by Love, Kristy
“Shut up.” She tossed a pillow at me, but I quickly caught it, then laid my head on it.
“Oh, no. You know what this means? Something is out of place in your room.” Knowing how fanatically organized her desk was, I got an idea, wanting to tease her. I loved that the easiness was back between us, that we could joke around together again. Hell, that we could talk again was a monumental feat. I stood up from the floor and strolled to her desk. “So, it wouldn’t bug you if I did this?” I casually walked my fingers across the desk, watching her. Her eye actually twitched as she watched me. I nudged the pencil cup a little to the side, totally messing up the angle. No reaction beyond another twitch of her eye. I moved on from the desk and went over to the hamper in the corner of the room. “What about this?” I asked. I picked up the jeans in the top of the hamper, let it dangle from my fingers, then tossed it over the chair at her desk. Her eyes narrowed. I grabbed the next piece of clothing out of the hamper, flinging that so it landed sideways on the chair, almost falling to the ground. Heat rose in her cheeks, back straightening as she watched every movement I made.
“Stop it!” She shot off the bed, running at me. Then she jumped to try and get the clothes out of my hand. She was short compared to my six feet. She wasn’t able to reach my hand, but her brunette hair whipped around my arm as she jumped and twisted, trying to pull the clothing out of my hand. I kept tossing things, laughing as I held it out of her reach. Her brown eyes were on fire, shooting daggers. “Nash, seriously, stop it!” Her body pressed against mine and I liked the feel of the heat coming off her and the way her hands trailed over me, even if it was in anger and desperation.
“I thought it didn’t bug you that everything was a mess?” I teased. I knocked the hamper over, spilling the rest of the clothes.
“You made your point!” She scrambled to pick stuff up, but I wrapped my arms around her waist and picked her up off the floor. I twirled her around, holding her tightly. Her body was small, except her chest and hips. She was one of the curviest girls in our school. I heard guys talking about her boobs frequently, though I usually quieted them with a glare or scowl. If they didn’t talk about her boobs, it was her hips and ass. I held her to me, feeling her breasts press against me as she struggled and fought to get away. Her floral body spray washed over me, and I fought the urge to bury my face in her hair and get drunk on her scent.
“Chaos can be good for your soul,” I whispered the words into her hair. Her body stiffened, and I felt a slight shiver course through her body. Somehow satisfied with that reaction, I stopped twirling her, and she turned around to look at me. Her eyes were so brown they reminded me of dark chocolate. They were warm and inviting. I found myself looking into them more and more frequently. Something about her eyes held me captive. I held her close to me, my thumb teasing the small amount of skin showing between her shirt and jeans. I loved the softness of her skin, the way it felt against my calloused fingers. Rough and smooth, like we complimented each other. “It’s a mess, and you’re still alive.” My voice was gruff, and I cleared my throat. She looked up at me, her eyes hazy.
“Whatever.” Her voice was breathy as she clung to me.
“Don’t be mad at me, Bee.” My fingers moved a little more north, dragging her shirt up higher and touching her ribs. A muscle twitched under my palm, and I fought the urge to slide even higher.
“I’m not.”
“You’re a terrible liar.” I moved closer to her, my nose brushing against hers. Her eyelids fluttered.
“You’re making fun of me. Again.” Her breath, sweet from her root beer at lunch, blew over my lips. My eyes dropped to hers just as her tongue poked out and ran along her bottom lip. I slid one of my hands higher, my thumb trailing over the wetness left behind by her tongue.
“I’m not making fun of you,” I said so quietly I wasn’t sure if she could even hear me. I couldn’t take my eyes off her lips. I wondered if they’d taste and feel the same way as they had at the dance. “I’m making sure you know you’re delightfully boring and deliriously neurotic.” I nudged my nose along hers, my hand on her stomach sliding a little higher until I touched the underwire of her bra. She gasped and pressed even closer to me. “Okay, maybe I’m teasing you a bit.” I didn’t know what I was saying anymore. I swept my lips against hers, just barely. I wanted to see if she’d push me away.
She didn’t. Instead, she closed the distance between us and pressed her lips to mine. My hands cupped her face, holding her close to me. Her hands fisted in the back of my shirt. It was heaven and hell, paradise and torture. It was everything I’d ever wanted, and if her lips stopped moving against mine, I’d die.
Her tongue snuck out, lightly flicking across my bottom lip as if she was taking a small taste. I groaned and opened my mouth, taking the kiss deeper. I wanted to devour her, to brand her as mine and never let this moment end. She sighed into my mouth, and I needed more. I needed more contact, more skin, her body against mine. Without disconnecting our frenzied lips, I walked us backward until my knee connected with her bed. I laid her back softly, praying that her bed wouldn’t creak and alert her parents to all the rules I was currently breaking with their daughter. She scrambled up the bed, and I laid on top of her. Her leg hooked around my waist, drawing me even closer.
We fused together, my lips finding their perfect match, my hands traveling along the lines of her body. My hand slid under her shirt, feeling her skin and the way she panted and how fucking smooth she was. She whimpered, and it added fuel to my already blazing body. Her other leg curled around my back, and she moved her hips against mine. I hissed out a breath.
My hands were everywhere at once, her hips grinding into me, her hands in my hair and under my shirt. We were frenzied as we devoured each other, tasting and nipping and caressing. I could have stayed like this all day, our lips and tongues tangling, our hands touching everywhere they could. This was everything I’d wanted for so long, too long. I couldn’t go back to friends after this, I needed to be able to kiss her whenever I wanted.
“Bianca!” her mom called up the stairs. I jumped off of her quickly, smoothing my clothes and adjusting myself inside my pants. I knew my messy hair and glazed eyes would give me away, but I hoped if she walked in, she wouldn’t be too perceptive. “I’m starting dinner in a bit, is Nash staying?”
I cleared my throat. “I’ll check with my mom.”
“Okay, just let me know.”
I stood there, staring at Bee spread out on her bed, her hair fanned out, her cheeks flushed, her eyes hooded. I’d never seen anything as gorgeous or as tempting in my entire life. “That was a close one.” I ran my hand through my hair.
“Yeah.” She sounded distant, and she didn’t look at me, just continued staring at the ceiling.
I crawled into the bed next to her, holding her. I needed to touch her. I kissed her temple, my lips lingering there for long moments. She turned her face toward me and kissed me again, rolling on her side, flinging her leg over my hip. I got lost in her lips again. We kissed until my lips were sore.
“Nash,” she sighed against me.
“Yeah?”
“Is this really happening? I’m not dreaming?” Her eyes were closed tight.
“It’s real, Bee.” I kissed her nose.
“I’m afraid if I open my eyes, it’ll be just another dream.”
I grinned. “Oh, so you dream about me?”
She shoved my shoulder. “Of course, I dream about you.”
I couldn’t let that go without another kiss. “What if I said I dream about you too?”
Finally, finally those beautiful eyes opened up and gazed into mine. “You dream about me?” Her voice was small, insecure.
“For years.” I nodded. “I’ve wanted you to be mine for years.”
She pressed her lips together like she was concealing a smile. “Why did it take you so long? To kiss me?”
I exhaled. “I was scared. You mean everything to me and if I fucked us up, I didn’
t want to lose you. I couldn’t lose you.” I cupped her face. “These months without you… I need you in my life, Bee. I don’t know how to be me without you.”
Her chin wobbled. “That’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.”
“That’s a damn shame because you deserve every sweet thing.”
“Now you’re being kind of ridiculous.” She nibbled her lip.
“I mean it. I need you, Bee. So much. If I asked you out and something happened, I couldn’t face the thought of us not being friends, so I played it safe. It’s easier to deny myself what I really want as long as you’re still in my life.”
This time, she cupped my face in her hands, making sure I was looking at her. “I’m not going anywhere, Nash.”
My eyes flicked between hers and I saw the sincerity there, my heart swelling. “So…” I swallowed, trying to man up and ask what I really wanted to ask. “Will you be mine, Bee? My girlfriend?”
She leaned forward and kissed me again. This kiss wasn’t as deep or as desperate, but it was just as amazing. “Of course,” she said between kisses. It felt like such a monumental moment, like everything had led up to this. Every scraped knee and bike race, every fight, and every giggle. This is where we were meant to be, together. “Peyton is going to be so excited.”
“Peyton?”
“She’s been bugging me since Homecoming to tell you how I feel. She thought I was being ridiculous.”
“I think both of us were being a little ridiculous.”
“Or maybe a lot.”
“Definitely a lot.” I smiled, trailing my fingers down her face. I loved that I could touch her whenever I wanted now.
She grew quiet, almost sullen, and I wondered what was going through her mind now. I didn’t have to wait long for an answer. “You’re leaving in three days.”
My stomach dropped, and my heart twisted. “I am.” I was tempted to pick up my phone and tell Felix I couldn’t go anymore, that we had to cancel. The sadness on her face right now killed me and I knew it’d be even worse when it came time for me to go. “We’ll make the most of it. And we’ll have all the time in the world when I got back.”
She nodded, still not looking at me, her gaze far away. “I knew it was coming. I just feel like we wasted so much time. I wasted so much time.”
I held her close, not knowing what to say because I was thinking the same thing. Every moment that we’d spent not being together was a wasted one. “We can only enjoy what we have going forward.”
“I don’t want you to leave.”
I didn’t know what she meant by that. Today? In three days? Because, honestly, I didn’t want to go either. Now or then. I heard her sniffle and my heart constricted, my arms twitched. I had a feeling she was crying, but I didn’t want to say anything because she was trying to be quiet about it. The tension that filled the air around us felt overpowering and fragile. The wrong movement would burst it and we’d suffocate. “I don’t know what to say.” I stroked my fingers against her arm. “All we can do is try. Try with me, Bee?”
“Of course,” she said, looking up at me finally. “Kiss me.”
So, I did. I kissed her with everything in me until we were breathless, with swollen lips, and racing hearts. A moment that had started so happy had dissolved into one filled with sadness and desperation. Would everything with us always be full of disappointment? Would we always have such shitty timing? It felt like we were destined to be nothing but bittersweet.
Chapter 9
Bianca
Nash smoothed the blanket down on the grassy hillside and sat down, pulling me to sit in front of his outstretched legs. The air around us was warm and humid, which was the usual for a Pittsburgh summer. The rivers kept the humidity pretty high. I reclined against the front of Nash’s body, sinking into his warmth and comfort. I tried my hardest to live in the moment, enjoy every second of time I could with him before everything changed.
Tonight, we were sitting on the hill in Schenley Park watching a movie. They had a giant white screen that they projected movies onto. It was free to get in which made it popular. All you had to bring was yourself and maybe something to sit on. Nash had brought us drinks and a few snacks, as well as the blanket. They were playing a super hero movie. I didn’t really care what the movie was, I just wanted the time to be close to Nash.
Our friends had taken the news that we were together extremely well. I think they’d been waiting anxiously for both of us to pull our heads out of our asses and realize what everyone else around us already knew: we were crazy about each other. As we’d expected, they thought we were crazy for waiting until the last minute to come to our senses, but it was better late than never.
After he’d spent time going over details at the venue, he’d picked me up, so we could spend the evening together.
Two days, two days, two days was a constant chant in my head. We tried to pretend like time wasn’t breathing down our necks, but sometimes the knowledge was too oppressive to ignore.
“Comfortable?” Nash whispered against my neck, causing a shiver to run along my spine. I nodded and snuggled closer to him. “Good.”
I looked up at him, taking in his eyes in the fading light. “Are you?”
“As long as you’re here, I’m perfectly happy.” He smiled. I couldn’t fight a laugh with how gloriously cheesy yet absolutely perfect his words were. “What? I’m being serious.”
I leaned up and kissed his jaw. “I know, which is why it’s so funny. I never envisioned you’d be so sweet.”
“Only for you, Bee.” He traced a finger down the side of my face and chills sparked throughout my body. I loved the way he touched me, like I was precious and delicate.
“Have you seen this movie before?”
“Yeah, a couple times. I like it.”
“We didn’t have to come if you’d already seen it. I just thought it’d be fun.” Really, I’d harbored my own thoughts that it’d be romantic. Sitting out in the grass, under the stars, watching a movie. It was the kind of small moment that lived on in your memory long after it was over. Not because it was grand or special, but because of the pure happiness you felt in it. Because, for one small block of time, the world felt perfect and consisted of only you and someone you cared about deeply.
“I wanted to come. I’m glad we’re here. All that matters is we’re together, right?”
The movie started, and I sat back against him, loving the feel of his body supporting mine. I was sucked into the movie until I felt Nash’s thumb graze along my side, going under my shirt until he could stroke my skin. I tried to focus on the movie, but I couldn’t. I followed every movement of his hand. I peeked up at him, trying to see if I could figure out what he was thinking, but he seemed thoroughly into the movie, not even noticing the way he touched me. I hated it at the same time I loved it. It wasn’t fair that he could affect me with such small movements and seem so unaffected himself.
I shifted against him and his fingers went away, instead grabbing my hand and holding it. I closed my eyes, wanting to live in the here and now. I wouldn’t have these moments for much longer, at least not until he got back from tour.
When the movie ended, we sat there as everyone packed up and left. Getting out of here would be a nightmare of a traffic jam. Neither of us were in a hurry to end the night anyway.
Nash laid down, taking me with him. We laid side by side, facing each other. “Did you like it?” His hand moved up my arm until it cradled my chin.
“Yeah. It was fun.”
“I’m glad.” His eyes flicked between mine and my lips. “I had fun with you tonight.”
“Me too.”
His hand moved a little, so he could brush his thumb across my lips. “I’m really going to miss you when I’m gone,” he said. I wasn’t sure if he was talking to me or to himself. The words were hushed as his eyes traced the movement of his thumb. I closed my eyes against the hurt because it hurt that he was leaving. I felt the ache spreading throu
gh my bones already. “I’m going to miss holding you and being with you and kissing you.” He brushed his lips against mine, holding them there for a second. There wasn’t any urgency in his kiss, it was more like he was making a connection between us, proving to himself that I was still here.
“I’m going to miss you too. More than I think I ever realized.”
“Tell me not to go,” he said, his voice coming out in a rush as his lips were still brushing against mine. I jolted away from him in shock before sitting up.
“What?” I blurted out, almost yelling.
He sat up and moved a little closer to me, until our legs were pressed firmly together. He took my hands in his as though he was praying. “Tell me not to go, Bianca. I’ll stay. All you have to do is tell me to stay and I will.”
“I can’t do that.”
“Please. I don’t think I’m strong enough to leave you. It makes me physically sick to think of all the moments like this I’ll miss.” His eyes grew wide like he was fighting off tears. “I’ll miss homecoming and we could go together this year. There wouldn’t be anyone between us, just you and me. I could hold you all night, dance with you, kiss you.”
“This tour is too big of a chance for you to miss, Nash,” I said, my voice wary. It was tempting, asking him to stay behind for me. I could so easily tell him to stay and nothing would have to change, but it would. I knew he’d regret it in the long run. Music had been his passion for as long as I’d known him, and I couldn’t be the reason he gave up such an amazing opportunity. It was once in a lifetime and he had to take it. “What about Felix? Don’t you think it’d crush him if you backed out now?”
Nash shrugged. “He’d get over it. I don’t want to leave you.” His voice cracked, and he held my hands tighter. “I’m afraid of what’ll happen if I leave. What if you move on?”