by S M Mala
‘I want you there when I wake up.’ Onya stroked his face and smiled. ‘And I hate not knowing where you are.’
‘I could say that about you. In the past six months, you’ve been a busy woman to pin down.’
‘Pin me down,’ she whispered in his ear while stroking his neck. ‘I like it when you do that.’
He laughed then kissed her slowly, feeling her tongue against his.
‘I have a plan,’ he said, looking at her bright blue eyes. ‘Let’s move in together at the end of the year. Right now I have projects left right and centre. That will also give you time to make some space for me.’ Her smile said it all. ‘And then we can go away for Christmas and New Year to celebrate the start of something special.’
‘Can we go to Goa? Or Kerala? I’d love to go there.’
‘Hopefully, I would have made enough money, thanks to Harry. I have to do a few things to help out his wife in return. It might carry on for a few weeks.’ Jonah instantly saw the change in her expression. ‘Do you mind?’
‘It’s a little odd that he wants you to keep an eye on her. Is she a danger to herself?’
‘I think he’s feeling guilty that he’s hardly there.’ Jonah let out a little laugh. ‘I don’t think he wants to be a father.’
‘He never mentioned it before.’ Onya turned to get the waiter’s attention. ‘Do you want another drink?’
‘Sure.’ Something didn’t sit well with Onya anytime he mentioned Sophie. It seemed to wind her up. ‘You’d like her. She’s quite shy and sweet, nothing like you’d expect a wife of Harry’s to be like.’
‘And what would you expect?’
‘I don’t know. Someone like you to be honest. Confident and out-going. Not Sophie. That’s an odd choice.’ He glanced around the bar. ‘Have you ever met any of Harry’s exes? I know he likes to keep putting it about.’
‘How do you know that?’ she asked in alarm.
‘Everyone knows it except poor Mrs James.’
Since stepping back into her home, Jonah realised he liked Sophie quite a lot.
For the third meeting, she seemed pretty relaxed and asked lots of questions about how he became a photographer and the challenges.
It wasn’t the usual questions about who, what and why he photographed, but his inspirations.
And he told her about himself and his family.
Sophie seemed distant from her family and had a handful of friends as well as Harry. She also had people within her workplace who she was close to.
He compared her in his mind to a single beautiful flower that needed space to grow but needed company from time to time.
Unfortunately, he compared Harry to a praying mantis.
The next meeting was due in a couple of days when Harry had arranged for Jonah to take her to the cinema as he was going to be otherwise detained.
‘What are you thinking?’ Onya asked, handing him a drink. ‘You seemed lost in thought.’
‘Remember, I have to take Sophie to the cinema,’ he replied, trying to look as if he didn’t want to do it.
‘I want you to move in with me and we can start being a proper couple.’
‘We are a proper couple.’
‘You know what I mean.’
And that was the problem.
He knew exactly what she meant, and was going to try and put that off for as long as possible, mainly because he still wasn’t sure about Onya, and knew deep down he would never be.
‘Here we are again.’
Sophie was waiting outside the cinema under an umbrella as Jonah ran towards her.
She felt bad about him being forced to do this, but she was inwardly elated to see him.
He smiled but she sensed something was wrong by how it looked a little forced.
The poor guy was being made to go out with her on a Thursday night, and he probably wanted to be elsewhere, like with his woman.
‘Are you okay?’ Sophie had to think on her feet. ‘I don’t mind if you say you saw the film and went off. Harry would be none the wiser.’ Her heart sunk a little about him being easily rumbled. She had hoped he liked spending time with her. ‘To be honest, the reviews were really bad.’
All of a sudden, he looked relieved.
‘I really don’t like these romantic sex films, if I’m honest,’ he said, a genuine smile appearing. ‘When Harry said you wanted to see it, I knew it was going to be an effort for me to keep awake. What about the tickets? He would have bought them and-.’
‘He gets them for free. Perk of the job knowing people in the film industry.’ Trying to figure out what to do next, Sophie looked around. ‘We could go for a quick drink before you head off home, that’s if you want. Don’t think you have to. I can get the bus and do some late night shopping at House of Fraser.’
‘I need some new underpants.’
‘Really?’ That’s not what she expected to hear. ‘Why don’t we get the bus and head there?’
‘Sure.’
Holding her breath for a second, they walked to the bus stop and caught the first bus. He sweetly helped her off as they walked across the road, towards the shopping mall.
‘What are you going to get?’ he asked, his demeanour suddenly perking up. ‘Anything exciting?’
‘A replacement lipstick but the name has rubbed off and some socks.’
‘Socks?’
‘Yes, mine have got holes in so I need some new ones.’
He started to laugh and shook his head.
‘No sexy underwear?’ Jonah sighed, raising his eyebrows.
‘Only very large knickers for this,’ she replied, stroking her bump. ‘If I had suggested this to Harry, he’d probably divorce me!’
‘I thought he loved shopping.’
‘For him.’ Sophie sighed and saw the people going in and out of the building. ‘I shop fast. Follow me.’
Sophie knew where to go and what to buy. The only dithering was from Jonah over his underwear. Seeing he wasn’t sure, she made him buy quite a few then dragged him back out.
‘Phew! That place gets busy.’ Letting out a little sigh, she turned to him. ‘You can head off. It’s far from late and I can go home.’
Jonah was staring at her, and not smiling as he looked down at his feet then back up.
‘Do you get very lonely?’ he whispered as her smile froze. ‘I think it’s pretty bad of him to leave you on your own so much. Not that I’m criticizing your marriage.’ He held up his hand as an apology. ‘You might like it like that and-.’
‘I hate it,’ she honestly replied, her smile slipping. ‘Is it that obvious from meeting me less than a handful of times?’
‘If I were him, I’d want to spend every waking moment with you.’
Then she watched him go bright red and look away.
‘You say really sweet things but I’m not sure, like my husband, you probably mean them.’ Sophie couldn’t smile. ‘Thanks. I better head off. Enjoy your evening.’
His endearing words only made her realise how much was currently missing from her marriage, as she turned and walked away.
‘Hey Soph, where are you going?’
She felt a hand on her arm and noticed Jonah’s confused expression.
‘I don’t need a babysitter; I need a friend right now. Preferably a husband but that’s a long shot.’
‘He’s not paying me to look after you and I find we are in a similar boat.’ Jonah shrugged. ‘I too have a girlfriend who seems to be busy in the evenings with the gallery and whatever, so I have free time when I’m not working. I like Harry and I don’t mind helping him out. He’s going to let me have a few weeks off in December.’
There was a momentary flicker on his face as he glanced away.
Sophie wasn’t sure what that meant.
She wondered if it was a look of guilt, but she didn’t know him well enough to figure it out.
‘Are you planning to go on holiday?’ she asked.
‘Goa or Kerala,’ he said, and smiled. ‘I wou
ld love to do India but I’d want to take at least three months out to explore. Onya wouldn’t be happy though.’
‘So this is a trip for you and her?’ Sophie smiled, seeing he was considerate to his other half. ‘I think that’s a wonderful thing to do. We went away around the same time to the Maldives. It was beautiful. I think this one,’ she rubbed her tummy. ‘Was conceived there. I missed the Christmas feel of being at home, but I tried it. I usually try to go to one of the houses at Christmas. The first time I took Harry the year before, he was horrified, hence booking the holiday.’
Sophie had to laugh, remembering his expression on seeing the house full of women and kids. The look of shock was priceless to see what people, especially men, could do to the ones they say they loved.
‘Let’s get something to eat. I’m starving,’ he said, now grinning. ‘And I bet you are too.’
‘You don’t have to-.’
‘Soph, I want to. That’s the difference.’
And she smiled, thankful that her husband had cajoled Jonah to keep her company.
It was the nicest thing Harry had done for her in years.
‘When’s the baby due?
Jonah watched Sophie tuck into her burger and smile. ‘Tell me when you’ve finished chewing.’
Jonah knew his agent was meeting an ‘old friend’ for lunch and had no intention of getting home until very late. He looked at her and wondered if Sophie really didn’t have any idea about Harry.
‘September 24th,’ she eventually replied, wiping her mouth with the napkin.
‘Harry said he was going away around then.’ That’s when he saw it in her eyes, the disbelief and mistrust at the statement. ‘Do you know for how long?’
‘Until the baby is born and all is set up, I expect,’ she said, staring at her burger before taking another bite. ‘Or until I lose three stone and get a flat stomach to make myself more palatable.’
‘I’m sure he’ll be around.’
‘I doubt it.’
Jonah started to eat his burger and didn’t know what to say.
She had figured her husband out on many levels, yet she was still with him. Then he noticed she stopped eating and was listening to something, the tune playing in the background. Sophie’s face suddenly saddened and he couldn’t figure out why.
‘This song,’ she whispered. ‘It reminds me of him, of us.’
‘Killing me softly’ was playing in the background and he listened closely, trying to figure out what she meant.
‘Harry does that sometimes. Says and does things that kills me, little by little. I always think of him when I hear this song.’ Her eyes looked down at her plate. ‘I don’t think he realises or does he? I’m not sure.’
‘Why did you marry him?’ Jonah blurted out and watched her eyes quickly dart to his. ‘You’re so different.’
‘I fell in love with him. When we were alone, there was no bullshit. He was kind and loving. And why did I marry him?’ Sophie laughed, her sad face disappearing. ‘Harry arranged it as a surprise. I found myself in a registry agreeing to be Mrs Harry James. There wasn’t enough time to think it through.’
‘Had he given you enough time, would you have agreed?’
‘I married him.’
Sitting back, he watched her sip her chocolate milkshake and look away.
‘And no regrets?’ he asked, leaning forward and pinching one of her fries. ‘You’re not the sort of woman I thought he’d be hitched to, and I’ve only known him a year.’
‘Too dull and plain?’ she asked, smirking.
‘Too much substance.’
‘You’re talking about my large mid drift?’
‘I’m talking about your soul. There’s a lot of love and kindness. That’s why he married you, to replace what’s missing from him.’
‘He has goodness there but it’s well hidden, but I know it’s in there, somewhere.’ Then she stared straight at him. ‘Tell me about Onya. He never mentioned her name before but Harry seems to know her well.’
‘He has such a mixed bag of friends. Have you met lots of them?’
‘A few.’ Sophie smiled. ‘You’re one of a handful, which means he trusts you. And you don’t have loose lips when it comes to Harry.’
He carried on eating, looking at her all the while she stared back.
‘I would never pry,’ she whispered. ‘Not if it’s going to put you in a difficult position.’
‘I like Harry. He has turned my career around in a matter of months.’
‘I think that’s a good thing.’ Sophie drank her milkshake as he sipped his beer. ‘And you? Plans for getting hitched or kids in the future?’
‘Not immediately but Onya wants something more permanent. I live with my best friend Ross and I like the set up. He’s a lighting director so sometimes he’s away for months on end. He owns the flat. His parents told him to invest wisely, and I get to hang out in the spare bedroom.’
‘And that’s in the East End?’
‘I like it there. It’s vibrant and very creative.’
‘I was never one for sharing with people. I scrambled together a deposit and bought a place. I’m not the highest earner, not in my line of work, but it’s paid for itself. It’s not too far from where I live now, so it’s in a nice, residential area. Probably everything you hate.’
‘Perfect for someone who’s married and has a family.’ Jonah let out a sigh and looked at Sophie eating, as well as glancing around the restaurant. ‘Your line of work, isn’t it pretty hard?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘The cruelty people have towards each other.’
She immediately stopped eating and put her burger down.
‘It took some time for me to understand the type of cruelty. It’s not all violence but the mental bullying is crippling. When someone does it to a person they love, they also inflict it on the kids. Children seeing it and hoping they won’t be afraid for the rest of their lives.’ She let out a deep sigh. ‘It shows you don’t know anyone, not really. You can never tell what someone is going to do.’
‘But they go back to these people who are abusing them and their trust.’
‘Because they are afraid, and believe it won’t happen again.’ Sophie moved closer. ‘But it does. I see it in their eyes when we first meet. It’s a cross of pain and fear but mostly hurt. An intense hurt that eventually goes after a long time. The thing is, how can you stop loving someone even though they’re putting you through hell?’
He was in absolute awe of her right then.
‘And they’re ashamed too,’ Sophie continued. ‘Mostly they feel alone. A majority of cases that are put forward, the abuser is given a sentence, but some get away with it. It’s a hard call.’
‘I’d like to photograph them,’ he blurted out seeing the concern in her eyes. ‘I know they have to keep their identities hidden. It’s intriguing, a place where these women seek refuge and find each other.’
‘Like love,’ she whispered, half smiling. ‘You never know where you’re going to find it but there it is, keeping you safe and warm.’
And that’s when Jonah realised what was going on in his head and heart.
He was starting to more than like being with Mrs James.
‘You’re safe.’
Sitting on the sofa in the new house, she was looking at a young Muslim woman who had escaped her volatile husband. A few of Fadwa’s friends had helped her leave with her two young sons.
Covered in her hijab, you could see the swollen eye and bruising around the face.
Sophie held her hand and watched the children play in the garden.
The woman couldn’t speak.
It was the shock of the physical assault that her left her unable to communicate. But all you had to do was look into her eyes and the pain was clear to see.
Madison walked in, all blonde and bouncy, wearing an inappropriately cropped top, revealing her muffin like waist hanging over her skinny jeans. Her son Colt, aged twelve and daught
er followed. Pixie was fourteen and quite womanly for her age.
Sophie had known Madison for years and they had become unlikely friends.
It was unfortunate that her friend had poor taste in men. She seemed to attract the ones who thought they could use and abuse her kind nature, sometimes leaving a hefty mark.
Now Madison wanted to get involved in helping women like Sophie did. Give something back, she said.
The problem was, she was back in the refuge due to another situation at home.
Madison and her children moved to the house when it opened a few weeks back and were settling in.
Six weeks she had fled due to a turbulent on-off relationship.
The father of Colt always had a history of violence but his gambling and the stress of not having money had taken its toll.
Mainly on Madison’s face and body.
It wasn’t the first time but her friend said it was the last.
Madison knew more than anyone, the empty words of ‘never again’, and ‘I’ve changed.’
She had heard it many times.
Physically and emotionally, she was a wreck when she went into another refuge, and soon they decided to move her further away for the family’s protection. The kids didn’t mind. They wanted out from the current situation and were being home schooled until a permanent place could be found.
And this is where everyone had to be extremely patient because it was a long wait.
As soon as everyone saw a new person, they didn’t have to ask questions as to why they were there.
Only one reason was guaranteed.
Domestic abuse.
Two little words that people still felt embarrassed about.
Sophie knew what one word summed it up.
Shame.
That was something she was grateful for, even though there was the indignity of knowing her husband didn’t want to be a father when push came to shove. But he had never raised his hand to her, and Sophie knew he never would.
That wasn’t like Harry.
After saying goodbye and getting all her things, she went to the car and sat in the driver’s seat, unable to think.
The house was on a residential street and had been given to them by the council. They had to do up the place and got money from the government, and a few charities.