She made her way inside and shut the door, thanking the universe that it had worked out better than she hoped for, even if she only had a few minutes.
“That’s okay, I’m here to see you. How are you feeling?”
“Much better, but I still have bad spells like Pop says. Dad says I need to be careful not to let too many people know.” He climbed onto a chair and perched on the edge of it, grabbing a bar from the table. Master of subterfuge the little guy was not.
“Well, I’m happy it’s bothering you less.”
He nodded, smiled, and took another bite.
“Upton, can I ask you some questions about what you told me before?”
Shifting in his seat and looking around the room like someone was going to jump out and get him in trouble, he finally nodded.
“You know I’m in danger.”
He nodded, his little face looking more grave.
“Can you tell me, without having a bad spell, do you know if my dad was in danger in the same way?”
“Yes, he was. Not as much, because he was more like us than you are, but he still was.”
She still couldn’t entirely understand what ‘like us’ meant to him, but it didn’t matter as much as getting to the point.
“Do you know who hurt my dad?” Her voice was quiet, but by his reaction she knew coming to see him was worth the risk. It was as if another explosion had gone off.
He dropped his bar, pieces of it scattering across the table, and his little hands shook as he wrapped them around his knees and rocked back and forth while he shook his head and closed his eyes.
“Upton, I’m sorry to bring it up. But Troylus is being blamed for it.”
Eyes open and staring at her, tears welling up in them, he started keening. A quiet sound, undulating high to low and back again, his mouth remained closed and the sound filled the room with a haunting quality that almost made her flee.
“Listen, you don’t even have to say anything. I don’t want you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with.”
The keening stoppped, but the tears were still ready to fall and he kept rocking.
“Was it someone I know that hurt my dad?”
He nodded, the rocking slowing. This approach must have been easier for him to handle. She wondered if he was more afraid of the truth he held, or more afraid of speaking when his ability might come out.
She wanted to not need to ask him. She didn’t like doing this to him, to make him get so close to things he feared. It felt too much like she was attacking a child. But Troylus needed her to keep trying to figure this out. Even if she still felt a need to send a wish into the universe that her dad would have understood. Although she didn’t think he would have approved.
“Upton, I am sorry I have to ask you any of this. I’m sorry that your ability is hard for you.”
Wide eyes blinked at her and his mouth popped open only to slam shut almost immediately.
“Yes, I know about the abilities. Although most people don’t. My dad was trying to understand them when he died. I really need to know if it was Briar who hurt my dad.”
She didn’t ask it as a question. She stated it as a need, a fact that she already suspected and just wanted him to tell her if she was right. To take as much of the weight of a decision to tell on his brother from him, to hopefully make it less painful for him.
He stared at her for long minutes, not even rocking anymore, just still and staring.
Finally, he shut his eyes, a single tear escaping to trail down each cheek, and he nodded his head.
Protocol wasn’t ready for moments like this. She crossed the room and kissed the top of his head.
“I’m sorry, Upton. Don’t worry, I won’t ask anymore questions, and neither will anyone else. I won’t let anyone know you told me.”
He sighed and she left.
Nothing good could come of her spending anymore time with him. Her very presence seemed to trigger his ability, and she knew it was hard for him to be as brave as he was.
She hurried from their quarters, making her way along the hallways, away from the main path to get to the starwalker office. Hopefully Rullon would still be there, because she wasn’t sure she could go back to their quarters and sit alone with the information.
Ducking around the corner, Parmita spotted her from the area by the airlock and raised a brow.
“What are you doing?” Parmita asked, coming to her side.
“Is Briar still in the office?” Zellendine asked.
“Yikes, the break up was that bad, huh? No, he left a few minutes ago.” Parmita gestured with her head toward the hallway leading away from the office on the other side.
“Thanks.” Zellendine took a deep breath and made her way into the office.
“Oh,” Rullon said as soon as she was passed the doorway, he folded over and rested his head against the table in front of him. “Let’s not split up too much for a little while, okay?”
“Why? What happened?” She squeezed herself against the wall as other starwalkers kept going about their business and she felt like she was in the way.
“Is this her?” One of the others in a chair asked Rullon gesturing to Zellendine. She didn’t know the lady’s name, but the question only made her more worried about what Briar had done while he was in there.
Rullon nodded and the woman whistled.
“Stay away from that guy,” she said, turning to Zellendine with wide eyes and a shake of her head. “He has some serious issues with you.”
“I know.” The last thing she wanted to do was go through the many reasons why she knew, she still had aches in her arm and abdomen to prove it.
“Did you get confirmation?” Rullon asked, his words careful even in the room full of people who would have supported them trying to clear Troylus.
She nodded. There was no point in saying anything, it was enough.
Rullon slumped in his chair, he didn’t look relieved, and she wasn’t really either. Yes, she knew for sure, and she had never believed it was Troylus, but still. A friend, someone she had once wanted to partner with, had killed her dad. Even if it was an accident, and she wasn’t sure it was, that ache in her heart was only worse for knowing.
“Fuck,” Rullon mumbled, earning him a sidelong glance from the lady next to him who had no idea what they were talking about.
A commotion started in the hallway and people in the office sat up to attention.
She turned to see what was going on.
People moved out of the way to reveal Alara standing in the doorway.
“Hello, Rullon, Zellendine, I’m glad you’re both here.”
Rullon glanced at Zellendine, and she shrugged. Her plans didn’t include a visit from leadership.
“Can we help you with something?” Zellendine asked, her voice more acidic than she expected, but it wasn’t like Alara didn’t deserve it.
Alara nodded, her face resigned.
“Yes, I would like for you to come with me and speak with him.”
Rullon jumped from his seat, but Zellendine put out a hand to stop him from rushing forward.
“What’s the catch?” Zellendine asked.
Alara turned the same appraising look on Zellendine she gave her when she reported to leadership about the wombs and the loss of Yanna and Anders’s baby.
But this time Zellendine stood up straight and stared back.
“There is no catch. I only want him to be able to see you before he is put in permanent stasis.”
Every molecule of air left her lungs in a whoosh, she grabbed onto Rullon’s hand, not sure who was holding up who.
“Permanent…” She couldn’t finish the question. She couldn’t even process what it meant. She didn’t think she would ever be able to say it out loud.
“Unfortunately, we don’t have a good alternative for this sort of action,” Alara said, casting her eyes to the floor.
“The sort of action he didn’t take. You know this isn’t him. You know he didn’t d
o this,” Rullon said, his voice gruff, harsh, and loud.
Other people in the room shifted in their seats, but Zellendine was finally able to take another clear breath. Alara wasn’t answering Rullon. She was struggling to make eye contact. It was all Zellendine needed to know.
Plans formed in her mind. She wasn’t going to let leadership take Troylus and put him on ice, not for any length of time, let alone forever.
“Lead the way,” Zellendine said.
Alara’s eyes snapped up to hers, a line showing between her brows. Rullon turned to look at her, but he squeezed her hand and let go before turning his face, suddenly more angular and rigid, toward Alara. The other starwalkers went silent as they passed on their way to see one of their own. And if Zellendine’s plan worked, save him.
42
Troylus
Knocking on the door of the closet woke him up from the best sleep he had managed since he was locked up.
“What?” he mumbled, not wanting to squeeze himself out of the cramped sleeping space unless he had to.
A scream, muffled a second later, rent the air and bounced off the hard surfaces around him causing a weird reverb he thought sounded like Zellendine.
He scrambled to get upright. The possibility that he was about to have something worse happen to him because he used his ability to get some damn sleep made the blood run faster through his body. Even though he couldn’t imagine what worse would be.
Troylus slammed his head against the corner of his little space where it met the regular wall and started swearing.
“No, everything is fine. Stay out there. We need time,” Rullon yelled.
Rullon?
Doubling his efforts, Troylus finally got to his feet and on the other side of the open closet door stood Zellendine with her hands over her mouth and Rullon shaking his head.
He no longer felt the place he smacked his head, he threw himself into their arms, wrapping one of his around Zellendine and one around his dad.
“Why are you here? Are you both okay?” The last thing he wanted was for either of them to end up in the same position he was in.
“Alara said we could see you,” Rullon said, patting Troylus on the back and leaving a hand on his shoulder as he stepped out of his embrace.
He understood how hard it must have been for his dad to even maintain that level of contact after a long life of the protocols. And it broke his heart he wouldn’t be with Rullon when they were on the planet and finally free of the restraints that had defined their lives.
“Zellendine,” he said, bending down and kissing her forehead as she clung to him and cried, her shoulders shaking, “Why did you scream?”
She laughed and said, “I thought they had chopped you up and I was looking at what was left. I’ve been in that closet before, I know there isn’t room to lay down like you were.”
“Well, you didn’t have my ability to make yourself a weird little space to sleep in. See? I’m okay.” He ran his hand down her back, her long hair running through his fingers, never wanting to let her go.
“You’re going to be okay,” she whispered, heavy emphasis on the word going. She lifted her face to his and put a hand to his cheek, her smile was wavering but her eyes were as determined as he had ever seen them.
Rullon nodded, patting at Troylus’s shoulder.
“Don’t,” Troylus said, looking at each of them, the thought of them being in his position making his stomach drop into his toes. “Whatever you’re doing, I don’t want you to get in trouble like me.”
“I will do what I need to. I love you,” she said.
“And you’re my kid.” Rullon shook his head, a wry smile on his face. “No chance of me sitting this one out.”
“What’s your grand plan, then? Find the real killer?” he asked, with a small laugh.
Zellendine smiled and kissed him, a kiss he had missed so much and knew was so precious and few that tears built up behind his eyes.
She pulled him to sitting on the floor with her and his dad with them in a tight circle.
“What would you think if I told you we already know who the real killer is?” she asked, threading her fingers through his.
“How? And have you told leadership?” Did he have a chance to get out of this? His stomach picked up from his toes and shot into his brain making him light headed. But it only lasted a second before he caught the glance Zellendine shot his dad.
“No. We don’t have proof yet, but we’ll work on it. And we have other plans just in case. There is no way we’re letting this happen to you when you don’t deserve it and we’re so close to real freedom and a real chance.” She ran her other hand along his arm under his uniform sleeve like she couldn’t get enough of touching his skin which he had to agree with. But the rest of her statement made him shake his head.
“Listen, I appreciate you both trying to help, but I mean it when I say I can’t handle it if you lose out on that chance because of me.” He patted his dad’s hand with one of his own and then moved it back to run his fingers through Zellendine’s hair that he pulled from behind her to drape over her arm.
“Troylus, even you can’t stop us. We will figure out a way, don’t give up. If it comes to it, we’ll need you to be ready,” Rullon said, his voice low and his eyes glancing over to the main door of the gathering room.
“How did you manage to get them to leave us alone for this? I mean, seeing me is more than I expected them to actually do, but letting us talk privately is…” Troylus shook his head. It was fucking bizarre and unbelievable without a catch is what it was.
“I asked Alara what the catch was.” Zellendine sighed and climbed into his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck and laying her head on his shoulder.
“And? What was the catch?” he asked, resting his cheek on the top of her head.
“She said there wasn’t one. I think she feels bad.” Rullon frowned, his jowls lengthening because of it, but he was looking off into space, when he turned to look back at them, he smiled. It made him look younger, and Troylus hoped he would have a long life ahead of him still.
“Will you be filling me in on who the real killer is? Or is it safer if I don’t know?” His voice was incongruous with what he was saying, he sounded like he was talking about a really tasty dessert, not a killer framing him and getting away with it. But it was hard to be as angry as he should have been when he was sitting next to his dad and had Zellendine in his arms.
Rullon looked at Zellendine and she nodded against his shoulder.
She lifted her head and her face was a mask, blank, it made him wonder if she was trying to prepare him for bad news.
“Briar. I think Briar killed my dad.”
If he had been standing, his legs might have given out. It was one thing for Briar to be a big enough asshole to physically hurt Zellendine when he was in the throes of the silver change effect, but to kill someone? Stephen of all people? Troylus wanted to hunt him down and beat the shit out of him.
“How was I so wrong about him?” Troylus mumbled, and Zellendine laughed.
“Tell me about it.”
“Oh, Zellendine, I’m an idiot,” he said, pulling her to him and kissing her, then putting his forehead to hers, “I’m sorry.”
“I am too.” She shut her eyes and he kissed her again.
They outlined the plan for him in hushed tones and a lot of touching, none of them wanted to look back on that chance and regret not taking full advantage if things didn’t turn out well.
Alara opened the door to the meeting room sooner than anyone wanted her to, and none of them bothered to hide their physical closeness. What was being scolded for breaking protocol when they were all looking at permanent separation?
She sighed when she saw them, but she didn’t say anything about it.
“You know he didn’t do this,” Zellendine said, and Troylus closed his eyes, burying his face in her hair.
Of all the things he would miss, she was the one that he couldn’t get en
ough of. They had been afforded so little time.
“Do you know,” he said, brushing a piece of her hair away from her face and tucking it behind her ear, “You’re the only person I’ve ever loved. For a while I thought I would never meet someone I really wanted to partner with. But you changed that, and I love you.”
Zellendine sucked in a shaking breath, he knew she couldn’t say the same, but it didn’t matter to him. She loved him now, and that’s what mattered to him.
“You know I love you. And you know I’m sure,” she said.
“That’s all I want.” He kissed her, the love and sweetness of it mixing with the salt of both their tears.
Rullon helped him stand up, offering him a hand and pulling him into a hug, his shoulders shaking while they held onto each other.
“Just,” Rullon said, patting his shoulder as they pulled apart, his mouth working like he couldn’t form the words.
“I know, Dad.” Troylus nodded and Rullon took a deep breath before he stepped back, wiping at his eyes.
Tears poured freely down Zellendine’s face, but she looked serene and strong when she held his face in the palms of her hands and kissed him, deep and hard and then soft and sweet. The whole pantheon of kisses she gave him in the seconds she had.
All he could give her back was to envelop her in a hug and kiss her forehead before he turned and closed the door of the closet behind him. The last thing he could handle was watching them walk away.
It didn’t take work for him to curl into a ball and lay back in the cubby hole he had created for himself, his legs could no longer hold him up anyway.
The sound of the gathering room door swinging shut let him know he could choke out the wracking sobs waiting in him.
He wanted to believe they would be able to do what they were trying to, that they would save him from his sentence. But part of him thought the Chapter was too big and leadership too big an obstacle.
Of all the things he wished his ability gave him, he would have traded the chance to sleep somewhat comfortably in the tiny closet for the ability not to doubt.
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