Which was exactly what it had felt like.
Stars! He muttered an oath under his breath. His heart was still pounding with fear, not to mention a powerful desire to crush her in his arms and kiss her senseless. His thoughts had been preoccupied all morning with what had happened—almost happened—between them during the night, mainly by the fact that he’d desired her so much that he’d been severely tempted to break his vow. But her almost-accident had stirred up feelings in some deeper, more profound part of him. It wasn’t just desire he felt for her, he realised now. It was...something else. Something he’d never felt before, something truer and more tender, and he had the sudden, alarming conviction that whatever it was, there was no turning back.
And he was still holding on to her hand, he realised. Not just that, but his fingers had somehow become entwined with hers, joining their bodies together as if they were one and not two.
* * *
‘Danr?’ She spoke when they reached the base of the valley again. ‘Your hand. It’s too tight.’
‘Too...? Oh.’ He frowned and immediately loosened his hold. ‘Forgive me.’
‘There’s nothing to forgive, but you should let me take a look at your arm.’
‘It feels better now.’
‘I’ll be the judge of that. Stop.’ She dug her heels in and tugged back against him with surprising force. ‘Unfasten your tunic.’
‘Later.’
‘Now!’
‘You can see there’s no blood.’
‘That’s not the point.’ She pulled her hand away from his so she could place both of hers on her hips. ‘Remember our agreement? You said you’d do whatever I asked. Now, unfasten your tunic or I’ll do it myself.’
‘Fine.’ He heard the catch in his voice as he undid the fastenings at his neck, loosening his mail and tunic and drawing them both down over his injured arm. ‘There. Happy now?’
‘Not yet. I need to look properly.’ She caught his eye for a brief moment, the pupils of her own swelling slightly before she bent her head to examine the wound.
‘What do you think?’ His voice was a bare rasp of sound, his mind filled with memories from the night before—the feel of her body in his arms, the silken touch of her hair and skin, the scent of herbs and woodsmoke, the sound of moaning as his lips moved over her...
‘The wound hasn’t opened again,’ she murmured, ‘though it must have hurt a great deal.’
‘I didn’t notice.’
‘Liar.’
His lips quirked. ‘Maybe a little, but I had other things to worry about. I wasn’t going to lose you.’
‘You might have fallen, too.’
‘Then we would have fallen together.’
‘Together...’ If he wasn’t mistaken, her breathing hitched before she cleared her throat. ‘We should get on.’
‘Why?’ He covered her hand with his own as she drew his tunic back over his shoulder. ‘Where are we going? If the journey’s so dangerous, why don’t you just tell me what happened to you?’
‘Because I don’t know if I can.’ Her face clouded. ‘I’ve never told anyone. I need to show you.’
‘All right, but no more pretending to be mountain goats. We stay in the valleys, Gaels or no Gaels.’
‘It’s a longer route. We’ll have to camp overnight.’
‘Then we camp overnight.’
‘Very well.’ She pursed her lips. ‘But in that case you have to talk.’
‘Are you saying you want me to talk?’
‘Yes. The quiet was unnerving before, especially after...’ Her voice trailed away as a swathe of red crept over her cheeks.
‘Ah.’ He nodded with comprehension. ‘Then I’ll talk—we’ll talk—but I’m leading the way from now on.’
‘You don’t know where we’re going.’
‘Good point.’ He made a face. ‘Then we go side by side. Together.’
He readjusted his clothes and they set off again, more slowly and carefully this time, without crossing any more precipices. Tove and Halvar rejoined them after a little while and they remained undisturbed by the Gaels, though he had a suspicion there were eyes watching them on several occasions. Sissa was right; it was a much longer route, but it was far easier to admire the rugged beauty of their surroundings from below. The black peaks looked forbidding and magnificent at the same time, starkly striking as if the earth had been stripped back to its bare essentials, leaving an impression of raw power.
* * *
It was halfway through the afternoon when he noticed that Sissa’s footsteps were slowing and he guessed they were almost at their destination. There was a faint tang of salt in the air, too, as if they were approaching the other side of the island and the sea again. At last she stopped altogether, pointing towards a rocky overhang in a sheer cliff face.
‘That was where Coblaith found me five summers ago.’ Her voice sounded tight. ‘I was curled up in a ball, sheltering from the cold and rain, shivering so hard I remember my teeth ached from chattering. I doubt I would have survived the night if she hadn’t come along when she had. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to survive, but I suppose I must have, mustn’t I, to have taken shelter in the first place?’
He nodded, walking towards the overhang and placing one hand against the rock. It felt cold and abrasive beneath his fingertips. He had a feeling that saying the wrong thing now might change her mind about showing him more, but the curiosity was almost overwhelming. Perhaps if he asked indirectly?
‘What was Coblaith like?’
‘She was hard to describe. She never showed a great deal of emotion, but she was kind to me. I think she must have been very beautiful once. She was still striking as an old woman and she never stooped, though her black hair was streaked with white. The first time I saw her I thought she must be a witch. She must have come to see what was happening, what all the noise had been about...’ She walked over and put her hand next to his on the rock. ‘I should have been afraid of her since I’d been taught never to go near Gaels on my own, but I was beyond fear. She was my only hope.’
‘So she saved you?’ He moved his hand sideways, touching the tips of his fingers against hers. Somehow just that touch made the rock seem warmer.
‘Yes.’
‘From what?’
Chapter Fourteen
‘From this.’ Sissa set down her pack on the hillside, pointing to the half-collapsed, half-burnt remains of her old village below. She hadn’t answered Danr’s last question, merely leading him to this spot, looking down on to the plateau and beach. He’d told her his story the day before and now she wanted to show him hers—her home, the place where she’d been born and had lived for thirteen years, before she’d fled in horror.
‘This was a village.’ Danr looked at the scene and then back at her.
‘Yes. My village. That was our house over there.’ She gestured towards a dilapidated timber construction as she made her way down among the ruins. She hadn’t visited since the previous spring and, as usual, nature had reclaimed even more of the site in the intervening months. The few remaining buildings were empty shells, held up and almost completely strangled with plants. ‘There used to be a dozen or so families living here. Farmers mostly and a few old warriors, though not enough to fight off the raiders.’
‘Raiders?’ His voice was leaden.
‘Yes.’ She strove to sound matter of fact about it. ‘A group of outlaws by the look of them, though I never knew who they were or where they came from. They just arrived one morning, landing their ships on the beach as if they knew there wasn’t much we could do to stop them. Which was true. There wasn’t. Our menfolk tried to defend us, but it was no use...’ She clamped her lips together for a moment, getting her emotions back under control before continuing. ‘They took the little coin we had and all our food supplies for the winter. We might have given it to
them if they’d only threatened us, but they were already mad with drink when they arrived. It was as though they were determined on bloodshed.’
‘Bastards.’ Danr reached down and picked up a small metal object. It looked like the tip of an arrow, the shaft long since rotted away. ‘Did they take any prisoners?’
‘No.’ She had to make a conscious effort to unclench her jaw. ‘Everyone was slain. I only escaped because I was coming back with my mother from the river at the time. We saw what was happening from a distance. Then Tove started barking and a warrior noticed and started to run towards us with his sword raised, like this.’ She swung her arm above her head, the memory of a battle-crazed warrior flashing through her mind with horrifying clarity.
‘What happened?’
She sank her teeth into her bottom lip, lowering her arm again slowly. ‘My mother picked up Tove and pushed her into my arms. Then she hugged me and told me to run away and hide.’
‘She didn’t go with you?’
‘No. She picked up some rocks and started to hurl them at the warrior to give me time to get away. It worked. I did what she said and fled up the mountainside. When I looked back, she was already lying on the ground.’ She paused for a moment and swallowed. ‘I watched the rest from the trees. The outlaws stayed for two days, getting more and more drunk on our ale before loading their ships, burning most of the houses and leaving.’
‘Leaving you all alone.’ He clenched his jaw. ‘It must have been terrible, Sissa. To lose your whole family like that...’
‘My parents, yes, but I was their only child, born long after they’d given up hope of having any. I suppose that’s a good thing, that I had no brothers or sisters to mourn, but the whole village had been like a family to me. I mourned everyone.’
‘I’m sorry.’
‘So am I.’ She took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry for what happened to your family, too. I didn’t express it well yesterday. I couldn’t. It all sounded too familiar.’
‘At least I still have my brothers. I can’t imagine what it must have been like to be all alone. How long was it until Coblaith found you?’
‘A few days. At first Tove looked after me.’ She threw an affectionate glance towards the wolf. ‘She kept the other animals at bay and brought me food.’
‘Your mother was wise.’
‘Yes. She wanted me to survive so I did. That’s why I did, for her, not for me.’ She shuddered. ‘After the raiders left all I wanted was to lie down in the dirt at my mother’s side and never get up. Instead, I laid stones over her body and cried. It was all I could do.’
She turned and looked out across the sea to the hills of the mainland beyond. ‘You asked me once if I was lonely. I was then. Coblaith was company of a sort, but we couldn’t talk and then she left, too. There were times when I thought I might go mad. Then the new Norsemen came and built the village where your enemy lives now. I watched them do it and thought about going there. One day I went closer for a look, but the people thought I was a ghost and ran away.’ She gave a tight laugh. ‘Maybe I should have brushed my hair first.’
He didn’t laugh back. ‘Why didn’t you tell them who you were?’
‘I couldn’t.’
‘Couldn’t?’
‘I couldn’t speak. I tried, but it was as though my voice had become trapped inside me. I couldn’t say a word.’ She smiled sadly. ‘I don’t know whether it was because I’d become so used to not speaking or because I had doubts about being there, but that’s when I knew it was too late for me to go back. I knew I could never live among people again. I could never be a part of their world. Then I realised that it was useful for them to be afraid of me. I knew that their fear and the forest would keep me safe.’
‘And you’ve been keeping yourself safe ever since?’
‘Yes.’ She nodded. ‘My voice came back after a while, but I didn’t use it very often, only with Tove occasionally. Now nobody comes near me except when they’re sick or injured, then they always hurry away.’ She paused. ‘Everyone except you. You’re the only one who wouldn’t go away, the only person I’ve spoken to properly in five years.’
‘Then I’m honoured...’ he inclined his head slightly ‘...and sorry. For forcing you to speak that day.’
‘You made me so angry, I couldn’t help shouting at you.’
‘I’m good at provoking people.’ He looked regretful. ‘But if I’d known what you’d been through, I would never have done it.’
‘Part of me is glad that you did. It feels good to talk again, just for a while.’
‘But there’s still one thing I don’t understand. How did you end up helping the villagers if they’re so scared of you?’
‘One day about two years ago I came across a man who’d been gored by a stag. The people around him were mending the wound badly so I did it for them. I think they didn’t dare stop me. Then a few days later, someone came to the edge of the forest and hung a necklace from one of the trees. Ever since then, people have been coming to me for help and giving me food and clothing in return. That’s why I go to the edge of the forest every so often.’
‘But maybe you could speak to them now?’ He caught her hand, holding it between his. ‘You could explain all this to them the way you have to me. You don’t need to worry about the same thing happening again. There are more people here now, more warriors to defend the village. You could be safe there.’
‘Nowhere is safe, not really—besides, why should I trust them? I’ve seen what people are capable of. Warriors...’ She looked down at their joined hands, feeling a chill despite the warmth of his skin. ‘The forest is my home. I know how to survive here.’
‘But you can do more than survive. There should be more to life than survival, Sissa. You could go—’
‘No!’ she interrupted him, squeezing his hand until he fell silent. ‘This is who I am and where I belong. If there had been a way for me to find out who those raiders were and get justice for my family, I would have taken it, but there wasn’t. But if there is for you, then I want to help.’
‘What?’ His shoulders stiffened visibly. ‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean that you might not be able to go to the village and confront your stepmother, but I can. I can show her those pendants and find out the truth.’
* * *
Danr held himself very still, shocked into silence by her words, by their surroundings, by all of it. He’d suspected that something terrible had happened in her past, yet the idea of another massacre had never occurred to him. It was so similar to his own story and yet somehow even worse. At least he’d been a grown man in Maerr, but she’d been little more than a child, watching the slaughter of everyone she knew in the world before being left to survive almost completely alone in the wild for five years... And now she was offering to help him—him of all people! As if he were worthy of her help. As if he were the one who’d suffered the most! He wanted to wrap her tight in his arms and then track down every last member of that raiding party and get justice for her, too.
‘No.’ He shook his head. ‘It’s too dangerous.’
‘Only for you.’ She thrust her jaw out. ‘You said that you didn’t show your stepmother the pendants when you first confronted her, didn’t you?’
‘No. I mentioned them, but I never showed her.’
‘Then let me do it. Maybe I’ll be able to tell something from her reaction.’
‘She knows I’m on the island somewhere. She’ll assume I gave them to you.’
‘Or she’ll think I found them on your body and simply took them. It doesn’t matter. She’ll be frightened enough that I know they’re hers. She’ll think I have some power to see the truth.’ She shrugged. ‘She can ask me whatever she wants; I won’t answer.’
‘She might hold you prisoner until you do tell her.’
‘The people in the village won’t let h
er. They value my help and they’re frightened of me, remember? They’ll be afraid I might summon a storm in revenge.’
‘There’s still Joarr. He didn’t look very frightened of you yesterday.’
‘No...’ Her face clouded slightly. ‘But he won’t be able to go against the wishes of his kinsman, no matter what he wants to do with me. Trust me, Danr.’
‘It’s not a matter of trust. It’s about your safety. I don’t want you going anywhere near either of them.’
She wrenched her hand away. ‘Why not?’
‘Because this is my task, not yours.’
‘I’m offering to help you.’
‘I don’t want help.’
‘But you need it.’
‘Sissa...’ He took another step towards her. ‘I’m grateful for the offer, but I don’t want you taking any risks, especially for me.’
‘I won’t—’
‘No!’ He spoke in a tone of command. ‘I won’t change my mind about this. You just said that you’re safe in the forest because people leave you alone. Well, if you get tangled up in my mess then they might not leave you alone any more. I won’t ruin your life. You’ve already done enough for me. I don’t deserve any more.’
‘You deserve justice, if you can get it.’ She folded her arms, her expression stubborn. ‘And you need a better plan than holding a sword to your stepmother’s throat and hoping she confesses.’
‘I know.’
‘And you haven’t thought of one...’
‘Not yet.’
‘So you have to admit that my plan is a good one...’
‘That’s not the point. I’ll think of something else.’
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