by Julie Hall
As the distance between us closed, my throat tightened around a lump. Would Logan just nod or pretend I wasn’t there, as he had the few other times we’d passed, or would something different happen since Jonathon was here?
Jonathon was oddly quiet beside me as we continued down the corridor. He didn’t press me to finish my sentence. We were about five feet apart when Logan finally acknowledged our existence by making eye contact with me. No nod this time. He passed us. I was prepared to keep walking when Jonathon stopped me with a gentle touch on my arm, and called out to Logan.
“Hey man, how are you doing?”
There was a slight tightness in Logan’s shoulders right before he turned back with a lazy smile on his face. The smile didn’t reach his eyes and he avoided looking directly at me. “Been pretty good, actually. Lots of action going on these days, which always keeps things interesting.”
“Really?” I asked without thinking. “No one has mentioned any action to me.”
Logan angled toward me to answer, but his gaze was directed over my right shoulder. “There’s always stuff brewing down on Earth. When you aren’t training anyone, you get the opportunity to jump into things more often.”
I wanted to ask more, but Jonathon beat me to it. “So, that’s why we haven’t seen much of you lately?”
“Something like that,” Logan answered. “I should get going. I’m getting ready to take another trip down.” His eyes shifted slightly to where Jonathon held my upper arm, making me want to squirm out of the prince’s grasp. “And I’m sure you guys have your own plans.”
Jonathon’s widening smile confirmed Logan’s statement. “Well man,” he said, “we’d love to see you around more often. Just because you’re not training with Audrey doesn’t mean you’ve been blacklisted. Your friends miss seeing you.”
Logan smiled back politely. “Yeah, thanks for the reminder.” With a quick chin nod, he turned and continued down the hall.
Jonathon’s hand dropped from my arm. Why hadn’t he let go sooner? Did he think I was going to run away or something?
We continued walking. After a moment Jonathon spoke. “You know, it seems really weird with Logan. How so much changed after you asked for a new mentor. Not just with him, but you too. Do you think you’ll ever feel comfortable enough to tell me what really went down between you?”
My internal alarms blared, screaming at me to evade and run. Jonathon wasn’t stupid, but the last thing I wanted to do was discuss Logan with him. Or vice versa, for that matter.
Jonathon waited patiently for me to speak. My throat went dry.
“Truthfully?”
He nodded.
“I don’t think so.”
“Oh.” Jonathon was visibly disappointed. He forced a smile. “Maybe one day you’ll change your mind.”
“Well, this is me.” I pointed to the locker room sign. “Thanks for the company. I’ll see you in a few hours.”
The reminder of our dinner date put a genuine smile back on his face. “Looking forward to it.”
As per usual, he took my hand and placed a gentle kiss on the back before turning to leave. I considered telling him he was going the wrong direction, but I dismissed it. He’d figure it out on his own.
And if he never made it to the tree by seven thirty, I wasn’t sure I’d be sorry.
I looked at myself in the mirror, taking stock of the girl staring back with distracted eyes. I was almost exactly the same as the day I’d appeared in the afterlife. Same straight, long, dark brown hair with subtle highlights. Same mahogany eyes set in a petite, heart-shaped face. Same short stature. The only apparent change was a more toned physique from the hours spent training.
But something was different. It was hidden in the way I held myself. The image in front of me projected strength but was also jaded.
My brows furrowed and I pushed melancholy thoughts from my mind. I forced myself to look only at the surface, the paper in which the package was wrapped.
The dress I’d picked for my date was flirtier than my mood. I enjoyed the excuse to dress up when Jonathon took me on his usual formal dates, but with Logan on my brain, my heart wasn’t in it tonight. The fabric was a glossy gray and muted yellow gingham check. It was short, with pockets—I loved pockets in dresses. The top part consisted of crisscrossed fabric with an off-center bow resting on my hip. I’d paired it with killer four-inch yellow wedges I’d materialized for myself.
Bear trotted over and pushed his head under my hand in a silent request for attention. He’d stayed in my room all day, sleeping off the activities from the night before. I wished I had that luxury.
I was due for a two-day break the day after tomorrow, thank goodness. The gang had planned a skiing and snowboarding trip on the south mountain. The thought of it made me smile. I loved snowboarding, which was probably why I’d picked up the basics of surfing relatively easily. Logan might even show for this trip since, from what I’d been told, he was an amazing boarder.
My smile dropped. Should I still go? I couldn’t imagine spending time with him, but eventually we had to get past this, for the sake of our friends if for no other reason. When was the right time to work on normalizing our relationship? I heaved a heavy sigh.
A knock sounded. My eyes slid to the door. It was too early to be Jonathon, but my dispirited disposition stole my curiosity.
“Come in,” I shouted.
A delicate arm appeared, followed by a waterfall of blonde hair.
Kaitlin.
Her gaze swept the room before her eyes landed on me.
“Hey,” I said.
“Hey back, you.” Her smile was cheerful. “You’re lookin’ hot. Where are you going tonight?”
I shrugged. “I’m not sure. Jonathon is taking me out.”
“And you look thrilled.” Sarcasm more than tinged her words.
Another shrug.
She pulled up a chair and sat facing me. “All right, girlie, spill.”
Still facing the mirror, I focused on her reflection. “Spill what?”
“Why you’re dating Jonathon when you’re clearly in love with Logan.”
I choked on nothing. She now had my undivided attention. Out of all the things I could have said, all I managed was, “What?”
“I knew it. You just confirmed it,” she answered with a self-satisfied smirked.
“What are you talking about?” I didn’t love Logan. Logan was just . . . well, I didn’t know exactly what he was, but we weren’t even talking right now. And why wasn’t she acting like a crazy jealous person if that was truly what she thought?
“Oh, please. We both know you’ve been pining for him for months now. And he’s been doing the same. I’m tempted to lock you both in a room until you admit your feelings to each other.”
“Kaitlin.” I turned on her, horrified. “Why are you even saying this? Logan’s your boyfriend.”
“What!” It was her turn to look horrified. Her eyes opened unnaturally wide, and her mouth gaped repeatedly, mimicking a fish out of water. “Logan is not my boyfriend! That would be so, so weird. We practically grew up together. It would be like dating my brother. Oh my gosh, why would you even think that?” She screwed up her face as if the idea grossed her out.
It was my turn to gape.
Wait. They weren’t together? Could it be true?
“Well . . .” I cleared my throat, trying to pull my thoughts together. Why had I thought Logan and Kaitlin were an item? No one had ever said so. “It’s just you guys always seem so close. He’s so comfortable around you. Happier, it seems. And . . .” I paused. Should I tell her everything? Oh, what the heck! The wind left my sails as I finished. “Romona said he was unavailable, so I just assumed it was because of you.”
Kaitlin held her hands to her darkening cheeks. “You mean to tell me this whole time you thought Logan and I were an item?”
I nodded.
“But,” she stuttered, “why didn’t you just ask?”
“I di
dn’t think I needed to. And I didn’t want to seem, you know, interested in him or something.” It was my cheeks’ turn to darken.
Kaitlin rolled her eyes. “Well, that would have been the most subtle of your tells. The longing glances you guys keep giving each other when you think no one is looking are a big fat giveaway. And believe me, we’re looking. Even your bickering is charged, if you know what I mean.” She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively, then gasped, “Oh, Audrey, please tell me this isn’t the reason you asked for a new mentor.”
I waved her off. “No, of course not. It’s a much more confusing situation.”
I tried to hide it, but my mind was being blown right now. I resisted the urge to look behind me to see if brain matter was splattered across the wall.
She leaned forward. “Okay, then, I’m ready to finally hear it.”
I eyed her. “What has Logan told you?”
She huffed and leaned back again. “Nothing much. I hate to see him hurting right now.”
One of the cracks in my heart started to bleed a little. “Why is he hurting?” I asked in a small voice.
“That is exactly what I’m trying to find out. We’ve all had enough of you two sulking around each other.”
“Who exactly is ‘we’?” I asked warily.
She lifted one perfect brow. “Do you really want to know the answer?”
I groaned and put my face in my hands. “No, I guess I don’t.”
“So, since we agree you are in fact in love with Logan—”
“Kaitlin, I never said that.”
She plowed forward, regardless. “Back to my original question. Why in the world are you continuing to date Jonathon?”
This question at least I had answers to. I started to tick them off with my fingers. “First, Logan is not interested in me. No, stop,” I said when she tried to interrupt. “I can promise you he made that more than clear.” I cringed. Kaitlin hadn’t been there the day I told him we weren’t bonded. She didn’t see the relief permeate not just his eyes, but his entire body.
She crossed her arms with a frown, but let me continue.
“Second, there is nothing wrong with Jonathon. He’s a great guy. He’s smart and funny and has made it perfectly clear he is interested in me. And third, why wouldn’t I give a guy like that a chance?”
She didn’t look convinced. “Wow, Audrey, I never would have taken you as someone impressed by a title and a pretty face.”
I gasped. “How can you say that?”
She shrugged a shoulder and threw an annoyed look in my direction. “I’m just saying what everyone is thinking.”
“That’s awful. Jonathon deserves so much more credit than you’re giving him. He’d be hurt if he thought you meant that, which I doubt. He’s really a great guy.” All true. I didn’t need to confess to my own conflicted feelings about dating him.
She had the decency to look ashamed. “You’re right, I take it back. It was a horrible thing to say. But Audrey, let’s pretend for a minute Logan isn’t interested in you, which he is,” it was her turn to silence me with a look, “Even if that were true, anyone can tell you’re not really into Jonathon. Why continue the charade?”
“It’s not a charade,” I insisted. “Am I head-over-heels for him? Well, no. But sometimes things develop over time. I am somewhat attracted to him. Come on, Kaitlin, you know he’s gorgeous.”
“But you’re not nearly as attracted to him as you are to Logan.”
I gave her a scathing look. This had gone far enough. I really didn’t need Kaitlin rubbing my face in what I couldn’t have. “Listen, Kaitlin, I appreciate your concern. For both Logan and me. But even though you’re not dating him, it’s simply not meant to be.” I shrugged. “Do you really begrudge me moving on?”
I thought I sounded pretty convincing—but did I even believe what I was saying right now? My mind hadn’t had time to wrap around the fact that there was not, and never had been, anything romantic between Kaitlin and Logan. When I had a moment to really let it sink in, I was going to feel awfully sorry for myself. I was currently speaking on autopilot, and I knew it.
“Audrey, of course I don’t. I just think you’re headed toward settling for something that isn’t what’s best for you.”
I shot her a weary glance. Logan’s actions still spoke volumes. There was no way around that. He had never pursued me. Had never given any indication he was going to. Yeah, we’d had a few . . . moments, but when it came down to it, what did that really matter?
I almost wished Kaitlin was dating Logan, because now his rejection stung even worse. It was more personal than before.
That hurt.
I had a half-hour before my date with a different guy. Not enough time to process anything—especially in front of an audience.
“Uh, Audrey?”
“Yeah?”
“You’ve got a hair thing going on right now.”
Of course, I did. “Didn’t I tell you it was overrated?” A look in the mirror confirmed a gray-blue tone tinted my whole head. I closed my eyes to turn it back. I brought my fingers to my temple and rubbed in vain to stop the oncoming headache. “You know what I could use right now is a little support,” I said before opening my eyes.
Kaitlin looked at me with compassion. “Okay, Audrey, if that’s what you need, I’ll lay off about Logan.” Then came the pointed stare. “For now.”
“Really?” I held back a sigh of relief.
“Yes.” Her voice became almost timid. “You and I have become important to each other, right?”
I nodded and was surprised at the truth of her words.
“I want to be here for you. You need someone else to talk to besides Romona. And I hope you’ll do the same for me.”
I smiled. “Of course.”
“Then I’ll support your decision to date Jonathon.” She threw her shoulders back as if readying for battle. “But I want it noted that I think you’re wrong. I think you and Logan have strong feelings for each other that you’re both too scared to admit or act on. I believe you’ll have your chance someday. Maybe the timing’s not right.”
I didn’t feel like I could process that possibility right now either. “In the meantime, don’t you think I owe it to myself to see if there’s something else out there for me?”
She nodded reluctantly. “But not if you are using Jonathon as a rebound or a shield. You’ll only hurt yourself and him in the process.”
Oh shoot, was that what I was doing? I didn’t know.
She stood. “Here, let me fix your hair for your date. I can do an updo with braids if you like. I think it would look really pretty.”
I met her eyes in the mirror. “Thanks.”
I meant it for more than the hair. I think she knew that, too.
4
Boyfriends
Jonathon face-planted in the snow for the hundredth time. I struggled not to laugh. He’d been rolling down the hill since yesterday. His hair, white from the accumulation of snow, stuck up at weird angles. I rode up next to where he sat—looking shocked and shook up—and joined him in a drift. We rested in silence for a moment as we watched one of his skis slide the rest of the way down the mountain.
“You do know skiing wasn’t invented until the 1800s, right?” he said gruffly.
I smiled and looked away so he wouldn’t think I was laughing at him. “I wasn’t aware. Want to try boarding instead?”
He looked at me incredulously. “Are you crazy? You’re carving down the mountain on nothing less than a death plank. I’ve watched boarders wipeout. I’m content to take my beating on skis.”
Unable to hold it back any longer, I started laughing. Tears appeared in my eyes while Jonathon looked on. “I’m really sorry, but it is kind of funny.”
“For you, maybe,” he grudgingly agreed.
“Okay, truth?”
He nodded. I patted his shoulder with a thick-gloved hand, whisking away chunks of snow in the process. “When I learned how to ride, I spent
three whole days sliding down the mountain on every part of me other than the board. That is, when I didn’t catch an edge and face-plant or land so hard on my backside I thought I’d broken my butt.”
He cracked a smile, my intent.
“If you really want to learn, you should probably take some lessons next time. I learned how to ski before riding, but it’s been so long that I’m not the best teacher.”
“I thought about it, but then I wouldn’t have been able to spend time with you.” He pouted, lifting puppy-dog eyes to mine.
I lifted an eyebrow. “Is it fun for you to have me watch you tumble down the mountain all day?”
He cringed. “No.”
“Didn’t think so. Let’s call it a day. Next trip you can take lessons, and it’ll be a lot more fun.”
“Yeah, okay.”
Just then Alrik skied up, covering us both with a wave of powder. “Hey, you two. Taking another break I see.” His eyes lit with mischief. Kaitlin and Kevin appeared and expertly slowed their boards to a stop so they could sit with us. Romona skied up without spraying us with snow.
“I think we’re going to call it a day,” I announced.
“What?” Alrik boomed. “There are still hours of light left.”
I laughed. How to bow out without embarrassing Jonathon? “Um . . .”
He spared me the need. “She’s only saying that for me. I think I’ve had enough. I may take a lesson if we ever come again. I didn’t realize how difficult this was. I’m going to find a sport from my century, though, to get back at all of you.” There was a challenge in his smile. “Audrey,” he said focusing on me, “I want you to stay and enjoy the rest of the day. I’ll be in the lodge thawing and will join everyone for dinner tonight like we planned.”
“Are you sure?” I bit my lip. Jonathon really was wonderful. He’d hardly complained about his day, only giving in on this last fall. But I hadn’t seen much of my friends this weekend because I’d been following in his wake, ensuring he didn’t hurt himself. After several hours we’d only made it down a few runs, yesterday even fewer. I had been secretly disappointed, but didn’t want it to show. Jonathon, always gracious, recognized my predicament.