by Holly Martin
‘It was a hell of a lot more than that,’ Jesse said vehemently. ‘I held myself back, I held you at arm’s length so I wouldn’t get hurt. I was so sure I didn’t want another relationship but what we shared was so much deeper than sex, it always has been. And yes, I got scared of that. I could feel the shift between us as much as you could almost from the very beginning, but I pushed you away because I didn’t want that from you or from anyone. I never thought I was enough for you.’
Skye stared at him in shock. ‘How could you possibly think that? And don’t even think about telling me it’s because of your dyslexia, like it somehow makes you a lesser person because that simply isn’t true.’
‘I don’t have a job – well, not a steady income. I’m not a qualified chef like you are and—’
‘Wait a minute, I don’t look for men who have enough money to support me, I’m more than capable of supporting myself financially. I don’t look for qualifications or job skills, I want a man who is kind, patient, intelligent, passionate, someone who can make me laugh, someone who makes me feel safe and respected. You have all that in spades.’ She placed her hand on his cheek. ‘What made you think that way? Was it Ginny leaving?’ She paused. ‘Was it your mum?’
Jesse frowned in confusion.
‘Bea told me about your mum leaving,’ Skye said gently.
‘Ah well, that was a very long time ago,’ Jesse said, awkwardly.
‘Not to quote Dr Jermaine, because I’m sure you’ve heard enough from him courtesy of Bea, but it could be good to talk about it. It might help us if we both know what we’re dealing with. Now you know a bit more about my past, I’d like to know a bit more about yours.’
Jesse sighed, absently running his fingers through her hair. ‘It’s no big deal. Dad walked out on us when I was five. Mom walked out on us when I was fourteen.’
‘Jesse, I’m so sorry you went through that. What happened?’
‘I don’t know what happened with Dad. He left without even saying goodbye. I came home after being out with Mom and Madison and he’d gone. He left a note, took his clothes and we never saw him again. I think Mom struggled being a single parent. And I get it, it’s hard work, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I love being a dad to Bea but I don’t think my mom enjoyed it quite so much. I struggled so much at school and she clearly resented the amount of time she had to spend helping me with my homework. When I was twelve or thirteen she started dating this man and he asked her to marry him – they were going to move to New York with his work, somewhere Mom had always wanted to go to. But he wasn’t interested in taking on me and Madison.’
‘Shit, Jesse, so she just left?’
‘Dumped us with my gran who didn’t want us either. Mom and Gran had a massive row over who should have us as me and Madison stood on the doorstep with our suitcases. Mom got in the car and drove off in the end. Madison was seventeen. As soon as she was eighteen she moved out. She got a job, a tiny apartment, and I moved in with her for the next few years.’
‘And you never saw your mum again?’
‘No, thank god.’ Jesse paused, clearly trying to find the words for what he wanted to say next. ‘I wasn’t enough. I told her I loved her and she said it wasn’t enough to make her want to stay.’
‘Jesse, no!’ Skye gasped, softly.
‘It’s fine,’ he said, shrugging, though clearly it wasn’t. ‘I was probably better off without someone like that in my life. She made me feel bad about how stupid I was for most of my life. So it’s not like I miss her.’
‘It’s not fine, not at all. I can’t even begin to imagine what that was like. And regardless of whether she was a crappy mum or not, it still has to hurt that she left. And I’m so sorry she made you feel less than you are.’
Skye had grown up in a loving family, with parents who adored her. Her mum had died when she was young but her dad had been wonderful when faced with the task of raising three girls by himself. She had never been left with the feeling that raising her and her sisters was a chore for him. She had always known she was loved and adored.
‘It was pretty shitty if I’m honest but, as I said, it was a long time ago,’ Jesse said, clearly trying to dismiss it.
‘Well, Bea and her friend Dr Jermaine think it might have impacted your future relationships.’
‘I don’t think… I’m pretty sure that isn’t the case.’
She ran her hands across his cheek, stroking his beard. ‘But then Ginny left too.’
‘Yes, but of course I would feel crap about that, my marriage had come to an end. I suppose there was a sense of guilt too. I have to take some responsibility for my marriage failing and because of whatever I did Bea lost her mom.’
Skye swallowed down the emotion in the back of her throat. ‘Why is it you think your marriage failed because of you? Why was it your fault?’
‘Ginny had an affair, she’d been having one for years when we eventually split up. I wasn’t enough for her either.’
And there it was.
‘You think it was your fault Ginny and your mum left?’
‘Well, I’m the common denominator.’
Her heart hurt so much for him.
‘You listen to me. You are enough. You are more than enough. Your mum and Ginny leaving had nothing to do with you and everything to do with their own issues. You are the most incredible man I’ve ever met. You are enough for me. I love you.’
He stared at her for the longest moment and then leaned forward and captured her mouth with his own.
As he rolled on top of her and started to undress her, it felt to her that they might have taken a tiny step forward that night.
Chapter Thirteen
As he stood in the kitchen of Cones at the Cove with Bea the next day, Jesse was flicking through the pages of the recipe book that Skye had given him. It seemed Walter had kept notes on everything, and although the notebook was falling apart with pages stuffed back in, it was clear that Walter had started off with the notebook in clear sections: starters, main courses and desserts. Jesse had to smile that the dessert section was considerably thicker than the others; it seemed Walter had had a passion for sweet things too.
He needed this to focus on right now rather than the complete mess he’d made of his life. He couldn’t lose Skye. The night before, when they’d made love, when she’d said those words that he was enough for her, he’d been filled with this new determination that he couldn’t lose her. She was his world and he had to fight for her. Which meant he had to come here to England, whatever it took.
He’d spent a while on the phone to the UK immigration service and the Canadian embassy that morning. Luckily, he met certain criteria which meant he was allowed to work here for two years but it wasn’t exactly a straightforward procedure, especially with Bea. Although the greatest gift that Ginny had ever given her daughter was her dual citizenship. Ginny had been born in Britain and emigrated to Canada with her parents when she was little, so Bea had grown up with both nationalities and a legal right to live and work in both countries. It was entirely possible Bea could come into the country on her own visa but it was something that he would need to look into because of her age. But either they both came or they both stayed, they were a package deal. Once he had confirmed Bea was free to come, he could fast-track his own application and hear back within five days, but until he had everything finalised he didn’t want to give Bea or Skye false hope.
Because what if Bea wasn’t allowed in? What if his own application was rejected? Would Skye consider coming back to Canada where she already had a visa to stay? But her family were here and Aria and Clover were starting families of their own; Skye would want to be here for that. Nor did he want to take her away from all the work she had done here in the café. And she would probably only consider coming back if she had something serious to come back for. His thoughts turned to the engagement ring he had hidden away in his luggage. Could he really offer her that? Would she even say yes?
‘
So where’s this famous rhubarb pie recipe?’ Bea said, next to him, and he realised he’d been staring at the same page for the last few minutes without taking any of it in.
He cleared his throat. ‘I’m not sure, I haven’t seen it yet.’
‘It could be in one of these loose pages,’ Bea said, carefully sliding a couple of the pages out. As she did so a sealed envelope fell out of the back. Bea picked it up and laughed when she read it. ‘Or maybe it’s in here.’
She passed him the envelope which had ‘Rhubarb Pie Recipe’ written on the outside.
‘Do you think it’s in here because he wanted to keep it secret?’ Jesse said, wondering if it was right to open it. Walter wasn’t here to give his permission.
‘But if we’re going to do this pudding parade properly we need to follow the recipe to the letter,’ Bea said. ‘We need to do Walter proud.’
Jesse nodded to concede this and then handed the envelope to his daughter. ‘Go on then, you open it.’
Bea took the envelope eagerly and then paused. ‘What if it’s cursed?’ she said, putting on a spooky voice.
‘Why do you think I’m giving it to you to open?’ Jesse said. ‘If you’re about to open the gates to hell, then you’ll get the full wrath of it and I can run away.’
Bea laughed in outrage. ‘Good to know where your loyalties lie.’
‘Look, I’ve seen how this sort of thing plays out in the movies, virgins are normally safe.’
‘Good to know.’
‘And children.’
Bea nodded thoughtfully.
‘And if you close your eyes the evil spirits can’t get into your soul and possess you.’
‘OK, but if they do, I’m coming for you first.’
‘Duly noted.’
Bea eagerly ripped open the envelope and slid out a single piece of paper. For something that held so much importance in the parade, it didn’t look like a lot. She placed it on the table between them and they studied it.
‘OK, this is a standard pastry recipe,’ Jesse said, smoothing out the paper so he could read the cursive writing more easily. ‘The filling is what I’m more interested in. Rhubarb, that was a given, brown sugar, but these amounts are huge.’
‘Well, it is going to be a massive pie,’ Bea said.
‘True, it’s certainly going to be way bigger than anything I’ve ever made before. I’d have to make the filling in batches and then pour it into the tray. Let’s see. Vanilla extract, salt. What’s this?’ He peered at the writing. ‘“A secret ingredient”?’
‘What’s the secret ingredient?’
‘I have no idea,’ Jesse said, with exasperation. ‘Why write a recipe if you don’t want people to know how to make it?’
‘Wow, he really did want to keep it a secret,’ Bea said.
‘It’s no wonder the parade fell flat after Walter died – no one could recreate the pie exactly how he had done it. Intentionally or not, he took that legacy with him.’
Bea stared at the sheet. ‘But I guess there won’t be anyone at the parade who would remember what his famous pie tastes like. Even some of the really old residents who might have been at the parade as a kid are not going to remember what a pie they ate over fifty years ago tasted like. So as long as we do a rhubarb pie, then we tick that box.’
‘I guess so. It’s not like we have any choice. We can follow all the other ingredients to the letter and it will still be a rhubarb pie,’ Jesse sighed.
‘It will still taste good, Dad, I know you’ll make sure of that.’
He nodded. He could at least do that.
‘Well, I guess we can start by making a much smaller version to see what it does taste like. You can be my guinea pig. I think you might be sick of rhubarb pie by the end of this trip.’
‘Or it becomes my new favourite thing.’
‘I like your optimism,’ Jesse said.
His daughter picked up the envelope and turned it round to see if there was any writing on the other side and as she did a key fell out.
‘Oooh, what’s that?’ Bea picked it up excitedly.
‘Well, I’m no expert, but I think it’s a key.’
Bea laughed and picked it up. It was an old-fashioned-looking key, long, black and with ornate twists and curls on one end. ‘Well, what does it open?’
Jesse shrugged. ‘No idea. Me and Skye completely renovated this place last year, we ripped out all the old furniture and repainted everything. I think we would have seen if there was a door to a secret room here.’
‘Or a wardrobe that leads to Narnia,’ Bea said, eagerly.
‘I’m pretty sure there isn’t one of those in here, but that’s not to say the doorway to a frozen land with fauns and talking lions isn’t somewhere else on the island. And maybe this secret land might hold all the answers to our rhubarb pie.’
‘In all seriousness, it might be a key to some kind of storage shed where Walter kept some of the ingredients,’ Bea said, practically.
‘Well, if this place still exists and the secret ingredient is still in there, then I would think it’s well past its use-by date by now.’
‘Yeah, you could be right,’ she said. ‘Still be interesting to find it.’
‘True. Why don’t I leave finding the secret door to you and you can report back if you find anything.’
Bea saluted. ‘I won’t let you down.’
Jesse smiled, knowing his daughter would scour the whole island if need be. If anyone could find it, it was Bea.
‘So, about yesterday morning,’ Jesse started.
Bea frowned in confusion. ‘What about it?’
‘Me and Skye…’
She shook her head, clearly with no idea what he was talking about. ‘You and Skye what?’
‘Sleeping on the sofa together,’ Jesse said, wondering if he should have bothered even bringing it up.
‘Yeah?’
‘You’re… OK with it?’
She shrugged. ‘Why wouldn’t I be? You guys slept in the same bed for over a year when you were married.’
‘Well, that was just… you know… for show… to help the charade of her being my wife.’
‘Sure it was. Looking back, I always wondered what those noises were when you two were in bed together. But now I know.’
He definitely shouldn’t have brought it up. He cleared his throat. ‘Noises?’
‘Moans, groans, headboard banging against the wall. It’s OK, I’ve read all about it in Velvet Steele’s books. Her characters are very noisy too.’
Jesse stared at her in horror. ‘I don’t know what you heard, but—’
‘We don’t lie to each other, remember,’ Bea said.
He swallowed. ‘No, we don’t. But that’s not what we were doing on the sofa yesterday, we were just cuddling.’
‘I know. Now about what you started asking me the other day, about moving house? Shall we finish that conversation?’
He watched her carefully. It felt like he’d got off very easily from the topic of him and Skye in bed together. ‘Would you be happy if we did?’
Bea paused before answering. ‘It depends on where and why.’
He didn’t answer but his silence clearly must have spoken volumes because her face lit up.
‘Here? You want to move here?’ she squeaked.
‘Don’t get excited. There is so much to sort out if we do make that decision. I should be able to get a two-year working visa to come but I can’t bring a child with me.’
Her face fell. ‘What?’
‘Bea, there is absolutely no way in the world I am leaving you behind, don’t even think that for one second. You have dual citizenship so you should be able to live here without any issues, I just have to figure out how to do that. I think we might have to make it look like we were coming into the country separately. I’d come on my own on the two-year working visa and I might have to prove that you were going to live with a relative, for example. I don’t know if you could just pitch up here on your own and l
ive here, you’re a bit too young for that. But I’m sure it wouldn’t be too hard to get someone to pretend to be a long-lost relative offering you a home and, once you were here, of course you’d be living with me. I’m sure we can figure it out.’
‘We’re really going to move here?’
‘If we can sort out all the visas, then yes. Maybe. If you want to. But just for two years initially and then if things don’t work out then we can move back.’
He shook his head. He couldn’t help wondering why he couldn’t put his trust in Skye for something long-term, why was he still holding back?
‘OK then, the big question: why?’ Bea said, obviously picking up on his hesitancy.
Well, that was a question and he had no idea how to answer it.
‘Because if we’re going to come here and you and Skye are going to carry on pretending that nothing is happening between you then I don’t see the point,’ Bea went on. ‘That’s a lot of upheaval for not a lot of gain.’
He stared at her in surprise and then felt the smile tugging at his lips at her insightfulness. She knew.
‘You knew we were together? How long have you known?’