by Andrea Wolfe
I felt let down, yet why should I? Jack was a busy guy, and it wasn't like he was always going to be around one hundred percent of the time. It made me feel a little greedy, actually, to think that he should be with me instead of his music.
And then, like the way it happens whenever you tell yourself not to think some specific thought, I was back to thinking about what Sam had said. He's just crazy. Ignore him. If Sam actually was crazy, that wasn't good either, but it was a better thought than unfairly assuming Jack was sleeping with every woman he spoke to.
I wasn't sure how long it had been since I said something, my mind off in space. "Effie? Are you okay?"
"Yeah, yeah, Jack. I'm fine." I was pacing in front of my apartment building, delaying going inside while I talked.
"I'll catch up with you later, okay? I'll try to call you later tonight."
"Bye," I said quietly. The commotion on Jack's end rose in volume and then the call clicked off.
I sighed loudly and headed into the apartment, quickly realizing that it would be a long night.
Chapter 9
When I got up to the apartment, Laura was in the kitchen cooking with Jesse, a total surprise given the fact it was Monday night. Her long, brown hair was messy, making me a little suspicious about what they had been doing prior to my getting home. They were also wearing pajamas.
Good timing, I suppose.
"Hi, Effie!" Jesse called out. "We're making spaghetti—would you like some? Or are you sneaking out for the evening?" They were both drinking wine while the water boiled on the stove.
"I'm staying in tonight. And yes, that sounds great—if I'm not interrupting something."
Jesse laughed as his eyes scanned the instructions on the package of the frozen garlic bread. "Fifteen minutes," he said to himself. "And you're totally welcome here."
Laura turned and smiled at me. "Hi, Effie," she said. "Nice to see you again." She was really pretty and nice, and honestly, I wished that we could hang out together more often. Our encounters were usually short-lived or just in passing.
"Yeah, we always seem to miss each other. Not tonight though!" I left my shoes by the door and headed toward my room, sneaking past their position in the kitchen.
"Do you want some wine?" Laura asked. "You seem down."
I stopped in my tracks. "You know, I'd really like that. And no, it's nothing. I just thought Jack and I were gonna hang out tonight, but he's wrapped up in work."
"That sucks," Laura said. She was facing the pot on the stove, frantically stirring the pasta as steam rushed into the kitchen. "Jesse and I have that problem sometimes, too."
"At least he's working and not out cheating on you," Jesse said, a wry grin breaking out on his face.
"That makes me feel real good, Jesse. Thanks!" I shook my head and laughed. "Can I have either wine?" There was an open bottle of both red and white and they were both preoccupied with cooking.
Laura smiled back at me. "Take what you want. My dad gave them to me. It's funny that the stuff he gives away is nicer than any wine I've ever bought in my life."
Her smile was seriously infectious. I needed that right now. I poured a glass of white wine and continued toward my room. "I want to get out of these clothes. I'll be right back."
They both nodded and kept to their kitchen duties. Jesse put the garlic bread into the oven as I was leaving.
Stealing the idea from them, I threw on a pair of sweatpants and a hoodie, the most comfortable combination of things I had in the room. When I started thinking about everything that happened today—Sam's volatility and Jack's sudden absence—it made my head spin. I wanted to get back out to them as soon as possible. I knew I was being overdramatic, but I couldn't seem to help it.
After leaving my room, I realized I had forgotten my cell phone in there. "Whatever," I said to myself. I wanted a break from all of this emotional stuff. By the time I got back to the kitchen—I briefly stopped to freshen up in the bathroom—the food was ready.
"I hope that pasta is al dente," Jesse said.
"Oh, shut up. You know I don't screw that up. Unlike a certain person I know." Laura playfully messed up his hair and then they both started laughing. It was like I had walked into a real life romantic comedy.
God, I wanted to be goofing around with Jack like that right now. I was so jealous, even though I had seen Jack for the last three days straight and these two only got together about once a week, if that. Why was I being so ridiculous about this?
Well, it was the Sam thing. I knew it was. More importantly, I needed to eat.
***
"What are you studying again, Laura?" I couldn't remember even though Jesse mentioned it every time she came up in conversation. Stress was making me forgetful.
"I'm in med school. I would actually like to be a brain surgeon." She was twirling the pasta onto her fork, the movie cliché brought to life. I had always been jealous of people who could do that. Thankfully, Jesse was less adroit with pasta, so I didn't feel so out of place.
"You guys are gonna be rich," I said proudly. "Banker and a brain surgeon."
"Yeah, after we get all the student loan debt paid off." Jesse shrugged and grabbed another piece of garlic bread. He'd already eaten most of it himself. "How's your job been, Effie?"
"I like it, I guess," I said sheepishly. Part of me wanted to admit everything that had happened today, but I didn't want to be a downer. They both looked up from their plates—I guess I hadn't been subtle enough. Apparently, I was wearing a billboard on my back that said Hey, I'm having a bad day so please ask me about it.
"Did something happen today?" Jesse asked.
I groaned. "I don't want to bore you guys. We're having such a nice dinner."
"Tell us!" Laura seemed genuinely interested in my troubles, something I hadn't expected in the least.
"It's Sam again," I said. "He's mad at me about the Jack Teller thing, even though he doesn't know anything about what's going on. He just suspects something is up." I took a bite of pasta, hoping that it would give them a chance to talk, but they didn't. They were both waiting for me. "He got really mean with me today, and it made me feel like shit."
"Wait, what's this about Jack Teller?" Laura was literally on the edge of her seat after scooting toward me.
"We're kind of dating, I guess."
"Jesse, why didn't you tell me? Jack Teller is awesome—and super hot."
I blushed as I awkwardly waited for Jesse to say something and fill the void of silence. "I thought I told you before!"
"No way." Laura sipped her wine, taking a break from eating. "I would have definitely remembered that." I wasn't entirely sure what I was witnessing.
"I can't believe you're still seeing him," Jesse said. "I didn't think it would last."
I was somewhat shocked that he was saying that—well, until I remembered that I hadn't even told him about the gifts thing. I guess I hadn't been around much, and he had warned me to be careful initially. "Why is that?" I asked defensively.
"You know why. He's a rich bachelor."
"Wait, wait. If this is true, it's crazy!" Laura seemed awestruck by everything. "I loved his songs. They helped me get through undergrad. A friend found one ages ago on Napster, and we were hooked after that."
"Dammit," I said. "I need to fill you in on this." I also kind of wished that I knew about Jack's songs. There was so much time available for that in the future, however...
I told them both about the first night—omitting certain salacious details of course—and then how Jack had pursued me with an endless stream of gifts until I gave him another chance. Laura seemed to really enjoy that part, staring at Jesse like she hoped he’d get the hint. And then I got to the Broadway show and the Timothy incident, which I downplayed as much as possible.
They both seemed blown away by the absurd week that I'd just put behind me. Hell, it wasn't even a full week, and still, it was awesome.
"You think he's going to be loyal to you? I told you that I've
seen what those guys are capable of." Jesse's words stung a little, but I maintained my composure.
"You know, we've talked about it. And I'm not worried," I said bravely. "I don't want to focus on that part since I'm calling it a non-issue right now." Laura smiled as I said it.
Jesse nodded and then continued to the next line of business. "So Sam thinks you're fucking up his chances at a deal?" Jesse was now donning his business hat, the hat that seemed more appropriate for signing contracts than giving advice.
"I guess," I said weakly.
"Do you want your job or do you want Jack?" Jesse's tone led me to believe that I was legitimately being interrogated. If I had smelled cigarette smoke and coffee, it wouldn't have felt out of place at all.
"Why can't I have both? I want both." I felt super exposed, but it was of my own doing entirely. There was a tiny bit of red wine left, so I poured it in my glass and eagerly took a sip.
"A job's a job," Laura said. "If you like Jack, then you should stay with him. Sam sounds like a creep."
"But you moved here to make it on your own. That means something." Jesse seemed to be unhappy with Laura's encouragement. Based on the hours he put in every damn week, I knew he valued hard work presumably more than anything else. At least he was being consistent.
Honestly, I felt like I had one of those cartoon devils on one shoulder and an angel on the other. I was still just as confused as I had been when I began, maybe even more so now. The thought of a career based on my own hard work felt good, but then again, so did a relationship with Jack.
They were drastically different scenarios. Just because something felt good didn't mean you could compare it to other things that felt good. I couldn't help vacillating.
"But these two things aren't mutually exclusive," I pleaded. "Jack doesn't have to sign with MCI. It's his choice. We don't even talk about it." It seemed like perfectly sound logic to me, like it was the loophole that would save me in the end.
"He's in a bad position," Jesse said firmly.
"Who? And why?"
"Sam. Well, you kind of are, too."
"Why do you have to be so dramatic, Jesse? She's having a hard time with a hard decision." Laura stood up and walked to the bathroom, leaving the two of us there.
Jesse paused, seeming to catch himself. "Do you want me to continue, Effie? I'm sorry. I forget where I am and get carried away sometimes."
More than anything, I wanted something I could deal with, something almost tangible. Up until now, I was entertaining every possibility, and none of them made complete sense. Hiding felt good, but then again, so did proper confrontation.
It was easy to hide from what scared you, and I knew that too well. Real growth came from approaching fear head on and embracing how it made you feel. These were just words, right? I wasn't bound by blood or anything just from internally considering something.
"Just spill your heart out, Jesse. I'm braced." My hands inadvertently tightened around my thighs as he began.
"If he signs and people find out about you—an employee of the label, might I add—and Jack, it could wind up being a controversy and generating bad PR. If he doesn't sign, Sam will probably get fired if what you keep telling me is true. And if Sam actually knows anything and fails to succeed for the label, you'll probably get fired too, unless he keeps his mouth shut. It sounds like he's mad at you, so your chances aren't so..." He trailed off, knowing damn well that I already knew the end of the sentence.
My head started spinning. I hadn't considered any of this, just rolled with Jack's punches and had a good time. It was bliss and it was fucking powerful. I felt it; I didn't think it. Despite my several glasses of wine, I felt dreadfully sober and I just wanted to hide from everything.
"But Sam doesn't know anything. He thinks he knows, but I haven't admitted anything, even with his incessant prying." I nervously fingered the empty wine glass in front of me, wishing it would magically become one of those stress balls like my mom used to have around the house.
Jesse looked away, his focus on Laura, who was strolling back into the room. "Hey, don't feel like you need to explain yourself to me. If you're happy, that's great. I'm just trying to be realistic. We both pay the rent here."
"You and being realistic," Laura complained. She took her seat next to Jesse again and rubbed his shoulders. "What about having fun?"
"I said it's fine if she wants to keep seeing this guy. You missed that part, sweetheart." He played with his phone, perhaps because he was nervous about making a snide remark, or because it served as a distraction.
Laura munched on the last piece of garlic bread—it was probably cold, but she didn't seem to care—and then paused before the last bite. "I wouldn't give him up so easily, that's for sure. You could always sue the label if they fire you for no good reason."
"She'll definitely get far suing a huge corporation," Jesse said sarcastically. "You've got a couple million sitting around, right, Effie?" Laura just scowled at him.
I buried my head in my hands. "Okay, so what do I do?"
"It's your choice," Jesse said. "I mean, obviously it is." He looked over at Laura with mild disgust. "She seems to think I don't know about having fun. But that's not the case. I just want to give you good advice, not encourage possibly destructive hedonism."
"God, so dramatic," Laura complained again.
"Yeah, yeah." I nodded like I was taking notes in a class.
"You have three options as I see it: You take a break with Jack until the deal is over; you tell Sam and hope that full disclosure will do you a favor; or you do nothing and carry on how you are. Those are the three biggest cards you can play. You can be proactive, apologetic, or apathetic." He seemed to be pleased with his own simplification.
"Dammit." This was such a huge decision, one that I really didn't want to make. At the very least, I was privy to some new insight that had been foreign even a few minutes ago.
"I think you're worrying too much about this," Laura said earnestly. "Don't feel like you need to make a decision now. Not everyone is so prepared to make decisions on the fly like Jesse is."
Right in the middle of their two personality types—that's where I sat. It was a big chair, but it wasn't comfortable in the least. It had support in all the wrong places.
Being with Jack suddenly seemed so wrong, even if it felt so right.
I wanted to hide from this like a child hiding from a monster in the closet. My surviving through the night depended on it. My future depended on it. Even if the monster was figurative, just a figment of an overactive imagination, a stress-induced heart attack could still physically kill me.
After a number of minutes—I lost track of time, to be honest; I was so far inside my head I worried I'd never get out—Jesse sat up and looked at Laura. "Do you wanna go watch something?"
"Sure," she said. "Are you okay, Effie?"
I looked up, semi-ashamed after realizing that I was probably contributing heavily to a somewhat awkward situation. The two looked tired or bored or horny or something. They had done their jobs, so I wanted to set them free. "I'm fine, really. I just want to zone out and think."
"Yeah, think it through slowly," Jesse said confidently. "Do a cost-benefit analysis of each option."
"Great suggestion, hon." Laura's voice was overflowing with sarcasm. "Reduce human relations to economic terms when emotions are involved. Guaranteed success."
Jesse laughed it off and stood up, helping Laura once he had reached his feet. "Well, goodnight, Effie."
Laura waved as they left the living room and I was alone. She paused right before her slender figure disappeared around the corner and turned around. "Hey, Effie, can I meet Jack sometime? It would mean a lot to me." Her words were whispers, so I responded at the same volume.
"Sure. We can set something up."
Her face brightened enough to illuminate all of the dark spaces in the room. "Thanks, Effie." And like a puff of smoke, she vanished.
I suddenly worried that I w
ouldn't be able to follow through with my plan...
Chapter 10
Jack texted me about an hour later to inform me that he was going to be pulling an all-nighter and that we'd just have to talk tomorrow. A part of me was secretly happy that I wouldn't hear his voice, wouldn't have it as an overwhelming influence in my endless stream of deep thoughts. I had no thoughts of jealousy, no worries regarding him and Lexy.
Honestly, I didn't know whose side I belonged on. Everybody had pluses and minuses, upsides and downsides. I didn't want to lose my job and I didn't want to lose Jack. I didn't know how much longer I'd be able to cope with Sam's aggressiveness or if it would get worse and just push me over the edge. Allowing that to happen would almost be more of a passive approach, and inaction sure sounded nice.
I was feeling so malleable, so susceptible to influence it almost made me sick.
Sam had been so nice leading up to this deal, and if I tried to see this from his perspective, I needed to cut him some slack. If what he said about his wife was true, I could see why he'd get stressed out about these sorts of things, especially if the label was counting on him to pull the strings and secure the deal. He was carrying an enormous amount of weight on his shoulders, and he couldn't do anything about it until Jack acted.
I knew my mom and dad would be disappointed if I lost this job, not that their opinion dictated much in my life anymore. Still, it had been my dad that had urged me to come here, urged me to try and make my own way in this gigantic, fast-moving city that I really knew so little about.
Things were racing so fast with Jack, so blazingly quick that it genuinely seemed like a blur. I was feeling things toward him that I hadn't felt after years with Timothy. It was like a separation of the men from the boys (I think people still say that), black and white, night and day. Jack was something special, no doubt. Did special translate to reliable, though? That wasn't clear.
If reliability meant money, then Jack was definitely reliable. That was a really simple definition, however. If reliability meant straightforward and predictable, Jack definitely wasn't reliable.