Rachel must have seen him pull up, because she met him at the door. “Jacob, what are you doing here?”
“I’ve come to take you home.” He couldn’t help but smile.
She took his arm and maneuvered him outside. No doubt to be away from eavesdropping ears. “Nee, Jacob. I’m not riding home with you. Go home to Leah and your boppli.”
“I don’t want Leah. I never wanted Leah. I want you. It’s always been you.” He lifted a hand to her cheek.
She stepped back. “It’s too late, Jacob.”
“Nee, it’s not. My heart belongs to you, Rachel.”
“But, don’t you see? It shouldn’t. Your heart should reside with your fraa.”
“You are my future fraa. The only reason I’m married to Leah now.”
“Things have changed, Jacob.”
“What? What has changed? Can you honestly say that you don’t love me anymore?”
“Ach, Jacob, you know I’ll always love you.”
“I fail to see the problem. You love me. I love you. We want to marry and we will. Eventually.”
“Jacob, please. Don’t make this any harder than it is. We’ve already had this conversation. I gave you my reasons. You need to accept that.”
“Why?”
She stepped close and placed a kiss on his cheek. “Goodbye, Jacob. Enjoy your family. Have a nice life.”
Have a nice…? He stood, watching her walk away, just like he had the other night. But for some reason, this time felt final. It felt real.
Like this was it.
Like she no longer believed in them.
Like she was never coming back.
~
Marlin approached Jacob the next morning as they worked on the farm chores.
“Rachel says you showed up at the singing last night to take her home.”
“Jah, I did.”
“You should not be taking maed home when you have a fraa and boppli at home. You are dishonoring the familye Der Herr has given you.”
“Der Herr? Der Herr has nothing to do with this, Marlin! You’re the one who got me into this whole mess in the first place. You forced Leah and me together when you knew I wanted to marry Rachel. I loved Rachel. I still do.” He began walking away. Because it was better that he didn’t let his simmering emotions show.
“Let her be, Jacob.”
He spun around, took two steps, and grasped a fistful of Marlin’s shirt collar. “Don’t you dare tell me what to do ever again. You’ve ruined my life!”
He needed to walk away before he did something else he’d regret. He was in no condition to be around anybody. Nee, at this point, he didn’t even want to be around himself.
TWENTY-NINE
The following year…
Jacob had waited for Der Herr to do something. To step in. To intervene. To stop the wedding plans.
He’d waited. And waited. And waited. It hadn’t happened. Nothing had happened.
Well, nothing except the forward progress of Rachel’s wedding to Jeriah.
He could not abide the thought of Rachel being married off. At least, if she remained single, they’d eventually be able to wed. But if she married Jeriah, a wedding between the two of them would never take place. All his hopes and dreams would die.
She’d been promised to him on the condition he married Leah and fathered bopplin. Well, he’d done his part. He’d been waiting patiently. He would continue to wait patiently. He would not let Rachel be stolen away. Not even by a gut Amish man like his cousin Jeriah.
He wasn’t exactly sure what he’d do. But he’d think of something. He had to.
~
Rachel’s hands trembled as she fastened the front of her royal blue cape dress. Had she really agreed to marry Jeriah? He was handsome enough. Kind enough. But he wasn’t her beloved Jacob.
It would be a miracle if she could get through this day. Especially without breaking down in tears. Because, in reality, this was the death of a dream.
A knock sounded on the other side of the door. Ach, it was almost time.
You can do this. You can do this. She’d been trying to convince herself all morning, but now that it was almost here, she was having serious doubts.
She still needed to don her crisp white apron, but otherwise she was fully dressed. She guessed it to be one of her side sitters.
“Kumm in.”
The door opened and Jacob walked in. He swiftly locked the door behind him.
She gasped. Ach, but he was bold! And ever so handsome. She practically melted like a puddle of simmering dark chocolate right in front of him.
“Jacob. What are you doing here?” She remembered Jacob and Leah’s wedding. She’d had no desire to attend. Nee, she’d wanted to be as far away as possible. The thought of watching her beloved wed another had been unbearable.
Jacob took her hands in his. “Rachel, I will do anything to prevent you from marrying Jeriah. Please don’t.” His tone was desperate.
“Jacob...” The hopelessness in his eyes ripped at her heart.
“Kumm, let’s go away. Just you and me.”
Her heart sped up at his words. If only…
“We can leave right now. I will divorce Leah and we can marry in the Englisch world.” His eyes searched hers.
He was serious. She closed her eyes and considered what he’d said. He was serious?
“You would divorce Leah and abandon your bopplin…for me?” The very thought was tragic. “Nee, you cannot do that. Leah would be devastated.”
“Please, Rachel, I can’t lose you! I don’t know what else I can do!” Tears ran down his cheeks. “Rachel, it was all for you. If you—”
She held up a hand to stop him. “Jacob, I know you love me. Probably more than any person should love another human being. And I love you too. But leaving would only complicate matters.”
“Don’t you see, Rachel? Nothing else matters to me as much as you. Nothing.”
She sighed. “Okay, I won’t marry Jeriah. But I also will not let you leave Leah and your bopplin. Ach, Jacob. How can you even consider leaving those precious little buwe? And my sister’s in no condition to raise them on her own.”
“I didn’t want to. But when faced with the prospect of losing the woman I love more than life itself, there is no sacrifice too great.”
“But it would be wrong. Der Herr would not be pleased.”
“Rachel, our whole situation has been wrong from the day your vatter interfered and insisted I marry your schweschder. It would serve him right.”
“Maybe. But don’t you see? Innocent people would get hurt. They would suffer even more than they already are.” Ach, Jacob had not been thinking straight. He was making decisions based on emotion instead of thinking through the consequences.
“I will wait for you, Jacob. I promise. Even if it takes decades.” Ach, but she hoped it didn’t. Yet, hoping that it didn’t caused her to feel guilty. Because their marriage would only happen after her sister’s passing. And, even as much as she and Leah quarreled, she would never wish her sister dead. Never. Nor would she wish her divorced and a single mother.
“Really? For real? You really will?” He sounded like a child who’d been promised a stick of candy from the store.
At her nod, he brought her close and clutched her to his chest. Ach, it felt so so good to be in Jacob’s arms. Jah, she’d wait for him. Even if it took years. Because one day as Jacob’s fraa would surely be better than a ten thousand as someone else’s.
“Ach, I don’t ever want to let you go.” A heavy sigh escaped Jacob’s lips. Jah, she felt the same way.
But someone needed to announce that the wedding wouldn’t take place. She dreaded the look on poor Jeriah’s face. But she didn’t love him. She’d been deceiving herself to think a marriage between the two of them could work. He’d be better off without her. Jacob would always be her one and only.
“Will you…will you ask Jeriah to come here?” She would try to sound strong for Jeriah’s sake
.
He nodded. “Jah. I will. I’ll also tell the bishop the wedding’s off. No doubt, he’ll want to counsel with you.” He eyed her.
“I will tell him that I can’t marry Jeriah. That I’ve decided to wait for you. Surely the visitors can still enjoy a nice meal, jah?”
His brow arched. “Jah. But without the joy of a bride and groom, it might be awkward.”
He squeezed her hand for support. She read the relief, the thankfulness in his eyes. “Okay, I’ll fetch Jeriah now.”
~
Rachel sent up a quick prayer the moment Jacob walked out. Hopefully, Jeriah would be understanding.
The door opened then shut.
Jeriah’s smile stretched wide across his face as he walked in. He stepped close and took her hands in his. “You ready to get hitched?” Ach, she heard the excitement in his voice. His eyes alight with joy. This was no doubt the most exciting day of his life.
She swallowed. Ach, she didn’t want to hurt him. She forced herself to look into his eyes. She at least owed him that much. “I…I can’t, Jeriah. I’m sorry.” Tears naturally came at the words.
His smile was exchanged for a frown. “What do you mean?” He shook his head. “Nee, Rachel. This is it. This is our day.”
“I still love Jacob. I can’t marry you.”
“Ach, lieb. I know that. But Jacob’s married with kinner. You’ll eventually get over him. Once we start a family togeth—”
“Nee, I’m going to wait for Jacob.” Her hands trembled.
“Rachel, don’t be narrisch. Will you wait until you’re an old woman?”
“If I have to.”
“Nee, Rachel. Please, lieb, don’t do this. I…I love you.”
“But I don’t love you. My heart belongs to Jacob. It always will.” Her chest heaved. “Ach, Jeriah. Don’t you see? You’ll be better off with somebody else. Someone who deserves your love. Someone who will give you her whole heart. That’s not me.”
He sighed. “But everyone is here. Our family. Our friends. If you were going to change your mind, I wish you’d done it sooner. I’ve already spent so much money and… What am I going to say to everyone? I’ll look like a fool.”
She shook her head and cupped his cheek with her hand. “You are not a fool, Jeriah. You are a gut man. Any maedel will be blessed to have you as an mann.”
“Just not you.” He swallowed.
“Even me. But I can’t marry you when my heart belongs to someone else. I just can’t. I’m sorry, Jeriah.”
“Not as sorry as I am.”
“You will find someone.” She lifted a teasing smile. “I’ve heard Betty Yoder has had her eye on you.”
“Ach, really?” His face lit up. “I guess she’s almost as pretty as you.”
“Nee, she’s prettier. And she’s really sweet, too.”
“Jah, I guess she is.” He shrugged.
“Maybe she’ll let you take her home tonight after the supper.”
“Ach, nee. It’s too soon. It will take me longer than that to get over you, Rachel Schmidt. I’m being brave in front of you.” His hand covered his heart.
“Jah, vell, don’t wait too long. I hear she’s a fine catch.”
He laughed and shook his head. His grin brought a smile to her own face.
“I’ll miss you, Rachel.” He bent down and kissed her cheek. “I hope you and Jacob…” He shrugged. “Well, you know.” He raised a small smile, took two steps and exited the room.
She couldn’t help her feelings—a mixture of sadness and relief. And thankfulness that Jeriah took it so well. “Gott, please be with Jeriah and heal his heart. Help him to find another maedel quickly. And help me to be patient while waiting for Jacob, my beloved.”
THIRTY
Ten years later…
Rachel knew the time was getting close. She’d been attending to Leah and her kinner for the past few years, helping with household chores and caring for each new boppli that entered the King home.
Jacob’s growing family had since switched dwelling places with Rachel and her father to accommodate their rapidly expanding tribe. Rachel didn’t mind the dawdi haus but it seemed like she was in Jacob and Leah’s home more often than not. Many times, she’d slept on their couch, to be able to tend to the needs of the kinner when their folks could not.
But now, with every day that passed, Rachel’s sister grew weaker, frailer.
“Aenti Rachel, will you play haus with me and my bopplin?” Young Dinah, the only maedel of Jacob and Leah’s nine kinner, held up a faceless doll.
“Jah, in just a minute. I need to take this tea to your mamm,” she said to her five-year-old niece.
“Will you bring out baby Zeb so he can play with us too?”
“Nee, liebling. The boppli’s sleeping with your mamm right now.” Rachel smiled. Ach, Jacob’s kinner were precious.
She carried the teacup and saucer—a set she’d recognized from Leah’s dower chest—to the bedroom. She came near and sat on the bed. Leah’s eyes were closed, but Rachel guessed she was only resting and not asleep. She’d been doing a lot of that lately.
“Here, sister, drink.”
“Nee.” Leah pushed the cup away with her limp hand.
“The dokter said it is gut for you. It will help you feel better,” she insisted.
“Don’t want it.” Leah took Rachel’s hand. Her hand felt cool to the touch.
Rachel set the cup on the nightstand near the bed. “Not feeling gut today?” She attempted to keep the worry out of her tone.
“Nee, Rachel.” She heaved a slow labored breath. “Love Jacob and the bopplin. Be a gut fraa to Jacob and mamm to my kinner.”
Tears pricked Rachel’s eyes. “Ach, Leah. I will. I promise. But you are not leaving us yet.” She said the words, trying to believe they were true. She doubted they were though.
“I…need…rest…” Leah closed her heavy eyelids.
Rachel began to panic. Nee, her schweschder couldn’t be… She watched Leah closely until she noticed that her chest continued to rise and fall. She sighed in relief.
Leah didn’t have much longer, but Rachel wasn’t ready to lose her sister yet. Thirty-six years was hardly a full life. But at least she had known the love of a husband, and the blessing of being a mamm. The latter was something Rachel might never know firsthand, no matter how many years Der Herr blessed her with on earth.
Confident Leah was still alive, she took the tea back to the kitchen. It was time to play haus with sweet Dinah.
~
Jacob walked into the house with his six oldest boys in tow. “Wash up. Reuben, Judah, help the younger buwe. It smells like supper might be ready soon.”
The boys cheered simultaneously.
Jacob chuckled, removed his boots, and washed his own hands. No better way to a boy’s heart than through his stomach.
“I wonder what Aenti Rachel made for us tonight.” He caught her eye, as she stirred a pot of something on the stove, and lifted a half-smile.
Her return smile was wobbly. Ach, it must’ve been a hard day. He walked into the kitchen. He rested his hands on her shoulders, then examined her face and stared intently into her eyes. “You doing okay?”
She gave a slight nod, but tears pooled in her eyes. “We’re losing her, Jacob.” She spoke in a whisper, likely so the kinner wouldn’t overhear.
He swallowed and frowned. “I know.”
She shook her head. “I’m…I’m not ready yet.”
“I know. Neither am I. But when the time comes, Der Herr will give us the strength to get through it.”
He wanted to pull her into his arms, but they’d agreed to very limited physical contact once Rachel had begun helping out with the kinner and staying overnight in the house. No need to fuel the fires of temptation.
“I will need you too, Jacob.”
“I will be here for you. You can count on that.” He nodded. “I’m going to check on my fraa before supper.”
“Jah, that is a g
ut idea.”
“Did she eat anything today?”
“Not much.”
“How were the other kinner?”
“They were gut. Dinah and I had a tea party today.” That brought a smile to her face.
“I bet that was fun.”
“It was.”
He hurried out of the room, anxious to see his fraa.
Jacob abruptly stopped at the door of the bedroom and stood, staring at his wife. Leah lay in their bed. It was the same bed each of their bopplin had been created in—the beginning of life. But now…now… He swallowed. She seemed so frail, so helpless.
Ach, his fraa was dying. Jacob closed his burning eyes and fought back the volley of tears. He hadn’t expected to feel this much emotion for Leah, the fraa thrust upon him by his father-in-law. But, because he’d desired to be the husband Gott had called him to be, he’d learned to love her. Nee, he hadn’t been the perfect mann by any means, but he’d tried.
And, in spite of the fact that her death would mean he and Rachel could finally marry, he didn’t want to let Leah go. He wasn’t ready. He didn’t want to lose her. Jah, he’d assured Rachel that Der Herr would help them through it, but now he questioned whether he could ever get over the passing of the mother of his kinner.
What would he tell the kinner? How would they get through such a tragedy? Would they even accept Aenti Rachel as their new mamm?
He crawled into bed next to his fraa and held her close. She barely responded. He kissed the top of her head, allowing his tears to flow freely. Ach, this was so hard!
“Ich liebe dich, Leah.” He reached for her hand, brought it to his lips, then held it close to his heart. He felt a faint squeeze in response. She knew he was there.
He rubbed her hand lightly with his thumb. “Don’t worry, lieb. I will be here for you. The kinner will be taken care of.”
Reuben, their oldest son, stopped at the door’s opening. His eyes slightly widened as he took in the scene in front of him. “Dat, Aenti Rachel says supper is ready and on the table.”
He nodded. “Tell her I’m going to stay here with your mamm. You all may go ahead and eat without me. Save me some.” He attempted to muster a smile, but it refused to materialize.
An Amish Deception Page 11