‘Oh! Maybe that was Joe, the fundraising manager. He had to fly back before us. He’d brought a camera with him, so maybe he uploaded that when he got back? I’ve got no idea. Please believe me, Alex. I’ve wanted nothing more than to see you. I got home a few hours ago. Took a shower and have been thinking all evening what to do for the best. I was going to wait until tomorrow, when I’d had time to speak to the mobile phone company to order a new phone or retrieve my messages to see if you’d been in contact, whether you’d reached a decision about dating me exclusively, but I couldn’t hold out any longer. I had to know. And without my phone, I had no way of reaching you, other than trying to remember where you lived. Please apologise to your neighbour for me. I thought it was her door we stopped at that night, so I rang her bell by mistake. I’m surprised I even got the right road, to be honest! But here I am. Here to tell you that I love you, Alex, and that I want to be with you. I’d like you to be my girlfriend and then, in the very near future, my wife. And I had to tell you that. Even if you didn’t feel the same, I just needed you to know…’
Before he could finish his sentence, I leapt forward, threw my arms around him and planted my lips firmly on his. As our mouths met, I felt like a thousand fireworks had been set off all at once inside my heart. My head and whole body felt light. If Miles hadn’t pulled me into him so tightly, I was sure I could have just floated away.
‘I love you so, so, so much,’ he said, taking one of his arms from my waist to remove his glasses so that he could look at me more closely, then holding me tight once more. ‘I never want to be without you again.’
‘I love you too,’ I said, staring into his eyes and running my fingers through his hair. ‘That’s what I was calling to tell you. I called you weeks ago to let you know that I wanted to be exclusive with you and that I was going to stop dating other guys. Your phone was switched off, and so I sent messages. Multiple messages, but I didn’t hear from you and I was devastated. I even called the hospital, and the lady at reception gave the impression that you and Gabriella were an item, so I just thought I was too late.’
‘No, no, no!’ His eyes widened. ‘It’s you, Alex. It’s only ever been you. It will only ever be you. I’ve got no interest in Gabby whatsoever. That was over before I met you.’
‘But you weren’t tempted? She told me at the party that she was determined to get you back. That you were besotted with her.’
‘I was. A long time ago. Before I saw the light. Breaking up with her was the best thing I could have done. She wasn’t right for me. We’re completely different people. Outside of our passion for helping children, we have nothing in common. She can be really superficial, insecure and high-maintenance.’ Gabriella was insecure? I thought that someone like her would be super confident. I guessed everyone, no matter what they looked like, had their hang-ups. ‘Did she make advances at me whilst we were away? Yes. But I rebuffed them straightaway and told her I was in love with someone else, which made things really awkward for a while, until she realised that I wasn’t going to change my mind and got over it. Our relationship is and will only ever be purely professional. Nothing more. I believe in monogamy, in fidelity, in marriage, in family. Commitment to one person. And I want to be committed. Completely and utterly to you and only you, Alex. Forever.’
We kissed again and I felt it. He meant it. This was all I’d ever wanted to hear from a man. But more than just the words, this time, I knew—through his actions, through the way he’d behaved towards me since we’d met, through his consistency, through the feeling in my gut—that this time it was real. Miles was the one.
And then I remembered. The vow. The challenge.
Miles didn’t know about it.
He said he loves me, but how was he going to react when he heard that there was no sex on offer? Every guy I’d mentioned this to had laughed in my face. Thought it was a joke. That I was a joke. A weirdo with unrealistic expectations. What if Luke was right? What if I’d gone through all this—missing Miles, him coming back to me, him saying he loves me—only to find that he also thought it was ludicrous and wasn’t prepared to wait?
Shit, shit, shit!
I pulled away.
‘What’s wrong?’ said Miles.
‘You said you love me, right?’
‘That’s right…’
‘Well…I’m really happy to hear you say that.’ I bowed my head, terrified to look him in the eye. ‘Because, you see, the thing is, my situation, my personal life is a little bit, um, complicated at the moment…and when you hear about it, you might change your mind.’
‘Why?’ he said as his shoulders grew tense. ‘What is it? I thought you said you weren’t dating anyone else anymore.’
‘That’s right, I’m not.’
‘So what’s the problem?’ he said.
‘Well, it’s just that, I’m, um, kind of halfway through a challenge, and now I’ve started it, I’m determined to finish.’
‘What sort of a challenge?’ Miles frowned.
‘A challenge which means that I can’t, I can’t, I’ve chosen not to have sex for six months. It’s been just over twelve weeks, so I have another three months left to go.’
‘Right…’
‘See!’ I crossed my arms. ‘Told you that you wouldn’t be interested.’
‘Who said I wasn’t? Tell me more about it. I’d like to know.’
‘Oh…okay.’ I relaxed a little. ‘Well, in a nutshell, I was tired of men sleeping with me and then running off, so now I don’t want to have uncommitted sex. I won’t sleep with a guy until I get a commitment.’
‘Fair enough.’ He shrugged his shoulders.
‘What? You don’t think I’m weird?’
‘Weird? No. Of course not! I actually think it makes a lot of sense.’
‘You do?’ My eyes widened.
‘Yeah. Remember, I’m a guy. I have friends. Both male and female. Most men, and I stress that I exclude myself from this section of my gender, will take sex if it’s offered to them, and then they’ll move on. Then I’ve got some female friends who think that sleeping with a man will make them stay, but it won’t. There needs to be more than that. Yes, sex is an important part of a relationship, but it can’t just be physical. A lot of my relationship with Gabby was based around that, and in the end that wasn’t enough for me. I actually respect a woman more if she wants to wait. I think what you’re doing, Alex, is admirable, not weird. It makes you special. It will make everything more special. Because of the sacrifice that’s led up to that moment. It’s actually a good idea.’
‘Really?’ I said, resisting the temptation to start jumping up and down on the spot.
‘Yes! Really.’
‘So, you’ll wait? You’ll wait to have sex with me? You don’t mind? You won’t sleep with other women either?’
Please say yes. Please say yes. Please, please, please.
‘Yes. I’ll wait. Absolutely. And, no, I won’t sleep with other women. You’re more than worth it. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m only human. You’re gorgeous, especially with your stunning new haircut. It really suits you, by the way. Brings out your beautiful eyes,’ he said, running his fingers through my crop and flashing the smile I’d missed so much.
Oh God! I’d just realised. I was standing here in front of Miles without a scrap of make-up and with my new haircut. Last time he’d seen me, I’d had long, flowing hair and a full face of make-up, and now I was barefaced with hair that wasn’t much longer than his. Ordinarily I would have been mortified for him to see me like this, but I felt fine. Great, in fact.
‘Thank you!’ I replied.
‘You look incredibly sexy, Alex…mmm. I’d love to remove that delightful bright pink fluffy dressing gown of yours and those matching slippers and ravish you right now, here on your hallway floor, but I can wait.’
‘Hey!’ I said, putting my hands on my hips and laughing. ‘It may not be the most attractive item of clothing I own, but I happen to love my comfy dressi
ng gown. Nothing wrong with my slippers either!’
‘Of course there isn’t!’ he chuckled. ‘They’re adorable. You’re adorable. That’s why I love you. That’s why I’m happy to wait. If a life with you is the reward, then it’s more than worth it. I’ve waited a lifetime for you, so what’s a few more months?’
And right there in that moment, as we wrapped our arms around each other and Cuddles ran into the hallway and snuggled up right beside Miles’ feet, I knew for sure that I’d found him. A man who cherished me. Who loved me so much, he was willing to wait. Who said that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me and actually meant it.
Finally.
I’d taken a chance, not given up hope, trusted the universe and it had delivered.
It had sent me my Mr Right. The love of my life.
March
Chapter Twenty-Five
‘So is tonight the night, then?’ said Stacey as we walked out of the office doors.
‘It is indeed.’ I buttoned up my coat. ‘I’m so nervous!’
‘Relax, you’ll be fine.’
‘How do you know? It’s been soooo long! I doubt I’ll even remember what to do!’
‘Oh, you will, don’t worry.’ She placed her hand reassuringly on my shoulder. ‘I felt the same when I was about to sleep with Bobby for the first time. In the end it was amazing, and I’m sure it will be the same for you and Miles too.’
‘I really, really hope so. I’m amazed that we’ve even managed to hold out for this long, so now that we have, I can’t help but feel a certain pressure for it to be perfect. There’s so much riding on it. It’s tonight that we find out whether the wait has been worthwhile. Whether we click in all areas of our relationship. I’m terrified that my cousin Roxy will be right. That we won’t have that connection. That we’ll finally sleep together and it will be this huge let-down. A massive disappointment.’
‘Think positive,’ she said as we stopped at the lights and waited to cross the road to the station. ‘In fact, speaking from experience, it’s probably best that you don’t think too much about it at all. The more you do, the more you’ll worry about what it will be like, the more pressure you’ll put on yourself and the more likely that will cause the disappointment you want to avoid. Just try and treat it like a normal date, and if the sex happens, it happens. Don’t expect too much. Just go with the flow and it will all work out.’
‘Yeah, you’re right. That’s why we didn’t want to create a big fanfare by going away for the weekend, or making it a big event. I mean, don’t get me wrong, it is a big deal. It’s huge, but we thought doing anything too grand could build it up too much.’
‘I agree. Keep it low-key. You’ve done really well. Without sounding patronising, I’m incredibly proud of you.’ She smiled. ‘I knew you could do it! Every time I’ve seen the two of you together, you can tell that Miles absolutely adores you. He’s a great guy. I’m so pleased you took the challenge and met someone amazing.’
‘Thank you!’ I blushed. I was proud of myself for being able to hold out this long too. I also remembered when Stacey had first told me about the challenge and how she’d gushed about Bobby, and now I was feeling exactly the same way about Miles. He was incredible, and I felt like shouting it from the rooftops. Telling everyone how happy and in love I was. I still couldn’t quite believe it. ‘There were days and particularly nights that I didn’t think I could do it. But here I am, and I tell you what, I am so ready. Poor Miles is not going to know what’s hit him.’
‘I bet he feels the same.’
‘Probably. He’d better! And I hope he’s been drinking lots of coffee today, because I plan to keep him up all night.’
‘Go, girl! Well, good luck,’ she said as we entered the station. ‘And I look forward to a full report on Monday. That’s if you’ve left his bedroom by then, of course. Who knows if you’ll even be able to make it into the office? You might be hospitalised with severe exhaustion!’
‘So true!’ I took my Oyster card from my bag. ‘I’d gladly take a day off to recover from a hot and heavy weekend with Miles. Talking of which, better run! Got to go home and get myself and my body ready for the big night!’
I gave Stacey a hug and then went through the ticket barriers. As I walked down the escalators, I had a massive spring in my step. I really was beyond excited about tonight. I’d never thought this day would come. That a guy would wait for me. In fact, I even remembered joking that there was more chance of finding a unicorn and an alien chilling on my sofa. Ha! That showed me. Clearly great things can happen when you have a little faith. Think I also said that if a man held out, I’d get a gold sculpture of his privates made in his honour. Maybe I’d get on the case with that on Monday…
Miles and I had been inseparable these past three months. After his time away in Africa and not seeing him for those four long weeks, we’d had so much time to make up for.
Initially, we’d seen each other almost every night after work and all weekend. But the more we were together face-to-face, the harder it was to stop the passionate kisses from going further. Especially if he’d come round to my place to watch a film. Every time our bodies were less than a few inches apart, we wanted to rip each other’s clothes off. Miles was usually much stronger than me. If my hands started heading too far south, he’d jump up off the sofa, kiss me quickly on the forehead and say, ‘And that’s my cue to leave. I’ll call you later.’
I questioned so many times why I was still going through with this. My goal at the beginning was clear. No uncommitted sex. I wouldn’t sleep with a man until he said he loved me and meant it. Miles had said those three big words when he’d returned from Africa twelve weeks ago, so technically, I could have slept with him then, right? But when we’d discussed it, Miles had said that I’d made a commitment to myself and set a goal, so it was important to see it through. He’d read the book too (he’d asked if he could, to give himself a better understanding of women’s experiences and the recommended ‘rules’), and neither of us were sure if we were supposed to be abstaining for six months from the point that we officially became a couple or from the time I’d started the challenge in September.
Although it was probably from when we’d started dating, I said that I’d count it from the date I’d taken the vow, partly because there was no way I could go without for nine months—he was too tempting. We’d decided that if we could hold on until March, which would mark six whole months of abstinence for me, it would be fair to declare the challenge had been successfully completed.
Miles was a hundred percent behind me. As well as being a huge achievement, he said it would be character building. That it represented the old-fashioned values that his adoptive grandparents had built their marriage on. They’d just celebrated their sixtieth wedding anniversary, so they were great role models.
And so we’d decided to wait. It hadn’t been easy. We’d had to muster up the willpower of a hundred devout nuns and priests. But by creating a routine and a series of rituals, we’d managed to do it.
For example, rather than seeing each other face-to-face every day, we’d switched to three times a week. The other four days, we would Facetime, usually after I got back from the gym. With video calls, there was zero chance of things getting out of control, although sometimes we did find other ways to keep each other entertained…
During our conversations, we’d chat about everything from light-hearted things like the top ten best actresses of all time to serious stuff like brainstorming potential options for my new career direction. Miles had suggested I do something with animals, as I loved them so much. As well as firing off CVs to recruitment agencies, I’d spent a long time writing personalised speculative letters and emails to zoos and animal centres on the off chance they had any vacancies, and I was really excited as next week I had an interview for a fundraising manager role at Battersea Dogs & Cats Home, which sounded ideal for me. I’d finally get to use my sales experience and skills to do something worthwhile
. Fingers, toes and everything crossed that I got the job.
When Miles and I did see each other, which was typically two days in the week and one day at the weekend, at least two of the dates had to be external and in busy, bright, public places. So no more backseat snogging at the cinema, because at this stage, we wouldn’t be able to hold back from going all the way. The theatre was fine, though, as long as we were close to the stage and in full view of most of the audience. We knew we’d be too embarrassed for any big displays of affection there.
At the weekend, we often did a day trip somewhere in the UK. We’d been for walks along Brighton Beach, to Bath, Cambridge, York, Manchester, Edinburgh…those trips alone took up almost two months’ worth of Saturdays and Sundays.
In between that, at Christmas I went to meet his parents, Ron and Mary (and their adorable Labrador, Bouncer) in Kent, who were lovely. They were so warm and welcoming. I could understand why Miles loved them so much and why he was such a gentleman, as they were great, genuine, humble people.
I’d stayed over for two nights, but only in the spare room. As much as we would have loved to have been together, Miles had far too much respect for them to sneak into my bed. And after holding out for so long, I was sure if we’d given in to temptation, we wouldn’t be able to indulge ourselves quietly. We’d wake up everyone in the village. I had a wonderful few days staying there. I felt at home. Like part of the family.
After seeing his parents, we’d returned to London for New Year’s Eve and huddled together in the cold along the Thames as we watched the fireworks display.
Because we had a plan in place and shared so many interests, it actually wasn’t that hard to find things to do to pass the time. And the more activities we did together, the closer we became as a couple and the less time we spent thinking about sex. Don’t get me wrong. We still both thought about it. But if you’re engrossed in watching a play, are busy in a cocktail making class or out at a party with his friends, there’s less opportunity for your brain to think about getting naked. If we went round to each other’s houses all the time and didn’t have anything to do or talk about, then it would have been much easier to just fall into bed. That was the problem with all the guys I’d been with before. The only thing we’d shared was saliva and sweat. And as I’d discovered, that was definitely not the basis for a long-lasting relationship.
Only When It's Love: A Chick Lit, Romantic Comedy Novel: Holding Out For Mr Right Page 20