by Eric Vall
“Ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” he began, “Judge Elijah, I come before you today to ask you one question. How much should we allow our laws, our sacred, interdimensional laws, to be bent?”
“I really don’t like where this is going,” Raphael grumbled.
“Yes, this man, Jacob Ralston, has done lots of good for both Earth and Heaven,” Metatron continued. “He and his friends have eliminated countless demons that have been plaguing the world for the last few millennia, and for that, we will be forever grateful. But, these good benefits come at a great cost. For every demon Jacob Ralston kills, for every despot he removes, for every succubus and cultist he steals, he gains followers. Now, he has not only mortals worshiping him like a deity, but also Shades, assassins, and Demon Lords! Ralston has proclaimed himself a Demon King and has formed alliances with our mortal enemies! And then there’s his followers on Earth … they used to mostly stick to their own turf with their strange rituals and cult-like worship of Jacob, but now they turn to active violence?”
“Wait, what?” I couldn’t help but gasp.
“And they claim it’s in the name of our Lord, the Exalted One?” Metatron growled, but I could see he was nearly in tears. “The Cult of Ralston goes around recruiting other mortals into their perverse ways, and kills anyone who doesn’t agree with them. Worst of all, they’ve dragged one of our Divine brothers into their twisted games!”
“Objection!” Todd shouted overdramatically.
“On what grounds?” The judge asked.
“Uhhhh,” Todd paused. “Cause Megatron is an asshat?”
“Overruled!” Judge Elijah hissed. “The prosecution may continue.”
“Thank you, your honor,” Metatron said with a slight bow. “Now, ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I say enough! Jacob Ralston has abused his power, his followers are out of control, and if we don’t do something soon, who knows the destruction he will cause next? Thank you.”
“Not gonna lie,” Todd whispered to the two of us, “his speech was way better. But the Toddster’s gonna get you outta this, okay? Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“Defendants,” Judge Elijah asked in our direction, “do you have any witnesses or exhibits you’d like to present to the jury?”
“We sure as shootin’ do, your honor,” Todd exclaimed. “Goldilocks, get up here!”
Judge Elijah shot Todd a dirty look, and the imp shrank in his chair.
“Er, I mean,” he stuttered, “the defense would like to call Eligor to the witness stand.”
The blonde knight stood up out of her chair, and then the bailiff escorted her up to the marble square that sat next to Judge Elijah. She was forced to swear on the Bible, and then she sauntered up and sat down in the leather seat.
“Please state your name for the record,” Judge Elijah bemused.
“Eligor, fallen angel and knight of Hell,” she announced.
The room was suddenly filled with hushed whispers, until the judge banged his gavel angrily against the stand.
“Order in the court!” he growled. “Defense, please question your witness.”
“Star witness, your honor,” Todd stated proudly as he stood up on the seat of his chair.
The sharp-dressed imp strutted out onto the floor of the courtroom with confidence, and then he leaned up against the witness stand with one arm.
“Alright, Goldilocks, I’ll make this quick,” he began. “Tell the boys and girls here how you met Jacob, and what exactly his mission was when you met.”
“Alright,” Eligor said with a nod. “I met Jacob during one of the great jousts of the Fourth Circle. He and his friends had just slain Azazel’s champion, Malphas, and Jacob was planning on attacking the Father of Warfare right then and there. Thankfully, I was there to talk him down from the ledge.”
“So, you admit he was there to kill Azazel?” Todd questioned.
“I do,” the blonde knight agreed. “One of the first things he told me was he and his friends were in Hell so they could, and I quote, ‘kill Azazel once and for all.’”
“So, Eligor, please tell the ladies and gentlemen of the jury,” Todd continued, “was he successful in his mission?”
“Yes, he was,” the blonde answered.
“And so, what happened after that rat bastard was dead?”
“Jacob took over as King,” Eligor admitted. “That part of the accusation is very true. But it’s not what you think, not by a long shot. I’ve been a fallen angel for hundreds of thousands of years, and I’ve dealt with many different Demon Kings and Demon Lords in my time. None of them have ever been as level-headed, just, and fair as Jacob Ralston.”
“Fair in what ways?” Todd fired back.
“First of all, Jacob took away all forms of violent torture in the Fourth Circle,” Eligor explained. “Now, the Shades are punished for their greed in their previous life through excessive fines, rather than by being forced to fight to the death. As acting King, Jacob has also brought the Fourth Circle out of the eleventh century and into the modern world.”
“And has he ever seemed to be plotting against the Exalted One in any way, shape, or form?” Todd inquired.
“Quite the contrary,” Eligor scoffed. “King Ralston has on multiple occasions spoke of his intentions to work with the Divine.”
“Final question,” Todd said as he pulled away from the podium. “Did the Archangel Raphael conspire to cover for Jacob?”
“I wouldn’t know,” the blonde admitted. “This is the first time I’ve seen Raphael in hundreds of years.”
“No further questions, your highness,” Todd said with a bow, and then he turned around and shot me a thumbs up.
The imp sauntered back to his seat before he and Raphael exchanged a high-five.
“Prosecution?” Judge Elijah asked Metatron.
The blond Archangel stood up, walked over to the podium, and then placed his hands behind his back. He began to pace back and forth, with a smug smile glued onto his face.
“So, remind me, Eligor,” he began, “you introduced yourself as a Knight of Hell and a fallen angel. Why should the ladies and gentlemen of the jury trust anything a traitor has to say?”
“Objection, your honor!” Todd groaned.
“Oh what grounds?” the judge sighed.
“Uhhh, he, uhhh called her a traitor, but that doesn’t have any bearing on her testimony.”
“Sustained,” Elijah agreed. “Metatron, please refrain from using derogatory words when questioning the witness.”
“Of course,” the Archangel conceded before he turned back to Eligor. “So, why should the people of the jury trust your words?”
“Because there’s nothing to lie about,” Eligor shot back. “Ever since I allied myself with Jacob, things have been going great for me. Besides, every single word I’ve said could be proven just by taking a look into the Fourth Circle.”
“You say you allied yourself with Jacob … ” Metatron continued. “Who, may I ask, were you allied with before?”
The color drained from Eligor’s face, and she held her head down in shame.
“Lilith, the Demon Queen,” she admitted.
The courtroom broke out in murmurs once more, and Judge Elijah restored order with the bang of his gavel.
“Lilith!” Metatron exclaimed and pointed at Eligor. “You were a subject of the Demon Queen, the betrayer of Adam and the first succubus?”
“I was,” the knight sighed.
“Does this mean Jacob Ralston has allied himself with the Demon Queen?” he asked, somewhat surprised at his own findings.
“No,” Eligor explained. “Though they shared a mutual interest in killing Azazel, I acted on my own accord.”
“No further questions, your honor,” Metatron said as he headed back to his table.
Eligor stood up, and one of the armed SWAT officers led her back to her seat.
“Now, if the defense has no further witnesses to--”
“We do, your honor,” I
cut the judge off as I stood to my feet. “Two more, actually.”
I shot Metatron a knowing glare, and the smug look on his face melted real fucking quick.
“Todd,” I asked my lawyer, “introduce the court to Cupiditas.”
Chapter 7
I rolled up my sleeve, pressed down on the tattoo of black angel wings on my arm, and the image was outlined with a white light. A pale glow illuminated the already bright room as a beam shot out of my arm and struck the center of the courtroom.
Soon, the white blob morphed itself into the figure of a fit blonde succubus. Cupiditas to the rescue.
“Your honor,” Todd said snarkily, “I’d like to call Cupiditas to the stand.”
“Objection!” Metatron howled. “Succubi aren’t allowed in--”
“Overruled,” Elijah shot back. “The Treatise of Milan clearly states demons may enter Heaven for trials related to interdimensional law. Please continue.”
The blonde succubus looked around with confusion on her face, and then her expression contorted into a look of utter terror when she realized where she was. However, Cupi was a tough cookie. She took a deep gulp, straightened her posture, and then followed the uniformed officer up to the stand. The succubus swore herself in and then stated her name into the trumpet for the jury.
“I really, really hope she brought that thing I asked her to,” Todd giggled from beside me.
“When did you ask her about--”
“Before we left for the Sixth Circle, bro,” the imp cut me off. “I told her to go gather up some evidence just in case this whole trial thing blew up. You’re totally gonna love it.”
Those were famous last words.
Todd sauntered up to the floor and cracked his knuckles gleefully.
“So, Cupi … ” he started. “Tell me all about you and Jakey’s relationship. Without going into any of the really dirty stuff, though. Nobody in this room wants to hear that shit.”
“I was Jacob’s second succubus,” Cupi explained. “I was summoned on the same night as Libidine, and I knew right off the bat Jacob was something else.”
“And not just because of his genitallis penilis?” Todd interjected.
“I don’t think that’s a real word,” she chuckled. “But no. The minute Libidine and I said we wanted to stay on Earth Realm, Jacob made it his priority to figure out how to make that happen. He freed us because he truly cares about those who are less fortunate than him, and he’s one of the kindest souls I’ve ever met. The idea that he’s plotting some dark and evil scheme is, pardon my French, bullshit.”
“Language, Cupiditas,” Elijah warned.
“So, Jakey isn’t violent and murdery?” Todd pressed on. “He’s not a mean green mother from outer space?”
“No way,” the blonde sighed. “Jacob Ralston wouldn’t harm a fly. Unless, of course, that fly was constantly trying to kill him like Azazel was.”
“I’m glad you brought that up, Cupi,” the imp proclaimed. “May I present to you all, Exhibit D. Show ‘em.”
Cupiditas reached into the satchel bag on the floor beside her, fumbled around for a bit, and then produced a shriveled, red and gray object. She tossed it onto the floor of the court, and the entire room gasped.
This thing had obviously been alive at one point, as its red skin was faded and full of holes from where maggots had chewed through. There were two black stumps where it looked like there had once been horns, and a shriveled tongue hung out of its mouth.
It was Azazel’s rotted head.
“Haha!” Raphael exclaimed as he stood up and clapped his hands together. “Who’s the ‘lame-ass cock sucker’ now, huh?”
“Order!” the judge screamed. “Bailiff, please take this evidence back to the evidence room and label it properly.”
The SWAT officer grabbed the head and then rushed through the back door and out of sight.
“Now, Cupi … ” Todd continued as if nothing had happened. “Would you please tell everyone why you were after Azazel in the first place? Perhaps with that other piece of evidence.”
“Objection!” Metatron hissed. “He’s clearly leading the witness!”
“You know the law, Metatron,” Judge Elijah answered. “Evidence can be presented in the Divine Court at any point during the trial. Continue.”
“Thank you, Your Honor,” Cupi said with a nod, and then she reached down into her sachel and pulled out an old book. “This is the book we found in the Chapel of the Trinity. It has a massive list of demons who have been living on Earth Realm in disguise, polluting the minds of the mortals. When we first met with Raphael, he told us the Exalted One wished for us to work as his agent and exterminate all of these demons.”
“And?” Todd prodded. “Did you?”
“We did,” Cupi shot back. “With the help of Jacob’s followers, we eliminated every single demon on this list.”
“Speaking of followers,” the imp continued. “Would you say the Cult of Ralston is a violent cult?”
Cupi looked at Todd like he was an idiot before she burst into a fit of laughter.
“Not at all,” she guffawed. “Ever since Jacob took over, they mostly stick to doing the more tame stuff, like their midnight orgies or ping-pong parties. In fact, Jacob forbid them from doing any blood rituals or sacrifices or anything of that sort.”
“And what about Raphael over there?” Todd finished off his interrogation. “Was he a co-conspirator in Jacob’s rise to power and his journey to Hell to kill Azazel?”
“Not at all,” Cupi shot back. “We actually encountered Raphael before we entered the Porta ad Inferos, but we lied through our teeth to convince him we were just out for a leisurely stroll. He fell for it hook, line, and sinker, like he usually does.”
“She doesn’t have to be so rude about it,” Raphael mumbled to me under his breath.
“The Toddster rests.” Todd slapped his hand on the podium and then returned to his seat.
Now it was Metatron’s turn, and I could tell he was becoming frazzled. The Archangel adjusted his golden tie flusteredly before he pushed his chair out, stood up, and sauntered up to the witness stand. He then leaned forward and placed his crossed arms on the edge of the podium.
“Hello, Cupiditas,” Metatron said in a fake happy tone. “So nice of you to join us today. Now, much like Eligor, you were one of us once, right? And then you fell?”
“Unfortunately,” Cupi grumbled.
“My first question for you, Cupiditas, is this,” the Archangel continued, “why did you fall?”
“Do I really have to say it for the record?” the blonde succubus sighed. “I’m a succubus now. It shouldn’t take a rocket scientist to put two and two together.”
“Please, Cupiditas,” he pleaded. “For the jury.”
Cupi’s eyes narrowed, and then she took a deep breath.
“I was tired of playing the role of the ‘goody two-shoes,’” she explained. “Plus, I liked sex. Like, a lot. I really don’t see how this relates to anything--”
“And what is your role now, if you may?” Metatron asked slimily. “For thousands of years you were a demonic succubus who turned her back on the Divine, but now you’d have us believe you are behind our mission?”
“I never said I was,” Cupi admitted. “But Jacob is, and I’m … very fond of him. I will follow him through whatever mission he chooses.”
“Has King Ralston ever instructed you to commit a violent crime or to punish those that disrespect him?”
“Never,” the fit succubus scoffed. “My king would never be that cruel.”
“I’m going to ask you again, Cupiditas,” Metatron continued. “What is your current role in Jacob’s … band of slaves? Is that what he calls you?”
“We’re his teammates,” the succubus shot back. “He treats us as equals, not as his playthings! Currently, I am his head general.”
A clever smile spread up Metatron’s face, and the guy looked like he was seconds away from declaring “gotcha!”<
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“General, eh?” he chuckled. “If Jacob is such a benevolent ruler, as you and Eligor claim he is, then why does he need a general? That implies he has an army to lead.”
“Have you been to Hell lately, Metatron?” Cupi spat. “Everybody down there wants to see your head on a pike. Jacob has it even worse since he’s a mortal, and many of the other Demon Kings don’t believe he ‘deserves’ to be on their level. Are you familiar with Beelzebub, Metatron? Or what about Baphomet? I know you’ve clashed with him many times through the years. Many times that ended up in a loss for you.”
“I’m doing the questioning here, Cupiditas,” Metatron growled. “Why does Jacob need an army, and why has he allied himself with other Demon Kings and Demon Lords?”
“Because those two have already agreed to form an alliance to kill Jacob and take the Fourth Circle,” the blonde explained. “You’d want as many allies as you could get if you knew two of the most powerful Demon Kings were coming after you.”
Metatron shook his head in frustration and then turned to address the jury.
“I don’t know about you, ladies and gentlemen,” he laughed, “but there appears to be a very obvious solution to this whole predicament. Why doesn’t Jacob just abandon the Fourth Circle and return to his place in Earth Realm? Then he wouldn’t have to worry about Beelzebub or Baphomet or anything in that God-forsaken place. This entire trial may not have been necessary had he simply killed Azazel, renounced his claim, and returned to Earth. Sure, you all would have gotten a slap on the wrist for killing an Archangel and crossing interdimensional borders without authorization, but nothing quite as severe as what you’re looking at right now.”
White-hot rage burned in the pit of my stomach, so I clenched my fists and pursed my lips to keep myself from speaking out of turn.
Abandon the Fourth Circle? I killed Azazel. That made it “my place” to sit upon the throne and rule over the domain’s subjects. Who did this asshole think he was?
“I’m not a mind reader,” Cupi hissed through gritted teeth. “You’ll have to ask him that one yourself.”