by Sonia Rao
Each of her days began and ended with thoughts of VK. That was in her control. But any time at all, out of the blue, during the day, thoughts of VK would strike her like a blow to the stomach and the pain would leave her helpless with despair and feelings of loss. Would she ever get over him?
******
Girish Sanghavi had to give it to VK. Shivalika had stood before him, like an apparition, so slim and slender and the dress suit of light coral looked so good on her that any red-blooded person would want to take her in their arms and promise to protect her from any danger. He wondered about their story but he respected VK too much to probe into it with Shivalika. He had already seen her portfolio and was impressed. Poor VK! He had lost a jewel of a designer. His loss was Neo Design Company’s gain.
But when he had asked her about La Piazza, he’d seen the expression that had flitted across her eyes. Her words did their work well, not one word out of place, but he knew for sure something had happened between VK and her.
Her brilliance had shone through from the first day itself, in every new idea and design she offered. And they were way beyond whatever he had ever seen and he was impressed. But she never ever socialized with any of the office staff. Not that she was ever rude but she never gave a glance or smile more than necessary to anyone in the office.
Neo Designs had a fun challenge that every new member of the team was subjected to. In Shivalika’s case, it was Rahul who was deputed to woo her. He was considered to be the Casanova of the office, as handsome and charming as they come. No girl in the office had been able to resist his advances. He was confident Shivalika would fall under his charms on Day One itself. By the end of the week, when he saw what she did with the red rose he got her, he knew he had lost the challenge. The first time ever.
He still couldn’t believe that Shivalika just looked through him. The tables had turned. Rahul had really meant it when he had brought her the red rose. He had, in reality, fallen for her. The joke was on the joker. Girish had a good laugh when Rahul narrated the entire incident to him.
Girish couldn’t resist calling VK and giving him the details. Smartly, he did not approach the topic directly. “Did you know Shivalika had won the first Oriental Hotels Award for her creative final year project? The one where she had ropes hanging down with what looked like mannequins tied upside down and each of them looking at a mirror in front of them? I had been so impressed with that installation.”
“Yes, my girl’s bright.” VK’s voice came down the line like a cat’s that has eaten all the cream.
“And she’s won a bagful of more awards.”
“Yes.” VK’s replied.
“Aren’t you feeling bad you let go of such a valuable asset to your company?”
There was silence on the other end. And then VK said, “Which other company can give her opportunities to rise in the field other than yours?”
VK was not revealing anything about his feelings for Shivalika, so sneakily, gently, Girish snuck in the real barb. He told VK about the challenge. He omitted the part about Shivalika’s lack of response. Everything’s fair in love and war and especially if you were getting your friend to own up to his love. And when he did, he heard the sharp intake of breath on the other end and he grinned. He had been right. VK was head over heels in love with Shivalika.
“What happened?” he asked VK.
“About what?” VK pretended not to understand.
“We know each other too well for you to pretend, don’t you think?” Girish gave a short laugh.
VK knew he could no longer beat about the bush. “I love her, dammit, but how can I tell her that?”
“And why can't you? She must be as besotted by you as I think you are with her. Why would you not be able to tell her? You’ve already broken up with Misha, so why?”
“I want Shivalika to be sure she loves me. Maybe she thinks she loves me just because I was there to console her when she lost her mother. It was a very vulnerable time for her and I still can’t forgive myself for what I did.”
“What did you do?” Girish’s heart clenched. He knew his friend well enough to know that he would never hurt another being intentionally, but this sounded serious.
“I kissed her at the airport, when we were waiting to board the plane.”
Girish began laughing. “You had me worried there, for a moment. And what makes you think that one can dictate to the heart about what or who to love? Do you remember the company we started when we were right out of college? We were so much in love with it and we were sure we would be with it forever. Did we fall in love because we had told ourselves it was the right thing to do, good for us?”
“You’re comparing love for our fledgling company to my love for Shivalika? Really?”
“Yes, and I am not ashamed to admit that I loved it with all my heart and soul. Stop judging and hurting yourself and Shivalika. Just tell her you love her and grab her before you lose her. Yeah, maybe not to those Casanova dudes in my office but could be anything else. Shivalika could herself decide never to accept you again if you delay.”
“Can’t dispute that. But that challenge, you really need to stop that. I think it is an appalling practice. Misogynist. Showing off macho power. I think each one of us has to set a good example.”
“When the newcomer is a guy, the girls get into the act.”
“Umm...okay.”
“It’s a rite of passage, sort of. But let me address it at our next meeting. In fact, I’ll get Shivalika to take a decision on it.”
“Hmphh…” And with this, VK ended the call.
CHAPTER 21
“I haven’t seen this,” Rahul said, pointing to the rising sun, “since I don’t know when.” The others in the bus nodded somberly. That was because most of them were half-asleep and the movement of the luxury bus they were travelling in was making their heads nod.
The entire team of Neo Designs was going to Lonavala as part of a team bonding exercise.
Shivalika who was wide awake smiled and shook her head at this guy who was always trying to impress her. But he was as diligent in his work as he was in pursuing her so she did not hold it against him.
The breeze of Lonavala was refreshing as the Mumbai air could never be. “Bring on the breakfast,” Shivalika’s colleagues chanted, feeling hungry after the good sleep they had in the bus. The resort they were spending their day in had geared up to provide them an amazing culinary experience: Pav vadas—the most favourite snack of Mumbaikars, poha, sabudana khichdi and diced fresh fruits. It was breakfast fit for the Mumbai champions.
Girish had arranged for a mid-morning motivational talk from a well-known “guru” who was not just a fount of human knowledge but also of divine wisdom. Girish had done the smart thing by booking this busy monk’s talk a year ago.
Lunch was another culinary adventure from the Konkan regions with its selection of both fish and vegetarian dishes. Sol kadi made of kokum was the welcome drink which all were gulping down if not by a bucketful then by at least a big jugful. And this was just the beginning. Shivalika walked along the serving line checking out the dishes put out in an lavish spread. Scrumptious fish curry, fish fry, grilled prawns, appams with khatkate—a Konkan curry made with coconut, toor dal, vegetables and tirphal as well as rice with caldine— a vegetable curry made with lady finger and flavoured with coconut and other spices: there was something for everyone.
Gorging on the delicious dishes had made everyone sleepy.
“Okay, short nap everyone but after that we are playing games to build the team spirit,” the head of the HR department announced. Everyone groaned but when they were called upon, all joined in the fun whole-heartedly.
At tea-time, the resort set out an impressive selection of different types of teas and coffees. There was also a counter for fresh fruit juices and coconut water. Shivalika sat down in one of the cane chairs set outside in the garden to enjoy her fresh coconut water while watching the handball match going on at one side between two gr
oups of the staff. It looked very competitive from the shouts and groans and jeers coming from both the sides.
“Shivalika, we’ve received an invitation to attend the Design Symposium in Antibes,” Girish said as he settled down in the chair next to Shivalika.
“That’s a great honour, Girish,” Shivalika replied, sipping her coconut water.
“I want you to lead the delegation,” Girish said, taking a sip of his chilled fresh lime soda. Shivalika almost dropped the coconut she was holding when she heard this. Girish’s comment had brought the Paris trip to mind. There were just too many memories attached to that trip and now another trip to the same country? No will do.
“I’m sorry, Girish, I won’t be able to travel,” she said, immediately. “But I’ll train someone to take my place there.”
“You know there is no one who can portray our company better than you,” Girish said, gently. “Don’t be in a hurry to make a decision. We have time. Go home and think about it,” he added.
Shivalika just shook her head.
Girish was confused about her response. He was sure there was more to it than he understood. VK would surely know. Girish was a lover of love stories and his topmost mission now was to do everything in his power to bring VK and Shivalika together. He didn’t have the patience to wait till he reached home to get in touch with VK so he found a deserted part of the beach and called him.
“We’ve been invited to the Designs Symposium at Antibes and I’ve nominated Shivalika to lead the delegation. That might be a good opportunity for you to meet her and make amends,” Girish said, keeping his voice low to avoid being overheard. “But there’s one small problem.”
“And that is…?”
“France is such a lovely, romantic country: Paris, Antibes, the French Riviera. Who wouldn’t want to go there? Do you know why Shivalika is refusing to go, then, VK?”
“She will go.”
“Then make sure you go too. And, don’t come back empty-handed.”
“Will do, Girru.” VK signed off, knowing what he had to do next.
******
“What do you mean you are not going?” Grandmother and granddaughter were having a bonding moment, after dinner. Gramma was spooning ice-cream into the bowls, bigger portions for the twins, and a smaller one for Shivalika’s father. She put them on a tray and motioned to the maid to serve it to them as they had already gone into their rooms.
She scooped out another biggish portion for Shivalika and before she could add another, Shivalika put her hand on hers to stop her.
“That’s what I said just now. I told Girish I cannot lead a delegation to Antibes. I can’t go back to France, Gramma.”
“But why?” Gramma sat down next to her with her own bowl of ice-cream and put a spoonful of it in her mouth. “Mmmm…” Gramma’s appreciation for the ice-cream made Shivalika smile. She preferred cake but she took a taste of the ice-cream and nodded. It was really good ice-cream. “So, why are you not going?” Gramma words brought her back to the topic at hand.
“Memories of my Paris trip are still very strong and I’ve not got over them yet.”
The maid came back with empty bowls, the twins wanting seconds. Gramma told her to refill them herself and to help herself to the ice-cream too after she’d had her dinner. Gramma turned back to Shivalika and said, “Memories are meant to make us strong and give us courage to move forward, child. They are definitely not supposed to become shackles that stop our growth.”
Shivalika now looked thoughtful, gently gnawing on her lower lip. Gramma looked at her even as she finished eating the last bit of ice cream in her bowl. VK had called her earlier in the day and had revealed his intentions for Shivalika. For this he needed Gramma’s help and that was to make sure Shivalika went to Antibes.
Before Shivalika could refuse again, Gramma provoked her further. “If you are not going to get married or get into any relationship, can you afford to not attend this event, which could really take you far in your career?
Shivalika had no suitable reply. “Perhaps you are right, Gramma,” she said, collecting the empty bowls and carrying them to the kitchen. From there she shouted, “Maybe it is time to move on.”
Gramma did a quick jig on hearing Shivalika’s words. The next day she took Shivalika shopping and bought her smart clothes which Shivalika insisted they wouldn’t be needing at all but her grandmother insisted and she just didn’t have the energy to say no.
*****
“That is really great news,” Girish said when she informed him about her decision. “Now, I want you and Aksheeya to make a game plan for the show. Topic for presentation, how many meetings and with whom, if you want to conduct workshops and so on.”
His enthusiasm was so infectious. Perhaps the trip might not be so bad after all, Shivalika thought.
“I leave it to you to choose the team you want to take with you,” he said, breaking into her thoughts.
Shivalika got into the swing of things as the excitement spread to the team. As she made plans, she often fell back on her experience in Paris. Having seen VK and Misha handle themselves during the show had taught her a lot and this is what she implemented now.
She wondered how they were doing. Perhaps they had kept their engagement low key or she might have missed seeing any news about them. It must have taken place at the time when she had been overcome with grief about VK’s cheating.
“Should we include details of this collection in the brochure?” Aksheeya’s question brought her back to the present. Shivalika shook her head to get rid of all those old cobwebs in her brain. She was sure she would not be so affected if she saw them again. But right now, she had to focus on getting ready for Antibes and that was what she would do.
******
The night previous to her departure for Antibes, she sat down with her father, tears in her eyes. Her last visit, to Paris, had ended abruptly when the tragedy took place.
She explained to him all his physiotherapy exercises, which he listened to patiently, having practiced them for so long but when she turned to leave, her father caught her arm.
“Sit for a few minutes, Shivalika,” he said gently.
With questions in her eyes, Shivalika dragged a chair near to her father’s and sat down on it.
“Your mother loved you very much, you know that, don’t you, chimnee?” Tears sprang to her eyes when she heard the nickname he had for her: chimnee—a sparrow. Her heart filled with regret at his words. She too had wanted to let her mother know that she, Shivalika, too loved her. And wanted to ask for her forgiveness. But it was too late.
“She was always so proud of you, your achievements in school, college. Remember that competition you won? The interior design award? She called up all her friends and relatives to tell them about it. Maybe even show off a bit. But then parents always take great pride in what their children do, right?” His eyes had a glazed look, as he travelled into the past on the train of his memories.
“She told me what that happened that day when you came home early from school,” he said, and her head snapped up at his words. “The neighbour had forced himself on her and it was good you reached in time. He ran away from there when he saw you. In fact, he disappeared that very day. And without even paying off the rent that was due,” her father continued, with a reflective laugh.
And here she had been nursing this misplaced trust and anger against her mother for so long.
“Your mother has not left you. She will always be watching over you. Parents never stop loving their children how much ever they hurt them, you know,” he continued. “She wouldn’t have wanted you to be unhappy,” he said, his eyes conveying much more than words could.
Shivalika felt like a big load was lifted off her chest. Tears now flowed fast but there was also a lightness in her smile as she hugged her dad. The guilt she had been feeling was washed away even as she wiped her face with her palms. “Thank you, Baba,” she whispered. Her dad gently patted her shoulder.
&n
bsp; “Perhaps, I’ve misunderstood VK.” This niggling thought troubled her a bit, but she put it aside firmly. That was the past and there was no going back to it.
CHAPTER 22
The day had dawned bright when they landed in Antibes. It had been a long flight with a stopover. Finally, seeing that she was in France again, Shivalika tensed. Her father’s disclosures had left her feeling angry and helpless at the same time. Angry at herself and helpless that she lost a chance to get closure with her mother.
As they stepped out of the airport, Shivalika and her team members stretched. And, then they shivered. The weather as usual was playing a prank. But they were prepared, thanks to Shivalika’s instructions. They quickly brought out their jackets and bundled themselves up comfortably against the cold.
Shivalika was fighting a losing battle against her memories of her Paris visit. It had all the elements of a Bollywood movie: wooing, flirting, loving, a tragedy, meeting the family. The breakup though had taken place in the workplace itself, technically.
Packing up all those memories in a special compartment of her heart, Shivalika prepared herself for the presentation.
Once on the stage, Shivalika smiled at the audience, glad for the huge turnout. But as she looked around, the first pair of eyes she encountered were those of VK. She blinked and looked again and then faltered in her speech. Was she hallucinating, seeing her heart’s desire everywhere? She was going mad. But she shook her head and carried on with her presentation.
She was superb and when she finished everyone in the audience stood up to applaud for her dramatic designs. Was heartbreak making her more creative? She wondered if there was a payoff: lose the love of your life and gain fame. She would have settled for love anytime, fame be damned.
When she turned to look again, his seat was empty. Why was he here? Were his fiancée and he attending as part of a delegation. She looked around for Rati and Jayesh but she couldn’t see anyone else she knew. Maybe there were new people with him. She was reminded once again of her dad’s disclosure the night before she left for Antibes. Was it possible there actually had been some misunderstanding with VK? Well, it was too late to do anything about it now.