by Sam Mariano
"He kind of made me feel bad," she admitted quietly.
"He was lying to you, Julie. You have no reason to feel bad about that—he's lying. He did sleep with her, she did get pregnant, they were both intentionally hurting me, and when everything else fell through she took the abortion offer that you told him to shove up his ass." Then he paused briefly and said, "Actually, I'm thinking she sold her stock too soon—apparently if she would have refused, they would have started offering more to adopt."
"So I'm not wrong?" Julie asked. "You're positive that she was pregnant?"
"I bought the test myself, Julie. I was there with her while we waited to see if it was one line or two."
Nodding, Julie felt a little bit of the guilt ease up off her shoulders. "Okay, thank you. He just… seemed so sincere, and for a minute I wondered… if I was jumping to conclusions."
"No, you were right on," Aaron assured her.
Feeling that she was probably not going to have another chance, she decided to go ahead and ask, "But…one thing I don't understand, Shannon was your girlfriend, right? So… when she got pregnant… how do you know the baby wasn't actually yours instead of Matt's?"
His gaze dropped to the couch cushion then and he said quietly, "It just wasn't."
"But couldn't it have been? I mean, you can't get a paternity test done before a baby's born, right? Especially not before you can get an abortion—I mean, that's early. How do you know?"
"I just… do, Julie."
She still didn't understand, so she persisted. "Did you guys break up or something? I mean, you guys would have had to not be together for quite a while to—”
"I'm infertile," he blurted a little loudly, interrupting her.
Julie's jaw dropped open again.
"I can't have children," he explained a little more gently. "That's how I know it wasn't mine."
Her mouth moved and she attempted to formulate some sort of response, but no sounds would come out of her mouth.
Sighing, he said, "Whenever she told me she was pregnant… that was when I first started to suspect something was wrong, but I didn't want to think about that. I was hoping that… it was one of those stories you hear where an infertile couple will miraculously conceive, and the likelihood of it happening is… ridiculously low, but sometimes… it happens. And I hoped that was what it was, but… it wasn't."
"You… can't have children?" she finally managed.
Shaking his head, he confirmed it. "No."
"Why?" she asked, puzzled, her mind racing again.
He merely shrugged. "I don't know. My uncle is a doctor, and he and his wife tried for years and years to have a baby, and he finally had some tests done… and he found out that he was infertile. Out of curiosity he wanted to see if any of the other males in the family were. I don't think he expected to crush his nephew," Aaron said with a ghost of a smile on his face, "but mine was the one that came back with bad results. At 19 I was told that I could never have kids."
Unable to wipe the sympathetic look off her face, she said, "That's… so terrible."
He shrugged. "Shit happens. Not everyone can have kids, I guess. I just think it's a little ironic that I can't have kids at all and my brother seems to have the sperm equivalent of Miracle Grow—he can just sit too close to a girl when she's ovulating and –boom!—she's pregnant."
Without meaning to, Julie's hand went to her stomach, protectively stretching out over the still bump-less surface.
There she was whining because the timing of her pregnancy wasn't exactly what she had planned, and Aaron couldn't even have kids—ever.
"Did you want to have kids?" she asked.
"Not when I was 19," he said, smiling slightly. "But yeah, like most people I intended on having kids someday."
Suddenly, having his problem to dwell on made her feel a whole lot better about her own. "I'm so sorry," she said.
Shrugging, he said, "Nothing you can do about it."
"You know, they do have… medicinal help that you could get if you really wanted to."
He shook his head. "Yeah, I know, shots and… shit like that. No, that's not really… how I wanted to do it. It doesn't matter, I've had a decade to adjust to knowing that I'll never have a family—it's okay. You don't have to try to make me feel better, although I appreciate the attempt," he told her, half smiling.
There was a knock on the door then, and Aaron frowned, standing up and going to the door, opening it up and giving the person on the other side a hard look.
"What do you want?" Aaron asked.
"I need to speak with Julie," Matt replied.
"No," Aaron responded, not even bothering to ask Julie is she wanted to speak to him or not.
Scoffing, Matt said, "What are you, her secretary? Julie!" he called into the apartment.
"Go away," Julie called back, not moving from the couch.
Aaron smiled. "See, she doesn't want to talk to you. Now leave."
"I brought her stuff back. This isn't my stuff, Julie, I bought it for you," he said loudly enough so that she could hear him.
"I don't want it," Julie stated. "You can take your earrings and everything else and go to hell—I don't want to talk to you and I don't want to see you. Leave me alone."
"I bet you're enjoying this," Matt muttered to Aaron.
"A little," Aaron admitted.
"What did you say to her? Why the hell would you do that to me?" Matt asked.
"Oh, I'm sorry, was telling your mistress the truth about you a bad thing?" Aaron asked with a touch of sarcasm. "Damn, I guess I'm a bad brother."
"This is my life that you're fucking with," Matt stated, his voice hard and cold.
"Doesn't feel real good, does it?" Aaron responded smoothly.
With a guffaw, Matt said, "So that's what this is? You're using Julie to get back at me? Julie, don't trust him!" Matt called to her.
Scowling, Julie stood up and walked over to stand behind Aaron. "Look, I'm not deaf—I can hear you. Just… go, Matt. I don’t want you here. Go back home to your wife."
"He's lying to you to get back at me, Julie. He doesn't care about you."
Frowning, Julie wondered what the hell that had to do with anything.
"Oh, fuck off, Matt," Aaron said, his tone less than tolerant.
Matt held out the box of stuff, looking past Aaron to Julie. "I want you to have this stuff. I bought it for you, Julie, I didn't want it back."
Aaron took the box from him, stating, "I'll give it to her. You can go home now."
Meeting his brother's gaze, Matt shook his head and said, "What you're doing is pretty low, don't you think?"
"Kicking you out?" Aaron asked, intentionally misunderstanding. "No, not really. You've got your money and I've taken care of your mistakes, so at this point I don't see any reason why you should call or come near me or my home again. We're no longer brothers. Have a nice life."
As the door was shut in his face, Matt called to Julie, "Don't trust him, Julie! He's using you to settle a score."
And then Aaron locked it, turning around and handing the box off to Julie. "Here you go."
"I don't want that stuff," she said, glancing up at the closed door.
"Then hawk it," he said. "I'm sure it's worth something."
Glancing at the box, she considered that. She hadn't really thought of the monetary value of any of the gifts, but Aaron had a point.
"Pawnshops, eBay—I'm sure you can sell it. Use it to buy a crib or pay on tuition," he suggested.
Julie nodded and put the box down, but she felt distracted as Matt's last words echoed in her head. "He's using you to settle a score."
Those words of warning upset the little "Do Not Open" box that she had set aside in her mind for Aaron, and for another moment one of those seeds of doubt had a growth spurt, leading Julie to wonder if she was making a mistake.
Another one.
After all, hadn't she done something similar when she wanted to get away from Jack? Matt had seemed
like Mr. Wonderful when she had Jack to compare him to, and she had apparently overlooked all the small things—like his wedding ring, and the fact that despite claiming not to be happy with his marriage, he was making no move to leave it.
Was she doing that again?
The good news was that she was actually asking herself that question, so that must mean she had at least learned from those erroneous decision-making processes she had previously utilized.
All she had to do was make sure she wasn't overlooking anything. If she examined everything very critically, perhaps she would be able to detect a note of falseness. After all, if she would have done that with Matt—and even Jack, and the Mr. Not-So-Wonderful before him—she was sure looking back that there would have been signs that she missed, things that would have warned her that something was off.
She hadn't been looking for them.
If she just kept her eyes wide open and she watched carefully, perhaps she would be able to avoid falling into a similar situation with Aaron or anyone else.
But despite what Matt said, she still felt strangely reluctant to distrust Aaron.
She didn't know why.
Trusting Aaron just kind of felt like second-nature.
Strange.
"Are you coming to bed now or later?" she heard Aaron ask, pulling her from her thoughts.
Glancing up at him, she felt a little twinge of guilt that she was considering doubting him—he had really done nothing to deserve it—but at the same time she was learning that she had to look out for herself in the world—no one else was going to.
She really didn't think Aaron was the kind of guy who would use an innocent person to "settle a score," but at the same time she had also believed Matt when he claimed he had never cheated on Emma before.
Obviously her built in lie-detector must be defective, so she had to be careful and question everything.
The good news was, he wasn't actually settling a score even if that would have been his intention, because while he may be inviting Julie into his bed, it was strictly a platonic thing.
Shrugging Matt off for the night, Julie got up and followed Aaron back toward the bedroom, but she stopped off in the bathroom to brush her teeth and put on pajamas.
When she climbed into bed, Aaron already had his back to her, so she felt slightly disappointed even though she knew she shouldn't.
By turning his back to her he was giving Matt's accusation even less credibility.
But she really didn't care about that, she just wanted to be cuddled with.
Boy, she was no good at cautiously examining.
"Hey Aaron?" she said, figuring he couldn't be asleep that fast.
"Yes?" he responded.
"I have a question."
"I figured as much," he said with a sigh, rolling over onto his back. "Go for it."
"Do you remember what you do when you're drunk, or are you one of those people who conveniently forgets everything the next day?"
He paused, his eyebrows shooting upward and he glanced over at her as if expecting more. "That's your question?"
Julie nodded, waiting for an answer.
He cracked a smile and rolled his eyes, but then he just said, "Yes, I remember everything I do when I'm drunk."
"So you remember holding me in your arms every night we sleep together when you're drunk?" she asked to verify, again blushing a little at her clumsy wording.
And she was an English major, she thought ironically.
That made him look slightly uncomfortable, but he answered, "Yes."
She paused for a second, then she said, "So, why is it that you only do that when you're drunk? I mean, is it one of those things that you do just because you're a guy and I'm a female and I'm the only one around? 'Cause I did know a guy who was like that, he was just… a frisky drunk, and it didn't matter who the girl was, he was interested while he was drunk, then he came back to his senses when he sobered up."
That seemed to increase his discomfort, and she saw a light frown mar his brow.
Not wanting to push the peace treaty in any way, she rambled on, "I mean, I don't mind, I don't want you to think I'm complaining. I wasn't. I don't care. I was just curious, because I noticed that when you're sober you sleep with your back to me, and I just thought maybe that's because you don't really mean to do it, you just do because you're drunk, and sometimes people are a little out-of-character when they're drunk." She missed a beat, and when he didn't respond fast enough she went on, "But you know what, you can just forget I asked. I don't want to make you uncomfortable or grumpy, so just pretend… I didn't say anything."
The silence seemed to stretch on, even though it really didn't last very long, and then he said, "I'm aware of what I'm doing when I'm drunk, I'm just… not as cautious as I typically would be. I don't do anything I don't want to do, it's just that sometimes I… express what I want and what I like much more than I ever would permit myself to do sober."
Glancing over at him, she said, "So… you like to hold me at night?"
He was silent again, and she could tell his brain was working fast as he tried to come up with an appropriate answer to the question.
He was very good at being cautious, she thought absently. She should really take notes.
Finally, he answered her without answering her. "I want for you to not be uncomfortable around me."
Frowning, she said, "Am I uncomfortable around you?"
He was certainly uncomfortable. "I don't know," he muttered.
"I don't think that I'm normally uncomfortable around you."
"Okay, maybe you're not, but I'm normally in much more control of myself than I am when I'm drunk. I don't see how you could possibly be comfortable if the guy you're forced to live with went around soberly holding you close to his body every night and… the other inappropriate things I say and do when I'm drunk," he said vaguely.
She had to frown a little, because it sounded perfectly normal to sleep in the arms of the guy you lived with—but since they weren't really "living together" in that sense, she knew what he meant.
"But if it made me uncomfortable I would probably say something, don't you think?"
"I don't know if you would or not," he said. "I could be a total asshole for all you know; maybe you think if you objected to my behavior I would kick you out or something."
Scoffing at the idea, she said, "Yeah, right. You're, like, the most decent person I've ever met in my life. If I didn't like you touching me, I would surely tell you."
There was another stretch of silence, and then he finally sighed a little, saying, "Listen, Julie. Here's the situation. Right now I have pissed Matt off—Emma already hates me—so there is a possibility—I don't know how likely it is, because really I don’t know anything about your relationship, and I really don't want the details, but there is a chance that he is going to fight back. He isn't going to fight fair, and he isn't going to be honest—he will use any tool at his disposal, because they are two of a kind, and even if Matt doesn't think about it, Emma will. I can guarantee you that if we have pissed them off enough, they're going to declare war, and I'm not trying to insult you or make you seem inferior, but you're not used to them, you don't understand what they can be like. You are an easy target, and right now I'm your safe place, so if Matt does fight back—and tonight when he was on my doorstep, he didn't seem like he was backing down—he is going to use me to try to get to you. You got a preview of it tonight."
Julie frowned, not quite comprehending. "I don't know what you mean."
Turning his head to look at her, he said, "What did Matt say to you before I slammed the door in his face, Julie?"
She didn't even have to think about it, since the words had replayed in her mind multiple times afterward. "He said… that you were using me to settle a score."
"Exactly," Aaron said. "He's already laying the groundwork. He's already planting the idea in your head that I'm using you to get back at him for the Shannon ordeal, and whether you think s
o or not, if I were to… do those things, they would start to look suspicious. Maybe not on their own, but all he has to do is keep talking to you, keep burning it into your mind that I'm out to settle a score, that I'm using you to get back at him…"
She wanted to argue, but she really couldn't since she had just been thinking those exact thoughts moments before.
"But you aren't. That doesn't even make any sense—in order to get back at him for what he did to you, you would have to…" She stopped, not finishing as she considered what he would have to do to get even—and even the extent of it would depend on what he considered "even" and how diabolical he was.
But he didn't let her trail off, he prompted her to go on. "I would have to…?"
Her face heated up a little in the darkness and she said nothing.
After a few seconds, he said, "Let me put it this way, would holding you every night help or hurt my case if I was trying to get even with my brother?"
Feeling disgruntled, she reluctantly answered, "I guess it would probably help."
"Exactly," he said again. "So when he starts assaulting you with his false concern and his seemingly sincere warnings about me, I'm not going to give you anything to wonder about."
"So… you didn't mind holding me, but you're not going to because you think Matt's going to try to convince me that you're not trustworthy and you think if you hold me it will make me believe him?" she summarized.
"Right," he said. "It's nothing personal, I just know Matt better than you do, and he's played you enough—I'm not going to let him use me to play you some more."
Strangely, she thought that was one of the nicest reasons he could have had for not wanting to cuddle with her.
Then he rolled back over, his back to her, and said, "I'm going to bed now. Good night."
"Good night," she murmured, looking at the back of his shirt thoughtfully.
Even though she really wanted to enjoy the feeling of his arms around her as she slept, she thought over what he said, and despite not wanting it to be true, she thought maybe he was right. If Matt did try to plant doubt about Aaron in her mind, it would be easier to believe he just wanted to fuck his brother's mistress to settle the score if Aaron suddenly became affectionate.