“This has been a little unconventional. The waiting was hard. I’m excited to see what’s next. I know there are no guarantees or anything, but I’ve always thought if you go with your gut, just follow your heart, it’ll lead you where you’re meant to be. No guarantees. But no regrets that way either.”
The waiter appeared with a basket of bread. “To start,” he said, smiling at them.
When he left, Everly’s breathing evened out. This steady, sweet, charming man could be her one. He was real. They liked each other. They had something they could truly build on. Life came down to choices. Making one and sticking with it. No regrets.
[35]
Chris pressed End on his phone and tossed it on his bed. His father wasn’t taking his calls. There was so much anger and frustration vibrating off his skin, Chris wouldn’t be surprised if his father could feel it all the way across the country.
Linking his fingers behind his head, he paced the length of his bedroom. When he’d arrived in California, his life had been a perfectly organized entity. Like a Jenga tower before someone took it apart. Over the course of the last year, the more time he spent with Everly, the more the pieces disappeared. Now, he felt like he was one breath away from the entire thing crumbling.
It wasn’t just Everly either. His father had gone behind his back, emailing the advertising company to inform them their doors were being shut. He had no goddamn right. But he had the power and wielded it how he saw fit.
Chris had made a decision before telling Everly how he felt. He wanted to stay. Talking with Noah had confirmed it. He’d planned to tell his father he needed more time here until he could figure out the best approach.
Now, there was no point in having that conversation. Everly was out on her date with her bachelor of choice, she’d shot him down because of something he’d done when he was barely an adult, and his father was dangling his career in front of him like everything was a big, stupid game.
One where he lost everything.
He lowered his hands. “Stop.” If Noah were here, instead of out on a date—how did that guy find a social life so fast?—he’d be telling Chris to knock off the pity party and figure shit out.
“Nothing to figure out. Everly’s too scared to take a chance. Dad will rake you over the coals until he feels you’ve earned your place back, then it’ll be business as usual.” At least, once that happened, he’d be in New York rather than here, watching Everly build her perfectly structured life on her divorce-free foundation.
Damn, he was mad. Which beat the hurt he’d been feeling since he left her house. He left his room and went to the kitchen to grab a beer.
Dressed in pajama bottoms and a T-shirt, he leaned against the counter, his entire body weary, popped the top, and took a long swallow. He set it down and sighed. He and Everly had been avoiding each other for days. There was no way he believed she was sick the last two days, so today he’d made sure to show up after her spot was finished. He could do that for a couple of more months while he trained Mari to take over as station manager. He had a meeting with her and Mason tomorrow to offer her the promotion. She’d earned it and would do a good job. If his father would return his damn calls, he’d be able to tell him he was heading home sooner than expected.
The idea of being face-to-face with his father turned his stomach. The ad company had been dissolved behind Chris’s back. Would his life always be like this? What other option did he have? In the back of his Everly-addled brain, he’d thought she’d want him. He’d stay, run the station, prove to his father that it was worth the time, money, and effort.
When he heard the buzzer for his apartment, he felt relief. Maybe Noah’s date hadn’t gone well. Sure, he should wish his brother well, but right now, he’d rather hang out with him. If for no other reason, to get out of his own damn head. Chris pulled the door open, leaned on the jamb, waiting for the elevator to arrive.
The elevator door slid open, and whatever smart-ass comment Chris was going to make to his brother died in his throat. Everly walked toward him, dressed in a pale blue dress that cinched at her waist and flared out after that. Her hair was up, off her face but in a way he’d never seen. It was like one of those updos women did where it looked easy but probably took several engineers to orchestrate. Her makeup was soft and striking. Her shoulders were stiff, her gaze laser focused on him. She looked like she was on a mission. She’s breathtaking.
She stopped in front of him, and even in her black sling-back heels—damn, those were sexy—she only came up to his shoulders.
Her gaze nearly scorched him. She poked him in the shoulder. “I don’t want it to be you. I have a list of reasons why it shouldn’t be.”
She unzipped her purse, reaching in to pull out a folded piece of paper. Even as he scrambled to form words, his throat impossibly dry, she slapped what he guessed was the list, against his chest.
She returned her eyes to his. He could freaking drown in them. Why the hell did he feel so much for this woman?
Around the dryness, he mumbled, “I don’t need your list, Everly. You were more than clear the other night. I’m not likely to forget all your reasons anytime soon.”
Still, he reached for the paper and scrunched it in his fist. She smelled like vanilla. He wanted to lower his head, bury his nose in her neck to breathe her in endlessly. She made her choice.
“I went out with Owen tonight.”
His heart skidded to a stop. There it was. Her choice. Why did she feel the need to ram it down his throat? Hadn’t he taken it well? He’d wanted to grab her and kiss her until she couldn’t breathe. Instead, he’d left. Let her make her damn decisions even if he knew it was wrong for both of them.
“I know that. I hope it was perfect.” Regardless of how mad he was at her for not taking a chance on them, he wanted her to have what she wanted. If she was happy, it was enough.
Everly looked down. Chris curled the fingers of his other hand into his palm so he didn’t reach out to touch her. To lift her chin.
She looked up again, her eyes bright. Wet. “It was.” She tilted her head to the side. Chris felt like she’d ripped his skin off his body. His heart slammed up against the wall of his chest.
Awesome. “That’s great. I’m happy for you.” His words came out like gravel sliding over a metal grate. It wasn’t a lie. Not completely. He was happy at least one of them could pretend this was the best thing.
You’re leaving. You won’t have to stick around to watch her fall in love.
Surprising him, she stepped into his space. He inhaled the scent of her shampoo, all that was Everly. The list crinkled in his hand. Her eyes darted down to it, then back up.
“That list has good reasons on it,” she whispered.
His heart felt like a blinker on the fritz. “I’m sure it does. Why are you here?”
Chris didn’t know how much longer he could stand there, looking at her, inhaling her, without saying to hell with it and kissing her like he’d wanted to for twelve long months.
Everly pressed her hand to the same spot she’d slapped the list. Her brows drew together as her palm flattened over his out-of-control heart. The look she gave him sparked something so deep inside of him, it felt like his entire being was on fire.
“I’m here because there’s nothing I can write down on any list that will get you out of my mind. As much as I’ve tried to force it, my heart refuses to be logical. I have no idea how this will end, but I know if I don’t try, I’ll regret it. I’m so scared of absolutely everything. You understand that, right? You do. I know you do. So, it should tell you something that more than anything right now, I’m scared of not taking this chance. Of not taking the leap. With you. Regardless of how I land.”
It was a good thing his jaw had already opened during her speech, because it would have dropped to the floor when she flattened her body against his. Fisting her hand in his shirt, she went up on her tiptoes, locking her other arm around his neck.
Something inside of him
broke. Or maybe it mended. Righted itself. His hands moved without permission, tunneling into her hair, knocking pins to the ground as he captured her face between them. His mouth moved, touched hers, and that first taste unleashed everything he’d held back and tried to ignore. Her lips were intoxicating, the little sound she made in the back of her throat electrifying.
She was right there with him, pressing her gorgeous body in that beautiful dress as close as she could, kissing him like he was air and she’d gone without it too long. One of his hands streaked down her back while the other stayed tangled in her hair. She let out a sexy little gasp when he changed the angle, took the kiss deeper, touched his tongue to hers, and did his best not to swallow her whole.
The depth of his desire threatened to overwhelm him. He couldn’t touch enough of her at once. Hands sliding over her subtle curves, Chris picked her up, letting her feet dangle above the floor. It was easy to reach her this way but still not enough. Without breaking the kiss, he walked into his apartment, kicked the door shut with his foot. Her arms locked around his neck.
Turning them, he pressed her back to the door and brought both hands to her ass, boosted her up so he could get closer. Immediately, she wrapped her legs around his waist. It still wasn’t enough. There was no such thing as close enough to Everly Dean.
He’d dreamed about kissing her more times than he could count. It was beyond anything he could have imagined. That quiet, introspective nature was nowhere to be found as she took what she wanted from the kiss, let her hands run up his back, into his hair. The sexy contrast of softness and strength turned him on to an alarming degree.
He told himself to slow down, even as her lips traced a path down his cheek, along his neck, making him whisper her name. Their heartbeats were erratic. He didn’t know whose was beating harder, but he felt like they were nearly in tandem. When her mouth found his again, he gentled this kiss. He pressed his lips to her nose, her cheeks, her forehead, then leaned back only enough to breathe. With one hand, he smoothed back the tendrils of hair he’d knocked loose. His head spun, his pulse was a live wire setting off every nerve in his body.
Everly shuddered in his arms. He couldn’t stop touching her, staring at her, scared this moment might not be real. She smiled up at him, her cheeks flush, her eyes burning into his, the soft contours of her body nestled against the hard planes of his. She was real. Chris pressed his forehead to hers, wanting to imprint this on his soul. God, she was precious.
“Why did you wait so long to tell me how you felt?” Her hands moved over his face, his jaw, caressing his cheeks as if she were memorizing the feel of him under her fingers. He caught one hand, kissed each of her fingertips.
“For all the reasons you already said. I’m your boss. We work together.” I’m leaving. Fuck. I’m leaving. He breathed in and out, refusing to worry about that right now. He’d figure something out. They’d figure something out. After. After they sorted through this part.
“I didn’t even think you liked me until six weeks ago.” Her fingers played in his hair, and her nose brushed against his in the sweetest of touches.
He groaned. “Self-preservation. Easier to keep you at a distance.”
She rolled her hips and tightened her arms around his neck. “I don’t like the distance.”
A rough laugh escaped him, and he kissed her again, loving the taste of her lips, the scent of her skin, the feel of her against him. “Me either.”
He carried her over to his couch and sat with her still in his arms. And then he did what he’d wanted to do practically since the moment he’d met her—he kissed her like there was nowhere else he needed to be and nothing else he’d ever wanted. He explored her with his hands and his lips as she did the same. Until time spun out and all he could think or breathe or feel was Everly Dean. Until nothing else existed other than this one woman who tied him in knots and set him free in the same moment. This was a woman worth fighting for. Worth making changes for. He couldn’t think about all the things he needed to tell her, what he’d need to do to make sure they could be together. It was too much and not enough all at once.
She pulled back. He’d lost track of time. Staring at him, her breath ragged, she touched his chest, met his gaze.
Covering her hand over his heart, he smiled up at her. “What happened? You said you made your choice. Why the change of heart?”
She laughed, low and sweetly. “It was less a change of heart than a decision to listen to my heart.”
His own heart flipped over in his chest. “I’m so glad.”
“I’ll choose you again and again and again,” she whispered.
His heart tumbled. Right into her hands. “I’ll choose you back.”
Tomorrow, he’d do whatever he damn well had to do to make that true. Because now that he’d kissed her, held her, touched her? He’d choose her over anything else.
[36]
Everly adjusted her pillows, then rolled to her side. She couldn’t sleep. Her body was vibrating with an energy she’d never felt. Owen had been so gracious when she’d explained that her heart belonged to someone else. Just saying it to him made her heart feel like it might implode. She’d had no idea what to expect with Chris, but she’d done it.
She could still feel the imprint of his lips, the feel of his hands memorizing every nuance of her body. Those casual touches and pinkie grazes had been nothing compared to the fireworks of actually kissing him.
“Thinking about it isn’t helping you sleep.” She rolled over to her back again.
Since she couldn’t stop thinking about him, she gave up, threw her blankets back to crawl out of bed. Padding out to the kitchen, she turned on the kettle to make some Sleepytime tea. While it steeped, she picked up her journal, then took it and her tea back to her bedroom.
She couldn’t believe she’d left the list of reasons it couldn’t be him at his house. She’d texted him as soon as she got home.
EVERLY: I forgot the list. Don’t look at it.
CHRIS: Are you joking? I’m going over it now.
Her cheeks had burned.
EVERLY: Rip it up.
CHRIS: Not a chance. We’ll go through it point by point so I can change your mind on every issue.
EVERLY: You already did.
CHRIS: Won’t stop me from proving you made the right choice over and over again.
She’d bit her lip, staring at the screen, a new kind of warmth rushing to the surface of her skin.
EVERLY: That sounds … intriguing.
CHRIS: You’re everything, Everly. Don’t ever doubt that.
She hadn’t known what to say in response to that. Instead, she’d texted good night, to which he replied, “Sweet dreams.”
“They would be, if I could sleep,” she said to herself as she crawled back into the bed. The tea at her side, she pulled the covers up over her bent knees, opening the journal to her list of rules.
She smiled, putting a check mark by number one. Definitely focusing on the good. She put a star next to number two. She was thinking, seriously, about getting a cat. Just one. Maybe two. Definitely not a hoard. She’d worry about her birthday when the time came, but maybe it was time to stop dreading them. Now that she’d told her parents what she didn’t want, maybe they’d listen.
Number four, try something new each month, had been a big surprise. Kickboxing was perhaps one of the most surprising ones. It filled her with an inner strength, making her feel more powerful just by attending the classes.
“Number five, definitely achieved.” She put a check next to it. The entire team was buzzing with ideas for their new show. Between that and the get-together Chris orchestrated, she felt closer than ever to her staff.
A shiver ran through her when she read number six. Be bold, even if it gives you hives. Tonight was the first time she’d understood why people did crazy things for the rush of it. She’d made the first move and been bolder than she’d ever been in her life. Something had clicked into place when she’d admitted
her feelings. The safety harness on the roller coaster. She grinned. Getting on the ride might be terrifying, but it was also exhilarating. Freeing. There’d been not one hive in sight.
She put a smiley face next to number seven. Find what makes you truly happy. And hang on to it. She’d done that in so many surprising ways. Opening up to her parents had removed the cement block weighing on her chest. Even the dates, which she’d worried so much about, had played a role in her current state of happiness. Going on them had taught her things about herself. They’d taught her about what she didn’t want as much as what she did. Being honest with herself about her feelings for Chris was a whole new plane of finding her happy.
Everly chewed on her pen a moment, staring at number eight. “Ironic,” she said. She’d told herself to choose men who made her feel something, yet she’d all but run from the man who made her feel more than she ever had. She crossed out the rule. She didn’t need that one anymore.
If she felt any more for him than she did right now, her heart might explode. Maybe part of her worry had been how he saw through her nervous habits, saw deeper than her social anxiety. He didn’t sidestep it; he knew it was part of her, but he accepted it the way he did any other aspect of who she was. He made her feel seen. More, he made her feel like he liked what he saw. She felt stronger when he looked at her like she was all he could see. Number nine—believe in herself—was going to take some time, but she was on the right road now. For so long, her anxiety had been this hovering cloud she couldn’t shake. In the last six weeks, she’d realized, she couldn’t, and didn’t need to, get rid of it. She needed to stop holding it against herself. Facing it, learning how to accommodate it, had given her a new kind of freedom. One that hopefully would let her be kinder to herself.
She laughed at number ten.
“Make the first move.” She put a huge check mark next to it. “Done.”
She closed the book, shut off the lamp, and snuggled farther into the blankets. Her tea had gone cold, but she didn’t need it now. Despite the giddy, restless feeling stirring her blood, her eyes grew heavy, and she fell asleep thinking about how tomorrow would be the start of something new and amazing. They had things to discuss and work through, but she’d been wrong about one thing—she did know. The first touch of his mouth to hers had sent flashes of what could be through her mind. She’d known. He was a man she’d choose over and over and over again.
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