‘Are you awake?’ She spoke in a loud whisper.
‘Very!’
‘Then come here!’
‘What?’ For a moment he wondered if he’d fallen asleep after all and was dreaming.
‘Come here unless you want to catch your death, but hurry up.’ She lifted a hand to beckon him. ‘The heat’s escaping.’
He didn’t wait to be told again, jumping to his feet and hurrying across the clearing, ducking his head under the doorway to step inside. The space within was illuminated by firelight and looked far bigger than he’d expected, with a raised central hearth framed by a bench on one side, an old wooden coffer on the other and a pile of furs opposite the door, above which hung an assortment of herbs that gave the air a pungent, almost heady aroma. Tove and Halvar were already asleep, he noticed, stretched out on the floor with their heads pressed together and snoring softly. It all looked snug and cosy and inviting. Too snug and cosy and inviting, it struck him suddenly. Three years ago, he would have been more than happy to be trapped in such a place with a woman. Now he wondered if the frigid cave might have been a wiser idea, after all...
‘How have you survived so long, Danr Sigurdsson?’ Sissa put her hands on her hips, looking him up and down critically. ‘Tomorrow we’ll build you a better shelter, but right now you should sit by the fire for a while. You’ll dry soon enough.’
‘Thank you.’ He ruffled his hands through his hair and sat down on the bench. ‘I never did like rain.’
‘I know. It was one of the first things you said to me.’
‘You remember that?’ He felt absurdly pleased by the fact. ‘I didn’t think you were listening to me that day.’
‘I was. You said you hated drizzle and clouds that hang in the air for days.’
‘Doesn’t everyone?’
She shrugged. ‘The rain feeds the forest. Without the grey days, the bright ones wouldn’t be so beautiful.’
‘I’d still rather have one big storm than a week of grey.’
‘Big storms cause damage. Trees are blown down and animals are frightened. You need more patience, Norseman.’ She gave him a chiding look and then clambered on to the pile of furs, pulling her knees to her chest and then tilting her head at the sound of a low rumble of thunder in the distance. ‘But perhaps you’ll get your wish.’
‘Mmm?’ Danr lifted his gaze quickly from where her tunic had ridden up to her calves. ‘What wish?’
‘It sounds as if there’s a storm coming.’
‘Ah.’ He averted his face to stare intently into the fire. It hadn’t exactly been what he’d been wishing for at that moment, but as long as she didn’t guess what had really been on his mind—or, more specifically, which part of her body... He gritted his teeth, re-ordering his thoughts before glancing back over his shoulder. ‘I thought you’d be asleep by now. You said you were tired.’
‘I am.’ She looked pensive. ‘But I was thinking.’
‘About my stupidity again?’ He quirked an eyebrow, but her expression remained serious.
‘About everything you told me. You might have rushed in too quickly by confronting your stepmother, but it was understandable. You thought you’d found the person responsible for destroying your family. Most people would probably have acted the same way. Maybe reckless is a better word.’
‘It sounds better.’ He smiled wryly. ‘Thank you.’
She nodded her head and patted the space next to her on the furs. ‘You can sleep here when you’re dry.’
‘You mean beside you?’ He felt as if all the air in the room had just been sucked up through the chimney.
‘Yes. You can’t sleep on the bench and it’s not good to sleep so close to the fire.’
‘I can sleep on the floor.’
She gave him a questioning look and then shrugged as if she didn’t care either way, wriggling down beneath her furs. ‘Do as you please. Only, if you do decide to sleep here don’t wake me.’
* * *
Sissa opened her eyes, brought back to consciousness by the tumult of wind and rain outside. The rumble of thunder had apparently been just the beginning of a storm. The rain was coming down in torrents now, lashing the sides of the roundhouse, finding its way down the chimney and making the hearth sizzle. She’d found it hard enough getting to sleep at all, firstly because she’d been worried about him freezing to death outside and then, after she’d invited him in, because her mind had still kept on whirling with everything he’d told her. She’d stared at the turf wall beside her head for a long time, thinking. His story had been difficult to listen to, so close to her own that she’d felt her stomach churn and a cold sweat break out on her brow several times. At one point she’d almost begged him to stop, feeling as if she were about to be sick.
Fortunately, she hadn’t, mumbling a few brief words of sympathy instead before shifting his attention on to the subject of his stepmother. It had been easier to think about who might have been responsible for the massacre than the events themselves. She didn’t blame Danr for suspecting Hilda, but she couldn’t help but feel there were holes in his theory. There were other holes in what he’d told her, too, about where he’d been when the massacre had happened, for example, but it was obvious he hadn’t wanted to tell her, which meant that, wherever he had been, he felt guilty about it.
She rolled on to her other side and almost bumped into him. She’d assumed that he’d chosen to sleep on the floor since she hadn’t felt him get into bed before she’d finally drifted off to sleep, which made his presence beside her something of a surprise now, albeit not an unpleasant one. He was lying on his back, his broad chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm of long, drawn-out breaths. She wasn’t sure why she’d invited him into her bed when she might have simply have offered him a fur for the floor, but it had seemed a reasonable idea at the time. Sharing a warm bed on a cold, stormy night was only practical, just as it had been when she’d been nursing him, although she had to admit that her feelings towards him had changed significantly in the few days since. She still had no intention of letting him stay any longer than was necessary, but now that she knew his story, he seemed more real somehow, less of a warrior and more of a man. It made it impossible to see him as just a warm body, either. Ever since that moment when their fingers had tangled, she’d found herself becoming more and more curious about him, not to mention more and more tempted to touch him again. It was strange how the idea of touching someone, of being touched as well, didn’t alarm her in the way it had even a day ago. Now she was aware of a strange yearning sensation, wondering what it would be like to feel his skin against hers. The warmth radiating from his body tempted her to move closer and find out, to reach out and stroke her fingers across his chest, just to see how it felt...
She resisted the impulse, rolling away from him to stare at the ceiling instead.
‘Can’t you sleep?’
‘Oh!’ The sound of his voice in her ear made her start guiltily. Had he known she’d just been staring at him? ‘No. I was thinking again.’
‘So was I.’ He smiled as she twisted her face back towards him. ‘About how glad I am you took pity on me tonight. I would have been washed away by now otherwise.’
‘Probably.’
He folded his good arm behind his head, his expression turning serious. ‘If you’re still thinking about what I told you earlier, then I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you.’
‘No.’ She swallowed, intensely aware of the curve of his bicep beside her. ‘I wasn’t thinking of that...’ Her voice trailed away as heat flared in her chest. How could she tell him what she’d really just been thinking? He’d said that he couldn’t mate and she didn’t even know if she wanted to, but on the other hand, why not talk to him about it? He was the one who liked talking so much. What was the worst that could happen? He could walk out and leave? She’d already told him to do that. Repeatedly.
‘You.’ She spoke before she could change her mind. ‘I was thinking about you.’
‘Me?’ She saw a flash of something in his eyes, quickly extinguished. ‘Then I’m flattered.’
‘Why can’t you mate?’
‘Why...?’ This time his expression seemed to freeze. ‘What?’
‘When I asked if you wanted to mate with me, you said you couldn’t. Why not?’
‘It’s complicated.’ He gave a small cough. ‘And you said you didn’t want a mate.’
‘I don’t, but I’m still curious.’ She ran her tongue over her bottom lip as her mouth turned dry. ‘Do you already have a mate?’
‘You mean a wife?’ He shifted beneath the furs, rearranging them slightly on top of him. ‘No.’
‘But you said that women liked you?’
‘They always seemed to, yes.’
‘So you like mating, but not having a mate?’
‘Ye-es, I suppose so. I did anyway.’
‘Some people come into the forest to mate.’ She drew her brows together. ‘It looks strange. Not the way animals do it.’
‘Really?’ There was a pained, slightly husky note to his voice all of a sudden.
‘They look at each other, with their faces together, like this.’ She leaned towards him at the same moment as there was a loud crack of thunder above. ‘But they seem to enjoy it.’
‘Yes, it can be...pleasurable either way.’
‘You mean there’s more than one way for people?’
‘A few...’
‘A few?’ Both her eyebrows shot up in surprise. ‘What are the others?’
‘This may not be the best time to discuss it.’ He cleared his throat, not that it seemed to help. His voice sounded even huskier, as if he were having trouble getting words out at all.
‘Are you all right? Here.’ She sat up and leaned over him, reaching for the flagon of water she kept beside the bed. ‘Drink some of this.’
‘Sissa...’ He sounded as if he were in some kind of pain.
‘What? You sound like you need it.’
‘I need something.’
She gave him a puzzled look and lay down again, one hand resting beneath her cheek. ‘So what does it feel like?’
‘What?’ He paused with the flagon against his lips.
‘Mating? How is it pleasurable?’
‘I don’t know. It’s hard to describe.’
‘You’re at a loss for words?’
‘Some words, yes.’ He took a long swallow and put the flagon aside. ‘Particularly those ones.’
‘You won’t even try to describe it?’
‘Moon’s eye, woman.’ He spun his face towards her again. ‘I’m trying to be good!’
‘But you just said that mating was pleasurable!’
‘It is. Very pleasurable sometimes, but I’m trying to be good with you. You’re an innocent.’
‘But I asked.’
He muttered something under his breath. ‘All right. It’s like losing yourself. You don’t think, you just feel.’
‘Mmm.’ She rolled on to her back again, feeling even more curious. Could mating really be as pleasurable as he said? Would it be pleasurable with him?
It wasn’t until he inhaled sharply that she realised she’d just asked the question aloud. Heat flooded her body, but now that she’d asked...
‘Would I find it pleasurable with you?’ she repeated the question. ‘If you and I were to mate, I mean.’
‘Sissa!’ He let out something between a cough and an expletive. ‘Trust me, I’m not good mate material.’
‘I’m only asking what if. I’m curious.’
‘Curiosity can be dangerous.’
‘But I want to know...’
Chapter Twelve
Sissa felt the hairs on the backs of her arms and neck prickle.
Curiosity can be dangerous...
That was definitely true. Until Danr had arrived, her life had been one of silence and safety. Somehow he’d made it more dangerous and yet she couldn’t bring herself to turn away from him either. Instead, she felt as though every nerve in her body was humming, waiting for something to happen. She could sense a similar tension in him, too. Just his expression made her feel breathless. He reminded her of Halvar when he was stalking his prey, crouching low, taking his time, waiting for the perfect moment...
She ran the tip of her tongue over her bottom lip, repeating her question a third time. ‘I want to know...would it be pleasurable with you?’
‘There would be some pain at first, but I would make it pleasurable.’ His eyes looked hooded. ‘I could make it pleasurable for you.’
‘You mean those things you said when you first came here? The ones that made me angry?’
‘Yes.’ One of his hands moved to skim the side of her hip. ‘If that’s what you really want?’
‘I didn’t say that.’ She was the one to clear her throat this time. Her breath was coming in shorter, almost ragged bursts, making it hard to think clearly. The situation seemed even more dangerous now and yet she wasn’t afraid of him either. Somehow she knew he wouldn’t hurt her or do anything she didn’t want. It was herself she was afraid of. If only she knew what it was she wanted... ‘But if we did...how would we start?’
‘Well...’ His hand trailed upwards, stroking across her stomach. ‘We’d probably start with a kiss.’
‘Like this?’ She wriggled closer, pressing her lips lightly against his. It was the way Birger had once kissed her on the cheek.
‘Ye-es.’ His eyes glowed brighter in the firelight, like stars in the darkness. ‘Only, perhaps more like this...’
Before she could ask what he intended, his mouth had found hers again, touching softly at first as if he were encouraging her to trust him, then with a harder pressure accompanied by a strangled sound from the back of his throat. His lips were warm and firm and seemed to have some kind of destabilising effect on the rest of her body, flooding her limbs with warmth and making her inner organs perform a series of strange and startling contortions. Her heart seemed to have leapt into her throat and her stomach was busy twisting itself into some kind of knot. It all felt alarming and exciting at the same time, as if the thunder and lightning outside had somehow burst into the roundhouse with them, eclipsing thought and leaving only a building fervour behind. After a momentary hesitation, she let herself yield to the feeling, embracing and savouring every reaction even when his tongue slid along the seam of her lips, coaxing them apart and then dipping past them into her mouth.
‘Danr?’ She murmured his name as they came apart finally.
‘Mmm?’ His lips drifted to the curve of her throat, nuzzling beneath her chin while one of his hands slid around to the small of her back, drawing her even closer towards him.
‘What would come next?’ She sounded as if she were panting.
‘Next I would kiss you here.’ He moved his head lower, dragging the neck of her shift down over one shoulder and trailing his lips along the line of her collarbone, then darting his tongue out to kiss the hollow at the base of her neck. ‘And here...and all over...’
‘And what would I do?’
‘Whatever you wanted.’ His lips stilled for a moment. ‘You could kiss me, too, or touch me, or just lie back and enjoy it.’
She decided to try all three suggestions at once, closing her eyes as she smoothed her hands over his shoulders and back, tracing the contours of each corded muscle. Surges of pleasure pulsed in small waves through her body and the knot in her stomach tightened almost painfully. Except that it wasn’t quite her stomach. It was lower than that, between her thighs, thighs and hips that had started to move and strain upwards of their own accord. It seemed almost impossible to keep still.
‘Sissa.’ He growled her name and she tipped her head back, seized w
ith a new thrill of excitement. His body was straining against hers in a way that left her in no doubt about what he wanted and how much he wanted it. She wanted it, too, she realised, and just as badly. She was a long way beyond curiosity now and in more danger than she’d imagined was possible when she’d simply asked how it would feel, yet she still couldn’t bring herself to stop. Instead, she trailed her hands across his chest, amazed at how hard and solid he felt beneath her fingertips, sliding them around his neck and into his hair as his lips claimed hers again. She felt... What did she feel? As if she were trying to reach some elusive peak of feeling, but also that she never wanted it to end...
They moaned simultaneously as one of his legs slid between her thighs, nudging them gently but firmly apart. And then a hand gripped the hem of her shift, drawing it up around her waist, and she felt a flutter of panic. Touching and kissing him was one thing, but this was too much, too quickly... Something about it didn’t feel right. Something was missing. Anxiety overtook excitement. Maybe inviting him into her bed had been a mistake, after all. Even aside from the sheer overwhelmingness of it, there could be other consequences, too, ones that she wasn’t ready to deal with... She opened her mouth, about to protest, when he moved away suddenly, muttering an oath as he rolled to the other side of the bed.
‘Danr?’ She sat up, her body still tingling from his touch, her emotions torn between relief and surprise as she pulled her shift back up around her shoulders.
‘I’m sorry.’ He half-turned his head though he didn’t look at her, his voice thick-sounding. ‘I can’t. I want to, but I can’t. And curiosity isn’t a good enough reason, trust me. It...mating, should mean more.’
‘You mean love?’
He looked briefly over his shoulder and then away again. ‘Yes.’
‘Oh.’ She looked down at her hands. Just a moment ago they’d been pressed against his skin, caressing, exploring, taking pleasure from the heat and silken feel of his body. Now they felt cold and empty, but curiosity wasn’t enough... She pursed her lips. He was right. It was the conclusion she’d just come to as well, the reason she’d been about to ask him to stop. She only wished that she’d been the one to say it first.
Redeeming Her Viking Warrior Page 10