by Pixie Unger
“We build you a house,” Lucky offered.
Erika smiled and patted his shoulder. “You’re hurt,” she pointed out, “and Miriam needs one more than I do. I’m living here, she’s living in a tent.”
“We need to rebuild the cities,” I mused. “Or start over and build a little town. We need a way to take care of ourselves instead of living in a schoolyard.”
Erika nodded. Lucky just looked thoughtful about that.
----
It had been a few weeks since Mac had been attacked. He was up and about in a matter of days, but things were still not back to their before-status in our family. No one had even tried to enter my room since that night. They were all back to being standoffish.
To be honest, so was I. I had quickly gotten used to one of them sleeping next to me, but that had completely ended when there was a risk of them getting killed for it. Screw telling kids they’ll grow hair on their palms, having someone threatening the lives of the people you love is a really effective method of encouraging celibacy.
Apparently something had happened, and the food in the camp was better. Jo and I spent some time talking about that. Neither of us could point to a single incident that would have changed that. It seemed like it could have been a hundred little things instead.
Miriam’s house wasn’t done, but it was closer. There were more orcs helping build now, which helped with the heavier jobs. That felt a lot safer than watching a collection of malnourished humans trying to build on their own. I wondered, again, how long this would have taken before. In the meantime, Jo was right: this was good for my mental health. I felt like I had a purpose again; I felt stronger.
I kind of wanted to build one of these for myself. I liked that Miriam was getting to help plan how it would look. Nicoli was up to his elbows in the construction-process and looking so proud of how it was going. It was nice working with my guys, even if they were skeptical of the whole thing.
Tonight, I was joining the other workers in a picnic on the construction site. It had the sort of real food I had grown used to eating with the orcs for the last couple of months. Erika was still helping build some mornings, but she was increasingly focused on just organizing the house where she was living. Still, she had come for the morning and was staying for lunch.
It was her and her guys, me and mine, and Jo sitting in a group. The three of us humans were in the centre with the orcs forming a concentric circle around us. Normally, Jo would be talking about the project and the next project she wanted to work on and how the competing builds were going. Today, she looked straight at Mac and asked, “How are you feeling these days?”
He leaned away from her. “Why do you ask?”
I winced at the rudeness. “He’s okay. We’re all trying to figure out what happens now, though. It kind of, um, derailed us a little.”
Jo nodded cautiously as she admitted, “The warden was asking about you.”
I felt a little sick. “Did he say why?”
She shrugged. “I was talking about how that fight really changed how we understand them. They’re big and scary, and that showed how they’re an extra bit violent. He wasn’t happy with me saying that.”
“Are you okay?” I countered.
She shrugged. “I haven’t been allowed to sleep in the compound since I started this project. They set up a tiny bedroom for me in what’s effectively the stationery closet or coat room or something off of his office. It’s been weird, but it is warmer and quieter and I certainly can’t complain about the food.”
Erika and I nodded in agreement to the end part of that at least.
“Honestly, though, some of the problems he has to deal with take me right back to what it was like running a daycare. Individually, people are lovely. As a group, we’re a bunch of idiots. And so are they.”
That made Mac laugh. Romeo was just smiling politely. Tybalt looked offended, but I couldn’t tell if he was offended that she thought orcs were idiots or that she thought people were. Or maybe both. It was hard to tell with him sometimes.
Iago, however, was watching her with a sort of creepy intensity that suggested he was waiting for the other shoe to drop. That just got me interested.
“Any interesting examples you can share?” I asked.
Jo just shrugged. “They found an enclave of preppers or something a few weeks back. It caused a huge uproar and there were a ton of meetings. In the end, he decided to just keep an eye on them to make sure everyone was okay. Except it turns out orcs are like helicopter parents, so they sent in, like, orc ninjas to put up surveillance cameras all over to watch and make sure no one is being abused.”
“Ew!” Erika blurted out. “That’s gross.
“A total invasion of privacy,” I agreed.
Jo nodded. “I’m not entirely sure they have the same concept of privacy as we do, but regardless, this isn’t like spying. The only one watching is a computer algorithm.”
“Oh, come on!” I protested. “That can’t be real.”
The orcs were all nodding that. “Then no one falls asleep and misses crime,” Iago explained. “People are boring. The watchers stop paying attention. Things get missed.”
I was horrified as I asked, “Are there surveillance cameras in our house?”
“No,” Jo said firmly. “I asked. They know we don’t like that. Your guys all watch each other.”
“And no cloth to block the windows,” Mac added.
I shared a look with Erika. I knew she also got dressed in her bathroom, so she wasn’t putting on a show for whoever was walking by.
“My room has a camera watching the door to see if anyone is trying to get in,” Jo admitted, “but none inside.”
“If the warden is telling the truth,” Erika pointed out.
Jo hesitated before she agreed with that. “I think they really do want us to be safe and happy. They just aren’t good at figuring out how to do that.”
The guys all nodded along with that last bit.
Then Jo ambushed me with, “What do you want, Mina?”
I blinked. “What?” I asked oh so intelligently.
“Well, Erika’s getting herself all set up. Miriam’s getting a house. I’m getting a project and I get to research, which I’ve always enjoyed. What do you want?”
I frowned at my lunch. “I don’t know. I guess I want a community. I like having something to do, so coming here to work is sort of getting me both of those things.”
Jo nodded. “You’re always welcome to help with construction. At least you ask questions instead of just doing it and getting it wrong.” We shared a glance over at the guy who had bullied his team into installing the roof truss he was working on. They had somehow managed to make it fit backwards, which had been a pain in the ass to fix. I still wasn’t sure how they hadn’t noticed it was the only one that didn’t match the roof pitch. She gave a disgruntled sigh. “Anyway. If there’s something you would rather be doing, let me know. I’m trying to organize a list of things people can do so that we can start taking care of ourselves more.”
“Like what?” Erika asked.
“We have some spinners and weavers. They’re going to send us some sheep and some shepherds. People who know how to shear with, well, scissors instead of electric clippers are harder to find these days. But we should be able to make our own fabric at some point.”
“We need to grow our own food, too,” I argued.
She nodded. “Gardeners weren’t hard to find, but I need someone who can talk about how to get the seeds. We can’t just pick up a packet at the hardware store anymore.”
“What about fruit trees?” I asked. “There was an orchard where I worked.”
Jo gave me a sharp look, then ignored Erika when she asked, “What?”
“There are lots of fruit trees in the city,” Jo explained, “but it would be a yard-by-yard search to find them.”
“Yeah. Then you would have to baby them for a year before you found out if they grew a fruit that was edib
le, or just something decorative,” I agreed.
Jo nodded. “There was a you-pick orchard out of town. I wonder if there’s anything left. I’ll ask the warden if there’s a way to find out.”
“What is a you-pick orchard?” Iago asked politely.
“Some fruit is grown to be packed and shipped to stores. Or it was,” I added. “You-pick is where an orchard grows fruit that’s yummy, but maybe doesn’t ship so well. Then people come and pay the growers and pick the fruit for themselves.”
“You want to grow food?” Tybalt asked with a slight frown.
I just shrugged. “I like eating. I’m not an arborist or anything, but I know a little bit about how to take care of trees.” I thought for a moment. “I’m a shit gardener, though. That does mean I have accidentally let almost everything go to seed before. Radishes, lettuce, never carrots though. I bet they look like grass when they go to seed.”
Jo considered this. “I don’t know, but I read that carrots take two years to go to seed.”
“That’s a long wait,” I muttered.
“I like carrots enough to wait,” Jo countered with a shrug.
Iago was clearly still considering that. “You would need guards so people didn’t take them all the first year.”
“Maybe, maybe not,” I argued. “If people have enough to eat, they don’t necessarily just steal food for fun.”
None of them looked convinced. And really, based on how we had all behaved since they arrived, I couldn’t really blame them. It surprised me that even Jo looked skeptical though.
“I don’t know, Mina,” she disagreed. “Food insecurity tends to bring out the hoarder in everyone.”
Okay, so she had a point there.
“We have to start somewhere,” I argued. “Saying that we can’t try to be self-sufficient because people might steal is a bullshit reason.”
Jo frowned at me, but it was Erika who wasn’t going to put up with that. “That’s not what we’re saying, and you know it.”
I sagged. “Yeah, I know.” I looked over at my guys. Iago had his problem-solving face on.
Rosencrantz growled something, to which Gildenstern snickered. Lucky gave Rosencrantz a shove. While I was making a mental note to ask what he had said later, I caught Tybalt watching me.
“What?” I asked.
“You do not want for the most hardest things,” he replied. “You just say what you need to be happy. It is different.”
I blinked in confusion as Iago sighed and Romeo made an annoyed face. Jo was just watching all of us. I could see the moment where she made up her mind about something, but before I could ask what it was, she stood up and wiped her hands on her pants.
“Alright, everyone!” she announced loudly. “Time to get back to work.”
----
It was hard writing about what my life was like immediately after they arrived. Part of it was not wanting to relive the chaos that happened when they first got here, and part was not wanting to endanger anyone who might be left. I had no idea if anyone was left, but I was still holding on tight to the hope that someone might be.
Part of me wanted to write about what that was like. It was hard. It was hard in ways I couldn’t even begin to explain. But the part of my life that I was currently trying to figure out was my relationship with the guys.
Finding the words to put into my journal came easier once I decided to tell that story instead. Don’t get me wrong. It’s still messy and confusing and god help whoever is trying to read my handwriting.
I was writing about how we met, but I was also thinking about what happened to Mac. He was physically better, but the mental toll of what had happened was still weighing on me. The guys were all carefully waiting for me to figure out. That wasn’t helpful when I had no idea what to do.
Erika kept saying not to make a big deal out of it, but it felt almost insulting that her guys were laughing about how I just told my guys what I wanted. How do you go up to a guy and say, ‘I liked fucking you, but I hate that it almost got you killed’?
I set down the book and looked across the house to see them sitting at the dining room table. Here goes nothing.
“I liked sleeping with you, but I’m afraid it’s going to get you killed.”
Yeah. I just blurted that out there.
Now Mac was grinning at me, though the others looked surprised.
“It won’t,” Iago assured me.
“It very nearly did!” I protested.
“They know better now,” Romeo assured me. “No more problems.”
I sighed. “That’s an awfully big risk to take.”
Mac just shrugged. “My risk to take.”
“Not just yours,” I argued. “You getting hurt affects me, too.”
He absolutely beamed at that, looking ridiculously pleased with himself. I fought the urge to roll my eyes and scrubbed my hands through my hair instead.
“You are worried for us!” Tybalt sounded surprised.
“No shit, Sherlock,” I muttered under my breath, causing mass confusion. I realized that idioms were still not their friend. “Of course I’m worried about you!”
It was Mac that got up and came over to give me a hug. I just sagged against his chest and felt my eyes get hot and wet. I blinked and tears splashed down my cheeks. Mac rubbed my back and whispered reassurances that it would be alright.
“I don’t want to lose you,” I mumbled into his chest. Later, I would realize I should have specified that I didn’t want to lose any of them. I wasn’t thinking how that would sound from their perspective.
“You won’t,” he assured me.
I hated that this had happened. I hated that I had to worry about their safety, too. I wasn’t happy that they had seen me break down. The world was a hard place these days, and of all the things I could cry over, it shouldn’t be orcs fighting amongst themselves. Pulling away from him, I wiped my face and frowned, daring any of them to comment on my crying.
Tybalt missed the memo, but at least he was nice about it. “Long hard day. Time to sleep?”
I closed my eyes and nodded. Mac herded me gently towards my room.
“You could stay,” I suggested as I crossed the threshold.
His smile became a smirk as he followed me into my room.
I shook my head. “You’re ridiculous, you know.”
“Happy,” he corrected. “I am happy.”
The sun was already down and I couldn’t see him as well as I would like. I ended up exploring his body with my hands. “Most of your piercings are gone,” I noted.
He shrugged. “I don’t want you marked. I don’t want people thinking bad things about me.”
I swallowed and nodded. “I’m sorry you can’t just be you.”
He went very still, not even breathing for a moment before he replied, “The piercing aren’t me. I am me. I am happy to be with you.”
I grinned against his skin. “I'm happy you’re here with me, too.”
He hummed softly to himself and nuzzled the top of my head. “Wanna taste you,” he rumbled.
Even in the dark, I blushed, but my face wasn’t the only part of me to get warm at the suggestion. I rubbed my face against his peck and ventured a tiny lick. He groaned.
“Something has had me wondering,” I mumbled.
He gave an interrogatory grunt.
“What exactly had you found when you got jumped?”
Mac chuckled. “Clamps. Vibrating toys. Sucking toys.”
I squirmed. “Mac. We don’t have electricity. Vibrating toys are useless.”
“Could get a little electricity,” he suggested. “Also, toys for inside can still go inside.”
I was too busy being floored that we could get electricity to notice that he was planning on inserting anything. “Could we get some lamps?” I asked. “I mean, I have lamps, but could we arrange things so that they could work?”
He sat up a little to look at me.
Then my brain caught up with what he had
just said. “Wait! Inside me or inside you?”
That made him grin and shrug. “Either?”
“Jesus.” I closed my eyes and tried to process that. “I’m not ready to think about … that.”
He hummed his agreement. “You want light.”
“Yeah. I want to be able to see after the sun goes down.” That was easy, but it added a follow up requirement. “I also want curtains so that people out there can’t look at me through the windows.” I opened my eyes to try to see how he responded to that.
Mac was just watching me. “You want a home away from other people.”
Did I? I hadn’t before. I wanted a home away from the orcs. Or at least the ones that had attacked him. “I just want to be safe.” I waited for him to assure me that I was, again. Until now it had been a knee-jerk response for them. This time, however, he seemed to consider that.
“Yes.”
I blinked. “Yes? That’s your reply? Just yes?”
He nodded. “Yes. I want you to be safe, too. I want us to be safe.” Then, moving slowly so that I could see it coming, he leaned forward and pressed his lips to mine.
Orcs can’t exactly kiss, the tusks get in the way, but Mac did something with his lips that felt nice anyway. Then he leaned back and sighed.
“We sleep now,” he suggested, regretfully. “Plan home tomorrow with the others. All of us.”
“Alright.” It was easy to agree and snuggle up against him, my head on his chest. He was warm and cuddly, and I drifted off to the sound of his heartbeat.
----
Mac was stroking my hair when I woke up. “Mm, ‘at’s nice.” I mumbled and heard him chuckle in response.
“Need to talk to you,” he murmured back, “about Iago and Tybalt.”
I sighed and wished he had a snooze button. I wasn’t awake enough to deal with that, but if I told him I didn’t want to talk about it, he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t bring it up later. He would likely not mention it again. I didn’t want that either, because if he was in bed with me wanting to talk about them, it had to be important.
I nodded and yawned. “Yeah, but my brain isn’t on yet.”
There was a long moment of silence in response to that. I was starting to realize I was going to have to explain that when he laughed. “Not awake?” he teased.