by Holly Martin
Skye looked over at Jesse to see that, despite missing out on sex, he was quite happily stroking Chewy’s ears.
‘I was just on my way to see you actually, Skye,’ Seamus went on, reaching out a hand to try and grab Chew Barker and accidentally poking Jesse in the face. ‘Sorry.’
‘Can you pass me my shirt,’ Jesse hissed as Seamus fumbled around to find Chew Barker’s collar. Skye grabbed the shirt and handed it over.
As Jesse struggled to pull his shirt on, Chew Barker suddenly grabbed the bag Jesse had placed over his modesty and ran to the back of the cave before Jesse could stop him, leaving Jesse trying to cover his manhood with his hands and Seamus with his hand awkwardly outstretched towards Jesse’s crotch.
Skye laughed and then clamped a hand over her mouth because it probably wasn’t really appropriate to do that. Jesse looked at her and then a small smile twitched on his lips. He was finding this funny too and the worst thing was, Seamus had no idea because he still wasn’t looking at them.
‘What did you want to see me about?’ Skye said and Jesse gave her an incredulous look, probably for encouraging Seamus.
‘Well just about the parade really.’ Seamus peeped through his fingers again, saw Jesse’s predicament and let out a squeak of discomfort. ‘This probably isn’t the best time.’
‘Probably not,’ Jesse said.
Chewy was now licking Jesse’s ear.
‘Sorry, I’ll just grab him and go and we can chat some other time.’
Seamus managed to get hold of Chewy, leaning over Jesse to hook the lead back on, Seamus’s own crotch now in Jesse’s face as Chewy tried to get away. Finally the dog was brought under control and Seamus stepped back, apologising again. He spotted the chewed condom on the floor of the cave and picked it up.
‘Umm, sorry about that too.’ He handed it back to Jesse. ‘I could go and get you a new packet if you want to wait here.’
Skye snorted as she imagined her and Jesse waiting naked in the cave while Seamus rushed down to the village to buy more condoms.
‘That’s very kind,’ Jesse said. ‘But I think we should probably be getting back to the café anyway.’
‘Yes, well, I should probably go. Sorry.’
Seamus headed out the cave, dragging a reluctant Chew Barker with him.
There was silence for a few moments and then they both burst out laughing.
Jesse sighed. ‘I guess sex is well and truly off the table.’
‘It depends, do you have any more?’ Skye laughed.
He shook his head. ‘I wasn’t planning on having a long sex marathon in here.’
She took the mauled condom off him. ‘Well, unless you want to make lots of little Jesse babies, it’s probably best we don’t use this.’
‘Yeah, I don’t think that’s a good idea.’
For some reason, Skye felt a small stab of pain at that casual dismissal of having children with her, which was silly. How would that ever work?
‘Probably not a great idea to have sex outdoors anyway,’ Jesse said. ‘Especially not with Bea around.’
He stood up and gathered up his clothes and hers, passing them back to her.
‘Yes, heaven forbid your daughter sees us having a normal relationship,’ Skye said, standing up and pulling her underwear on.
‘Come on, Skye, don’t be like that.’
She sighed. ‘I’m tired of hiding this, Jesse, we’re not actually doing anything wrong. Do you know how I felt after telling you all about my past last night only to wake up alone this morning?’
Jesse swore under his breath.
‘I know, you didn’t want Bea to wake up and find us in bed together,’ Skye said. ‘But this weird relationship is hard enough as it is when we only see each other a few times a year, without trying to hide it whenever Bea is around.’
‘Oh, I’m sorry my daughter being here is an inconvenience for you,’ Jesse snapped, doing up his jeans.
‘Don’t talk crap, you know I love having her here. But I want to walk on the beach holding her in one hand and you in the other. I want to cuddle you in bed in the mornings and have her come in and join us like she used to.’
‘That was… she was younger then,’
‘And therefore more likely to understand now, so why are we still hiding this from her?’
‘Because I don’t want her getting hurt, because I don’t want her to put her trust in you to have it thrown back in her face.’
Skye stared at him in shock. ‘Thanks for the vote of confidence. I’m glad you think so highly of me.’
He pushed his hands through his hair, leaving it sticking out like he’d been electrocuted. ‘Skye, I didn’t mean it like that. Ginny leaving broke her heart and I don’t want her to get hurt like that again. Relationships end all the time and sometimes it’s no one’s fault and if we were to get together and it came to an end, it would ruin her.’
‘I don’t think you give your daughter enough credit. She’s a lot more level-headed and down to earth than you think she is. Break-ups are upsetting, but she would get over it. And you also don’t give me enough credit. If things were to properly end between you and I and we never saw each other again, I’d still stay in touch with her. She’s a part of my life now, no matter what happens. And with her dual citizenship, she would always be welcome to come and stay with me or live with me if she was studying or working over here. That door would always be open to her.’
He stared at her for a moment. ‘You’d really do that for her?’
‘Of course, I love her. I know she’s not mine, but… she’s family.’
He didn’t say anything for a while then he shook his head. ‘You know what she said to me the other day? That she didn’t think marriage was for her because you always end up getting hurt. She is twelve and already she thinks marriage is bad. I don’t want to add fuel to that fire.’
‘Then show her what a positive relationship is like. We’d be great together, you know that. And if things did end between us, show her that we can part as really good friends.’
He shook his head and looked out at the sea lapping onto the sand.
‘Or is this not about protecting her at all, is this about protecting yourself?’ Skye said and his eyes snapped back to hers.
‘This isn’t about me.’
‘Then be a man and tell your daughter the truth. Take a risk, because avoiding relationships for the rest of your life or lying about the one you’re in isn’t exactly sending Bea a positive message either.’
‘And what happens then? We move here?’
‘I’d love for you to move here. You’re not exactly living up to your potential in Banff are you? Painting, decorating, you could be so much more.’
He stared at her in shock, hurt burning in his eyes. ‘Wow, you sound exactly like Ginny. I wasn’t enough for her either.’
And with that he stormed out the cave.
Chapter Eight
Jesse watched the pancake mixture pool at his feet and swore several times under his breath. He had been whisking the batter way too hard and the bowl had suddenly flipped over, depositing the contents all over the unit top and the floor. He swore again for good measure.
He sighed and started cleaning the mess up with kitchen towel.
Skye had every right to be angry and frustrated about their half-baked relationship and he understood she felt let down by him, but he refused to believe she was secretly looking down on his line of work or that she was disappointed in him. Although the way he’d reacted to Skye’s comment had made it very clear that the hurt he’d felt when his relationship with Ginny had ended was still having an influence on him.
He needed to give Skye more.
Could he really come here for a few months to see how things went? It was something he’d thought about before. But he had to think about Bea too and how much her life would change by leaving the only town she’d ever known. Moving her here, changing schools and for it all to come to an end would be massively up
setting for her. But in trying to protect his daughter from getting hurt by avoiding a proper relationship with Skye in the past, he’d hurt her anyway by sending Skye away. And he’d hurt Skye and himself in the process too.
But maybe coming here didn’t need to be a commitment to forever. He could get a two-year working visa and see how things went between him and Skye. Bea wasn’t exactly happy at her school right now and if they came here for two years and it didn’t work out, she would get back just in time to start high school with hopefully a new cohort of friends. And if Bea knew that it was only going to be a two-year thing then she wouldn’t be disappointed if it came to an end.
Although how to explain to Bea the reason why. Skye was right, she deserved more than being his dirty little secret.
Jesse threw the kitchen towel in the bin. He was filling up a bowl of hot soapy water to wash off the remains just as Bea walked into the kitchen from the café.
‘Oh no, what did you spill?’ she said, grabbing some kitchen towel to wipe up the gloopy mess on the countertop.
‘Pancake batter, I was whisking it too hard,’ Jesse said, scrubbing the floor.
Bea paused. ‘Are you in a bad mood?’
He sighed. ‘Not with you.’
‘With Skye?’ Bea asked in alarm.
He leaned back on his heels. ‘We had a silly row. It’s nothing to worry about.’
‘But you two never fight. What did you fight about?’ she asked.
He shook his head. Where could he even start explaining that one? ‘It’s fine, it wasn’t anything important. We’ll sort it out.’
‘You better do, she’s the best thing that has ever happened to us.’
‘I promise, I will.’
She nodded and grabbed a cloth from the sink to finish wiping down the counter.
He finished cleaning the floor and stood up. ‘I’ve been thinking…’
‘Steady.’
He smiled, slightly. ‘I think we need a change of view. How would you feel about living somewhere else for a year or so?’
Bea wrinkled her nose. ‘I don’t want you to do that for me – you have friends where we live, a lot of clients that keep coming back with more work for you. And Madison too. I’m fine at school, you don’t need to worry about me. I’m just going to keep my head down and carry on.’
‘What if… it wasn’t just for you?’
Bea cocked her head. ‘What are you thinking?’
The kitchen door suddenly burst open and Skye walked in. ‘Jesse…’ she trailed off when she saw Bea. Skye hesitated for a moment and then slung an arm around his daughter’s shoulders. ‘Bea, would you mind giving me and your dad a few minutes, we need to talk.’
‘Only if you two promise to kiss and make up. I’m not going to leave if there’s going to be more arguing.’
Skye smiled. ‘There won’t be any of that.’
Bea nodded. ‘OK, I’ll be back for lunch.’
She left and Skye immediately moved over to Jesse, taking hold of the lapels of his shirt and giving him a gentle tug. ‘You listen to me, Jesse Hamilton, because this is important. Forget our weird, friends-with-benefits arrangement for a moment. When I said before that you weren’t living up to your potential in Banff, I didn’t mean that to sound like I wasn’t impressed with your job or your way of life. You are very good at your job. Look at this place, it’s wonderful and you did all this – the renovating, the painting and decorating. It looks amazing. The tabletop marble runs you designed are really clever and unique, you have a fantastic talent. You should be very proud of how you live your life. You have a nice house, you put food on the table, and have enough money to pay for Bea’s dance and horse-riding lessons and enough money to fly over here three or four times a year. There is no shame in the work you do. If you said you loved being a painter and decorator then I wouldn’t care, as long as you were happy. What I said wasn’t about being enough for me, it’s about following your dreams and you not thinking you’re good enough for them. You’ve told me many times how you want to be a chef – why won’t you follow those dreams?’
He shook his head. ‘I don’t have any qualifications—’
‘You don’t need them. You are an amazing cook. When I left my ice cream shop in Banff to come here, I asked you to take over doing all the desserts and puddings that were not ice-cream-based but you didn’t want to.’
‘I didn’t want to let you down.’
‘You could never do that! If you came here you could work with me every day, doing what you do best, doing something you love. Or even if things don’t work out between us and you stay in Banff, I still want you to fulfil your dreams, not continue doing a job you don’t particularly enjoy. I want you to be happy. You don’t see what an amazingly, talented chef you are and I want you to see that. I want you to realise your potential.’
Jesse stared at her. It was an odd experience to have someone believe in him when he’d spent so many years not believing in himself.
‘You’re very kind but—’
‘I’m not being kind. Why can’t you see what I see?’ Skye said, in exasperation.
‘I think your view is very rose-tinted.’
‘Jesse—’
‘Skye, I’m dyslexic.’
She frowned, her hands slipping from his lapels. She stepped back to look at him. ‘You’ve never mentioned that before.’
‘Believe me, it’s not the kind of thing I like to shout about.’
Her frown deepened. ‘That’s not something you should be ashamed about.’
‘It’s certainly not something I’m proud of.’
She was quiet for the longest time. ‘Look, I understand it would have been hard for you at school but—’
‘It was hard for me at school. I couldn’t understand so much of what was taught in class. I wasn’t diagnosed until I was in my late teens so I never really had any kind of support. I was called stupid by my teachers, classmates and my parents and—’
‘You are not stupid, Jesse, being dyslexic does not have anything to do with intelligence. There are some insanely clever and successful people out there that have dyslexia. Don’t ever say you’re stupid because that simply isn’t true.’
‘My mom always said I’d never amount to anything.’
Skye’s eyebrows shot up. ‘You never speak about your mom so I have no idea what she was like, but that one sentence tells me she wasn’t a very nice person.’
Jesse sighed. That was an understatement.
‘But I fail to see why you being dyslexic has anything to do with why you don’t want to pursue your dreams of being a chef.’
‘I left school with almost no qualifications. I’ve applied to culinary schools and apprenticeships but without a high school education no one is interested. I’ve applied for jobs in restaurants and most of them haven’t even called me for interview. If I came to you for a job, and we weren’t in a relationship, would you even give me a second glance?’
‘I suppose on paper, no. But if you walked into my restaurant and told me you wanted to be a chef, I’d get you to cook me something and that would be your interview. That’s the important thing, not what you walked out of school with ten or fifteen years ago. And I know you can cook. If I asked you to make me a crème brûlée now, you’d do it, no recipe, no hesitation. Your crème brûlées have the perfect consistency and that’s a hard thing to get right, believe me. Your chocolate souffles are flawless and a lot of chefs can never get them right. If I asked you to make me a Victoria sponge, you would make the lightest, fluffiest, moistest cake I have ever tasted. Your chocolate brownies are pure heaven in every bite, your Eton mess is amazing, your meringues are just the right side of crispy on the outside and fluffy in the middle. Why do you think I asked you over here to help with the rhubarb pie?’
‘I thought you asked me over here because you wanted hot sex,’ Jesse said, trying to deflect the attention away from him.
Skye grinned. ‘That was part of it obviously. But it w
as mainly because no one makes pie like you do and if we’re going to have the world’s biggest rhubarb pie then I need the world’s best pie-maker.’
He smiled slightly and then sighed, turning away. He had spent the last twelve years telling Bea she could be anything she wanted to be, encouraging her to follow her dreams but never believing he could follow his own. That wasn’t exactly setting a good example.
He turned back to Skye.
‘My entire life I’ve heard how I was stupid, not good enough, doomed to fail and of course I start to think like that too. And I think it will take a bit more than a few minutes’ pep talk from you to change that mindset.’ He moved his hands to her shoulders. ‘Although you have no idea how much your support and encouragement means to me. I think you’re right. If I let myself believe what I’ve been told all these years then I will never succeed. And it’s time I proved those assholes wrong.’
‘You’re damned right it is.’
‘After a few rejections, I gave up. When you offered me the job of chef in your ice cream shop I didn’t think I was good enough, I thought you just wanted me because of our history.’
‘Jesse, you mean the world to me, but there’s no way I would have let you make all the desserts in my shop if I didn’t think you were good enough. You were more than qualified to take that job.’
He leaned his forehead against hers for a moment, closing his eyes. God this woman, he didn’t deserve her. He cupped her face and kissed her gently.
He pulled back. ‘I should have fought harder for my dream. There aren’t many courses I can go on in Banff but there are quite a few restaurants I could have tried.’
‘Experience is so much more important when applying to restaurants or courses than qualifications,’ Skye said. ‘You could work here, I’ve been on at Aria for a while to get me someone else to work in the kitchen, making all the desserts, and we’re finally interviewing for it on Wednesday. You could apply for that too.’