After our six minutes of heaven Egg Face and I got up and put our clothes back on. I took one more shot of vodka for the road and we headed to my house. Egg Face never came inside and wanted nothing to do with meeting my family. We drove in silence until he pulled into my driveway and I said goodbye as I kissed his cheek. What was I supposed to do? I had no idea what was customary for such an occasion. Should I tell him thanks for making my vagina feel like it had shards of glass sticking out of it? Or perhaps I should high five him and say, “Well done, you!” I couldn’t think straight because I just wanted to tear off my soggy panties and race to the shower. I could still smell latex and I decided it was a smell I could do without, especially between my legs.
I forgot to mention God has cursed me with a heightened sense of smell. It was one of the reasons I was such a picky eater. If food was pungent I often couldn’t handle it. Total sensory overload, even if it tasted okay. Case in point: mayonnaise. From the time I was a tiny girl I couldn’t stand the smell of any kind of mayo. Some people say Miracle Whip is not mayonnaise but they are full of shit; it smells the same to me. There’s no logical reason I should be averse to the stuff as I love eggs and I’m fine with oil, so why does the smell of mayonnaise disgust me? I could smell it on someone’s sandwich a half mile away and I’d start dry-heaving instantly. Mom never bought it or used it so I was safe at home but when I went to Dad’s and was faced with macaroni salad I was screwed.
Thank God we used protection, I thought as I scrubbed my bits gently in the shower, though it felt like I was using one of those Brillo pads Mom made me use to scrub the pots that sometimes sat for a few days. I was on fire. I knew the pain would go away, I was just thankful that we were careful and I didn’t have to freak out about having some poor greasy-faced baby who would be teased by all the other babies at daycare for looking like I rubbed Alberto V05 on his poor little mug. I was pretty sure I was supposed to be feeling warm fuzzies, or butterflies, or something lovely but instead I felt dirty. Used. I had just lost something I could never get back. The worst part was he didn’t deserve it. Not if he wasn’t madly in love with me. I couldn’t get that picture of Egg Face and Andrea out of my head. She had dumped his ass and I was the runner-up. The consolation prize. Way to go, Sparrow.
Going to school the next day was awkward. I wondered if I looked different to anyone, or walked differently. Could people tell I’d had sex last night? Could they smell the latex? I decided not to tell anyone, not even my girlfriends. I wanted to sit on this for a bit, perhaps even pretend it never happened.
Later that day in algebra my friend JD was making conversation and asked what I did the night before. “Oh, nothing much.” Egg Face was also in the same class and was sitting a few seats back so he’d overheard the conversation. It must have upset him because right after school he dumped me.
“Things are over between us,” he said when I went up to his car after class.
“What? What are you talking about?”
“I heard your conversation with JD in class. You told him you did nothing last night. Didn’t it mean anything to you?”
“Of course it did,” said, flustered. “I wasn’t going to tell him, though.”
“Well, clearly you don’t care about me, so we’re through.” Egg Face huffed as he got into his car and sped away. I stood there, devastated. If I felt used last night I felt completely discarded now. What was worse was that I saw through his bullshit. I knew he was just looking for an excuse to leave me since he had gotten what he wanted. How could I have not seen this coming? Normally I was so good at holding my feelings in but not this time. I cried like a child, heaving sobs from my core. It was the fallout of every man in my life who had neglected me, used me and abused me all in one.
It didn’t take long before a few friends saw me melting and came over to help.
“What happened?” They asked. I let it all out as I cried and cried, which was so unlike me. I had no defenses.
“That son of a bitch!” Joey said. “I’ll kick his ass, Sparrow!”
“No, Joey, don’t get crazy, please!”
Joey was a good friend of mine. He was also in my algebra class and sat right in front of me, usually sleeping with his head down on the desk. He had black hair, blue eyes, and wore the same black leather motorcycle jacket every day. He never said much except, “Got a smoke?” I’m pretty sure he slept like that in every class so I have no idea how he passed anything. “Get in my car,” he said, motioning over to where he was parked. “I’ll take you home.”
I cried and smoked as Joey drove to the next town where I lived. He was sweet when we got there as he opened my car door and walked me up the stairs to the back door.
“Don’t worry, Sparrow, everything will be okay,” he whispered as he hugged me. I settled my head into his neck and exhaled. It felt nice to have a friend to lean on, especially one who was strong and more than a little tough. Anyone with a wallet on a chain could kick greasy Egg Face’s ass, not that I wanted that. But I felt safe. Protected.
“Thanks, J,” I muttered as I pulled away to go into my house. Before I could fully break our embrace he grabbed my face with both hands and kissed me. Well, tried. I pulled back instantly.
“What are you doing?”
Is he nuts? I’m crying over another guy!
“Sparrow, that guy didn’t deserve you. I’ll treat you like a princess,” he said as he leaned in to suck my face again.
“Dude, get the fuck off me!” I yelled, pissed. What the hell was he thinking? I thought he was being a friend! Turns out he was looking for his opportunity. I punched him in the arm a few times then turned on my heels and slammed the door behind me. What an asshole. My whole pity party lasted an entire ten minutes before I had to go from victim back to survivor again. For once I wanted to be able to let my guard down, but that was not to be my fate.
Word got around fast at school that Egg Face had taken my innocence and broken my heart. I couldn’t believe what happened next. People came out of the woodwork to support me. The following day in algebra when Egg Face left to use the bathroom a girl I barely knew grabbed his books off the desk and hurled them out the window. I hadn’t said a word to her. She looked over at me and smiled before she went back to her seat. After school some guy friends of mine roughed Egg Face up as he was getting in his car. They didn’t kick his ass entirely, but they pushed him around a little, and one keyed his car on the driver’s side.
Egg Face thought I was out for revenge. When I heard the stories it did feel vindicating, but I had no hand in any of it. I was shocked, however, that people were supporting me. I couldn’t recall when that had ever happened. I certainly didn’t think I was important enough for people to risk getting into trouble. Even as a junior I wasn’t overly confident and thought people were just nice to my face. I didn’t realize so many people cared, especially about my deflowering.
My enjoyment of the attention came to a major halt that night when Egg Face called.
“What do you want?” I asked purposely sounding annoyed. What could this wanker possibly want from me?
“You had better tell your friends to leave me alone, or I’m going to kill you.”
“I had nothing to do with any of that, Chase.”
“Bullshit. You’re such a bitch. If it doesn’t stop I’m going to cut you into tiny pieces, Sparrow, and no one will ever find you.” I felt the blood drain from my face. By then I had a good sixth sense for danger and I could tell he was serious. After all, he did go to juvie for a long time, and I never knew what for. I assumed it was for stealing car stereos because once when we went to the local fair a screwdriver fell out of his coat and I had noticed he was looking in car windows as we were coming out of the parking lot. Egg Face was a loner. He was dark, serious and didn’t talk much. When he did talk he was insulting someone. I wouldn’t put it past him to chop me up with a chainsaw. At least that was what I was picturing in my head. Larry happened to walk by and I handed him the phone.
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“Chase is threatening to kill me,” I whispered as I gave over the cordless. I’m not sure what made me get Larry involved since he never once supported or defended me in any way. Maybe I wanted to see what would happen with two giant egos on the phone. Or maybe I was just plain scared and hoped he’d come to my defense.
“Chase, what’s this I hear about you threatening Sparrow?” There was a long silence as he listened. His face got redder and I saw my favorite vein bulging in his forehead. “Now listen here you little…” He didn’t get to finish because Egg Face had hung up, but not before threatening to cut Larry into tiny pieces too. This was serious. “That kid’s the devil! You’re no longer allowed to hang out with him!” Of course he was clueless, as usual. I know I’d made some poor choices from time to time but even on my worst day I wouldn’t spend time with someone who threatened to murder me. But I guess in his way Larry was trying to protect me. Or himself, for that matter. In any event I wasn’t messing around.
That night I got the cot out and set it up in Mom and Larry’s room. This was a new low. Never have I been so scared that I needed to sleep with my parents. Even when I was little I didn’t have the type of parents that were warm and fuzzy and you wanted to crawl in bed with. This was different. My life was at stake and I wasn’t taking any chances. For one whole week I slept in their room, listening to Larry saw some serious logs, knowing that less than a foot away in Larry’s sock drawer there was a hollow, pink, rubber dildo underneath his tube socks. Once I had looked for a pair of socks to borrow and there it was. It looked like a glossy pink earthworm. I thought for sure it belonged to Mom but I got pissed at her one time and tried to throw it in her face.
“Whatever, Mom, I found your pink dildo,” I said trying to shut her up. I thought she would be furious but instead she giggled.
“Actually, that belongs to your step-dad. He likes a little backdoor fun.” Mom never missed an opportunity to throw Larry under the bus, but I could tell she was telling the truth. Way too much truth, as usual.
That week I spent on the cot was easily one of the worst weeks of my teenage years. But I was lucky because once Egg Face and I had broken up, he left school. I guess he realized he didn’t have many friends, and on top of that he was harassed by mine. He didn’t even last a week, which was why I was finally able to sleep in my own bed. It was rumored he went back to Florida.
A few months later I took my own trip to Florida with Jess, her mom and her brother Robbie. They were going to Miami for spring break and invited me along. I was thrilled to be included. Going to a beach was my favorite thing to do even though I was scared of sharks and jellyfish. I’d still get in the water, but I was always on the lookout. Luckily I never encountered either. I was surprised Mom let me go, but in truth she was more and more out of it because of all the meds she was taking.
Another reason Mom didn’t object to my spring break trip was because she didn’t have to pay for it. The O’ Tooles took me on several trips and always insisted on paying my way. I also had spending money from working. Mom and Larry had tried confiscating my very first paycheck, saying that since I was working I should pay rent. I told them they were ridiculous and to go fuck themselves. Mom chased me around the house trying to snatch my check out of my hand, but I stuck it in my bra and told her I’d fight her if she came near me. Part of me wanted her to come at me. I was sixteen and a whole two inches taller than her. Sure she was a lot larger than me but I had figured out how I could take her to the ground. First I would grab her arm and twist it behind her back. Next I would knee her in the back and push her to the ground face-first. I hadn’t quite figured out what I would do after that. Probably just sit on her until she apologized for being such a shitty mom. Part of me is glad it never went that far.
Going on vacation with the O’ Tooles was a blast. Jess’s mom was cool and let us do what we wanted. The condo we stayed in was right on the water. It had two floors with an elevator. We stayed upstairs in one room and Jess’s brother Robbie was in the other. Jess’s mom stayed downstairs, so we had our privacy. There was an intercom system so she could buzz us if she needed us to come down.
Our first night there Jess and I decided to take a walk down the strip to see if we could meet anyone our age or older. It didn’t take but five minutes before this super-hot guy pulled up in a burgundy Corvette Stingray.
“Hey, you girls wanna go to a party?” Jess and I looked at each other.
“Yeah, sure!” she said. Jess hopped in first and we both squished into the front seat.
“Hi, I’m Alejandro, but you can call me Alex. What are your names?”
We told him, along with where we were from and that we were spring breakers. Alex was twenty and worked in construction. He was half Cuban and spoke both English and Spanish fluently. He had light brown hair, blues eyes and a darker complexion. His teeth were straight and brilliantly white and he had a perfect physique—muscular but not overly so. His body screamed triathlete.
We showed up at the party but it was lame and we didn’t stay long. Alex introduced Jess to his friend Jon because Alex was interested in me. He couldn’t take his eyes off me and he was sporting the cutest and goofiest grin I’d seen in a long time. We ended up going back to his apartment to hang out and have some drinks. Alex had a great stereo so we jammed out to some music and got high. A song started playing and Alex sang the lyrics to me, something about how he was going to house me and that I was in his hut.
It was sexy but I was already smitten. Not long after he picked me up and carried me to his bedroom. Jess and Jon were making out on the couch so I didn’t feel guilty leaving her.
Alex’s room was nice for a twenty-year-old bachelor. It was tidy and his bed was made. He had another great stereo in his room and he put on some more mellow music. Even though he was amazing and my hormones were raging and I was tipsy and high I decided I wouldn’t have sex with him. I didn’t want him to think I was sleazy and I actually liked him, so I didn’t want to screw it up. We made out for what seemed like forever and our shirts came off, but that was it. I wasn’t going to give it away again so easily. He didn’t pressure me at all and was a complete gentleman. I even fell asleep for a little bit and when I woke up he was staring at me and playing with my hair.
“I’m sorry I fell asleep,” I muttered, a little embarrassed.
“It’s okay, I really enjoy looking at you. You are so beautiful. Where did you come from?”
I laughed it off because I was not used to compliments and attention like that. It seemed sweet and genuine and it made me uncomfortable, but I still forced myself to enjoy the moment.
I could have stayed there like that for days, but we had to go back to the condo. Alex dropped us off, giving me a hug and kiss before he left.
“I’ll call you tomorrow. I’d like to see you as much as possible while you’re here.”
I was thrilled to hear that and while I’d normally play it cool, I decided not to torture him because he didn’t deserve it.
“We’re hitting the beach tomorrow, so come say hi.” I’d gotten a killer new bathing suit and I wanted him to see me in it. It was a neon pink and yellow one piece that looked like a bikini in the front but was connected on the sides.
I was on cloud nine when we tiptoed back into the condo, careful not to wake anyone. Jess and I crawled into bed, giggling.
“So,” she whispered, “How was he?”
“Jess! I didn’t sleep with him. We just made out. I really like him, though.”
“Oh,” Jess said, her voice flat. “Well, I slept with Jon.”
“Jessica! Are you kidding? Why? You just met him!”
“I know, but he’s cute and we’re on vacation. No one will know.”
Jess had no restraint when it came to anything. Food, alcohol, drugs, boys. She was the queen of excess. I was pissed because I knew what this meant. Jon had gotten what he wanted so he wasn’t going to call her. And if she didn’t have a boy to hang out with then I wouldn�
��t be able to hang out with Alex, which would completely crush my soul. I hope I’m wrong, I thought, as I drifted off to sleep with visions of Alex and me in his hot car, holding hands while listening to house music and planning our happily ever after.
Alex made good on his word and tried to see me as much as he could the whole time I was there. I was right about Jon; he had fallen off the face of the Earth. I finally got up the nerve to ask Alex.
“So, how come Jon hasn’t called Jess?”
“Well, he really isn’t into your friend.” Alex said, looking away.
“Do you have any other friends we could fix her up with?” I didn’t want to miss out on anything, especially because Jess couldn’t keep her panties on.
“Not really. I’ll think on it, though,” Alex said. We were definitely on the same page. We enjoyed each other’s company so much and we needed to make this work.
Alex never did find another friend but we somehow got to spend time together. I talked with Jess’s mom and asked if I could spend one whole day with Alex and she said yes. Jess wasn’t thrilled about it but she said she understood. I didn’t feel guilty, especially when I thought of her betrayal regarding Phil. I decided she could suck it up.
On our day together Alex took me to the Miami zoo and the Everglades. I was blown away by both. We walked and talked and melted together in the heat. There were lots of exotic birds at the zoo and the Everglades was spectacular. We were sitting on a bank with alligators just ten feet away. I was terrified at first and thought I needed to add gators to my list of water fears, but Alex insisted we were fine. He even threw tiny rocks at their noses which were barely sticking up out of the water. I’m not sure what he would have done if a gator had come out of the water after us, but I still felt safe with him.
That night Alex took me to meet his mother. I was a surprised and a little nervous, but it seemed important to him so I agreed. Nereida (Nettie for short) was a beautiful woman in her late forties. She had short dark hair, dark eyes and a warm smile. Walking into her bungalow was like stepping into a novelty shop. Her entire house was decorated in Betty Boop. Everything was red, white and black. White sofas, red rugs, black lacquer furniture, and pictures of Betty everywhere you turned. There were Betty Boop statues and clocks—literally everything was homage to Miss Boop and her little dog whose name escapes me. Nettie was a good hostess and asked me all about my life. She had an exotic accent and you could tell she really loved her son. Nettie was single and lived alone but she didn’t seem to mind. I don’t know if any man would have been able to live in a Betty Boop museum and I’m sure it didn’t faze her. She seemed like a woman totally at ease with herself.
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