by Cassia Leo
I moaned as I slid my other hand down my belly, over the soft patch of hair I’d grown for Luke, and into my already slick folds. I continued to tease my nipple as I slid my finger inside me, gathering my wetness and sliding out again. I imagined Luke licking his way up to my clit and planting a soft kiss there, the way he did when he teased me.
“Oh, Luke,” I whispered, and a soft thud fell on my ears.
My eyes flew open and Luke was standing in the doorway, a paper bag of groceries toppled over at his feet.
“Oh, my God!” I cried as I closed my legs and turned onto my stomach to hide my face in his pillow. “This is so embarrassing.”
“More like so fucking hot. Why’d you stop?”
I huffed into the damp pillow, attempting to catch my breath as my heart pounded against my chest.
“Brina, please do me a favor and finish what you were doing.” His voice was closer now, almost at the side of the bed. I turned my head and looked up at him shamefully. His eyes pleaded with me to continue as he knelt on the floor next to me. A bolt of excitement shot between my legs and I slowly turned over onto my back.
He smiled and nodded. “I want you to scream my name when you come.”
His eyes followed my hand as it slid over my breast and down my stomach. He licked his lips when I reached my clit and slowly, gently began to tease it. Pleasure surged through my core and all throughout my body. My hips bucked against my hand as I pushed myself closer toward an orgasm that was already so close.
“Fuck,” he whispered. “You are so fucking beautiful.”
I gasped as my legs began to quiver. “Oh, Luke.”
“Scream it.”
I sucked in a deep breath as I curled in on myself then arched my back. “Luke! Oh, yes, Luke! Yes, yes, yes!”
I collapsed on the mattress, my breath hard and ragged, my legs squirming with the remains of the blissful energy that just shot through me. Luke’s gaze roamed over my belly and breasts, skimmed over my lips, then landed on my eyes. The longing in his eyes wasn’t just the desire to touch me; he wanted to say something. I could see it in the gulp in his throat and the muscle twitching in his jaw.
I reached for his face and he grabbed my hand. He brought it to his mouth and brushed my finger, the finger I had touched myself with, over his top lip before he set my hand back down on the bed. He licked his lips and stood up slowly and silently before he disappeared into the bathroom. The distinct sound of water running came again, but this time it was the shower.
I let out a deep sigh and quickly got dressed in my jeans and Luke’s t-shirt then left before he could stop me.
Chapter 4
Brina
I dug my phone out of my purse after I pulled into the Starbucks parking lot and saw seven text messages and four voicemails. I checked the texts first and responded to Jill that we were indeed still on for dinner at that new barbecue restaurant. Another text from my mom asked if I was all right, and I called her to assure her I was still alive. The last text was from Milo and simply said: Call me. I video-called from my cell as I turned off my car. He picked up on the first ring.
“How’s my favorite unemployed spy?” he asked, and the headrest behind him and the electronic music in the background told me he was probably driving in his Prius.
“Is there a female equivalent for blue-balls?” I asked as I gathered my purse off the passenger seat again and began digging for some lip balm and a hair tie to hide my unruly hair.
It was bad enough I was going out in public wearing grass-stained jeans and a t-shirt that was five sizes too big. I had to at least pretend I cared a little bit.
“Ouch! I take it you and Bill Gates, Jr. aren’t back on the road to a shotgun wedding?”
I tilted the rearview mirror down as I pulled my hair back. “We’re taking a break, or a timeout, as he likes to call it. No sex for thirty days so we can get to know each other.”
The background music stopped. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
“Oh, how I wish. It’s been a day and I’m going out of my fucking mind.”
“Okay, I didn’t need to hear that.”
I sighed as I leaned my head back against the headrest. “I don’t know what to do to make this easier.”
“I can think of something,” he replied casually.
“Not going to happen, Milo.”
He rolled his eyes. “Get your mind out of the gutter. I’m talking about a wager.”
I cocked an eyebrow. “A wager?”
“Yeah, a bet. I’ll bet you won’t last thirty days without raping Luke. A hundred bucks.”
I shook my head. “One hundred dollars is a lot of money to an unemployed person.”
He shrugged. “Then we’d better make it a thousand.”
“Are you actually trying to motivate me to complete this challenge? You want me to succeed?”
“I’m not that selfless,” he replied with a tinge of annoyance. “I’m trying to motivate you to not have sex, because that would be bad…for me.”
“Oh.” Suddenly, the air inside my car got way too hot and stuffy without my air conditioning, and the June sunshine beating down on the windows. “Hey, are you busy tonight?” I asked.
“No. Why?”
“Meet me at that new barbecue restaurant near the NeoSys office at eight.”
“Again, why?”
I was not the type to set up my friends, especially not my best friend with someone I’d slept with, but Jill had already asked about Milo, and I needed him to get over me. This would be the perfect opportunity to introduce them. I’d just have to hope his enormous cock didn’t break her tiny Asian body in half.
My other line beeped and I glanced at the screen. It was Luke. “Shit! I have to take another call. Just meet me there at eight. Bye!” I took a deep breath then hit the button to switch the call. “Hey!” Somehow, I doubted that came across as casual.
“Why’d you take off? Is this becoming too much for you?” His voice was so fucking smooth. It filled my insides with a deep, warm ache.
“Yes, this is getting a little intense. I had to leave before I threw you down right there in the shower.”
“That’s good. It means it’s working.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. “Luke, it’s been one day. Of course we’re pining for each other right now. That doesn’t mean that in two weeks we’re not going to completely lose interest and go our separate ways. Is this really worth it?”
“Brina, we were apart for six weeks before we had really fucking amazing sex yesterday. I think we can manage four more.” He paused for a moment. “Listen, I know I’m not supposed to say stuff like this, and we should definitely not do what we just did before you left, but to say I love you would be the fucking understatement of the century. So I think you need this more than I do, which is why I’m not giving in. I want you to be certain about me the way I am about you.”
“I am certain about you.”
“You were just telling me you’re worried about losing interest after two weeks. That doesn’t sound very certain.”
God dammit! Why do I even open my mouth before I’ve had coffee?
“Okay. I’ll do it. And no more touching myself in front of you, even if you beg me to do it. I’m going to show you I’m the one who’s more serious about us. I swear. No more funny business.”
I could feel him smiling on the other end of the line and it infuriated me.
“Where are you?” he asked after a short pause.
“I’m in the Starbucks parking lot. I’ve got the shakes. I need caffeine.”
“What are you wearing?”
“I’m hanging up now.” His laughter crackled through the speaker and I shook my head as I hit the END button.
Chapter 5
Luke
The last thing I wanted to do on a perfectly fine Sunday was call my parents to schedule a visit. So I didn’t call them.
“Hello?” My sister’s voice sounded thick, as if she were cryin
g.
“Reese? What’s wrong?”
She sniffled loudly. “I tried calling you, but you had your phone off.”
My heart sank as I considered the possibility that I was too late. “What’s going on?” I asked carefully.
She blew her nose and took a moment to compose herself. “Dad had a stroke last night. He’s at the stroke center at UCSF Medical Center. Luke, you need to come.”
“I’m on my way.” I hung up the phone and sank down onto the sofa.
Sixty-one fucking years old. He was supposed to have more time. We were supposed to have more time to make things right.
I immediately thought of Brina and what she said this morning about regret. She was right. She probably already had plans today, and I couldn’t really ask her to go with me to visit my dad in the hospital. That would be awkward for her. But she needed to go to San Francisco. I could see it in her eyes every time the subject was broached. There was something there that she needed to confront more than any bullshit I needed to own up to with my dad.
I called Brina and she picked up immediately.
“Hello?” she whispered, and I imagined she was probably in line at Starbucks.
Brina had a thing about answering the phone in public. She thought it was rude. This wasn’t something I worried about, since the only time I kept my phone on was at work or when I wasn’t with her.
“Brina, I’m leaving for San Francisco right now. My dad had a stroke last night.”
“Oh, my God!” she said, but this time she didn’t whisper. “Oh, my God. Are you okay? Do you want me to go with you?”
“I would love for you to come with me.”
She was silent for a moment, and I imagined she was just now sensing the gravity of her offer. I could hear movement. Maybe she was leaving the coffee shop.
“Brina?”
“I’m here.”
The movement continued. She was walking.
“Brina, you don’t have to come if you don’t want to.”
I heard her keys jingle then the alarm on her car beeped. “I’m on my way home to change.”
“Wait. Are you at the Starbucks on Third? I’ll pick you up. Sorry, but I don’t have time to drive all the way to your house then back to the airport.”
“But I’m wearing your t-shirt and my dirty jeans from yesterday.”
“I’ll be there in ten minutes.” I hung up before she could protest, snatched the keys out of the bowl in the foyer, and took off. When I pulled into the Starbucks parking lot, she was leaning against her car with her arms crossed over her chest, which was buried under my t-shirt. I pulled into the space next to her and she immediately hopped into the passenger seat. Her face was pale, even through the layer of face powder she had obviously just applied.
“Are you sure you’re ready to go back there?” I didn’t know what it felt like to lose someone I was so close to, and I still marveled every day at her ability to hold it together.
She closed her eyes and nodded.
“The last thing I want to do is force you to face something you’re not ready to face. It’s only been eight months. It’s totally understandable if you still need more time. I promise I won’t be upset.”
She kept her eyes closed and her head bowed as she spoke. “I need to go back there. I need to put that…that darkness behind me.” She paused, and I could hear the pain thickening her throat. “I still think about it every day.”
“I know.”
“No, you don’t know. I think about…about doing it. I think about taking that leap.”
I gritted my teeth against the swell of emotion building inside me as I imagined my life without Brina.
“I’m not taking you.”
“I’m going. I need to go.”
“You think I’m taking you there after what you just told me? I don’t think you understand what it would do to me if I lost you. And you’re crazy if you think I’m going to take that kind of chance.”
I reached across her and opened the passenger door, but the hurt in her eyes as she watched me stopped my heart.
“Fuck,” I whispered as I pulled the door closed. “I’m sorry, but it would be very irresponsible of me not to take what you just said seriously.”
“I said I want to go, because I want to put it behind me.”
She stared at her hands as she spoke and it made me nervous. I wanted to believe her, but I needed to be certain I wasn’t handing her a loaded gun. “Brina, look at me.”
She sighed as she continued to stare at her clasped hands in her lap.
“Brina, look into my eyes and promise me you won’t leave my side if I take you to San Francisco.”
She looked up, and the tears finally spilled over and down her cheeks, leaving tracks in her face powder. I took her face in my hands and brushed her tears away from her smooth skin.
“I need you with me.” I pulled her to me, my eyes locked on her so she knew how serious I was. “Promise me you will not leave my side.”
Chapter 6
Brina
This was the first time I had admitted this to anyone. I hadn’t even told Jill. As far as she knew, those feelings that carried me across that bridge had dissipated with the San Francisco fog. But they were still there. Every day. And this was the first time I had spoken this unbearable truth aloud.
Luke held my face in his strong hands and I could feel the urgency in his words. I gazed into his eyes and my throat nearly closed as I realized what I had just admitted to him. But he didn’t recoil from me in fear or disgust the way I had expected anyone who knew this would. And that, above all else, is what made me realize I could never leave this world behind.
No matter how hopeless I felt. No matter how many times I blamed myself for the nightmare my parents had been living. No matter how hard I wished to forget what I saw behind the VA hospital eight months ago. No matter how many times I gazed into a bruised and blackened sky and imagined myself being carried away into the ether, where none of these memories could haunt me. No matter what…I could never leave Luke behind.
“Take me with you. I won’t leave your side.”
He let out a deep sigh as he pulled my face closer so our noses were touching. “I need to know this kind of stuff. When you’re under water, I want to be there to pull you out. You understand?”
I nodded, and he pressed his lips softly to my forehead. He pulled back and looked into my eyes for a moment before he planted a soft kiss on my lips.
As he drove us to the airport, I couldn’t help but wonder how many times I’d been saved over the past eight months. Every day, someone or something had saved me from committing an unimaginable act of cruelty on my parents. Sometimes, it was something as simple as hearing a song I loved. Other times, it was the memory of a smile from a stranger on a bridge. Many times, it was the patience of the most incredible friend a girl could hope for. And now it was the love of a man I hardly felt I deserved.
I’d been saved hundreds, possibly thousands, of times this year. It was about time I started showing some appreciation.
The car picked us up curbside at San Francisco International and, at first, I was surprised not to see Luke driving. Then I remembered he hadn’t been to San Francisco in years. There was no need for him to have a car here like the one he had in Las Vegas.
“Tell me the real reason you haven’t seen your father in so many years.”
He glanced at the back of the driver’s head and seemed to decide he couldn’t use the driver’s presence as an excuse, because he quickly turned to face me. “I told my mom about his mistress.” He looked straight through me as he continued, “Me and some friends thought we were so fucking cool cracking my parents’ passwords. We got into my mom’s email and made a bunch of jokes about coupon codes before we broke into my dad’s, and I lost my shit. He was living a double life, and my mom didn’t deserve that, so I showed her everything.”
“And they’re still together?”
“You don’t understa
nd; my mom’s not strong like you.”
I pressed my lips into a hard line to suppress my smile as he continued.
“She left him for two weeks, and while she was gone, he threatened to arrest me for possession if I didn’t get the fuck out. He would never have done it if she were there, and by the time she came back, he had already made up this bullshit story about how he’d caught me smoking dope and had to either kick me out or arrest me, because I almost killed my sister while under the influence.”
“Fuck,” I whispered as I realized this was the man we were about to see, the man who was possibly dying. I was beginning to understand how Luke could hold a twelve-year grudge against him. “Your mom believed him?”
“My mom was never anything but a stay-at-home mom. She stayed with my father because she was terrified of being alone and broke.”
“My mom’s the same,” I replied. “She never had a job other than taking care of Ryan and me, which is why I was helping them out for so long.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, financially. That’s why I had to move in with them. All the money I should have been saving while working at NeoSys went straight to them. My father was laid off four years ago. My dad’s retirement account was looted to pay their mortgage and grocery bills. I thought you knew this.”
He narrowed his eyes at me. “I knew you were helping them out, but I didn’t think the situation was that serious. Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Why would I tell you?”
He shot me an are-you-crazy look.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I said. “You fired me, and with good cause. You know what? We shouldn’t even be talking about this. Money is the last thing I want to talk about with you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means I don’t want your money. I never wanted your money. And I definitely don’t want to talk about this.”