back to Paige’s car parked on the curb a block away. Trepidation rolls through my veins. As much as I try not to be phone obsessed, still, I cannot afford to lose that thing. “I’m gonna run back and grab it.”
Paige smiles and nods, already getting her own phone out, likely to catch up on the daily Hermosa Beach gossip.
I jog back to Mary’s in record time, letting out a sigh of relief when the hostess holds up my phone.
“Oh my gosh, thank you so much,” I say. “I would have died if I’d lost this.”
She smiles at me. “No problem.”
“You’re not one of those girls who is glued to her phone all day, are you?”
I turn to look over my shoulder and can’t hide my surprise at seeing the guy from the night before. The pier guy. The super sexy guy. The one I thought about mentioning to Paige at breakfast when she asked about my first day in Hermosa Beach.
I can’t hide my surprise, and I also can’t hide my smile.
A smile he gives me right back.
“This is quite the coincidence,” he adds.
“Hey there, Pier Guy.”
He continues to smile at me, his eyes twinkling. “Hey there, Pier Girl.”
I rotate my phone in my hands, feeling slightly nervous. “What are you doing here?”
“Stalking you.”
My eyes widen.
“I’m getting breakfast,” he says, laughing, and I blush, embarrassed to have taken him so literally. “But man, you should have seen your face.”
I purse my lips, but there’s no heat in my expression. “Funny.”
“You know, I think it’s fate, you and me, meeting here. Out of all the places you could have gotten breakfast while you’re in town, you picked here. My favorite brunch place.” He crosses his arms and studies me. “In the movies, they call it kismet.”
“I thought the movies call it a meet-cute.”
He chuckles. “Us meeting here is a meet-cute, but the fact we’re both here is kismet. Fate. Just like it’s fate that you’re going to meet me at Harbor’s tonight for a drink. They have an excellent view of the ocean.”
Now it’s my turn to laugh. “You’re a little cocky, huh?”
“Confident.”
“They’re the same. The only difference is how someone else perceives it.”
“That’s not how words work.”
“That’s exactly how words work. You ask a girl on a date a few times and she keeps saying no. You’d call that pursuit. A girl who likes you and is playing hard-to-get would call it persistence. But a girl who isn’t interested would call it harassment.”
He hums lightly, but his eyes light up with mischief. “And which girl are you in this scenario?” he asks, stepping closer to me.
My mind freezes, the inability to come up with a response tripping my tongue.
Normally when I’m around men, my natural instinct is immediate suspicion. What are their ulterior motives? Why are they talking to me? What do they really want? I have to fight against that instinct. All the time.
But this guy? Pier Guy? I feel like I can believe how he presents himself. Like he doesn’t have any reason not to be exactly who he is. This confident, cocky, charming guy who probably always gets what he wants.
So this Hannah that I am right now feels new. She’s flirting and smirking and giving back sass to a hot guy. Playing hard-to-get.
Is that what I’m doing? Playing hard-to-get?
It feels like a rush of caffeine after going without for so long.
He’s handsome, yes. Undoubtedly. A strong jaw, a little bit of scruff, that smile that makes me weak-kneed, and a muscular frame that hints at quite a rigorous workout sched
ule.
But I also like talking to him. We’ve only exchanged a few words today, a few last night, but I already see him as someone who would keep me on my toes.
Spar with me.
And I like that.
Even more? I like that I like it.
Finding someone to spar with for fun is so much better than someone who kicks you when you’re down.
“I haven’t decided yet,” I finally say, sticking with honesty.
He laughs, his head falling back and exposing his neck. “Well, what can I do to convince you one way or another?” he asks, looking back at me with a gleam of laughter in his eyes. “Because one reaction will get me a date. The other will get me a date with a police officer.”
I chew on the edge of my lip, a habit I’ve been unable to break since childhood, but release it immediately when I see his eyes drop to my mouth.
Maybe I will say yes to him, though for another night.
Obviously I’m busy this evening with the yacht club thing with Lucas. But it couldn’t really hurt anything to get a drink with an attractive guy.
Right?
Before I can respond, a young girl approaches us and taps his arm.
I told the hostess we were both here. She said it would be a few minutes, she signs.
Then she looks at me, and I can’t help but beam at her. Part of me wants to just bust out the sign language, tell her I can sign, too. But that’s pretty forward of me, to assume she’ll get as excited about talking with me as I would be to talk to her.
Now that I’m not spending regular time with Lissy and Melanie, I realize how big a part of my life sign language was. I kind of miss it.
I thought you were going to spend time with me, she says to Pier Guy, but her eyes glance back at me. Can’t you flirt with tourists some other time?
I blush, look down.
Well then.
“Ivy, I’m talking to someone. Can you give me a minute?” He both says it and signs it, probably for my benefit.
Ivy smiles at me, then looks up at Pier Guy. This is me rolling my eyes. Just get her number and put it in your phone with all the others. I’d like to spend time with my brother without him flirting, for once.
She gives me one more fake grin, then walks off, headed for the row of chairs set up outside of Mary’s for waiting customers.
Promise Me Nothing (Hermosa Beach Book 1) Page 7