by Julie Hall
I looked like a madwoman.
I started taking in and expelling air at an ever-quickening pace. Each breath in and out was shorter than the last until I was panting like a dog on a hot day.
“Did you do that on purpose?” came a gentle voice.
I shook my head. There was a soft rustle as Romona joined me.
“Here, let’s get you cleaned up first, and then we can deal with the hair.”
She handed me a bar of soap. I bent to scrub the makeup from my face. Once I didn’t look quite as frightening, Romona was waiting with a handful of bedclothes.
“Here you go.”
I quickly changed and faced the mirror again to deal with my hair. I concentrated on relaxing and returning it to a normal shade of chocolate brown. Once my breathing was controlled, the black and red started to bleed from my hair. I sighed in relief. “That was really weird.” Romona nodded in agreement.
“So what are you doing here so late?”
She took a deep, steadying breath before speaking.
“I wanted to apologize for what happened in the woods tonight. I overreacted, and also . . . I’d like to explain a little more. I think there’s something you should know, even if it’s intended for you to find out on your own.” Sincerity shone in her eyes.
I’d never had reason to doubt Romona’s motives. Yet I’d distrusted her this evening and lashed out in anger. The weight of the injustices I’d committed against her was heavy.
“Oh, Romona, no. It’s really not your fault. I keep getting frustrated because there’s so much I still don’t know. You were only worried because I was out there alone with Jonathon. I see how that could be a little sketchy. Especially since I’d just met him. I should never have left the celebration to begin with.”
Feeling my cheeks redden, I looked away. Going off with him was a stupid move.
She was shaking her head. “But, Audrey, that’s what I want to explain. It’s not only that. I don’t care how it looked. Remember tonight when I was talking about consequences for your actions?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, there are consequences in this realm for things you might not consider a big deal. We saw the way Jonathon looked at you tonight.” I wanted to ask who the “we” was, but she rushed forward. “I was worried you might do something you couldn’t take back later.”
“Geez, Romona, what do you think we would have done? I just meet the guy! The worse that could have happened was a kiss. You don’t honestly think I’d have gone further than that?”
Her eyes grew unnaturally large. “See, that’s just it—a kiss is so much more than you think it is.”
My heart skipped a beat. Thoughts of Jonathon slid from my mind, replaced by someone else.
“What do you mean?” My voice was flat.
“A kiss is more than a kiss now . . . here.” She looked up at the ceiling to piece together words. I got the distinct impression she was getting ready to launch into a lecture on the birds and the bees. “A kiss here is more like a promise. It creates a bond. I was worried that Jonathon might take advantage of you not knowing that.”
I only nodded for her to go on. I had to know what type of mess I’d gotten myself into.
“At the risk of sounding melodramatic, I didn’t want you to get stuck with the wrong person for all of eternity just because you didn’t know any better.”
“What! If I kiss him, I would have to be with him forever?”
Romona held up her hands for me to slow down. “No, sorry, that’s not exactly what I meant. When the bond is created, it intensifies any feelings you have for that person. It draws you to them and them to you. We weren’t intended to have more than one soul mate, so when you pick your mate here, it’s for keeps. Jonathon could have started that bond with you tonight without your consent, so to speak.”
“So the first person I kiss here I’m picking as my soul mate? The person I have to spend the rest of eternity with?”
“No.”
“No?”
“No, you still have a choice. What you are doing, though, is taking a step in that direction. You’re making a decision to be pulled closer to that person on a soul level. And breaking the bond you create can be very difficult.”
My heart beat so loud I wondered if she heard. The blood rushing through my head made it hard for me to concentrate. My gosh, why in the world didn’t I get the instruction manual on this stuff when I arrived?
“Was this something I would have learned in orientation?”
“Probably.”
“Why didn’t anyone tell me then?”
“Skipping orientation is very rare, so we don’t really know how much to tell you or what you’re supposed to discover on your own.”
I went to my bed, landed face first, and groaned.
“There are some things that seriously need to be told sooner rather than later.”
“This wasn’t really something I thought about telling you until this evening.”
With the risk of giving myself away, I had to ask: “So when you’re talking about all this kissing and bonding and junk, do you mean here in this realm or now that we’ve passed on in general?”
Romona stared at me quizzically. “I’m not following.”
I had to know if I’d accidentally done something to Logan and me without meaning to. I chewed my lip in indecision.
“I mean, is this something that happens now because we are dead or is it just here?” I paused before completely spelling it out. “Does it like, count the same if it happens on Earth?”
As expected, Romona sucked in a quick breath. Of course she was smart enough to know something was up. It was visible on her face when all the pieces clicked together. Neither one of us spoke for a full sixty-five seconds.
I counted.
Then Romona asked me the question I’d dreaded and dodged for days. “Audrey, what really happened with you and Logan when you went to Earth?”
The question came out as a whisper. Almost as if she didn’t dare ask it for fear she already knew. I chewed on my lower lip some more, my brows furrowed.
When I didn’t answer, she asked the more direct version of the question. “Did he kiss you?”
“No.”
Romona let out a deep breath, and her whole body relaxed. “Oh good, because . . .”
“I kissed him.” I admitted hurriedly. It felt like ripping off a stubborn Band-Aid. Extremely painful.
Romona gasped, and she brought a hand up to her mouth. “I thought you guys could hardly stand each other!”
“Well, that’s true most days.”
“Then how did this happen?”
“It was an accident. Remember how we said we escaped the demon by blending into the crowd that day?”
She nodded.
“Well, that was true, but we never told you guys exactly how we blended in. I basically attacked Logan and made him kiss me so it didn’t look like we were running from the demon.”
“Oh, Audrey, you didn’t!” The horrified look on her face said everything she didn’t.
I slowly nodded my head in shame.
“The boardwalk was so busy, and the crowd was parting for us, which was a complete giveaway, and it was all I could come up with to get us away from the crowd and still make it look like we belonged there. I didn’t think it through as well as I should have.” I looked down at my hands.
With her hand to her mouth, Romona let out a small giggle.
“This is not funny, Romona.”
“Oh, I know, but it’s so unbelievable. And poor Logan, I’ll bet he didn’t even know what hit him.”
I remembered Logan’s reaction. If you excluded my complete mortification both then and now, it was kind of funny. I fought the lifting of the corners of my mouth.
“Yeah, he never saw it coming. He just stood there like a statue. I had to step on his foot to get him to snap out of it.”
Romona let out a real laugh. “Oh my goodness, seriously?”
&nb
sp; I nodded solemnly, but I hoped Romona’s laugh and lightened attitude meant I wasn’t in any real trouble.
“Okay, so how bad is it? It wasn’t even a real kiss, so it shouldn’t count. Is there a free pass or something since we were on Earth? Not to mention I was completely unaware of that rule!”
Romona sobered a bit.
“I’m afraid that little technicality doesn’t matter. You know, now that I think about it, things make so much more sense. There’s been something off between the two of you. And especially the way he acted tonight. He must really be fighting it.”
I found that to be a little insulting. But Romona didn’t mean anything by it.
“Okay, you need to tell me what sort of trouble I’ve gotten myself into. Am I stuck with Logan forever now?” The idea of being stuck with someone who aggravated me so much was suddenly very serious and a touch scary.
She was thoughtful a moment before answering. “Well, one big problem is that Logan’s not really available right now.”
Then it was as I expected. There was something going on with Kaitlin. I just knew it. Despite having always suspected it, the confirmation still pierced me.
“I see.”
“No, I don’t think you do, but it’s not my place to tell you, it’s Logan’s. You guys are just going to have to work through this one. To be blunt, you inadvertently tied yourself to Logan whether you meant to,” she lifted an eyebrow at me, “or wanted to. Whatever your emotions toward each other might have been, you just prematurely turned it all up a notch.”
“Why didn’t Logan tell me any of this?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Can’t say for sure. Maybe so he wouldn’t freak you out. Maybe he thought it was too much for you to handle. Or maybe he doesn’t want to admit it himself.”
“So what you are saying is that anything . . . romantic I feel for Logan right now is just because I kissed him?”
“Oh no, that’s not what I’m saying. The kiss doesn’t fabricate feelings for someone else. It intensifies them. You’re really only supposed to kiss the person you stay with, you know, forever. Imagine a seal on an envelope. The kiss is supposed to seal those emotions. That’s why it’s so important to be careful.”
“Great, so I’ve doomed both of us?” My shoulders slumped in defeat.
“No, not necessarily. I didn’t say it couldn’t be broken, just that it was difficult. Or, if there really weren’t any feelings between the two of you to begin with, then nothing should come of it.” She watched my reaction closely.
“Really? So it could possibly mean nothing?” I bounced happily to my knees.
“Yes, but that’s only if you can honestly say you don’t feel anything romantic toward Logan and he the same.” She arched an eyebrow at me that said she had my number. “Are you really going to try to tell me that’s the case?”
I huffed. “Okay, then tell me what else I need to do to break the stupid bond!”
She nodded. “You need to let him go.”
“Great, done.” I brushed my hands together like I was brushing off the whole thing. “That sounds easy.”
“It may sound that way, but it won’t be.”
Determined to hear only what I wanted to hear, I plowed on. “Okay, let’s do this thing. Do I need to say some magic words? Burn a picture of him with some incense?”
“Audrey.” Romona’s look and tone said she didn’t think I was taking this seriously.
“No really, let’s get this over with. I want to get back to the way it used to be. Or at least should have been. I don’t really want to go back to getting thrown into the water, but I’m sure there’s got to be something better than this. What we have going on now is . . . distracting. So what should I do?”
“I’m sorry, I can’t tell you that.”
“What?”
“I can’t tell you because I don’t know. You have to figure out how to let go of him in your heart. There are no magic words or any rituals to fix this.”
“Can’t I simply choose to let him go?”
“Sure, in your head you can, but your heart’s a little trickier. You’ve got him hidden in there somewhere.”
“Oh come on, it’s Logan we’re talking about here. Hidden in my heart somewhere? Pa-leeeasse!” I rolled my eyes.
Romona shook her head. “You can deny it all you want, Audrey, but he’s there. The faster you come to terms with that, the quicker you can work through it.”
She gave me a sad look. One that said she understood how hard this was going to be much better than I did. It concerned me.
“I wonder . . .” She started but stopped with a shake of her head. “You know, a good place to start is to have an honest conversation with Logan.”
I looked at her like she was crazy and told her as much. “I never want to discuss this with Logan, ever. It’s bad enough talking about it at all, but talking to him would be sheer torture. Embarrassment taken to a new level.”
“I see. Well, it’s something I hope you’ll think about.”
Like there was anything else I would be thinking about now. My only promise was a nod.
She sighed. “All right, I should get going. It’s extremely late, and tomorrow brings its own worries.”
“What does that mean?”
“You’ll see in the morning.”
“Romona!” I groaned.
She laughed lightly. “Don’t worry, this isn’t a secret. Logan will explain tomorrow.”
Romona gracefully rose from the sofa chair. I followed her to the door to say good night. Before leaving, she gave me a hug that folded me in a cushion of love. I hoped some of my gratitude made it back to her.
With all the thoughts swirling in my head, I assumed it would take me a while to settle down, but when my head hit my pillow, I was already half-asleep.
18
Meeting the Archangel
I kept expecting something important to happen the next day at training, but it turned out to be an unexpectedly normal day. Logan was neither more nor less talkative than he had been of late. We ran through the usual training drills and sparring lessons. We started and finished the day at roughly the same time as had become customary. There was no talk about whatever Romona had hinted at the night before. All things considered, the day was anticlimactic at best.
I pushed through the locker room doors in a restless haze.
Kaitlin was finishing getting dressed, her hair still wet from the shower. The sight of her sent a sharp stabbing pain into my chest. Romona’s words from the night before replayed in my head. Logan’s not really available right now.
“Hey.” I nodded in her direction, not allowing our eyes to connect.
It was difficult. On the one hand I was starting to like Kaitlin. She was confident, friendly, and nice with a sharp sense of humor and a wicked roundhouse kick. There was something magnetic about her. As if she were a bright light we were all drawn to like flies. And that was exactly what kept me wary of her. It was too easy, too effortless for her.
“So I didn’t see you again last night after you took off with Jonathon.” She purposefully let the statement float in the air.
I shrugged.
“Did you ever make it back to the celebration? I was hoping to introduce you to a few friends.”
“No, I took the opportunity to spend some time on my own. It was really peaceful.”
“I see.” She nodded. “Did Logan ever find you then?”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“Last night. When I told him you’d left, he took off after you. I just wanted to know if he ever found you.”
“Yes, he did . . . eventually.”
“That’s good. He seemed rather . . . um . . . agitated.”
Had Kaitlin told him in order to point out I was preoccupied with someone else? And if so, shouldn’t she be upset that he’d gone to look for me? Nothing was making sense right now.
The doors behind me swooshed open and Romona came in, mopping her brow with
a small towel.
“Hey girls,” she said breathlessly.
“Let me guess,” Kaitlin said, “the gauntlet?”
“You got it! Man, it really kicked my butt!”
“What’s a gauntlet?” I asked.
“It’s a training exercise. It’s an obstacle course, but after every obstacle you have to defeat an opponent and then move on to the next. It’s intense!”
“And really long,” Kaitlin piped in. “Sometimes it takes hours to get through.”
“Eww, I don’t want to hear either one of you mentioning it to Logan.”
“Ha,” Kaitlin laughed, “too late; he already ran it this morning before he started training with you.”
I shook my head in awe. And I thought I needed to get out more. He must have been at the training center for sixteen hours already.
“So why haven’t I heard of this thing before?” I asked.
“Probably because they only break it out before big missions, when they are planning on sending a larger group of hunters down to Earth. It’s like a qualifier to make sure everyone is still on their game.”
“Oh.” I looked at Romona. “So you’re headed down for a mission soon?”
She looked perplexed. “Um yeah, but . . .”
“What?”
“Nothing, I guess.” She turned to Kaitlin, who simply shrugged, before changing the subject. “Let’s have a girls’ night tonight!”
Their misdirection came to light as we were all leaving the locker room.
“So, Aud, you ready for tomorrow?” Alrik’s voiced boomed from down the hallway.
I frowned at him. “What’s so special about tomorrow?”
“What? Don’t tell me they haven’t told you yet,” he continued after a moment of silence from me. “Well, that’s a surprise. Tomorrow’s your first mission.”
I glanced at Logan who was in conversation with Kevin a little further down the hall.
If what Alrik said was true, why hadn’t Logan said something to me? You don’t spring this on someone last minute! I looked at Alrik in disbelief. He must have it wrong. I told him as much.