by B C Morgan
It’s ringing and I know no one will answer, they probably read the email and decided they didn’t want anything to do with me. Tears are streaming down my cheeks and I’m beyond keeping silent as the sobs wrack my body.
“Hello, Henleigh is that you?”
“Noah, please help. I can’t move and everything hurts, please, please, please” I’m begging, I don’t even know if he’s replying and then the call disconnects.
He cut me off, this feels worse than the physical pain I’m suffering at the moment. I can’t believe I meant so little to them, to him. After what he said when he held me, and he just hangs up the phone.
I’m crying so hard my body is shaking, making the pain worse, and then suddenly there's a light. Someone is nearby, I’m shouting out for them and I can hear footsteps coming closer and I finally let my eyes close as a faraway voice fills my ears, “Leighbear.”
I awake in a sterile room and there’s a distinctive medical smell, great I’m in a freaking hospital. What am I doing here? I look around and see, Noah? What’s he doing here, I thought he went home. I mean, I presume he had at least.
“Noah.”
His head shoots up at the sound of my voice and he’s quickly at my side, stroking my hair away from my face.
“Hey, it’s okay don’t worry. I’m here, and despite what the nurses say, I’m not going anywhere.” My Noah looks and sounds even more tired than he had before.
“What happened, why am I in the hospital?” My head feels so jumbled and I hurt all over. Did someone put me in a mincer and forget to finish me off?
“Someone beat the ever living shit out of you, there’s no permanent damage and other than a fractured rib and dislocated arm you seem to be okay. They do want to keep you in though, because of a head wound, Jeez Henleigh, what happened?” He’s angry but I don’t think it’s directed at me, it’s because of what I’ve been put through.
“I had to get out of the class, when that email went viral, I couldn’t handle all the stares and whispers. I left and ran into that terrifying guy from before, so I ran maybe I should have just taken my chances with him.” I swallow but my throat feels dry and uncomfortable and Noah is instantly there with a glass of water and a straw. “Anyway, I ran around the side of the building and I didn’t stop and then suddenly, the Shepherds were there with some of their flock. I got hit over the head and then woke up in agony, I was terrified, and I tried to ring Elijah, but it went straight to voicemail. And then I rang you, but the line went dead and I thought you were all finished with me because of me being in juvie.” The tears are streaming down my face and I can’t stop them. I can’t get any more words out. I’m so fucking fragile right now and I can’t contain my misery and how scared I had been. Not just of the Shepherds but of being alone again. How did I ever convince myself that was the best way to be?
Clearly the dam has broken, and I can’t handle hearing what he thinks about the revelation and then I hear it, the one voice I cannot deal with right now.
“What are you doing to my daughter? Why would you upset her like this?” My mother, the woman who should have been there to protect me and keep me from harm, she’s failed so many times. And now she’s directing her animosity at the wrong person.
“I’m sorry Mrs. Monterey, but I’m sure you can appreciate how scary this situation is for her,” Noah replies, trying to keep the peace but my mother calls for a nurse to escort Noah outside.
“No,” the scream leaves me and even I am surprised by the intensity of it.
The nurse comes up short and Noah is frozen while my mother just stares at me and as my dad enters the room, it's just too much to take.
“Do I get any say in this?” My voice is thick with emotion and my dad nods his head to say that he’ll go along with whatever I need right now.
“I want Noah to stay and her to go,” I say, pointing towards my mum.
She puts a hand to her chest and her lower lip is wobbling, “but I’m your mum, I’ve come all this way to make sure you’re okay. I can’t believe you’re treating me like this.”
My blood pressure machine starts to beep faster and my head is pounding, the nurse comes closer but only Noah stroking my hair helps to calm me.
“I think it's best you leave, your daughter doesn’t need the extra stress right now,” the nurse says and my mum huffs before leaving.
I can see my dad hesitating over what to do, I want to roll my eyes, but I fight the urge before calling him closer.
“I’m still staying here this week, I don’t want to come home.” He looks dumbfounded by my words, his eyes widen and he keeps opening his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out. And he’s fiddling with his tie like he always does when he’s gearing up for an argument.
“Dad please, I’m in pain and I feel like crap. I want to stay here, if Noah is staying as well, that is. He makes me feel safe, and I’m calmer when he’s around.” Please Dad, do the right thing. For once just do as I ask and give me what I know I need. If only I could say that part out loud.
Dad narrows his eyes at him, but Noah doesn’t even falter as he balances on the edge of my bed and puts one of his arms behind my head.
“I’m not going anywhere, I wasn’t going to leave this week anyway not with you staying back and everyone else with places to be.” His eyes are on me and I can see so many emotions battling for control and jumbling together, I’m just too broken to decipher them right now.
He looks at my dad before standing up straight and walking over to him, before holding out his hand for a shake. My dad is staring at him dubiously but shakes his proffered hand, nonetheless.
“Mr. Monterey I will take good care of your daughter. I know you don't know me, but I care about her a lot and I won't let anything happen to her. I don’t care that she’s been to jail, it doesn’t change the person she is,’ he looks at me as he says that last part, they both do. He means it and getting Noah back must be the silver lining in this shit storm of a day.
The tears fall unbidden once more and I can’t look at them, his words have rid me of at least one fear. I haven’t lost him, not yet at least.
“So, I take it you and my daughter are...dating,” Dad chokes out, and I really want to laugh.
“No sir, I’m not that lucky,” he replies and I’m just lying here with my mouth hanging open, is he for real?
“Can I speak to you for a moment please?” Noah asks and then he and my dad are leaving and I’m so exhausted that when the nurse gives me some killer pain medication, I’m soon conking out.
I come back around and it's clearly the early hours of the morning, Noah is fast asleep on a pull out chair bed and my dad is sitting beside me staring at his phone.
“Dad,” I say on a whisper, not wanting to wake Noah up. He jerks up and quickly hides his phone. Why is he acting so guilty?
“Hey Hennie, how are you feeling?” My dad is speaking quietly so he doesn’t wake Noah up, he looks as battered and bruised as I feel, but at least his injuries are of the emotional kind. It’s not better but his are more self-inflicted these days and I can’t help him to assuage his guilt.
“Sore and confused, what did Noah want to speak about?”
His eyes suddenly look sad, he looks at me with soft eyes and tries to smile at me but instead it’s a grimace.
“Hennie, do you like this boy?” Dad looks like he wants me to say no, but I won’t lie to him. Lies always end badly.
“I really do, if I was a better person I’d probably try to do something about it. But he doesn’t feel the same way and even if he did, he deserves better than me. Dad, after what I did, why should I get to be happy, she might not be, and you won’t even tell me how to get in contact with her.” This is a real sticky subject for us, he thinks he’s doing right by me, but I want the chance to apologise even if I don’t deserve it.
“Henleigh not this again, you did your time and you wrote the letter. You can’t keep punishing yourself for it, you aren’t the only one t
o blame. Your mother and I shoulder the blame right alongside you. As for that boy, I can't tell you how to feel but you might not have a happy ending in store with him.” He’s giving me the ‘Dads know best’ stare, not that it’s ever worked on me in the past.
“What if we could be happy now though?” So much hope rests in that simple sentence, but nothing is ever easy and simple in this life, not even Noah and me.
“My dear girl, you have a beautiful heart and soul. I think you are perfect for him and you should not presume to know how he feels, just know that if he turns you down it isn’t because of you. He has a lot to deal with, but maybe you can bring him a little joy.” He sounds wistful, but there’s more melancholy than I would have liked to hear, what does that mean? What did Noah say to him?
He drops a kiss on my head and moves towards the door, but he steps back in just before he leaves.
“I wish you would come back; but after making you come here, I won’t make you come home as well. Just be careful, and I want you to press charges, but we will talk about this in the morning, try and get some rest,” he says, before blowing me a kiss and walking away.
I roll onto my side and I can’t hold in the slight cry that slips out as pain shoots through my stomach and across my side. Noah is up and by my side so quickly that I can’t help but wonder if he was ever really asleep. Did he hear what me and my dad spoke about? And if he did, will he say anything or keep it to himself?
“Hey it’s okay.” He’s stroking my hair and a nurse comes in to top up my pain relief.
Once she’s gone, it's easier for me to find a comfier position even if it does still hurt a little.
“How much did you hear, and please don’t lie to me.” My eyes are watery, and my voice is weak from the medication, but he can hear how serious I am.
“Not a lot, just how wrong you can be,” he says, and I must look confused or something because he continues to speak, “I don’t deserve better than you. I’d be so freaking lucky if I could have you to myself but there are things you don’t know about me, and I’m not ready to share them yet.”
“We all have our demons, and I’m not ready to share mine with anyone either. I’m not ready for the hate and to risk losing the people I didn’t even realise I needed, it's just that I'm not sure I could give you all of me,” I reply and he strokes his hand down my arm as he climbs up next to me and I lay my head on his chest.
“You have feelings for Elijah and Amias.” It’s not a question, he already knows that's how it is.
“I’m afraid so.” I can’t look at him, I don’t know how he would react and I’m too chicken shit to see it for myself.
“It’s okay, I won't start something with you that I’m not sure I can finish. If my demons disappear however, be sure that I will fight for you.”
His mouth drops down upon mine, his tongue teasing me, but he withdraws it as I open my mouth. Instead I chase his and pull his bottom lip into my mouth but as I move the pain radiates through me and I gasp which has him pulling away.
“Try and get some more sleep, I’m not going anywhere. I won’t kiss you again Leighbear, not until I know for sure, I just couldn’t resist.” I’m glad he kissed me, I just wish it could happen again and again. I don’t think I can ever get enough of Noah.
I snuggle into him and I drift off, feeling safe and content and knowing that I won’t go to the police. What if it only makes it worse?
He’s still next to me when I wake up later in the day. Dad is still trying to convince me to go home but it’s not going to happen. Besides, I didn’t think I was welcome in our hometown just yet.
Noah is being really sweet, and he keeps holding me and stroking my hair, but I know he meant what he said. That kiss was a one-time deal and I really wish it wasn’t, selfish I know but I can’t help who I want. Even if it is three guys. They’re livid when Noah tells them what happened, but I convince Amias not to come back. He rarely ever gets to see his parents, I’m not robbing him of it. As for Elijah, he made it clear he’ll be back as soon as he can, and they will not let me out of their sight anymore.
I’m not telling the girls at all and I’ll suffer the consequences when they get back. The guys really don’t seem bothered by the fact that I've been in juvie and it’s confusing.
The rest of the week is spent with me arguing with my father that I will not press charges. I then have the same argument with the three males in my life. Noah spends nearly every moment with me, he is such a mither. Elijah is back after four days and they tag team me, in between secret discussions that they have in my room. They also look at me while they’re talking and yet, I can’t hear a damn word. It’s not fair in the slightest.
“Cheer up Hen, or will you find a reason to hate that name too?” says Elijah with a devilish grin, that boy is too damn hot for his own good.
“I can live with it, although my dad calls me that too. So, your choice big guy. And I will cheer up when you talk a little louder, whispering is very rude.” I’d put my hands on my hips if I had the energy but a glare will have to suffice.
They are laughing at me, unbelievable. Noah comes over and gives me a hug before he disappears to wherever he goes when he isn’t hovering around me, and Elijah looks like he’s plotting something.
“You think whispering is rude, well I feel the same way about playing favourites,” Eli is grinning like a Cheshire Cat and I do not like where this is going. “I can’t believe you prefer Amias and Noah over me, sure you’ve only kissed Noah once but you spend more time with him. And Amias can’t even keep track of how many times he’s frenched you.” He’s batting his lashes at me as he wipes away pretend tears.
“Bloody hell Eli, knock it off will you,” I throw my pillow right at him and laugh as it rebounds off his thick head. “I do not play favourites. Noah grounds me and he’s easy to be around. He barely speaks unless it’s important to him, whereas you don’t stop chatting crap. And Amias has those eyes.” I pretend to swoon, and I fall back, which is making me wince and catch my injured ribs.
“Doesn’t it bother you that I like, and have now kissed, all three of you muppets?” I don’t know what answer I expect to hear, but I do need to know how he feels. I don’t want anyone to get hurt because I like more than one person.
“Why would it? I have four dads.”
Fourteen
Well fuck me sideways, he has four dads, like at the same time. Pretty much how I put it to him, way to go at handling it like a pro Hen.
“Yeah, four dads they all live together and get along. Mum is legally married to my biological father but spiritually married to them all, I even call them all Dad.” He shrugs his shoulders like it's the most normal thing in the world. “It doesn’t matter who created me, they have all raised me and pulled their hair out over my antics. You like us all, I haven’t got a problem with it. At least I like the guys, so that’s a plus for me.” His smile is so big and genuine and there's no way he’s putting this on to make me happy, and he has four dads, that’s going to take some getting used too.
“You speak so calmly about it all and I’m over here, having my mind blown. How does it even work? Isn’t there any jealousy? How does she split herself between four guys?” So many questions and I don’t think there’s enough words to ask them all or describe all the things I’m feeling right now. Confusion, shock, excitement they’re all there.
“Calm down beautiful, I can’t answer all of those. But if you really want to know I’m sure my mum would be open to talking to you about it, she’d shit the bed if I brought a girl home to meet them all. People are really judgemental about the whole thing and I’d rather not punch all my supposed mates, so I just don’t introduce them anymore,” he says as he sits down beside me where I’m sprawled out.
“You want me to meet your parents, damn that would be really awkward. We’re not even together, how would you introduce me?” Why am I even humouring him on this, I am not the type of girl who gets taken back to meet the parents, I
should just say no now.
“I’d say Mum, Dads, this is Henleigh. She’s my friend and hopefully once she figures out if she wants what you guys have, or even just me, she’ll be a lot more. How does that sound baby?” Cheeky fucking shit, but it’s making me smile and feel all warm and gooey inside.
“It sounds nice,” I say. He called me baby and I certainly don’t hate that.
He smiles roguishly before kissing me, and we stay cuddled up and exploring one another’s mouths until we’re breathless and panting. It won’t go any further than this, not at the moment, but the relationship his parents have, yeah maybe I could have that myself one day. If only the other guys would be open to it too.
Mattias isn’t showing me the emails anymore, which means they’re getting worse. I’m not left alone at all and between the guys and the girls, I am beyond molly coddled. It’s stifling and I hate it, but what more can I do? After what Chelsea and the Shepherds did to me, I’d be a fool to send them away.
Everyone is already making plans for the summer holiday and I’m thoroughly depressed, because I can’t make my plan work. I need help and I think it’s time I start trusting my friends a little more. I’m browsing the books in the library when I hear a guy and girl talking. The problem is it’s hard to pinpoint exactly who it is when they’re speaking in hushed whispers.
“You need to stop this. You’ve got her all wrong. She isn’t cruel and self-centred,” says the girl, and I hear the guy scoff.
I’m trying to get closer without being seen, but it is not working for me today.
“She may have you fooled like everyone else, but not me. Come the last day of term, everyone will know what she did. You can’t stop me Vie.”