“My friends... my... my siblings...”
Are you here, too? I call out in way I used to, half wanting a reply, half terrified by the thought. There is an answer, but it's not from Gabe.
“Eve.”
It's Adam. I know the voice, but I cannot tear myself away from the tanks. I register his presence in the doorway, coming slowly towards me.
“What's going on?”
I ignore him.
“How could you support this place?” I ask my rival instead. “How could you be any part of it?”
Adam just shrugs. “It's my home.”
“Really? This place is your home? You don't know the meaning of the word.”
Adam smirks.
“Something amusing?”
“I'm just thinking of all the things you don't know the meaning of.”
I stare at him, at the same time thinking of Foxtrot-5, Vixen, and her absolute belief in her superiority. I know something you don't know...
Adam does not enlighten me further. “Are you here to destroy us?” he asks.
“I'm here to destroy them. The monsters who would do a thing like this. You I'm largely indifferent to.”
“That hurts.”
“We still don't have to do this.”
“You're honestly going to try and convince me to run?”
“Just giving you a sporting chance.”
“I won't need it.”
Adam smiles, and then his fist comes sailing towards me. It hits Moona's tank and fractures the glass. A shudder jolts along my spine. No, no, leave her be! I don't know what I'd do if her body came spilling out of that container.
I take a few steps back and jump behind another tank. They're tightly packed, making for poor fighting quarters. There are so many, so many... all stacked like crates in a warehouse. No care, no reverence, no concern that these were once people... that they were once my friends.
I'm sorry, I'm sorry, you'll rest soon, I promise, trying not to look at their faces.
Nick's voice explodes inside my ear, a stream of thoughts and fears.
“Quiet! I need to focus!”
I dart back into the aisle, the one that leads directly to the server room. I could try and make a beeline for it, avoiding this conflict with Adam entirely. If I could just get in and lock the door... I could lay the explosives. I'd still have trouble getting out, but it would be quicker than this–
Adam cuts across my path. A leg swings towards my face, but I smack it away with my arm, holding my ground. Adam goes for another punch. I dart round him, ramming my elbow into his back, pinning his arm behind him and slamming his face against Beta's glass.
“Look at him!” I hiss. “Why would you side with people that would sanctify his murder?”
For a second, I think I've got to him. There's a sudden, sharp silence, but it's quickly followed by a back kick and a punch to the gut. I stumble backwards, Adam taking another swipe at me. He briefly grabs my belt but I scramble away, diving back into the maze of tanks.
“There's a plan, Eve,” Adam says, “A purpose. It'll be worth it in the end."
“Don't you get it? Nothing could be worth this!”
I kick out, pushing him back against another tank. Forrest.
“What was his name?” I ask. “Beta-2's?”
“That was his name.”
“You never gave him another?”
“Not all of us were as sentimental as you.”
“Did you love him?”
Adam tilts his head, as if I've spoken in another language.
“I don't know what that word means.”
“Then why are you fighting?”
“I don't understand.”
“What are you trying to defend?”
Adam's confusion is tight in his brows.
“The world, Eve,” he says in disbelief. “What else?”
Whatever answer I was expecting, this wasn't it. But I don't have time to question what he means.
“What good is the world without people in it?”
Adam pauses in thought, just long enough for me to emerge from behind a nearby tank and smash my palm against the bottom of his nose. There's a sharp crack. Blood splatters the floor. I do not stop. I twist his arm round his back and ram him against the hard, metallic base of Beta's tank, and keep ramming it until he stops struggling and slides to the floor.
“Ashe! Is everything OK?”
“It's fine. Adam was here. I've dealt with him.”
“Things are getting pretty dicey outside. You need to set the explosives quickly.”
“I'm on it.”
My timer has long since gone off, but we can still win the day if I hurry. I try the key card on the server room door. Nothing. Honestly, I'm surprised it opened this door. I didn't think lowly guards would have that kind of clearance. Harris had equipped me with a device which would open most key card locks –it just took a while to activate– and some back up minor explosives just in case. I start to ready the device, but before I can, the door clicks open of its own accord.
Abi? Has she hacked into the mainframe from somewhere, trying to aid me or our escape? I don't question it. I don't have time to. I step inside the server room as the lights flicker on. Machinery hums all around, and there are no bodies in tanks. The only thing remotely out of place is a large screen at the far end, which starts up seconds after I enter.
“Hello, Eve,” the Director's face stares down at me. “We've been expecting you.”
Cold dread grips me. Nick somehow registers it too, because he launches into another barrage of questions. I have no choice but to mute him.
“How... how did you know I was coming?”
“You've not been precisely shy about your allegiances of late, Miss Media Sensation. We suspected you might try something like this. All we needed to do was wait.”
“I do so hate to disappoint.”
His smile widens. “Tell me, my dear... do you remember me?”
“You're the Director.”
“Ah, you remember! I'm so pleased you do.”
“It's difficult to forget the face of your torturer, but I did give it my best shot.”
“Torturer?” he tuts, wagging his finger. “Oh, come now, Eve. I may have been a bit strict with you, but that's just the kind of guardian I am. It's a tough world. You needed to be prepared.”
“Guardian?” I sneer.
“Yes, I won't say 'father'. That is too personal. I didn't see to any of the more day-to-day tasks of raising you. But I did guide you. Your education, your schooling, your training–”
“I killed because of you. You made me into a killer.”
“I made you strong. Even your years outside of this place haven't weakened you in any way. You've been strengthened by the fire, exceeding our every expectation, our every hope. Not everyone thought you would flourish, you know, in those early years, but I never lost hope. I knew you were the one. You have no idea, Eve, of your true potential. Your true purpose.”
“Could you just shut up already, or do I have to make you?”
He laughs. “Were you always so... snarky?”
“Yeah, but now I get to say it all out loud without being beaten.”
“Aren't you even remotely curious? Don't you want to know what you were designed for?”
Cold hard rage bubbles inside me. “Let me make this clear: human beings are not designed. I don't care that you made us. I don't care what your plans are. I am the only one that gets to decide what my purpose is.”
“Ah,” says the Director calmly, “that, my dear, is where I'm afraid you're wrong.”
I register a presence behind me, and turn just in time to see Adam by the door before it snaps shut. He was holding a detonator. My hands fly immediately to where mine should be, but it is not there. The fight... the fight was a ruse. It was there only to stop me. I am a rabbit in a snare.
No.
“I'm sorry, Eve, but we can't let you escape again. We have too much work to d
o together.”
“No!”
“Don't be afraid. It's all for the greater good. You'll see that soon.”
“The greater good?” I almost want to laugh. “Do you keep the bodies of my friends out there for the greater good?”
“They have proved most useful to our research–”
“Do you think I care if they were useful to you? They were my friends! They were invaluable to me!”
“They would have slowed you down.”
“I would have carried them! I would have been happy to. I would have done anything for them and they would have done the same for me!”
The Director smiles. “You truly are remarkable, Eve. You have so much potential.”
“Oh, shut up.”
I need to think. I can't be trapped here. I can't let them take me back, or Abi, or Sia or any of the others. I can't let there be any more bodies in tanks.
But what can I do, without the detonator?
I bite my hand in frustration. The flesh is warm. My fingers tingle. When I pull them away, they're shaking slightly.
The explosives are still on my belt. I don't need a detonator.
The Director sees me staring.
“Eve?” he asks. “What are you doing?”
“Ending this.”
I cross over to his screen and wrench it off the wall. His face will not be the last thing I see.
I lay the explosives, as quickly as I can, trying not to think about what comes next. How many will be spared if I do this? How many will be saved?
My choice. My decision. My destiny.
My death.
But maybe one of the people I save will return with the others. Maybe they'll join Phoenix, and be the hero I never could be.
Or maybe they won't, maybe all that will rise from these ashes is a few more scared kids, desperately trying to make their way in this broken world.
But a world a little freer for my sacrifice.
I close my eyes. I think of Mi, Abi, Ben... Nick. Be safe. Be happy where you can. Be free always.
There's one thing I must do first. I turn my comms back on.
“Ashe? Talk to me. What's happened?”
“Are the others still safe?”
“Hanging in there, yes.”
“Good. That's good. I'm setting off the explosives.”
“Is... is everything OK? You... you sound strange.”
“I'm sorry, Nick,” I whisper. “I have to do this.”
“Do what?”
“Free them.”
“Where are you?”
“Keep talking,” I beg him, “when you speak, I'm home.”
Just a few more seconds, just a few more moments, just a little longer with him.
“Ashe, what are you–”
“Thank you for making me join Phoenix,” I swallow. “I don't regret it. Not a single thing. I hope I did good.”
“You're... Ashe, please–”
“Tell the others I love them. They... should know by now, but it never hurts to say it again.” The words catch in my throat. “And... and I love you,” I manage. “More than I ever thought I could love anyone. You... you asked me once what I'd do if I had five minutes left to live. I'm not sure I have five more minutes... but if I did, they'd be yours. I would have shared my life with you. Goodbye, Nick.”
I turn off the comm and sit down by one of the explosives. Let it be quick. Let there be nothing left of me to mess with.
I click my hands together, praying for the sparks to come. I think of everything that I will lose if I can't make this work. My family, my fellow captives, myself.
I will not be your weapon.
My hands begin to smoke.
In the end, I do not want my life to flash before my eyes. All I want is one final memory. I am in Nick's arms, the first night we were together. His heartbeat joins with mine.
“I love you,” I whisper to myself, and then the room explodes into flames.
* * *
Epilogue
My name was Eve. It was the name that was assigned to me, the day I was born. I was the first “success”. You can judge for yourselves what the ones that came before were like.
I was raised to be a soldier, a weapon. I was taught how to fight, how to hunt, how to kill. And I hated almost every moment. I only knew peace when I was alone with my comrades. My family.
When I was thirteen, my brother-in-arms was wounded in an accident. There was no room at the Institute for those considered burdens, much like in your “great” city. So, we escaped. We lost one of our own in the process. I lost a part of myself.
When I arrived in Luca, I gave myself a new name; Ashe. In my mind, it meant, 'she who rises' but for years, I didn't rise. I hid. I didn't want to fight. I wanted to be the opposite of what they made me, and I'm doing that now. I am still fighting, but for a different reason. I am fighting for others. I am fighting to save lives. I am fighting for a tomorrow that is perfect for everyone, a society where everyone can thrive and value isn't assigned.
I'm asking you to fight with me. I have been in the dark most of my life. Don't let others know what it's like to live in a prison. Look down at your feet– can you see shackles? I can hear everything. I can hear the rattling of the chains that contain us, and the chains that bind us all as one.
Break free. Fight with me. None of us were born to live in cages.
I flitter in and out of the light, treading water. I am weightless and heavy, made up and undone. I do not know where I am, but it is peaceful. My thoughts disturb me as little as tears in the rain. I am washing away.
In, out, darkness, light.
I drift in this void, far beyond the reach of senses. Time turns shapeless once more.
I must be dead. Somehow, I don't mind so much. It is a little lonely, though.
Eve.
Of course. Of course you're here. Hello. I've missed you.
I try to open my eyes. The light burns me. I jerk involuntarily, and my body collides against something cool and hard. Glass.
Something is fastened around my face. My throat is tight with it. Some kind of breathing machine? My chest feels like lead...
I'm... I'm not dead.
A face behind the glass. A hand reaching up to mine.
Mi? Oh no, they've found you. They've dragged you back–
But as the murky water clears, the face sharpens. Two perfect, gold-green eyes rise to lock with mine. It is not Mi. It is not possible.
I reach out to touch him nonetheless.
Gabe.
To be continued in...
The Phoenix Project, Book 2: Resurrection
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Acknowledgements
My first book, I did entirely by myself. The moral of this story is not to.
For this one, I owe thanks to so many people, namely to the delicious Writing Community of Twitter for their invaluable insights. Particular thanks go to Lou, Kira and A, for helping me with Abi's asexuality, and to Hunter, Zed and RL, for fielding my questions about what it was like to live with a disability. Your insight was invaluable and I hope I've done the characters affected justice.
As always, thanks has to go to my sister Kirsty, who remains an excellent person to bounce ideas off, and whose honesty and sensitivity constantly amazes me. Aren't you still, like, twelve? Also thanks to your other half Kieran, for suggesting "Nemean" as the title of the drug that plays a much more prominent role in book II.
Thank you to Alice Wicker, who reads as fast as Ashe runs, and convinced me this book was a lot better than I thought it was! You are a fantastic human being and I promise you first look at the sequel.
A group thank you to my fabulous friends, particularly the ones I bored with the tale during Fake Christmas. Special thanks to Abbie Jones, for watching my toddler when I was desperate to finish off the firs
t draft. You are truly all spectacular human beings.
Thank you my father, a certifiable ex-military bad ass, who fielded a lot of questions about choke holds, smoke grenades and explosives. I have lived a very successful life thinking, "hmm, what would Dad do?" and then doing the exact opposite, but it was fun to write Ashe, who approaches things... differently.
Finally, to Demri, the most glorious stranger on the internet I have ever met. Your comments were absolute gems. I could have done it without you, but thank god I didn't. The book is so much better for it, and I cannot thank you enough.
About The Author
Katherine Macdonald
Born and raised in Redditch, Worcestershire, to a couple of kick-ass parents, Katherine "Kate" Macdonald often bemoaned the fact that she would never be a successful author as "the key to good writing is an unhappy childhood".
Since her youth, Macdonald has always been a storyteller, inventing fantastically long and complicated tales to entertain her younger sister with on long drives. Some of these were written down, and others have been lost to the ethers of time somewhere along the A303.
With a degree in creative writing and six years of teaching English under her belt, Macdonald thinks there's a slight possibility she might actually be able to write. She may be very wrong.
She lives in Kent with her manic little crotch goblin and two cats: Admiral Roe and Captain Haddock.
“The Phoenix Project” is her second novel. You can follow her at @KateMacAuthor or check out her website https://katemac89.wixsite.com/katemacauthor for updates on the sequel and other projects.
Books By This Author
The Rose and the Thorn: A Beauty and the Beast Retelling
Taking shelter from a storm, Rose accidentally strays into a deserted fairy realm, and finds herself trapped there with only a mysterious talking beast for company. Although initially reluctant to befriend her strange companion, Rose quickly finds herself growing closer to him. She names him Thorn, and as the castle blossoms into a place of beauty, so too does their friendship. But something else lurks within the walls, a dark force that will stop at nothing to be free once more...
The Phoenix Project: Book I: Flight Page 29