You Never Knew Me (The Never Series Book 1)

by B C Morgan

  “If you want it, ask him when he gets back. And clearly, I can’t give him yours seeing as you never gave it to me. See you around.” He closes the door in my face.

  Err yeah not happening, I’m not knocking this time. I push my way into his room and come up short when I see him standing there topless, I will not drool, I will not drool.

  “What is your problem?” His voice rises as he stalks closer to me.

  “Maybe if you’d stop being a jealous arse I wouldn’t have to barge my way in. All I want is to know what I could get for Mattias, and before you start pounding your fists against your chest, no I do not have a thing for him.” My frustration is bleeding through and I can’t contain it. “He’s alone for Christmas and no one here is going to give him a damn thing and you bloody idiots have shown me that it's nicer to be with people than to be alone.” I jut my chin out to show how much conviction I have in my words.

  I turn around and open his door before turning back to look at him. “You only had to ask for my number and I would have gladly given it to you, and if I’d known that spending the best week I’ve had in years with you would end like this. I would have just stayed friends, there’ll be a gift for you under the tree.”

  I won’t wait to see if he has anything to say back to that, instead I go back to my room and pull out my phone moaning at the list of emails waiting for me.

  My little girl,

  Merry Christmas, hopefully our gift has arrived and maybe it will give you a reason to call us. I miss you, I miss my sweet girl who always tried to put a smile on our face. I know we all changed when El passed away, but I hate that by losing him I also lost you.

  I know what you think, and you need to know that I didn’t side with your mother, you are the most important person in my world and I only sent you away for your own good. I don’t want you to hate me but I’m willing to take that if this helps you the way I think it will.

  Maybe I’ll get my little girl back, I love you Hen, hope to hear from you soon.

  Dad

  X

  Hmm, more emails from those addresses, spam folder it is. I’m not opening from an unknown sender, it will probably give me a virus knowing my luck.

  I send them all to spam until I see one from a sender called PastFinder, strange name and the heading is nothing more than I know.

  It has to be a virus, I mean I shouldn’t open it, should I? I’ll leave it for now but maybe I should keep an eye out for any more emails from that sender, what could they know?

  I shake my head as I pull on my red dress with black roses, my thick black leggings and red pumps. I’m doing my hair up in a French braid when a knock sounds at my door.

  I’m surprised to see Amias standing there and I’m not even going to try and hold back my eye roll. I leave the door open and go back over to my chest of drawers and try to see if I have any of my satin scarves with me.

  “He likes Anime, all things Marvel and Star Wars and chocolate brownies. Noah is happy for you to have his number but he asked if I could give him yours and he’ll ring you when he’s free.” He’s so matter of fact about it all but he doesn’t meet my eyes. The door must be utterly fascinating right now.

  “Sure, and thanks. It’s too late to buy anything now, but I think I have something I can give him. Did you need something else?” I ask, and yeah I’m being off, but I’m done with it all.

  This is why I shouldn’t date or kiss friends, it all ends badly.

  “Do you know how many girls I’ve gone out with since I came here in year eight. Why I’m here over Christmas when everyone else left and why I said even though this could just be fun I still went and messed it up anyway?” His tone is heating up with every word he says and it’s only piquing my curiosity.

  “Honestly, no I have no idea,” I say, as I run my hand down my face, no makeup today and I’m liking it.

  “Do you want to know?”

  “If you want to tell me then I’m happy to listen but if not… then I have to get ready.” He sighs in frustration before sitting down on my sofa and with an answering sigh I sit on the chair opposite him.

  “I come from South Africa same as my dad, both my parents are doctors and aside from their private practices they have over here they also travel to countries that don’t have a strong health system.” Pity is entirely lacking in his voice, I guess he’s become desensitised. “I guess they thought if I was born whilst they were there working, I could grow up that way.” He sounds so mocking, I guess he doesn’t agree. “Whenever we were in England, they would enrol me in school and then when they travelled, they would take me out, hire a private tutor and drag me with them. I saw the third world countries, the slums and the dark sides that the travel agents don’t want you to see.” His voice matches the darkness he’s describing and I’m getting a better understanding of the darkness that lives in his eyes.

  He looks ragged and I never noticed it before, but it’s like he hasn’t slept in days.

  “It was a lot to grow up with and then I started hanging around with the kids, bare knuckle fighting, stealing food, they needed to and I didn’t. I got into some other trouble too. My parents claimed to be concerned about the person I was turning into, so we came back here.” He laughs mirthlessly as he shakes his head in a deprecating way. “They lasted two months before they decided to go back out and sent me here. I’ve spent one Christmas with them since I was enrolled, and our relationship is built around voicemail and emails. When they are back it’s always conveniently during term time so I don’t get to see them.” His fists are clenched, and his jaw and shoulders are tight.

  “I’m an angry bastard who does whatever I can to get back at them, I’ve had tons of girls that I’ve ‘seen’, always refused to put a label to it, and I got rid of them the moment they started to get clingy. You were like a dream come true because you wanted the same thing.” His stare is so intense, and he sounds as though he’s annoyed with himself. “The only issue is, you’re so damn perfectly imperfect that you’ve got me wanting to change my own rules. You don’t want that and it’s messing with my head, you don’t just like me but my mates as well and I want to keep you to myself without losing them or you in the process. Two weeks of fun was a terrible idea, because I’ve realised two weeks isn’t enough for me and it was easier to act like a dick and ignore you than have you turn me away instead.” He’s getting worked up and frustrated and I don’t know how to fix it.

  He stands up, looking down at me before heading to my door, but he puts something on my chest of drawers on his way out.

  We’ve all converged in the hall waiting for the film to start. Declan has collected all the presents addressed to us from under the tree and we’ve gathered a nice little pile between the six of us. Mattias hasn’t joined us yet and I don’t know if Amias will either, we have their presents amongst ours but if they don’t show I’ll leave them outside their doors later.

  “Can we get to opening them now?” asks Mikaela, who has actually put her book down for the event – we all had fun teasing her about that.

  “Ten more minutes and if the spoilsports don’t show, then they can go screw themselves or each other,” says Roxie with a smirk and we all moan at her crassness.

  “Finley is on his own,” says Declan, looking over to where he’s sitting.

  I almost tell him to invite him over, until a group of girls drop down beside him and he’s definitely not alone now.

  “Problem solved,” comes from Leah looking relieved and I won’t pretend that I’m not relieved as well.

  Ten minutes turns into twenty and I call it a day, they’re not going to show up so we may as well get on with it.

  I pass Leah hers and she shakes the box trying to figure out what it is.

  “Just open it already,” I say on a laugh and she needs no more encouragement as she rips the paper off.

  She squeals before throwing her arms around me, and I pat her awkwardly on her back.

  “What did you get.” />
  “It’s a freaking charm bracelet, it’s got a bass, electric and acoustic guitar on it as well as musical notes, it’s beautiful,” she says as tears fill her eyes and she hugs me again.

  “It’s nothing really, now ladies please don’t hug me when you get yours, I’m not good with all that touchy-feely crap.” I feel myself blush as I say it and they start snickering.

  Bella goes next and it’s a silver necklace with a drumsticks pendant on it, and Roxie got a pair of earrings in the shape of microphones. Oh yeah, they really want to hug me but I move out of the way and hide behind Mikaela, who has yet to open her gift.

  I know it all seems a little over the top, but I didn’t care how expensive or cheap they were, as long as they suited the girls, and I know I got it right. Besides, they were all bought from my father’s guilt money for sending me down here without a fight. Why shouldn’t I spend it on people who seem to actually give a damn about me.

  I pass Declan his and he is shocked that I even thought to get him anything. He opens it timidly and roars with laughter, as Roxie steals it from his hands and has a look. There are two books in his parcel one called 100 ways to dump a girl over text and another that says How to poo at school very immature, and clearly, I called it right.

  “Come on girl, your turn.” Mikaela looks at me as I say this and slowly opens the bag. Hers is heavier than the others and there’s more to it.

  She pulls out the complete collection of J.K Rowling, which have all been signed, as well as a few paperbacks including Blaze by Amelia K Oliver and Vengeance by Crystal North.

  “Thank you,” she says quietly, and I know she really wants to start reading them. Everyone shouts out a chorus of no’s until she reluctantly puts them away.

  “Okay, your turn,” they say, turning to me and I return to my stack of presents and grab the first one.

  I’m just about to tear my way into it when two people sit down on either side of me. I look over to Mattias first who looks really uncomfortable as he stares down at his hands and won’t stop fidgeting.

  And then there’s Amias, and even though I’m not looking at him I can feel his eyes burning into me.

  “I didn’t think you were coming,” I say as I finally look at him.

  “Neither did I, but someone said there was something waiting under the tree for me.”

  “Well, seeing as you’re both late you’ll have to wait for Henleigh here to open hers first.” Roxie stares pinning them both with her glare and Mattias shrinks back even further.

  I open the present from the girls, and I don’t know what to say.

  “Roxie said you hadn’t really had many friends before you came here so we thought we’d make up for it,” says Bella as she takes the bracelet out of the box and puts it around my wrist. There’s a disk with a hen on it which makes me laugh and a letter for each of their names.

  “We each got you a little something but that’s from all of us, minus Declan of course. He’s not getting any credit for this one.” She’s smiling and dancing about, even though she’s sitting down.

  I laugh past the emotions threatening to choke me as I open the others to find a set of smoky eye shadows from Roxie and a set of satin scarves from Bella. Leah got me a voucher for an online clothing store and Mikaela gave me a gift card for books. I love every single one of them.

  “This isn’t from me, but it was under the tree with your name on it,” says Declan passing me a neatly wrapped box over before handing me an envelope which he explained was his gift.

  It was confirmation of my own security camera being installed and the feed being stored electronically, that made me feel better that I could at least catch the silly girls in the act from now on. And the other gift was written in my dad’s handwriting and I wasn’t sure if this was something I should open with an audience.

  “Let’s stop the guys dying from boredom and let them open theirs.”

  They know I’m avoiding opening it, and bless them, they let me.

  Mattias looks surprised that I had anything for him, and I smile gently as he carefully opens it and looks back up at me with his mouth open.

  “I didn’t have time to put a lot of thought into what to get you, so I really hope it’s okay,” I say nervously.

  Years ago, my dad had got me the original trilogy box set of Star Wars and it had been signed by the genius himself. For me, it’s just a material thing but I thought it might mean something to my knight.

  “I don’t know what to say,” he says quietly, the shock evident for all to hear.

  “There’s nothing to say, I tend to go overboard when it comes to gifts but it’s what I do for my friends. I guess anyway, this is still new to me,” I say with a self-deprecating laugh, but honestly, I’m glad they’ve all liked what I got them.

  He grips my hand right before I’m suddenly pulled over to Amias and he buries his head in my neck, no idea what has caused this.

  “I think he likes his present,” says Leah giggling, and I duck my head to try and meet his eyes.

  “Thank you,” he says as he brushes his thumb over my bottom lip, and I smile in return before climbing off his lap and returning to my seat once more.

  It wasn’t much, not really. Noah had mentioned once before that Amias may throw himself into his fighting programmes, but he had a fascination with art and secretly wanted to be an architect. So, I brought him an easel, charcoal pencils and everything else an artist could want, as well as a chance to have a top artist visit the school and give him a few private lessons.

  “Have you opened the one I left in your room?” Amias asks, and I shake my head before pulling it out of my pocket.

  I could tell it was jewellery but didn’t have a clue what type it could be.

  “It’s from all of us, Noah got the bits we needed, I planned it and Elijah designed it. Ivy is impossible to get hold of when she leaves the school, so she doesn’t get any credit for it.” He says it all so quickly, barely stopping for a breath. I think he’s nervous about what my reaction may be.

  “Amias, your rambling, calm down,” I say as I open it gently and come up short.

  I don’t know what to think, it’s a dog tag with an engraving of my brother’s face and our initials on the back. Damn it I really want to cry and find out how they got the picture, but mainly cry.

  “How, why?” My words have abandoned me, I can’t even string a sentence together.

  “I can’t speak for Noah, but Elijah and I both like you and this is our way of saying that we’ll find a way of dealing with that, and we want you to be happy. At least this way you can keep him close to your heart.” His words make my heart sing. “As for how, Noah convinced Mattias to help him get your brother’s photo. He would have done it himself, but he’s not been able to get on his computer while he’s at home.”

  “You hacked my emails?” Looking at Mattias I can tell he doesn’t know how to react, but he does nod his head and admit to it.

  “I would have asked but they wanted it to be a surprise, I’m sorry,” he says, and I can’t have him feeling guilty over this.

  “Hey, don’t be sorry. But I do think you need to stop being my knight, it could turn into a full time job.” Saying this with a wink brings a smile to his face, and even though he’s not my type, I can’t understand why he would be all alone at Christmas, he’s a freaking catch.

  Eleven

  Break ends tomorrow and I still haven’t opened the gift from my dad, Amias is holding me hostage until I man up and do it. I just don’t know if I can, I have no idea what to expect.

  “Do you want me to open it?” Amias asks and instantly regrets it when I jump at the offer.

  “Fine, give it here.” I hand it over willingly and turn my back to him as he opens it.

  “Little cub, I think you’re going to want to see this. There’s a couple of things here, and I can tell they are going to mean a hell of a lot more to you than they do me.”

  He lays his hand on my shoulder as he pl
aces the box on my bed in front of me and I instantly break. He doesn’t hesitate to pull me into his arms and I’m crying so hard I don’t even hear my door open or someone come in. The only thing that gives it away is another pair of arms wrapping around me and I look up in shock as I see Elijah standing at my side.

  “I got back earlier than expected, are you okay? What did he do?” Elijah asks, shooting daggers at Amias.

  “It wasn’t me, it was a gift from her dad that caused this,” Amias says darkly, sounding thoroughly offended

  “What’s the matter foxy?” Elijah has his usual jovial smile in place, but he’s worried, that’s as clear as day to see.

  “You need a new nickname, her new friend is called Roxie,” comes from Amias as he brushes my hair away from my face.

  “It’s okay, it’s just that the ring on the chain was Elliott’s and my dad has given it to me, along with plenty of pictures and a Christmas card he wrote when I was a kid. I’ve been ignoring him since I got here, and I don’t know how to make it right.” My voice is thick and clogged with too many emotions to name, but shame is definitely among them.

  “Just talk to him, clearly something went down to make you cut yourself off from him. I think he’ll understand,” Elijah says, and I pull away from both of them, putting the chain around my neck with the dog tag the guys got me.

  “Is everyone else back?” I ask, and Elijah confirms that Noah is, but Ivy won’t be back till later tonight.

  I ask the guys to give me some privacy so I can ring my dad and we arrange to meet up in a couple of hours for lunch, I really don’t want to make this call.

  It didn’t go as badly as I thought it would, but I couldn’t talk to my mum. Too much bad blood to work through at the moment. I’m more than willing to own up to my mistakes but she won’t.

  School is now back in session and we all fall back into our roles as students and teachers. I keep to my word and spend time with Bella, but I can’t ignore the feeling that there’s something she wants to say, even if she won’t come out and actually say it.