Standing outside the mat, Killean had his arms crossed over his chest as he leaned against the wall and watched them with a critical eye. Willow stood next to him. Her head tilted to the side as she focused on Declan.
Callie’s breath caught when Lucien went in low to take Declan down, but Declan deflected the movement. Lucien was far stronger than when they first met, but he wasn’t completely healed. He’d gained weight, but his clothes were still a little loose on him.
“Lucien’s looking a lot better,” Simone said as if she could read Callie’s thoughts.
“Yes, he is,” she murmured.
Still, she didn’t think he was ready for this. However, she was probably overprotective. He’d come to mean so much to her over the past couple of weeks that it made her heart ache to see Declan deflect him again.
“They’re all stubborn,” Kadence said, “and infuriating; we worry about them all the time, especially when they go out to hunt.”
Callie tore her attention away from Lucien long enough to meet Kadence’s sky blue eyes. “You go out there to hunt with them sometimes.” It wasn’t a question; she’d seen Kadence leave the compound with some of the others.
Kadence laughed. “Far more often than Ronan would like me to, but he has no choice. I’ve trained hard to become an asset instead of a hindrance out there.” She waved her hand at Simone. “We both have.”
Callie wondered what that must be like. There was no way they would let her go out there as a human, and she didn’t blame them. If she didn’t get herself killed by doing that, she’d most likely get one of them killed.
She and Lucien had never discussed her ever being anything other than human as they continued to reside in their small bubble, but that bubble would soon pop. She couldn’t spend the rest of her life aimlessly rambling the grounds as she hid here. There was something infinitely sad about the idea of doing so.
Lucien made a move toward Declan again, and when he went to deflect it, Lucien darted to the right and enclosed his arms around one of Declan’s thighs. Declan grabbed Lucien’s arms, and the two of them went to the mat.
Callie gave a small fist pump and then blushed when she realized Simone and Kadence had seen her. She had no idea if it was acceptable to cheer for one over the other.
“Sorry,” she said.
“Don’t be,” Kadence replied. “We understand.”
Callie smiled at her and then followed as Kadence continued through the gym to the back wall. A stand full of mats lined the wall, and they slid theirs into two open spaces.
• • •
Callie spent the next few days meeting Kadence and Simone in the morning for yoga before having lunch with Lucien. Afterward, she attended the hunter training. She felt more comfortable with the hunter women; they weren’t entirely human, but they weren’t as fluid or graceful as the vampires.
Kadence had explained to her that at one time, hunter women weren’t allowed to do anything like this. Some still refused to participate in the training, but many had taken an interest in learning at least basic self-defense.
Most of them would never go beyond the compound walls, but now it was their choice to remain here. Despite it being their choice, Callie found it a little sad they were content never to see the outside world.
However, she supposed there was something peaceful about always being securely hidden from the chaos outside their gates.
She’d only been working with them for a few days, but she was already getting stronger. She was better at yoga, and she’d discovered she had a talent for punching things.
She was becoming friendly with the women, and there were a couple she really liked. Vicky never failed to make her laugh, and she had a lot in common with Elyse, who was the only other one to have led a human life before coming here.
However, she missed her animals and her friends. She missed her job and having a purpose other than exercise every morning. She missed music and concerts and parties. Her feelings for Lucien grew stronger every day, but she still had no idea where any of this was going between them, or if it was going anywhere.
And though she was dying to learn the answer, she hadn’t mentioned it to him. She yearned for and dreaded the answer in equal measure.
She was acutely aware of the bite marks on the necks of her friends, but Lucien hadn’t tried to drink her blood again. Other than informing her about the existence of mates, he’d never said anything else about it.
She didn’t know what that meant for them. Why would he keep her here if he didn’t want something more from her? Did he feel sorry for her because she’d lost everything?
She really hoped that wasn’t the reason she was here, but then, she also didn’t want him to bite her again. Or at least, that’s what she told herself.
With the number of marks on the others, she couldn’t deny they had to find some pleasure in it. And she recalled the moan the motel clerk released when Lucien bit her. However, she also clearly recalled the pain of his bite.
She inwardly shuddered at the memory, but she couldn’t deny a growing part of her craved having it happen again. She was falling in love with him and ready to share more.
No, if she were honest with herself, she’d admit she’d already fallen for him. Which only made the fact she had no idea what he wanted from her worse.
Was she a convenience for him? When he was back to his full strength and could leave the compound again, would he toss her aside for someone new? And then what would happen to her? Would she live here, wandering around, doing yoga, training, and watching him come and go with other women until he found his mate?
She’d rather face a pit full of Savages again. At least then, she would know what was to become of her. She would prefer to take her chances on the outside than live such a mundane, lonely life.
Callie entered the mansion with Kadence, Elyse, and Simone after their most recent training session. They said their goodbyes and went their different ways.
She opened the door to the room she shared with Lucien and discovered him lying on the bed, recently showered, and wearing only boxer shorts. His back was against the headboard as he held a book on his lap.
When she shut the door, he lowered the book and smiled at her. “How was your day?” he asked.
“It was… a day.”
Lucien sensed the unhappiness in her tone as she leaned against the door. “Did something happen?”
“No.”
“Then what’s wrong?”
Callie didn’t know how to explain, and she was afraid of popping the bubble encasing them. However, she couldn’t keep going through this limbo her life had become. She’d lost control of her life, but she would take that control back.
“This isn’t my life. I like it here, I’m making friends, and I’m safe, but before the Savages took me, I had dreams, goals, and a career. I know I can never get that back, and it’s all gone, but I want something more than this.”
Lucien’s mouth went dry as panic seeped through him. He’d been trying to give her space and time to acclimate to her life here, and he’d believed everything was going well as she’d fallen into a routine and was making friends.
It was becoming increasingly difficult to deny his growing compulsion to turn her into a vampire, but he was waiting to broach the mate topic with her. She’d had so much thrown at her that he didn’t want to upset her by adding more.
As long as she was safe, here, and with him, he could keep his compulsion to change her under control, especially if he fed regularly, which meant he was drinking five bags a day. Even with the Savages having starved him for so long, it was still an excessive amount of blood.
But now, her words caused the demon within him to stir, and like a dragon roused from a deep slumber, it sought to destroy.
CHAPTER 29
“And what more do you want, Callie?”
Callie sensed the change in him as his face took on a harshness she hadn’t seen since their flight from the Savages. She’d never f
elt unsafe around him, but she suddenly felt like she was walking on eggshells and had no idea how to proceed.
In the end, she opted for the truth.
“I want my life back. I know I can never have it, but I can have some of my things. I want to know what is going to become of me. Am I supposed to spend the rest of my days going from yoga, to lunch, to afternoon training class, to dinner, to bed with you?”
Instead of answering, he simply stared at her, which made this more frustrating.
“I miss being with animals and feeling like I’m doing something good,” she continued in a rush. If he wasn’t going to respond, then she would at least make him see. “I miss my friends and concerts. I understand I can’t have those things anymore, but I still miss and grieve them. I’m grateful to you for protecting me, but… but… this is difficult for me. And the worst is the uncertainty.”
“Uncertainty about what?”
“My future. I had it planned out for so long, and now it’s all gone. I was going to buy a farm, raise chickens, have horses, rehabilitate wild animals, and foster adoption animals. I was going to have a garden and learn how to can fruit and make spaghetti sauce. I was going to have family and children and now… now….”
“Now what?” Lucien growled as her words continued to poke the barely leashed demon.
Callie threw her hands up in exasperation. “Now, I don’t know anything! I don’t know how long I’ll be welcome here, or when you’ll grow tired of me and move on to someone else, or what will happen as I grow older. I’ve lost everything, and I know absolutely nothing about what is to become of me!”
The rush of those words was like a bucket of ice water dumped over his head as he caged the demon within him. He’d made a mistake by not making his intentions with her clear. He’d been trying to protect her and give her space to adjust to her new life, but he’d only succeeded in giving her nothing but uncertainty. She deserved better than that.
Lucien rose from the bed and walked toward her. As he approached, her shoulders went back and her chin lifted. Her posture was defiant, but the unhappiness in her eyes made him kick himself in the ass. He stopped before her and lifted a strand of her hair to run it through his fingers.
“I will never grow tired of you, Callie,” he said. “I will never throw you aside for someone else. You’re it for me.”
Uncertainty glimmered in her eyes, but her posture softened. Lucien didn’t know how to proceed; he’d never done anything like this before. He didn’t talk about feelings or things he wanted, but if he was going to ease her distress, then he had to tell her what he hoped for from her.
He’d never wanted something as badly as he did Callie to accept him and agree to stay with him. He was scared he would somehow blow this. In the end, he decided to go with the simple truth.
“I want you to stay with me forever.”
He lifted his gaze from the black hair in his hands to her face as he tried to gauge her reaction.
“You want me to stay here… forever?” The last word came out as a squeak.
He braced himself for her rejection of everything he was offering her. Because, he realized, he couldn’t offer her much.
Before the Savages, she had dreams, friends, and a life of freedom she cherished. Instead of freedom and goals, he was offering her a life of walls, uncertainty, and death. Because no matter what, his life would always revolve around death.
Because of her presence here and the blood he’d stuffed himself on to keep from taking hers, he had kept his need to kill suppressed. But he was aware of it constantly churning beneath his surface, waiting to break free, just as it had been there since the day he reached maturity at twenty-five.
That was the life he was offering her, and one day, he might not return to her at all. It was a bleak life, and the best thing he could offer her was himself. He was acutely aware that it wasn’t much. She deserved her freedom, concerts, friends, and dreams, but he couldn’t give those things to her.
He could only give her himself, and he wasn’t sure it was enough to make her happy.
“Yes, I want you to stay here forever with me,” Lucien said.
Callie didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t entirely sure what he meant. Did he want her to stay here as a human? But that didn’t make any sense. Humans didn’t live forever.
Her stomach hit her toes, and her blood turned to ice as it pumped sluggishly through her veins. Despite her growing love for him, she’d never considered forever, because he’d never mentioned it.
Now, the implications of what it entailed sank in. He would have to bite her again. He said it didn’t hurt if the person was willing, and she doubted the mated vamps here would have so many bite marks on them if it were as awful for them as it was for her, but she still wasn’t ready to leap into trying it out again.
Plus, she was reasonably sure she’d have to die to become a vampire, and she wasn’t exactly in a rush for that to happen. Then there was the whole drinking blood thing. She gulped as she fought back her nausea.
“And by forever do you mean as a… a vampire?” she asked.
Lucien forced himself to remain calm even as the dread in her eyes scared him in a way he’d only ever been scared once before. Then, he’d been standing over the bodies of his slaughtered family. Then, he’d felt a madness growing inside him as he cradled Coralie to his chest and felt her blood coating his hands.
He’d been on the verge of becoming like the monster who shattered her young life and robbed Lucien of the only one friend he had. If Yannis hadn’t shown himself and allowed Lucien to focus his building rage on someone, he may have turned Savage that day.
“Yes, and live with me as my mate,” he said.
Her mouth parted, but she didn’t say anything as the seconds stretched into minutes, and he wondered if he’d blown this completely. He wasn’t one for words; he was one for action. He scrambled to think of something romantic that would make her agree to stay, but he was afraid it would come out sounding like, me Tarzan, you Jane, no matter what he said.
His hand constricted on her lock of hair as he searched her eyes, but all he saw there was continuing uncertainty and trepidation. Those were the last two things he wanted to see after revealing his plans to the one he hoped to share his life.
He hadn’t expected her to be overwhelmed with joy, but this complete lack of a reaction was worse than if she’d laughed or told him no. Was she trying to figure out how to get away from him?
“Would I ever leave these walls again?” she asked.
Lucien opened his mouth to tell her no, she wouldn’t, but the words stuck in his throat. He couldn’t tell her that. Forever was a long time to spend wandering this compound. The idea of it was a form of hell he wouldn’t wish on anyone.
Many hunter women willingly stayed locked away, but they had a shorter life expectancy than vampires, and not all of them took it well. Some of them were training to hunt alongside their men. Before the Alliance, such a thing never would have happened, but a few women were almost ready to go into the field, and they would do it soon.
The other hunter women were content to retain their traditions, but he couldn’t expect Callie to be the same way. She knew the outside world; she’d experienced the joy of it.
Telling her that she had to remain trapped here forever was the equivalent of cutting her wings and throwing her in a cage. It would break her spirit, and as much as he longed to keep her safe, he couldn’t do that to her.
“Yes, you would,” he said. “I would take you out when you asked to go out to see or do things.”
“But I couldn’t travel freely?”
“No. There are too many others here that we have to protect. Few of them know where this compound is; I understand your desire for freedom, but you couldn’t leave here on your own.”
Callie tilted her head as she studied him. The movement caused his hand to tug on her hair, but he didn’t release her. She sensed his agitation as he stared at her with desperati
on in those beautiful black eyes. He looked so vulnerable, and, like a punch to the gut, she realized she held his fate in her hands.
Without her, he would go mad or die. The idea of such a thing caused her heart to twist as tears burned her eyes. She couldn’t stand the thought of something happening to him, but she would be giving up so much if she agreed to stay.
“You could work with the animals here,” he said. “The hunters grow food, and you can help with that.”
She didn’t see much of a reason to grow food if she would be drinking blood; her stomach rolled at the thought.
“I’ll go to the shelters and adopt animals for you. The children are always finding wounded birds, and the hunters have livestock that sometimes requires medical attention. I’ll take you to concerts,” he offered. “If you want to go somewhere, I’ll take you, as long as it’s safe.”
It would be a form of torture to stand with all those humans while listening to that music they often played at those festivals. He didn’t consider it music, but he would listen to it for her. If it made her happy, he would do anything for her.
Some of Callie’s apprehension ebbed at his words and the fervent tone of his voice. “You would hate that.”
“Not if you were there. Not if it made you happy.”
Her heart melted, and she longed to hug him, but she was acutely aware that while he’d announced her as his mate, he hadn’t mentioned love. However, his promises and words spoke of love even if he didn’t say the word.
“I’ll do anything to make you happy, Callie. I know this isn’t the life you dreamed about, and I know it’s difficult for you to give up your dreams. You didn’t ask for this, and I can’t change what happened, but I’ll do everything I can to help you fulfill some of your dreams.”
The lump in her throat made talking difficult. “I think it’s time to find some new dreams.”
Lucien’s hand tightened on her hair as he tried to keep his surge of emotions under control. Had he heard her right? Was she saying what he thought she was?
“I’d like to go to Bonnaroo next year if it works out, and we’re definitely going to the Download Festival at some point,” she said.
Bound by Danger (The Alliance, Book 6) Page 17