As the day went on we talked and talked some more. We both discovered we believed in aliens, and Ed explained how he thought someday we would all turn some shade of green to protect ourselves from the harsh rays of the sun once our atmosphere was burned off by pollution. I found his theories thought-provoking and insightful. We wound up in the front seat of his car, a fairly large Delta 88 with one long vinyl front seat, still drinking beer, though neither of us was drunk.
After a while Ed leaned in to kiss me, and I felt it everywhere. I knew I was supposed to be right where I was, kissing this man. Things got more heated when he pulled away and gazed at me.
“I want you.” He was breathing heavily.
“Me too,” I whispered. I was ready to go there. Ed leaned over me and opened his glove box to grab a condom. I had no idea that boys kept those things in there, but obviously real men did. And he was definitely a real man. His hair had dried by now and I could see he had a little bit of gray in the front mixed in with the soft red that was his natural color. He was pretty young to have gray but the truth was it was sexy. I had never been attracted to a redhead before but his wasn’t a flaming red and he didn’t have any freckles on his face, though he had them on his toned arms and back.
He began kissing me again and his stubble scratched my face. I had never kissed a guy with that much facial hair before and I liked it. I’m sure he hadn’t shaved for a few days at least since he was camping but I didn’t mind. It felt like he was leaving his mark on me.
His hands made their way up my shirt though he didn’t remove it. He was an expert at unhooking my bra one-handed, especially since we were rather cramped with him lying on top of me in the front seat. He took his time unbuttoning and removing my shorts, wiggling them over my very round ass— my consolation prize from Jesus since the rosebuds he gave me never truly blossomed.
I helped him remove his swim trunks which had mostly dried. He took a break from kissing me to put the condom on. I put my hand on him to make sure the condom was on all the way and to guide him inside me. I was shocked at how large he was and wondered if I had drunk enough beers to dull the pain I was about to endure. It took a few tries for him to enter me and when he did it took my breath away. The pain was intense but only lasted for a minute or so and then it felt amazing. I realized I was completely wet from all of our kissing and being so attracted to him. I had enjoyed sex before, especially with Alex, but this was different. This was a physical sensation I had never experienced. Maybe this is an orgasm, I thought as my legs started shaking. Ed’s eye contact was intense and I tried hard to keep his gaze. I had never looked someone in the eye like this while having sex, especially in broad daylight.
Even though it lasted a while, it was over way too soon. He was vocal when he came, which I liked until I realized the windows were open and Miles and Jess were probably nearby. I didn’t come but I was closer than I ever had been. After lying there breathing together for more than a few minutes he slowly got up and pulled his shorts back on. I didn’t see what he did with the condom but I had purposely turned my head as I sat up to avoid that awkward moment.
When I had gotten myself together we got out of the car for some air. Not far from us, we noticed Jess sitting naked on the hood of the truck and Miles with his pants down going at it. Ed and I giggled and started on another walk to let them have their privacy. As we were leaving, Miles came running, shorts falling to his ankles as he tried to hold them up with one hand.
“Eddie, wait,” he cried as he approached us. He pulled Ed to the side and tried to talk quietly, but I heard every word. “Hey, Big Ed, I’m a little drunk and my dick’s not working. Think you could go over there and finish her off?” Ed and I both turned to look at Jess, who was lying naked and spread-eagled on the truck. She was looking over at the boys, waiting to see who was coming back over to service her.
“Get the fuck outta here, are you outta your fucking mind?” Ed yelled.
“Oh, well, I just thought...”
“Go finish her off yourself.” Ed grabbed my hand and led me away toward the beach.
“Was he serious?” I asked when we were out of earshot. I wasn’t born yesterday and I realized Miles wouldn’t have asked the question if he didn’t think it was possible to get a yes.
“He’s fucking crazy. I would never do that.” I wasn’t sure if I believed him but in that moment it didn’t matter. I was on a post-Big Ed high with this beautiful specimen of a man and I wasn’t going to let Jess ruin my experience.
“How did you meet Miles, anyway?” I asked, wondering how the two of them ever became friends.
“We’re childhood friends,” he replied. It made sense. What could keep these two friends other than a sense of childhood loyalty? “Why, you don’t like him?” Ed asked.
“Well, I think Miles’s dad should have pulled out,” I said before I could think twice. After what had just happened I thought Miles was a steaming pile of dog shit. I hated him and his hairy back. I hated how he had no class. I imagined he would probably wipe his ass with his mother’s wedding dress if he were out of Charmin. He was that guy.
Ed chuckled and I was glad my sharp tongue had not offended him. I didn’t mean to talk trash about his friend but he was one of the most sub-human people I had the displeasure of hanging out with in a while, not including family of course.
When it was time to leave Ed asked for my number and I wrote it down for him. He gave me a giant bear hug and a sweet kiss and within a moment he was gone, headed back to Boston. It was getting dark so Jess and I got in her truck and she took me home. We both laughed and talked about the day. I tried hard not to judge her for her lack of class. To her credit she thought Miles was a steamy dump as well and she hoped to never hear from him. Although I didn’t share her sentiment as far as Ed, I still left my lovely experience at the beach that day since I was certain I’d never hear from him and there was no sense pining for someone two states away. It was hard enough getting over Alex and I didn’t need to go down that road again. Screw long distance.
To my great surprise Ed waited the customary three days and then called.
“Do you know who this is?”
“No, I sure don’t,” I lied.
“It’s Ed, from the other day,” he said.
I’m sure every girl remembered him.
“Oh, hi.” My heart was racing and my face got hot. “How are you?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
I can’t believe he called.
“Good, and yourself?” He asked as if he cared.
“I’m good, thanks.” For a moment I worried that we wouldn’t have much to talk about since we had already hit such a high note on our first encounter. I was wrong. We fell right back into intriguing conversations about science, politics, religion and books we had read. Talking with him was easy and refreshing. We had a lot of similar views on things and I loved the sound of his deep, gravelly voice. I also loved hearing his accent, though it was thick. He said “kwa-dah” instead of quarter and “peet-sir” instead of pizza but it just made him all the more endearing.
Ed told me all about his job as an over-the-road truck driver and how much he enjoyed it. He suggested that maybe some time I could go along on a ride with him and see the country. It did sound like fun. He said being cooped up together like that was a great way to get to know each other. It sounded adventurous and Lord knows I needed a real adventure.
I realized toward the end of the call that things were headed in a good direction and I needed to tell him the truth— that I was only sixteen and not eighteen like I had told him at the river.
“Ed, I have something to tell you. I’m not really eighteen,” I said, worried.
“What? How old are you?”
“Ummm… well… I… I’m only twelve.” I wanted to freak him out. Perhaps this way it wouldn’t be that big of a deal when I told him the truth.
“Oh, fuck… oh no. You gotta be kidding me!”
“Ease up,” I said, giggling.
“I’m kidding! I’m sixteen, almost seventeen.”
“Oh my God you scared the shit outta me! Are you still going to be a senior this year?”
“Yes, of course.”
“Aren’t you a little young for that?”
“Yes, it’s a long story.”
“Thanks for telling me the truth. Are your parents gonna kill you for talking to someone my age?”
“Probably. But I’m not worried about it if you aren’t.” What did I care what Mr. and Mrs. Moron thought? If Mom was that upset she could have Dr. Robertson up her medication and perhaps switch to a stronger cigarette. No big deal.
“Well…I guess not,” he replied, though I could tell he was thinking about it. There was definitely an age difference we couldn’t ignore, but I wasn’t going to worry about it for now. Plus I loved that he was older and wasn’t a silly high school boy looking to get laid.
The call from Ed was the first of many. We couldn’t get enough of each other and talked on the phone every chance we got. Sometimes he would get in from work at two am and I would program my alarm to go off so I could call him. We talked for hours and it didn’t matter if I was tired the next day because I was in love. I couldn’t find one thing I didn’t like about this man. It was barely a month and I was smitten. He felt the same.
Ed sent me postcards from the road, which I looked forward to receiving.
“Who’s Ed?” Mom asked one day as she handed me a postcard.
“Oh, just a friend.” I wasn’t ready to tell her what was going on. She still thought I was dating a guy named Trent, which technically I was. But he was in Nicaragua with his mom building homes for the poor through his church. His mom didn’t like that we were dating because she found condoms in his room and flipped out, which was why they were away for the summer. School was coming up, however, and I had to end it with him. I felt terrible breaking his heart since he was such a nice guy, but I was certain I wanted to be with Ed.
I devised a plan to tell Trent. I was going to wait until after the first week of school because I didn’t want to ruin the first week of his senior year. I also didn’t want him to think I had been cheating on him all summer, though I was unfaithful that day at the river. I wasn’t afraid of being honest but I did want to protect him. He really loved me and he didn’t deserve to start back to school with a broken heart. It was going to suck big time.
I shared my plan with Jess since she was the only one who knew about Ed and what happened that day. She agreed that it was a good plan and she understood I wanted to make it as drama free as possible. I should have known everything would backfire.
Chapter 19
The first day of senior year was exciting. It was fun to see the friends who had gone home over the summer and it was liberating to know that this was my last year at that hellhole. High school and I just did not agree and I couldn’t wait to be out of there. One more year.
Trent and I met up in the morning and he was thrilled to see me.
“I have something for you,” he said, as he hugged and kissed me. “I’ll give it to you later.” I was happy to see him too, but it made the whole thing worse and made me feel so low. How could I tell him the truth? That I had hooked up with a random guy and then fell for him? That I promised to remain faithful and broke that promise? I pushed it out of my mind as I listened to tales of Nicaragua, how hot it was there, how hard he worked and so on. He did have a beautiful tan now on top of his gymnast’s body. Oh dear, did I make a mistake? I liked this boy. I thought I’d take the week to decide. I was still obsessed with Ed but he was far away and even though we talked on the phone a lot he wasn’t making any plans to visit me. It was a conundrum.
I told Jess about my dilemma and she understood.
“Yeah, just take the week and decide,” she agreed. By this point I had also told Dana about my situation and I trusted her more than I trusted Jess.
“You’re nuts,” she said, shaking her head as I told her that Ed was twenty-three and divorced with two kids. “Larry and Joan are gonna flip their shit!” I couldn’t make her understand that they were the least of my worries. I was almost seventeen and they couldn’t lock me away. I didn’t care about disappointing them at all. Larry had already told me on more than one occasion that I’d never amount to anything, so I didn’t need his blessing regarding my choice of boyfriend. I wouldn’t have gotten it anyhow.
That day after school Trent gave me my gift from Nicaragua, a bottle of authentic Nicaraguan spiced rum. I was expecting earrings or a bracelet, but I could understand why he bought me booze— because I really liked it and he was trying to please me.
“Oh, thanks,” I said as I slipped the bottle into my backpack. I gave him a quick kiss and was off, riding home with Jess.
“I feel so bad, Jess. Trent brought me back a bottle of rum.”
“Really? Let’s crack it.”
“No, I should hold onto it. In case he wants it back.”
“What are you gonna do?”
“I have to tell him. I just have to.” I was going to tell him over that upcoming weekend so he could process it before going back to school. I couldn’t drag it on any longer.
The next day at school was uneventful. I had decided to buckle down and study hard, seeing as it was my final year there and I wanted it to be a success. I had signed up for an advanced placement anatomy class I was excited about, though less so when they brought us cats to dissect. The smell alone was one thing, but having to skin a very stiff dead cat with its mouth gaping open and its eyes crossed was a whole other crisis. I looked around the room and realized all the cats looked the same, like they were sent to a gas chamber and had died a horrible, horrible death.
“I can’t do this,” I told my partner Emily as we were putting our gloves on and getting ready to literally skin a cat.
“I know, it’s gross, but we’ll get through it,” she said.
And with that she started skinning as if she were cutting the fat off a chicken preparing it for dinner. I blinked back the tears welling up in my eyes and followed suit. Even though I had grown to loathe cats when one pissed in my closet and ruined all the clothes that were on the floor I still felt bad for this unfortunate kitty, which turned out to have a half-digested mouse in his belly. Well, at least he didn’t die hungry was all I could think as I skinned away, peeling back his formaldehyde-soaked black-and-white fur. Some of the guys in class were standing their kitties up and making them dance, like it was some big joke. It irritated me and just confirmed I was done with high school boys. It was time to date a real man.
At the end of the day I waited outside for Trent. He looked really angry and when I tried to say hi he cut me off.
“Is it true?”
“Is what true?” I asked, a lump in my throat.
“Did you cheat on me this summer? Is there someone else?” I had never seen Trent so angry and hurt at the same time. His eyes were glassy and his face was red. His brow was creased and he was shaking.
“Who told you that?” I asked, horrified because I already knew the answer.
“Who do you think?” he yelled. “Is it true?”
“I did meet someone this summer and I was going to tell you but I wanted to wait a bit. I didn’t want to ruin your first week of school.” Tears started falling.
“Did you fuck him? Did you?” He grabbed my arm a little too hard.
“Yes.”
“I can’t believe you! You bitch!” he screamed as he let go of my arm.
“I’m so sorry...” I grabbed his arm to get him to look at me. “Can we talk about this?”
“No! And don’t ever talk to me again!” He yelled as he walked away.
By this time a small crowd had gathered to see what we were fighting about. I was sure this would get around the school in a day or so and then everyone would know. I knew Jess had told him. Why was she such a horrible friend?
I tried to find her to cuss her out this time but she was nowhere to be found. I knew I’d s
ee her eventually and would give it to her. I was so sick of her shit, sick of someone pretending to be my friend. Screw her. I meant it this time.
The next day I found Jess over by the lockers. I had heard through friends that she and Trent were hanging out now and I wondered if she thought they would date. I found solace in the fact that I knew he wouldn’t date her due to her horrible reputation but I was sure she was cozying up to him, hopeful.
“What the hell is your problem?” I yelled as I banged my hand on the locker by her head. “Why would you do this to me?”
“What are you talking about?” she asked, averting her gaze.
“I know you told Trent about Ed.”
“No I didn’t!”
“Jess, I know it was you. He told me.”
“You’re crazy,” she said, turning to walk away. She couldn’t even face me. I finally decided then and there that I was done with Jessica O’Toole, once and for all.
School was a disaster for the next few weeks as Trent would yell things at me when he saw me in the hall. Surprisingly, it didn’t wreck me. I was a senior now, making changes. Dating an older man was helping me evolve. Ed didn’t like cigarettes so I cut down to almost none. I also stopped drinking and smoking weed for the most part. I started doing my homework. Ed would call and sometimes stay on the phone with me until it was done. I would read him the assignments and he’d give me ideas on how to answer, though he never did it for me. Ed didn’t go to high school so I think he was living through me a little. It was fun. I had never had so much support and I didn’t want to disappoint him. He was bringing out the best in me.
Riding Standing Up Page 19