by Love, Kristy
* * *
I clutched my books and stood outside my history class, waiting for Aaron. We hadn’t actually spoken since he’d asked me to the dance and I needed to talk to him to see what the plan was for Saturday. The bell was about to ring when I saw Aaron amble down the hall toward me. He was talking to another girl, laughing, and I plastered a smile on my face when he looked up and saw me waiting. He nodded to the other girl as she turned into another classroom.
“Hey, Aaron. I wanted to talk to you about this weekend.” I hugged my books closer as though they’d protect me from the awkwardness I felt.
“Sure. What’s up?” He nodded his head at a guy who walked into the classroom.
“What time were you going to pick me up?”
“I figured we’d just meet at the dance.”
I deflated. I didn’t hold any delusions that he was interested in me, but I’d expected him to actually care. “Oh. Sure. What time?”
“What time does it start?”
I squinted at him, trying to figure out if he was really this clueless. “Seven.”
“Oh, well. Let’s meet at seven-fifteen.” He turned to walk into the classroom. I put my hand on his arm, wanting to finish our conversation. The bell rang, but he stopped, looking at me.
“Do you even want to go to the dance?” If he didn’t, why did he ask me?
He shrugged. “It’s no big deal. I’m just helping out a friend.”
“What?” I took a step back, my hand leaving his arm as though he was on fire.
“Nash. He asked me to ask you to the dance. I’m just helping him out.”
My eyes widened, and my throat stung as though I was going to cry. Nash couldn’t stop hurting me, could me? “Oh. Well, you don’t have to go with me. It’s okay.” I turned and went into the classroom, leaving Aaron behind.
Through the entire class, I fumed. I told him I didn’t want a pity date, so he asks his friend to ask me. As a pity date. Instead of owning up to what he did and how he treated me, he made the situation worse. I tried to calm myself down, but the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I kept looking at the clock. This class couldn’t end soon enough. Lunch was next period, and I needed to talk to Nash. Scratch that, I needed to yell at him.
When the bell finally rang, ending the longest class of my life, I flew out of the room. I beelined straight for the cafeteria. Once inside, I scanned the tables, looking for Nash’s stupid dark hair. When I saw him laughing it up with Felix and Stacy, I stormed over to the table. I dropped my stuff loudly on the table, startling him. He looked up at me as I leaned forward on my hands, pressing them into the table to keep from strangling him. I wanted to strangle him. Or punch him. Or kiss him.
Damn emotions.
“How dare you,” I seethed through clenched teeth.
Nash sat back a little, putting distance between us, his eyes wide. “How dare I what?” I didn’t miss the way his eyes flicked down to my lips briefly and then back up to my eyes.
“How dare you tell Aaron to ask me to go to the dance with him.” I leaned a little closer. I didn’t want everyone to hear what I was saying since embarrassment still flooded my insides. It was hard to control myself.
“What are you talking about?”
“Don’t you dare play dumb with me, Nathan James. You know exactly what you did.” I fought the urge to rage and scream and cry. The cafeteria had quieted as people turned and looked at us. I hated being the center of attention, but I was so mad I could barely contain myself. Let them look, let them see me be gutted in the middle of this cafeteria.
“I’m sorry.” He smirked. “I really have no idea what you’re talking about.”
Damn smirk.
“You asked Aaron to ask me to the dance to cover up for your screwup.” I successfully lowered the volume of my voice. I heard a few snickers come from the people watching us.
“I didn’t.”
“Stop lying!” I screamed, slapping my hand the table to keep from slapping him across the face. My voice echoed around the room. Tension filled the space between Nash and me. “I know what you did.”
“Fine.” He stood, leaned his hands against the table and his body toward me. “I asked Aaron to ask you, so you didn’t go alone.”
“I’d rather go alone than go with someone who doesn’t want to go with me.” Tears pricked my eyelids, and my vision got a little blurry as they swam behind my lashes. I wouldn’t let him see me cry. “You’re supposed to be my best friend. And I don’t even know who you are anymore.”
I turned before I lost the battle with my emotions. I almost slammed right into Peyton, who was standing right behind me. She wrapped her arm around my shoulders and shot Nash a glare. He gave her a look back, then turned to his lunch, hunched over. I walked out of the cafeteria without looking back, fighting to control my feelings. Once I was out in the hall, I sagged against the wall and burst into tears.
“Come on, B. Not here.” She pulled me away from the wall and led me to the bathroom down the hall. Inside, I completely fell apart. Peyton hugged me close, shushing me and running her hand over my hair. “It’s okay.”
“It’s not. It shouldn’t hurt this much.”
“I know, but it does.”
“I don’t understand why he keeps doing this to me. Doesn’t he care about me at all?”
“You know he does.”
“He has a funny way of showing it.” I sniffled and pulled away from Peyton. I turned toward the mirror and cringed at myself. My face was red and streaked with black-tinted tears. My eyes were puffy.
“I don’t think he quite understands how he feels.”
“I don’t want to talk about him.” I grabbed some paper towels and wetted them with some water, attempting to clean up my face. “I don’t know what to do about the dance this weekend.”
“You should still go.”
“By myself?” Going alone would have been awkward before the stunt Nash pulled with Aaron. There was no way in hell I was going now. I’d be a joke.
“Come with me.”
“You have a date.”
“I do. I can ditch him, or you can make him the luckiest guy at the dance. He’ll be one dude with two hot girls on his arm.” She smiled wickedly.
I laughed softly despite myself. “Maybe.”
“Not a maybe. You’re coming. It’s just a matter of whether we’re a twosome or a threesome.”
“God, that sounds so sexual.” I dissolved into laughter, so did Peyton.
“It doesn’t have to be.”
I threw a balled-up paper towel at her face. “Seriously, stop.” I sobered a bit and thought about what she said. I wanted to go to the dance. I was ready to go to the dance. I didn’t want her to cancel her plans with Steve on my behalf, but would it be weird for all three of us to go together? Did I really care? “Okay. All of us can go together if you think Steve won’t care.”
“I won’t give him a choice.”
I chuckled and shook my head. “Only you, Peyton.”
“You know you love me.”
“Like a hooker loves blow.”
She burst out laughing so hard she had to bend over. “Now who’s making jokes? Sex and drugs in the same joke? Win!” She high-fived me. “I’ll inform Steve of the change in our plans, and we’ll pick you up Saturday. Easy peasy.”
“Thanks, Peyt.”
“Anything for you, Bianca.”
* * *
We walked into the dance together. Steve between Peyton and me, our arms were looped together. I walked in as though I had not a single care in the world, and I didn’t. As long as I continued to successfully dodge Nash.
He showed up at my house after school the day I confronted him. He had actually knocked on the door. I opened it, saw it was him, and slammed it in his face. Then I locked it behind me. He called my name a few times through the door, but eventually, he left. He tried calling and texting me, but I wasn’t giving in. He hurt me, badly. I had developed very real
, very big, and very scary feelings for him.
“Wanna dance?” Steve asked Peyton as we got farther into the gym. Peyton’s eyes met mine, asking if that was okay. I nodded.
“Sure.” They walked off, leaving me behind. I stood there awkwardly for a few seconds, scanning the dance. My eyes skipped over Nash as he danced with Stacy. I didn’t let my eyes stay on him for long. Another friend of mine sat in one of the chairs close to the wall, alone. His elbows rested on his knees as he watched the people moving around him. His one leg jostled nervously. I made my way over to him and sat in the empty chair next to him.
“Hey, Mike.” I smiled. He looked at me, looked away, then did a double take. He sat back in his chair.
“Hey, Bianca. What’s up?”
“Nothing. I thought you could use some company.”
“Oh.” His eyes scanned the crowded gym before landing back on me. “I figured you’d be hanging out with some of your friends.”
“Nope. They all have dates.”
“You don’t?” I shook my head no. “Oh. I figured someone would have asked you.”
“Do you have a date?”
“No. I came here with Jose, but he’s dancing with Veronica.” He tipped his chin in the direction of the dance floor. Jose was Mike’s best friend and they ran in the same circle. Mike was a quiet guy. He was in the chess club and on the debate team. He was more about academics than sports or the social scene.
“Would you wanna dance?” I stood and held my hand out, a friendly smile on my face.
His eyes shot between mine and my outstretched hand, almost like he was waiting for me to laugh in his face or slap him. Instead, I smiled. “Sure.” He rose from the chair and grabbed my hand. I led him to the dance floor just as a slow song came on. We tucked ourselves into a corner, and I rested my wrists on his shoulders, his hands on my hips. He squeezed a little as we moved, almost as if he was making sure I wasn’t a figment of his imagination.
“Are you having a good time?” I asked. There was a good dose of space between us, and I could still smell the spice from his aftershave and whatever cologne he put on.
“Yeah.” He ducked his head. “Especially now.”
I fought a smile. “I’m glad.”
We danced and made idle chitchat. He made me laugh a few times, which was a nice surprise. During a slow song, someone tapped on my shoulder. I turned, finding Nash standing there, holding Stacy’s hand.
“Would you mind if we switched?” Nash asked, his eyes flicking between Mike and me.
“S-sure, man,” Mike stuttered. He took Stacy’s hand, and she led him away. Nash put his hands on my hips. There was possession in his touch. I stood still, stiff, not moving to put my hands anywhere near him. He tried to pull me closer, but I held my ground.
“Come on, Bee. I just wanna talk to you.” His eyes pled with me. Part of me wanted to give in. I hated seeing him in distress, but the aching hollowness I still felt in my chest made it easy to fight that urge.
“I don’t want to talk to you.”
“At least let me apologize, then you can hate me.”
“Fine.” I crossed my arms over my chest. Nash sighed, pried my arms apart and rested them on his shoulders. He pulled me closer to him until only an inch separated our bodies. He swayed with the music. I found it impossible to fight the pull of Nash’s body, so I moved with him.
“I’m sorry, Bianca.” He looked down at me, his hair falling in his eyes. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I’m sorry I forgot. I’m sorry I asked Aaron to ask you to the dance. I’m sorry for all of it.”
“You hurt me. A lot.” My voice came out small, and I looked down at our shuffling feet on the ground. They were easier to look at than his eyes.
He tilted my chin back up, so I met his eyes. “I never meant to. I don’t know why I forgot, but I wish I could take it back.”
“I didn’t know you were interested in Stacy.” Nash had never shown interest in any girl before, not like this. It broke my heart into tiny pieces that I couldn’t see anyone but him, and he looked past me.
He shrugged. “It’s nothing serious. We mostly just hang out sometimes.”
“Really?” I hated the hope that crept into my voice.
“Yeah.” He shrugged. “She’s kind of boring. All she talks about is school gossip. And clothes. There’s only so much a guy can take until he debates whether or not he should knock himself out.”
I fought back a giggle. Hearing his voice, feeling him against me, and talking to him was softening me. I grasped at the strings of my anger, but they slipped through my fingers. When it came down to it, I loved Nash. He was my best friend, and I missed him. I missed talking to him and being around him. I could forgive him because the pain of missing him was worse than the pain of him forgetting about the dance in the first place. “That does sound boring.”
“She doesn’t care about my music either.” I knew that was the biggest thing against her. “Felix and I decided to audition for the opening act. When I told her, all she wanted to know was if I could get her in to talk to Indecision. She didn’t care about the work Felix and I have put in. All that mattered was her.”
“God forbid she not bow down and worship at the feet of the rock god Nash James.”
A grin slowly spread across his lips. “There’s my Bee.” He squeezed me closer. His chest pressed against mine. His hips were dangerously close to mine.
I needed a distraction from how close he was to me and all the thoughts that put in my mind. “When’s your audition?”
“Next weekend. Sunday.” He pushed his hair out of his face. “I kind of feel like I’m going to throw up.”
My insides twisted at his vulnerability. I missed this, being with him, talking with him. I missed hearing his thoughts and seeing his passion. I missed knowing what was going on in his life. “You’ll be wonderful, as you always are.” I leaned closer to him and hugged him somewhat awkwardly around the shoulders.
He smiled crookedly. “I’ve missed you, Bee. Please don’t be mad at me anymore.”
In reality, I wasn’t mad at him anymore. I’d forgiven him as soon as he apologized. But my feelings were still bruised. It hurt to be close to him like this and know that he was going back to her. “I’m not mad at you anymore.”
“Good.” Impossibly, he pulled me even closer. Our bodies were pressed against each other from chest to hips. I could feel his every movement. My fingers danced around his neck, itching to feel his hair. “I hate when you’re mad at me.”
“I hate when you’re a jerk.”
“I’ll work on being a jerk less often.” He moved even closer. His cheek pressed against mine. I took a steadying breath, his scent washing over me and making it impossible to steady the erratic beating of my heart.
Instead, I closed my eyes and sunk into him, feeling him move against me. He hummed along to the song and the vibrations tickled. The warmth of his body seeped into mine and how solid he felt in places where I was soft made me want to purr like a cat. From hauling all his band equipment, he’d built up a little bit of muscle. I rested my head against his chest and felt him. He was all I could see and feel and smell and, God, what I wouldn’t give to taste him as well. I wanted him to overwhelm each and every part of my body.
Eventually, the song ended, and I turned my head to ask him to dance again. He turned his head at the same time, and we ended up brushing our lips against each other’s. It was so soft it couldn’t be considered a kiss, but I felt it everywhere. My brain shut off and I became one giant cluster of pulsing nerves in every place Nash touched me.
Instead of pulling away, Nash leaned forward and kissed me. Really kissed me. His lips moved against mine, and I followed his lead. I was clumsy since I’d never kissed anyone before, but Nash showed me what to do perfectly. My fingers strayed into his hair, feeling the soft strands. His hand pressed against my back, touching the bare skin where my dress dipped low. His other hand moved up and cradled my face, holding me close.
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br /> He tasted like fruit punch. Our teeth knocked together, and he laughed softly. He kissed me gently, and I was completely under his spell. The moment stretched on and on and on as our lips tasted and his teeth nibbled my lower lip. He whispered my name and pulled me closer. It felt like everything in our lives had led up to this moment, this one perfect moment where I was in his arms and his lips were caressing mine. He angled his head and took the kiss deeper. We dropped the facade of dancing and were making out on the dance floor, classmates shuffling around us as Nash wove me deeper and deeper under his spell. The music faded, the voices silenced. There was only Nash and his lips and hands.
That was until I heard a gasp. “Nash.”
My eyes popped open, and I moved away from him as though he were on fire. My fingers flew to my tingling lips, and I saw Stacy, standing there with Mike next to her. Her eyes showed her hurt. My stomach turned over, not in happiness this time, in shame and disappointment in myself. I turned and ran. I pushed my way through the crowded dance floor and fled into an abandoned hallway. It was dark, except the light that shown through the window at the end of the hall. I pressed myself against the wall, the cool tile feeling good against the heat of my flesh. I dropped my face into my hands and tears leaked out. How could I forget that Nash was someone else’s? Was I really so selfish when it came to him that I’d throw anyone else’s feelings out the window to get what I wanted?
I heard footsteps running toward me, but I didn’t look up. I didn’t want to know who it was.
“Bianca,” Nash said when he stopped in front of me. His voice was quiet, almost nonexistent. He reached out to me, pulling me away from the wall. I jerked away from him and put a few feet between us. I couldn’t feel him and not give in. I needed the space to keep from doing something stupid, like falling into his arms and kissing him again.
“You have a girlfriend, Nash. You should be with her right now.” The words clawed through me, leaving behind a gaping wound and I pressed my hand over the source of the pain, wishing it would go away.