by Ruby Dixon
I lie on my back again.
"I should tell you…"
I crack an eye open again and roll on my side once more, waiting.
"You wanted to do kissing wrong."
That is not what I expected to hear. "What do you mean, I wanted to do kissing wrong?"
S'bren glances over at me. His gaze slides down to my boobs, naked and still slightly wet, and then jerks back up again so quickly I have to bite back a laugh. "When you were made strange by the visshek. You spoke of kissing but it was incorrect.” He closes his eyes and tilts his head to the ceiling again, as if sunbathing. "I have been thinking about it a lot and decided I should tell you so you know."
I spoke of kissing wrong? He's been thinking about it a lot? I squint at his resting body, trying to decipher this. "I don't remember us talking about kissing. I remember a lot of stuff, but not that.”
His mouth parts. No words come out, just a small, strangled sound. Farther south, his cock hardens and stretches to life, drawing my fascinated gaze. Now his horns aren't the only dangerous-looking thing stabbing toward the ceiling. Fascinating. I shouldn't be staring, but I am. It's enormous. And it's got ridges. And like…his balls are magnificent.
Apparently I'm creepy and pervy when it comes to alien balls. It's a weird realization.
"You spoke of kissing me but not on the mouth," S'bren eventually manages to say. His forehead is deep, deep blue, his voice strained. I can tell his body is tense just from looking at him.
I spoke of kissing him…oh. The blow job. I lick my lips, smothering another laugh…and the urge to do it again, just to see how he reacts. Bad Penny. Bad.
“That wasn’t a kiss I talked about, my friend.”
“No?” He looks confused. “But your mouth—”
“That is called a blow job. A girl puts a guy’s dick into her mouth and sucks on it until he comes.”
His entire body stiffens and goes rigid, and I can tell by the dazed look on his face—and the way his cock twitches—that he’s thinking about it. “Human…females do this?”
“Oh yeah, we’re freaks,” I tease. “We do all kinds of crazy shit.”
“I did not…” His words trail off, and I can see the wheels turning in his head, him clearly trying to process things. It’s adorable. It also makes me want to stare at his balls, too, but I know that’s weird of me so I don’t. “I am sorry,” he finally says.
I didn’t expect an apology, and it irks me that I’m getting one. “For?”
“Because you were going to blow on my job and you did not want it.”
I have to fight back a laugh at the way he mangles the phrase. It’s not a time to laugh at him. The look on his face is downright stricken, as if he’s betrayed me. I reach over and touch his arm. “I didn’t say that I didn’t want to touch you. I just said that I didn’t want to be drugged.” I trace a finger down a prominent vein on his bicep. “I’m sorry if my hand on you was upsetting.”
“It was not upsetting. I cannot stop thinking about it,” he confesses, looking over at me. There’s such raw need in his eyes that it takes my breath away. I’m used to S’bren’s puppyish crush, but this is something different entirely, and it’s exciting. It makes me pulse hot between my thighs, because now I’m thinking of when I touched him, too, and I’m thinking about his reactions. How exciting it would be to tease him with my mouth until he comes.
If it was anyone but S’bren, I might just reach over and do it. But S’bren stole me away to become his bride. If I get frisky with him? Those possessive alien genes are going to go into overdrive. He’s really going to think I’m his woman, and then that’s just setting us both up for a world of hurt if things don’t go our way. “I’d kiss you for real right now, S’bren, but I can’t. You take everything too seriously.” I slide my fingertip along that vein, because I’m greedy and not entirely willing to give up on this. “If you promised me we could keep things light, we could fool around, though.”
“Light?”
“No commitment. No mating. Just having fun in the furs. No hearts involved.”
S’bren shakes his head. “It is already too late, P’nee. I lost my heart to you long ago.”
I sigh, because that’s sweet and romantic and so, so not the thing I wanted to hear. “Oh, S’bren.”
“It is all right. I know I am the only heart in this cave that hopes for resonance.” He looks away, then discreetly presses a hand on his cock, as if trying to hide the stabbing erection. Too late for that. “And have you lost your heart to another, then?”
“Me?” I’m surprised at his question. “Gosh no. I’m hoping resonance chooses right for me. We both know it’s coming, so until it picks, I’m just having fun and making sure to guard my heart.” And I thought I was doing a pretty good job of it, too, but the raw, aching way that S’bren looks at me makes me feel far more than I want to.
He looks at me like no one else ever has. Like he’ll die if I don’t smile at him. It’s both heady and a little frightening to have that much power over someone. In the past when I dated and slept around, I was always the one that chased, the one that called the guy, the one that had to make it clear that Penny was always up for a good time. It was a mixture of low self-esteem and my own natural love of adventure, made ten times worse. After all, I’m not the prettiest girl and I’m certainly not thin, so I hoped that enthusiasm made up for anything I lacked.
Spoiler: It usually didn’t. Guys always went for thin, delicate chicks and Good Time Penny only got calls after midnight on Friday night, when other plans fell through.
Maybe that’s why I’m so in love with the idea of weddings and soul mates and true love. Of someone just falling head over heels for me and my happy ever after starting with a bang instead of a whimper. Of someone chasing me for once.
Ironic—S’bren’s chasing me and now I’m the one spouting the “why can’t we be friends” line. But resonance changes everything. I don’t want to fall for the guy and then have resonance choose someone else for me. That would…break me. And him. It’s safer for everyone if we just wait and see what resonance decides.
I’m impatient by nature, though (hello, adventurous spirit) so it’s hard not to just grab at him. To give him a blow job just to see how he reacts. To kiss him and have sex with him to see how that alien dick feels and those huge damn balls of his feel when they slap against my skin as he pounds into me.
I squeeze my thighs tightly together at the thought. That’s a path I can’t go down. S’bren’s already “lost his heart.” I don’t want to make this worse for either of us by being the first to take him into the furs. Because if S’bren doesn’t know what a blow job is? Dude’s a great big virgin.
And I should not be totally excited by that.
“Why did you not go back?” he eventually asks, interrupting our silence.
“What do you mean?”
“Back to the tribe. I offered to take you back to the Icehome village and you wanted to come here instead.” He gestures at the tropical surroundings. “With me.”
“Gosh, I don’t know. Cold snowy beach versus this place? Let me think for a minute.” I chuckle. “I think we should all come here every brutal season. I mean, come on. This is as close to paradise as you can get on this planet.”
And then I realize what I just said, and I’m horrified. He came from paradise…and now it’s all gone. I’m such an asshole.
But S’bren merely looks thoughtful. “But you did not want to leave the tribe at all.”
“I didn’t want to be kidnapped,” I point out again. “Consent is everything. If you would have said to me, hey Penny, wanna go to the fruit cave? I would have been the first one to pack my bag.”
He nods slowly. “I am understanding this now. I should have asked.”
“Yes, you should have.” The vein in his arm twitches as he shifts his big body on the rocks, and I curl my fingers so I don’t reach out and touch it again. Sexy, thick arms are almost as appealing to me as his big,
fascinating balls.
God, I’ve really got to stop thinking about his junk.
“This isn’t such a bad thing, though,” I admit after a moment. “I kinda like the idea of having one last big adventure before everything changes.”
That makes him sit up, propping his weight onto one shoulder. And god, maybe I’m excessively turned on today or maybe I still have that drug in my system, because this man is gorgeous. When he shifts his weight like that, he’s nothing but rippling muscle and washboard abs with a sweet, tempting little vein that goes down—
Nope. Nope. I’m not looking.
“What will change, P’nee?” S’bren asks, a look of worry on his face. “Is something wrong?” His entire body brims with tension, as if he wants to somehow leap up and fix things for me.
“Oh. You know, resonance.” I shrug. “We’re all falling like dominos, us girls. I figure it’s just a matter of time before I get whapped with it.”
He relaxes a little. “Resonance is a good thing.”
“For you, yeah. You get the girl of your dreams in your furs and get to nut all day long. For me, it’ll be some sex—hopefully good sex—and then everything in my life changes.” Which is why I’m really, really hoping for a soul-achingly sweet romance. I see what’s happened with Callie and M’tok and Mari and T’chai and they just make me hurt inside. My romantic heart wants something more like Nadine and Thrand, or Veronica and Ashtar. That utter bliss on the face the moment you see your partner, sharing secrets. Heck, sharing a lifetime together. I want all that good stuff without the bad.
S’bren’s eyes narrow at me. “How does everything change?”
Only a man would dare to ask that. I fight back a sigh. “Look at Liz. When was the last time she was away from camp?”
His heavy brow draws down. “She stays because she has a new kit.”
“Right. And she also has two little kids. And she’s nursing. If Liz wakes up one day and thinks ‘hey, I’d really like to hunt,’ she can’t. If she wants to go out for the day with her mate, she can’t. If she wants to sleep late, she can’t. She has people she’s responsible for. And I know Gail or Angie will watch her kids for her, but with a new baby that’s nursing? That’s hard. Or how about just being super-heavily pregnant like Angie? She’s never gone hunting because it’s hard to waddle after game.” I shake my head. “Babies are wonderful. Resonance is wonderful. Don’t get me wrong. I’d love nothing more than for resonance to hit and make me fall in love…but it changes everything for the girl. Until it comes for me, I’m going to enjoy myself.” I smile at him to take the sting out of my words. “I’m going to have a good time and explore this world a bit before biology makes a choice for me.”
“So you do not want resonance?”
“No, I do. I would love to be in love.” I get all wistful thinking about it. Isn’t that why I hang out with O’jek and the others of Shadow Cat clan? Or flirt with R’jaal? Let S’bren follow me around like a lost puppy? I’m trying to let my heart get comfortable with one of these guys being my mate so when resonance does happen, it won’t be a horrible shock. It’ll be exciting to finally put the exclamation mark at the end of the sentence, so to speak.
“You wish to get mated in the human fashion,” he states.
I laugh. Callie thinks I’m super obsessed with weddings because I’ve mentioned them a few times and I said I had a subscription to bridal magazines back home. I mean, what romantic woman doesn’t? “Do I want to have a wedding? Sure, I’d love it, but I guess that sort of thing doesn’t apply in this world anymore.”
“If I resonated to you, I would be happy to put a sack over your head,” S’bren tells me solemnly.
That makes me sit up, laughing. “What the fuck?”
“Is that not your custom? G’hail told me of them.”
He asked Gail about me? I fight the urge to squirm with pleasure, because I shouldn’t care, right? I’m being neutral until I resonate, just like a really busty Switzerland. But I have to ask. “Gail told you I wanted a bag over my head?”
“She said your head is covered to hide your face from your mate.” His mouth twitches. “I thought it was an odd custom. I would want everyone to see how beautiful my mate was, not hide her.”
Oh, damn it. My heart squeezes again, because he’s looking at me with such open adoration that it’s hard not to be affected. Come on, cootie, I mentally cheer. Roll the dice. Give him a shot. We could do a lot worse than someone that adores me.
But my chest stays silent, and so I can’t fall for puppy eyes and a big rock-hard body and a great set of balls. Sigh. The guys still back on the beach—R’jaal and Shadow Cat—are all handsome, too, but there’s something about S’bren that grows more appealing by the hour. There’s the hard, enticing body, sure. But he’s also got a pure sort of spirit. He doesn’t overthink things, he just does them. One might argue that it’s because he’s not the brightest bulb, but I don’t think that’s it.
I think S’bren just knows what he wants.
And he wants me. It’s the ultimate flattery. “Did you really ask Gail about marrying me?”
He nods, his expression reluctant. “I wished to know if there was a custom I could follow to show you my affection. She said there are wed-hings and I am to put a bit of metal on your finger and to cover your face, and then I take you as my mate in front of everyone.” The base of his horns flush. “I do not know if I would want my first time in front of the entire tribe but if it is what you want, I will gladly do so.”
My jaw drops. “That’s not how a marriage ceremony works.”
“It is not?”
“No. Here. Let me show you.” I get to my feet, and I can feel his gaze on me as I jump up, because everything jiggles—thighs, butt, boobs. And okay, maybe I did that on purpose because I like him looking. Maybe I’m no saint. But gosh, it’s nice to be sexy in someone’s eyes. I hold my hands out to him. “I’ll demonstrate.”
S’bren sits up, frowning. He covers his hard cock with his hands as if that will hide the evidence of his arousal. “But you said you did not want a pleasure mate right now.”
Does he think I’m going to fuck him right here? I shake my head and gesture with my hands that he should stand. “No. There’s no sex in front of anyone. I’m going to show you how it’s done the human way. And quit holding your dick. I already know it’s hard. Don’t be embarrassed.”
The base of his horns flushes again. He gets to his feet and straightens, and then puts his hands in mine. Standing in front of each other, face to face and naked, I’m acutely aware of his size, looming over me. I’m even more acutely aware of his dick and how close his erection is to brushing against my not-so-flat belly. Maybe this demonstration should have waited until we were clothed, because then maybe my naked, heavy tits and pricking nipples wouldn’t be so near his washboard abs.
But I’m all in, now. So I clear my throat and meet his gaze. “When humans get married, all of their family is invited to the ceremony. A woman wears a special dress with a veil—which is just a decoration—and approaches the man she’s chosen as her mate. They put their hands in each other’s and recite vows.” I squeeze his fingers. “If I was marrying you, I’d promise to love and obey my husband in all things.”
He snorts. “You are not good at obeying.”
I laugh, because, well, he’s not wrong. I have the best intentions but I’m also not a great listener. “Maybe I’d just promise to try.”
“I would promise the same,” he says with a nod. “To try.”
A man promising to obey? It’s not quite the same as what a human ceremony would be, but I don’t mind it. If one of us has to promise to obey, why not the other? I squeeze his hands again, shifting my weight, because I’m so close to his straining dick it’s hard to ignore.
Stupidly, I want to kiss him. I want to know what it’s like to kiss a guy who’s so into me that he can’t help constantly getting a boner around me. I want to know what it’s like to be adored and che
rished, to be looked at like I’m the best thing he’s ever seen.
Kind of like the way S’bren’s looking at me right now.
My heart aches. He’s gazing down at me with such intense longing, his fingers twined in mine. His thumb rubs over one of my knuckles, and it makes my nipples tighten. “What else would a hyoo-man promise when he takes a mate?”
“Love. Honor.” There’s a knot in my throat. “Forever.”
Except I didn’t get forever, did I?
All this wedding stuff reminds me of the worst weekend of my life. My skin prickles with awareness when the memories swim forward, and I want to die with shame when I think about them. Of that drunken weekend in Vegas at an Elvis chapel. Saying vows to my boyfriend Lewis, and then waking up in the morning with happiness in my heart only to see regret on his face.
I was so drunk, baby. I didn’t mean for this to happen. This is a mess.
And we broke up less than a week later.
So yeah, I’ve been down the aisle. Kinda. And just like every other time, Good Time Penny’s been discarded. But it doesn’t stop me from dreaming about a happy ever after, of being a beautiful bride going down the aisle to the man of my dreams. Of having him look at me with such adoration and love that it fills all the empty places in my soul.
I won’t think about Vegas. New place, new start, new everything. I smile brightly at S’bren. “That’s how a wedding ceremony goes. When the couple are happy with their vows, they kiss. That’s all. There’s no mating in front of everyone.”
“Just a tongue-mating.”
“Right,” I choke out. God, now I want to do some tongue-mating with him. His gaze drops to my mouth and then he nods. “So that’s how it goes,” I finish limply.
S’bren drops to his knees in front of me and pulls my hands to his chest, against the hard thudding of his heart. “P’nee,” he murmurs.
“Don’t, S’bren,” I begin, my heart hurting.
“I would do all of this with you.” There’s such an ache in his voice. “I would hold you and honor you and take you as my mate until resonance separated us. And if we never resonated, I would be glad, because it would mean you were mine forever.” He pulls my hands to his mouth and presses his lips to them. “Let me be your mate.”