Fear flickered in his eyes. "Did what?"
"Got them to let me adopt Mattie."
A shudder ran over his body, and he closed his eyes for a brief moment. "I'm glad I didn't destroy that," he said. He opened his eyes, and they were bright with relief. "I'm so damn sorry for not being there that day."
She didn't want to talk about that day. "There's one condition, though."
He eyed her. "What is it?"
"I have to divorce you before the adoption is final."
The words hung in the air, and she searched Harlan's face for a reaction. For some hint that he didn't want it. For anything.
But his face was utterly impassive.
Neither of them said anything, and a feeling of helplessness seemed to flood her. "I don't know what to say to you," she snapped. "You make me crazy. I can't stop believing that any second you're going to tell me that you love me, that you're going to tell me that you want to try, that you're going to say that you want this to be a real marriage, that you're tired of running away, but you never say it. I can't keep waiting, Harlan. I can't keep believing in you."
A muscle ticked in his cheek, but again, he said nothing.
Frustration roared through her, and she stalked up to him, invading his space until she was so close that they were almost touching. "Before the night outside Astrid's when you kissed me, I was dying," she said. "Every day was like a great weight in my heart. I was living in fear, afraid to embrace life. And then I connected with you, and everything changed. You made me feel again. You made me cry like I haven't cried in so long. Because of you, I suffered loss like I never wanted to feel again, but you know what?"
"What?" His voice was thick and hoarse.
"You made me brave, because you made me realize that I can hurt so badly and still survive it. Because of you, I became brave enough to put myself out there and fight for Mattie." She glanced over at the children, and saw that Mattie had her head on Robbie's shoulder while he read to her. Mattie had the most supreme look of contentment on her face, utter peace in the moment. She didn't care that Robbie had left her. She wasn't thinking about whether he would leave again. She was just happy, so happy, that he was there for her in that moment.
"Emma."
She tore her gaze off Mattie and looked at Harlan. His face was turbulent with emotions that she couldn't read. "What?"
"I—" He cut himself off, and the expression on his face was of such anguish and conflict that she finally realized the truth. He was broken, just like she was. He did care, but he couldn't close the circle of love and bind them. He might never be able to, either. He might never be the man she needed, but he was, and always could be, a man worthy of loving.
So, she stood on her tiptoes and planted a light kiss on his cheek. "I love you, Harlan Shea, but I now set you free. You don't owe me anything." She smiled through the tears brimming in her eyes. "You brought me back to life, and I will always hold you in my heart." She stepped back, her throat tight with all the emotions.
Something flared in his eyes, something so intense her pulse jumped. "Emma—"
"Okay, I'm back." Chloe hurried up. "Sorry for the delay. I had to talk to a few people."
Harlan shut his mouth at the interruption, and disappointment stabbed through her as she turned back toward Chloe. "What's up?"
"So, here's the deal." Chloe glanced at the kids. "They're going to have Robbie stay here with Mattie, even though he was in a different foster home before."
That wasn't what she needed to know. "What about the adoption?"
Chloe met her gaze. "The first question is whether you want to adopt him as well. If you do, then they have to go through a quick process to decide whether that makes sense. It will take a couple days. You only have space for Mattie, so you'd have to show that you can expand your house or buy a new one." Her gaze flicked to Harlan. "And are you staying? Because that will be an issue if you are."
Emma's heart seemed to hover in desperate hope as they both turned to look at him.
He looked back and forth between them. "Will it help if I'm gone?"
"Of course it will," Chloe said.
"Then I'll go." He met Emma's eyes. "I set you free as well," he said. "Let me just say goodbye to Robbie and give him my phone number."
Emma stared in shock as he walked away. He was leaving?
"Emma." Chloe drew her attention back. "I don't want you to decide right now about Robbie. It's a big deal, and it's a lifetime commitment. Take a few days—"
"But Mattie—"
"Will understand that things are on hold because of her brother." Chloe's gaze was steady. "You have to be honest with yourself, Emma. Taking on Robbie is a big deal. He's not an easy kid. I'm not sure if they'd let him go with you, anyway. Mattie was different because of your bond with her. Robbie..." She shrugged. "I don't know, but honestly, I think if you just want Mattie, the judge may be okay with that."
Emma stared at her. "Separate them?" Her voice was so choked up she could barely even utter the words. Break their bond? Tear them apart from each other forever? How could she possibly do that? But how could she give Robbie what he needed?
"At least one of them would have a chance, right?" Chloe's phone rang, and she glanced at it. "I need to take this call. I'll talk to you later." She put the phone to her ear and turned away.
Emma turned toward the kids. Harlan was crouched in front of Robbie and Mattie, talking quietly to them. Mattie's hand was on his knee, and Robbie was listening intently. It was clear that the youth had put his trust in Harlan, and it made her want to cry that Harlan had given Robbie someone to believe in. Both kids were nodding, and Emma's heart tightened as Harlan handed Robbie a simple cell phone, which she was sure was programmed with his phone number. He ruffled Mattie's head and then stood up, turning toward Emma.
"They're all set," he said, walking toward her. "I explained to Mattie that she had to wait on the adoption because of her brother. She's fine with that."
"It's only in your imagination, you know," she blurted out.
He frowned. "What is?"
"The dangerous man. The man who can't be trusted to care about anyone. He's not real."
Harlan stared at her, and for a long moment, she thought he was going to say something. But all he did was touch her cheek briefly. "He's a good kid, Emma. Take a chance on him." Then, before she could say anything else, he spun away and jogged to his truck.
Leaving all three of them behind.
* * *
The lake was still.
The night was quiet.
The water at night had always been his salvation, but Harlan felt no peace.
He'd been on the lake for hours, and he still could not stop the torment. The thoughts. The memories. Robbie. Mattie. Emma.
He slowed the boat as he drove past her cabin again, for the twentieth time that night. The lights were out now, though they'd been on for hours. Astrid and Clare had been over, and he'd been able to imagine the discussion. Take the boy. Don't take the boy. Was Emma going to take him? What would happen to the kid if she didn't? If she took only Mattie?
No, she wouldn't do that. She'd never do that. She'd take them both. They were going to be okay. He'd done his job, like he always did. He'd rescued the boy, and that was all he was supposed to do.
But he couldn't let go. He just couldn't. He wanted to be in that cabin. He wanted to be the one sitting with Emma, making plans for their family, for their kids. They didn't need him though. Emma had taken care of everything. They didn't need him.
He idled the engine as he drifted past Emma's cabin, letting the boat coast, unable to drag himself away—
He suddenly noticed a motorboat cutting in close to her dock. The driver killed the engine and pulled up to her dock, a tall shadowed figure at the wheel. Frowning, Harlan circled around, watching closely as the driver tied up to her dock. Who would be at her place at three in the morning?
The driver got out, and Harlan instantly recognized the build.
Preston. Jesus. "Hey!" Harlan gunned the engine, turning his boat toward shore as Preston stepped onto the dock. The man staggered slightly as he turned clumsily toward Emma's house. Jesus. The piece of shit was drunk.
The door slammed and Emma came racing onto the dock, the moonlight showing that she was wearing only a skimpy camisole and a pair of white shorts. She stopped instantly, when she saw Preston, but the bastard kept coming.
Harlan shouted again, but no one could hear him over the sound of his engine. Swearing, he gunned the engine as fast as he could safely go while he watched the scene unfolding on the dock. Preston lunged for Emma, and she ducked out of his reach. He grabbed her hair and yanked, jerking her back as his fingers went around her neck.
Fury exploded through Harlan as he slowed the boat. He couldn't afford to crash into the dock and knock Emma into the water. "Hey!" he yelled, standing at the wheel as his boat neared. "Get away from her!"
Preston ignored him, dragging Emma by her hair until she went down on her knees.
"Get the fuck off her!" Harlan was coming in too fast, and he hit reverse, slowing the boat. His reflexes were bellowing in helpless frustration as he coasted in with agonizing slowness. "Emma!" He was frantic now, consumed with fear for her. His boat neared her dock, and Harlan bolted to the bow of the boat. It was still five feet away when he leapt off. He crashed onto the dock with a violent thud and sprinted across it. He grabbed Preston and flung him aside. He didn't even hear the man land as he fell to his knees beside Emma. "Emma, sweetheart, are you okay?"
She was clutching her throat and coughing, but she grabbed for Harlan's hand. He gripped it tightly, his free hand checking her frantically for injuries. "Are you hurt? Tell me what's hurt. Talk to me, sweetheart." He felt like he couldn't breathe. "Emma?"
"I'm okay." Her voice was raspy and thick, and she was still holding onto him.
"You're okay? You're sure?"
She nodded, still coughing, still gripping him as if he were her salvation. She was okay. Intense relief cascaded through him. She was okay. He closed his eyes and pulled her into his arms, desperately needing to feel her against him, to hold her, to protect her. She melted against him, her body trembling and cold. He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, her nose…and then froze as she lifted her face toward him.
He stared at her mouth, his instincts screaming at him to kiss her, but he went rigid, fighting the urge. He couldn't cross that line. He couldn't. He couldn't do that to her again—
She smiled suddenly. "You're thinking about kissing me."
He ground his jaw even as his arms tightened around her. "I'm not going to—"
She raised her eyebrows. "Just for the record, you do realize that you were so worried about me that it didn't even occur to you to hurt Preston, don't you? Once you got him off me, all you were thinking about was me, not hitting him or killing him. Do you even know where he is?"
Harlan looked over his shoulder in time to see Preston surge to his feet in the shallow water, stumbling as he tried to find his boat. "I guess I threw him off the dock."
"You guess?" Emma started laughing, and she framed his face. "See, Harlan? See what happens when you let yourself really care? You were so focused on making sure I was okay that you forgot to hurt him. Loving me made you think about saving me, not hurting him."
Harlan stared at her, as her words sank in. He looked over his shoulder again as Preston tried to climb over the rim of his boat, and promptly fell back in the water. He waited for the hate, the anger, and the need to kill him, but those urges didn't come. He was too tired of those emotions. It felt like too much effort to want to kill him. He simply didn't have the energy, the focus. He just wanted Emma. He just wanted to hold her, kiss her, and be with her.
Son of a bitch. She was right. The anger...the violence...the need to hurt... it was gone.
He looked back at the woman still in his arms. Her smile had faded, and her brow was furrowed. "Why are you here?" she asked. "Weren't you supposed to be on a plane this morning?"
"I couldn't make myself get on the plane." And now he knew why. "I had to give you something."
"Give me something?" She sat up as Harlan dug his hand into the pocket of his jeans. His fingers closed around the circle of gold that he'd kept in his pocket for weeks.
He held it out to her, and the moonlight glittered on it. "I took two rings from Astrid's that night," he said. "I took the plain one, because I didn't want to make promises. But this is the ring I wanted to give you, the one that I chose for you, the one I didn't dare offer to you." He held it out to her.
She looked at it, but she didn't take it. "What is it?" she asked. "It's too dark to see it clearly."
He knew every detail on the ring. "It's gold," he said. "It has three roses engraved around the outside. Three roses, for you, me, and Mattie." His voice seemed to stick in his throat. "They're all intertwined, so you can't see which leaves or stems go with which rose. They're three separate roses, but at the same time, they're one."
Her face softened in the moonlight. "Why'd you pick it?"
"Because—" Shit. He didn't even know how to say it, but he wanted to. The sound of Preston still splashing around in the water behind him was like this great liberation, a symbol of release from being the man he dreaded.
The words that had floated around inside him for so long...he could finally say them. Breathe them. Live them. And, most importantly, share them. "Because I want to be that man for you. I want to create a family with you. I don't want to just save the day and then walk away. I want the aftermath. I want the recovery. I want to be there to pick up the pieces every day, for as long as it takes for them to stop falling."
As Emma stared at him, a look of disbelief on her face, he rose to one knee, holding out the ring. "Emma Larson, I love you. I love your smile. I love your heart. I love how you are so brave, and so vulnerable at the same time. I love that you saw in me what I didn't even see." He grinned. "And I love that you left me that message and said you wouldn't cry for me, because I needed that." His smile faded as the weight of his words settled on him. "I don't know how to be a husband, or a dad, or even the guy who knows how to sit at the same dinner table every night, but I swear that I will love you every second of every day, and I will love our kids, because we're going to adopt both of them no matter how much red tape we have to get through, and I will never, ever walk away again, not even for one damn night."
Emma smiled, a slowly-growing beautiful smile that seemed to light up the night, the earth, his world. "So what are you saying?"
"I'm saying that I want to be your husband. Forever." He held out the ring. "Marry me, Emma, marry me for real. Give me one more chance. Please."
The night seemed to pulse in anticipation, and he couldn't take his gaze off Emma's face. He was a man who had never had time for prayer, and he knew he didn't deserve another opportunity, but nevertheless, he found himself whispering a fervent prayer that she grant him that second chance.
"Harlan?"
His heart started to pound. "What?"
"I love you."
He grinned stupidly, his heart leaping in disbelief. "You do?"
"Yes, and I will marry you on one condition."
She was going to marry him again? For real? His grin got wider, a big ass shit-eating grin that felt like it was going to take over his entire face. "What's that?"
"You need to ask your sister to add one more rose to my ring. For Robbie." Then she smiled, a smile that seemed to melt the final pieces of steel still lodged in his heart. "Welcome home, my darling husband."
And home he was.
He took her hand and held up the ring. "We never said our vows before, so here are mine." He met her gaze. "I promise to love you with every bit of my heart for all our days," he said. "I promise that I will always love our children unconditionally. I promise that I will never leave any of you, ever, for any reason. I promise that I will never break your trust in me, and I will never hurt you. I also promise that I wil
l never strike any of you ever, no matter what. Ever."
Emma touched his face. "You don't need to promise not to hit us. I know you'd never do that—"
"I always told myself I would never get married unless I could make that promise and know I spoke the truth." He kissed her hand. "You gave me that truth, Emma, a truth that I thought was impossible, until I met you." He started to slip the ring onto her hand, and she stopped him.
"My turn." She met his gaze, her face so earnest that emotions threatened to overtake him. "I promise to never run away and hide, no matter how hard things get. I promise to always believe in you, and in myself. And I also promise to love you, and our children, with every bit of my heart for all my days."
He grinned, his heart soaring as he took her hand and slid the ring onto her fourth finger. It fit perfectly, glittering in the moonlight, so beautiful. "One more thing before I kiss the bride." He pulled her to her feet. "Come on."
"Where are we going?" Her hand slipped perfectly into his as he led her to the edge of the dock, where his boat was now bumping gently against the reeds a few yards from shore.
"Patience, my dear." Harlan jumped off the dock, landing in water up to his hips. He held up his arms. "Come on."
She didn't hesitate as she tumbled into his arms, trusting him completely. He carried her across the water and then set her in the boat. With nothing but a mysterious grin, he shoved the boat back into deeper water, then hauled himself on board, dripping wet, but neither of them cared. Within minutes, they'd left Preston and her cabin behind, the wind whipping past them just like it had the night of their first boat ride.
As he drove, he pulled Emma in front of him, trapping her between his body and the steering wheel, just like the night they'd gotten married. He drove to the exact spot in the lake that he'd avoided ever since, and cut the engine. "Do you recognize where we are?"
"It's where we were the first time you asked me to marry you." She turned to him, her face glowing. "You're a romantic, aren't you?"
"Turns out, there may be many hidden facets to my personality that can be brought out only by the love of a good woman." He slid his hands through her hair, tangling his fingers in the golden tresses.
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