by Elise Faber
“Okay,” she said, sitting down at her desk. “How about because I look good in your T-shirt?”
I sat opposite her, opened up my laptop. “That is true. But no.”
Her lips twitched. “Because I have an owl named Luna who screeches like a banshee?”
“Nope,” I said, staring into her beautiful eyes and thanking every god on the planet for giving me a chance at having her forever. “That’s not it, either.” Though I knew I would never, ever be under the moonlight again and not think of Jesse.
“Maybe because I—”
“Am my heart,” I interrupted. “Because I will never ever live another moment on this earth and not be thankful that my path brought me to you.”
She inhaled sharply.
Then swatted my hand where it rested next to my laptop.
“Don’t do that!”
I captured her fingers, lifted them to my lips. “Why?”
“Because I need to research like a badass and find out everything I can about the Moldovan Five,” she said. “Which means I can’t cry.”
“Moldovan Five?”
“I’ve given them a nickname,” she said, pink streaking across her cheekbones. “Makes my life easier than saying five agents who once were on a mission in Moldova.”
“It works.”
She smiled, and I brushed my thumb across one cheek then the other. “Thanks for not making fun of me.”
“I love you,” I whispered. “Even if Moldovan Five sounds a bit like a bad boy band.”
She snorted. “So much for that.”
“Jess?”
Her brows lifted.
“You’re okay with this?”
The brows arched higher. “Okay with . . .”
“Us?”
“I mean, I thought I’d already made that clear,” she said. “I’m done with denying myself what I want, and I want you.”
My heart thudded, once, fiercely against my ribs. “We were locked in a room.”
“That’s true.”
I kissed her fingers again. “And then fighting for our lives, dodging gunfire, and rewiring a bomb.”
“That’s also true.”
“And I guess, I just want to make sure that . . .” What? She knew what she was getting into? That she wanted me? That she was okay with how dramatically things had changed between us?
The truth was that she had to be okay with it.
I wasn’t leaving her, and I’d do whatever the fuck I had to in order to convince her to keep me, to want me, to prove that I could be the man she deserved.
“Stop.”
I blinked.
“Have I given you an indication that I didn’t want you?” She made a face. “Putting aside that one time I asked you to leave.”
I pressed my lips together. “No,” I said. “But also, I feel like I need to reiterate that we were fighting for our lives, and before that, we were trapped together in a room.”
“And you’re insinuating that because of that, I don’t know my own mind?”
“Um, no?”
“So, you think I’m lying to you?”
“Um . . . no?” I said again.
She laughed, pushing up from her chair, rounded the desk, and plunked into my lap. “So then,” she said. “That’s your answer, baby. I want you. I’ve been in love with you for years, so fuck yes, I want to see where this goes.”
I inhaled.
Her hands came to my cheeks. “Will you do something for me?”
I covered her hands with my own. “Anything,” I promised, knowing that I meant it with every single part of me.
“Well, it’s for us,” she said. “Because I want us to stop punishing ourselves and just be with each other. We’re only on this planet for so long, and I’m done being miserable in my life. You make me happy.” A shrug. “I want more of that.”
“Well then,” I said. “Then I want to give it to you.” I rubbed my nose against hers. “I’ll give you everything.”
Blue eyes filled with tears, and she sniffed. “Not fair.”
“What?”
“You’re being sweet again,” she mock grumbled. “And I still need to research like a badass.”
Laughter bubbled out of me, and I slowly released her. “Then I guess we need to get to work.”
Her lips curved. “Yes, we do.”
A pat to her bottom. A movement that had her back on her feet, my gaze following her as she crossed around her desk again and sat down. Then I forced myself to look away, to log in to my computer, to start pulling up data about the doors, and then suddenly Jesse’s gaze was on mine.
“For the record,” she murmured. “I love you. And I know that if I do cry, you’ll just wipe my tears away.”
My throat went tight and abruptly, I was the one fighting tears.
But that was okay.
Because I knew Jess would wipe mine away, too.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Jesse
“Are you hungry?” Leo asked, his arms around me.
We were sprawled in bed, naked because that seemed to be the way he liked me.
It was late, nearly two in the morning, and we hadn’t rested much for weeks now, had just parked our asses in front of our computers to find out as much information as possible—Leo about base security, me about my Moldovan Five.
The pieces were coming together.
I was tracking down their current locations, as well as going back through old reports and trying to tie them to missions that had gone awry, where other KTS agents or safe houses had been compromised. But they were smart.
They covered their tracks, and their trails weren’t easy to follow.
Not if I didn’t want to alert them to our having discovered the connection.
Still, I’d begun with Daniel’s trail and was slowly making my way through the other four. I thought I was making progress, but I also wasn’t holding my breath. Every single time that I thought we had things figured out . . . it all went to shit.
So yes, I felt like I was making some headway.
No, I wasn’t going to pretend that headway was going to be the key to solving this fucked up mystery.
Because nothing about what was happening with KTS was straightforward.
No further clues had come from the surveillance footage, even though Leo had spent hours going over every minute of it. He was still going through the door and keycard information. It had initially seemed like it was all erased, but he’d found a backup server for that data and thought he might be able to extract some of the information from there.
All we knew was that they’d wanted Daniel dead.
So they’d had him murdered and made our security look like child’s play.
The latter was bad.
The former . . . I mean, I couldn’t grieve too much for the bastard, not after all he’d done. So maybe it was less murder and more . . . proper ending. But even with him thankfully wiped from the planet, we hadn’t gotten nearly enough from him.
We didn’t have answers. Just more fucking questions.
So it was good that Leo had come into my office and closed my laptop, then dragged me off to the cafeteria for a late dinner.
I’d planned on going back to work afterward, wanting to keep diving into the mission files to find out as much as possible.
But he’d coaxed me to my room.
Truthfully, though, it hadn’t taken much coaxing.
Not with Leo.
Every day was better than the last. I was settled in a way that I’d never felt, and . . . I trusted him.
“I think that we stuffed ourselves full enough, don’t you?” I asked in response to his question about whether or not I was hungry. I couldn’t possibly be, not with the amount of food I’d eaten.
He bent, dropped a kiss on the tip of my nose. “Well, you happened to lie there while I did all the work,” he said. “So I worked up an appetite.”
I giggled. “That, and you’re always hungry.”
&nbs
p; “True.” He wrapped his arms around me, tugged me closer, nuzzling into my throat. “Just like how I know you love chocolate cake in the middle of the night.”
I loved chocolate cake at any time of day.
But he was right. I loved it especially in the middle of the night. It felt decadent and like I was breaking all the rules.
“Maybe,” I hedged.
Because even more than chocolate cake, I loved being able to have Leo in my life, to keep growing our friendship, to share all the little things like cake and Luna, to listen to Leo talk about everything and nothing, to discover how he can’t follow the puck during a hockey game on TV and how he never remembered to bring his swim goggles when he hit the pool.
I’d bought him extra pairs.
I’d teased him about needing the blue circle to watch the Gold game properly.
He’d discovered my obsession with after-hours cake.
He pushed up out of my arms and I groaned, reaching for him. “Where are you going?”
Leo didn’t stop, just walked his naked and delicious ass over to the small fridge tucked under the counter of his kitchenette and . . . pulled out a slice of chocolate cake.
And one fork.
Ha.
Give the man some credit. He was a smart one.
“Have I told you I love you?” I asked as he set it in my lap.
“Not for at least five minutes,” he said, sliding into bed and handing over the fork. “But I’m never going to get tired of hearing you say it.”
“Well then,” I said, scooping up a bite. “I love you.”
He smiled, and it sank into my skin, filled me with such joy that I knew whatever was happening with KTS, with the traitors, with all the fucked-up shit in the world, I would always feel lucky that we’d found each other.
Because life wasn’t guaranteed.
Because we’d both been through enough hell to hang onto something good—at least now that we’d gotten out of our own way to figure out exactly how good it could be.
I’d kick Leo’s ass if he backtracked.
Just like Leo would gently coax—ha—mine back into place.
We had each other.
But finally, I wasn’t scared of that connection. Our relationship had filled all those holes inside me, filed away the sharp edges, and made me feel like . . . me. Made me feel more than I could have ever dreamed.
It was love.
And I’d discovered that love was the simplest and also the most complicated thing I’d ever experienced.
It was overwhelming. It was wonderful.
It was terrifying and as comfortable as an old, soft hoodie.
It was Leo.
It was me.
It was . . . us.
Epilogue
Jesse
Three months since Daniel had been murdered, and finally we were moving out the next night.
Hannah, Lily, Leo, Linc, (and seriously, how had I never noticed all those L names before?) and I were flying to Ukraine where one of the agents from the Moldovan Five was stationed, ostensibly as a starting point for a mission to reconnoiter an up-and-coming segment of the Russian mob.
But in reality, we would be bringing him in.
Just as Laila and company would be bringing an agent down in San Francisco, and two other teams hand-picked by Hannah and Laila would be acting concurrently in Puerto Rico and South Africa.
Tonight, however, I was finalizing some details on the mission, trying to prepare for any eventuality.
Daniel was buried.
The backup server Leo had discovered with keypad data had revealed that the person who’d murdered Daniel had used different codes and keycards at each exit—everyone’s from mine to Leo’s to Ava’s—until they’d disappeared. They’d gamed the system, and we still didn’t know how. So for now, everything had gone low-tech. Actual keys at the important doors, physical guards at the others.
Not a permanent solution, but we couldn’t just rely on a system where someone could just breeze in, murder someone, and then disappear into the shadows.
And I wasn’t sure I was going to trust any new tech when it seemed like someone with experience in the department had turned.
The weapons.
The security system.
The missions going wrong.
Agents getting killed.
I worried that we were never going to get to the bottom of it all. I was overwhelmed and stressed and . . . happier than I’d ever been in my life. Because of Leo. Because of how I was with him. Because of how we were together.
Even despite the constant bleary eyes from tracking down the Moldovan Five.
And seriously, my life had come full circle—from bleary eyes to bleary eyes.
I’d just brought along a whole lot of happy with me on the second half of that spherical trek.
Because I’d found courage and heart and my true love along the way.
A knock had me glancing up and then smiling when I saw Leo resting against the doorjamb.
I frowned. “Why are you wearing a suit?”
His mouth curved, and he slowly made his way over to me, spinning my chair so it was backward, and he was crouching between my legs. His hands came down on either side of me, resting on either arm.
He didn’t answer my question, just slanted his mouth across mine, kissed me senseless, then tugged me out of the chair.
“Come with me,” he murmured.
I blinked but didn’t argue, since he’d kissed me senseless. Just stood up and let him drag me from the room, down the hall, and back to my quarters, unlocking the door.
Smiling, I moved inside and froze.
Flameless candles on every surface. Rose petals and floral arrangements, and in the closet, a white, zippered bag hanging on the rail, an envelope pinned to its front with my name on it.
I spun back, but the door was closed.
And Leo wasn’t on this side of it.
“What?” I breathed.
My phone buzzed.
The envelope, love.
I tucked it into my pocket, walked numbly over to the zippered bag and opened the envelope.
Because you deserve the fantasy.
And because I’ll do my best to always give it to you.
-L
My heart pounded and my eyes stung, and then I lost the battle with tears altogether when I unzipped the bag and saw the sparkling silver dress on the hanger. Even in my dreams, I couldn’t have pictured it.
There were even shoes and a box with a gorgeous owl-shaped pendant, sparkling diamonds forming its eyes.
“Oh, Leo,” I whispered, running my finger over the charm. He was just so . . .
Wonderful.
When I got myself together, I saw another note on the hanger, telling me to get ready and he’d be waiting.
I released a shaking breath.
It was a fantasy.
It was . . . reality.
Sniffing, I jumped when my phone buzzed again.
Fewer tears and more makeup.
Laughing and shaking my head, I did just that—moving to the bathroom and setting my phone on the counter before taking a shower, shaving all the places. I even washed my hair, taking my time to blow dry it and curl it into loose waves. Then I went all out with the makeup.
Because if I was living in my fantasy-reality, I was going for it.
Smokey eyes, a bright pink lipstick, two coats of mascara.
Then slipping into the only lingerie I owned, a pale green lace thong and white stockings, a matching strapless bra. I fastened the necklace around my throat and then stepped into the heels first, instinctively knowing it would be difficult to do so once I got the puffy dress on.
And then that was all I had to do.
Carefully, I slid the dress from the hanger and stepped into it.
There was only one problem.
I couldn’t do up the zipper.
So, with my hands holding up the front of the dress, I moved to the door and opened it
. Leo smiled as he turned to me . . . and then his jaw dropped open.
Pleasure flooded me, and not just from the heat in his gaze, but from me, from my being happy with my body. I wasn’t finding myself lacking. I felt beautiful and feminine and . . . me.
“Can you do me up?”
Heat turned to an inferno as I watched his throat work as he attempted to swallow. Then he slipped behind me and slowly did up the zipper, the rough callouses on his fingers making me shiver. “You’re beautiful,” he murmured, sliding my hair to the side and pressing a kiss to my nape.
I shivered again.
He took my hand, led me from the room and through the nearest exit into the moonlit night. “Where are we going?” I asked, the quiet of the evening settling all around us.
Leo didn’t answer, just tugged me forward, and just when I was going to ask again, we moved behind a partition, and I felt my eyes sting again.
A table and chairs. More candles.
And a private view of . . . “Luna,” I murmured.
He smiled, tucking my hair behind my ear, moving closer to slip his arm around my waist. “Yes,” he said, “she’s up there.” A beat. “With babies.”
And with that, he handed me a pair of night binoculars, and I focused on her nest.
Sure enough, there were babies there.
“Oh, my God,” I whispered. “They’re so cute. Leo.”
“Jesse,” he warned.
“I love you.”
He took the binoculars from me and set them on the table. Then he took my hand and tugged me to him, placing my hand over his chest. “Feel that?” he asked roughly.
His heart thundered beneath my palm. “Yes,” I whispered.
“It beats for you.”
A tear slipped down my cheek, and he wiped it away.
“I love you,” he said. “I toppled headfirst into it under the moonlight. It grew in the sunshine, winding through every nerve. I went from being half a person, from hardly living, to being half of something, of something incredible.” He bent, catching more tears with his lips, his words breathed onto my skin. “I know that it’s way too soon to be saying this, but know that one day, you’ll be my wife. One day, you’ll be mine in every way—”