by Elise Jae
“It’s always cold here.”
“Not,” I say, not bothering to hide the emotion in my voice, “if you have the right person to warm you.”
“Ah yes,” Trench rolls his eyes at me and mounts his bike. “But who in their right mind would want to warm a ghoul?”
The bike rumbles to life, Trench throws a small salute, and then I’m alone in the vast white expanse again, as I had been so often before.
As he leaves, I kick snow over the bloodstain.
Someday, this will all get easier.
When I finally get the rest of the brotherhood paired off. Not an easy task, but one I needed to accomplish.
They’re all good at what they do, but having a reason to make it back to their homes would make them better.
KIMBA
I’d started with a database search on the description of the man who’d tried to contract me. But it got me nowhere—not that I expected much.
D has access to the cameras around Margot’s—I’ll have to ask him why some other time—but I can’t get an angle close enough to zoom in on them. Their van had no plates.
I let the description search continue in the background, hoping something might pop, and move on.
The archives as D called them might help.
“What are you?”
The file was labelled “Threats” or maybe “Concerns” depending on the translation.
If he already had threats, maybe that would be a better place to start. But when I open it, it was a different kind of threat.
The monsters that little children were told to fear.
They were ugly creatures.
I’d seen illustrations of them before, but it didn’t change the fact that they make my skin crawl now.
A long line of photos fanned out over the top of the screen. None of them are a whole picture. Not even the sketched-out version of the creature looked… complete.
They moved too fast, were too erratic, and killing them left behind a humpty dumpty situation. I quickly close the file with notes on dissections.
“No thank you.”
The rest are reports.
Clinical assessments of trips out into the wasteland surrounding the caldera.
And now I know how D got some of his scars. I can guess about the rest.
My once crawling skin is now icy.
I’d seen my fair share of crime scene photos in the past, watched more scary movies than I ever wanted to. Gore was not something that shocked me.
Seeing D flayed open from an encounter with one of those monsters….
I’d never truly understood the phrase ‘blood run cold’ until now.
It would be all too easy to lose him…. Without ever having him at all.
My lungs seize at the idea, and I shove away from the information. I walk all the way across the room without letting a single thought enter my mind.
Looking out the long wall of glass, I wish my mind, my emotions, all of it… I wish it was as blank as that icy landscape outside.
I’m still standing there when D gets home. He moves through the house in what I assume is a normal routine. Shedding equipment and his suit in a circuit as he moves to the computers.
When I turn, he’s logging information, a dark scowl on his face.
But my focus moves on from that scowl quickly. No marks mar his flesh.
“You’re not hurt.”
“No. Arc and Trench had it taken care of by the time I got there.”
“What was Arc doing there, it’s nowhere near the trio’s territory.”
He looks up, confused for a moment, then glances at the information I’d been going through.
“You’re a quick study.” He pulls the suit off, down to his waist and drags the shirt he was wearing back on. “Arc has made a habit of doing… laps, or something like it. He’s restless, and the other two are getting on his nerves more than usual. It wouldn’t surprise me if one or two of them ask to be moved to their own facilities.”
“Is there room for that?”
“There are nine more facilities that can be suitably converted into something resembling a home.”
“Good. I don’t want a roommate.”
He laughs and closes up his report, turning to me.
The smile that came with the comment slides from his face as he looks at me. “What’s wrong.”
Nothing.
And everything.
Because I want him.
Somehow, I want him more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life. More than I realized I could ever want anything.
And he’s here.
Offering to be mine.
All I have to do is reach out and take him.
Shove my fears aside, and…
I step into him, running my hands down his chest, slipping them under his shirt then press up again, traveling over that warm marred skin I’ve memorized.
“I want you. All of you.”
“Every part of me was already yours.” He looks down at me, eyes searching mine with something like… fear. “It’s been a long day.”
I agree and turn to close up my searches. He goes down without me.
D is in the shower when I make it to the bedroom, and I pause, only a moment before going to the drawer where my things currently live.
The negligee he gave me is like gossamer beneath my fingers. It’s barely a whisper of fabric when I disrobe and slide it over my head.
I’ve spent years preparing my body for men to see.
This time is different.
It was always going to be different with him.
It doesn’t matter that he’s seen me dance nearly a hundred times. It doesn’t matter that I was naked for him on his couch.
This time….
Sliding between the covers, I calm myself as the water turns off. I hear him moving. Hear the towel slide from its rung…
D freezes on the threshold, toweling his hair dry. “I knew that color would be perfect on you.”
I smile, trying to ignore the sharp flutterings in my stomach.
The problem with fear is that it only protects you so far.
At some point, you have to give up on that fear, get past it, or it will hold you down. It will suffocate you like someone who says they have your best interest at heart, when really, they just want to keep you from changing. From being who you are.
Who you need to be.
Drift was always a risk.
He’s always held me at arm’s length, even when he’s gathered me close.
He moves around the room throwing his towel in the hamper, pulling on the pants he sleeps in.
I should tell him to stop. But somehow… in the light, I can’t find the nerve.
Bur when the room fades to darkness, all of my senses spike.
The room is so dark, I have to reach toward him, have to pat the bed, searching for him. I know he’s here. I felt the depression of the mattress.
His hands grab mine. I’d forgotten he can see in this light level.
“What’s wrong?”
Hands wrapping around my arm, then under my ribs, he pulls me forward. The sheets, once again, put up no drag.
Despite the fact I know he’s been in a hot shower, he’s ridiculously warm. And I melt against him, even though I know I need to talk, not sleep.
“I want you.”
He nuzzles my neck, kissing from my jaw down to my collar bone, and I slip the strap of the negligee down. The smallest pressure on his head, directs him to my breast, and he feasts as though I’ve given him the sweetest fruit.
But I know he doesn’t understand.
“D.” I barely recognize my own voice. “I want you. All of you. Now.”
He pulls away from my breast, a sweet sharp bite of suction. “Are you sure?”
“Yes.”
His breath is heavy and slow. I feel him watching me, but he doesn’t move. “I need you to say it. I need you to tell me, precisely, and in words.”
“I want y
ou to be yours as you would be mine. I want you to be my bondmate.”
He lets out one, long exhale, and then, he’s on top of me, devouring my mouth as his hips press mine into the bed.
I’d almost forgotten how ravenous sian men could be about bonding. Almost forgotten how intoxicating it was to be the one they needed to make them whole.
Skimming the fabric up my sides, he stops leaving the gown bunched around my waist.
I can’t see him, but I feel everything.
The roughness of his hands as they trace back down me, the too-soft pants he needs to take off before I go crazy and tear them off… even his ragged breath brushing over my stomach before he kisses me. It all drives me wild.
He drags away the covers, throwing them fully off the bed, and pulls me closer.
“Do you really want to be mine?”
“I’m selfish. I want you to be mine.”
Thankfully he laughs.
“These,” I snap the band at his waist. “Need to come off. Now.”
He laughs, but lifts away, just enough to slide them off to tangle at the bottom of the bed.
I don’t wait for permission. Stroking him, he’s so hard, it makes my mouth water.
But I will not get distracted by his delicious come. Not tonight.
“I’ve dreamed about fucking you.” He says as he runs his fingers up the inside of my thigh.
On a gasp, I confess. “Me too.”
Hands on me, his fingers slip inside, I’m slick and wet, but we both know it won’t be enough for this first time.
“Please tell me you were prepared for this.”
“I was hopeful.”
A drawer opens and closes.
A bottle cap snaps.
His hands return to me, cool liquid joining the warmth my body managed on its own.
He slips his fingers into me, one, two, three at a time.
“Fuck. I don’t think I can wait anymore.” Pressing my legs wide with his thighs, he cages himself around me. The tip of him rests heavy and hard against me. “Are you sure?”
“Yes. And if you ask me again, I may scream.”
When he enters me, I can't stop the sound that escapes my mouth.
It’s been so long.
He’s so big. And I’m so wet.
It’s that beautiful fullness I’d almost forgotten.
He’s larger than Edan was, and gentler. He rocks into me, and I gasp with each slow thrust.
“Tell me if you need anything. I know it’s been…”
“Four years.”
“Saints,’ The word is a growled whisper against my neck.
“We’re not there yet.” He says, pulling out of me, so that only the tip of him rests against me. “We can stop. I don’t want to push you into this.”
“You said it was my choice, right?”
He nods, his jaw is a tight line.
Dragging my nails down his back, I reach his ass, and pull him forward. It’s the hardest thrust yet, and I cry out, despite the fact that I was the one in control. He’s buried inside of me to the hilt and this time I do need a pause.
I hadn’t realized he’d taken me so shallowly before.
With him fully inside me, I’m not sure where he starts, and I end. Maybe it’s the shock of that that’s making it hard to breathe.
Lifting himself over me, his eyes search mine. “Still sure?”
“More than.”
He smiles, it’s a feral flash in the darkness, and then, he starts to move.
Somehow, I’d forgotten how much I love actual sex. Being with a man, the skin and scent and heat….
D kisses me so deeply, I have to pull away to draw in breath when he lets me go.
The delicious warmth of his body wrapped around me, inside me.
“Kimba,” My name flutters against my skin, punctuating every caress and kiss of his mouth.
I’m full of him. Each thrust driving that steak a little further into my heart.
Hips rocking into me, I feel the shimmering spark.
I don’t fight it.
He’s heavy on top of me, but I can still play a part.
Dancing for so long has given me a mobility I didn’t have with Edan and I rock against him taking him as much as he’s taking me.
On his next thrust. It’s like something snaps and he floods into me. Not physically.
I’m blinded by the bond as it connects us through every nerve and sinew.
He wants me so badly, it spikes my pleasure. And as he jerks over me, lust feeding back into me from him and him from me, it’s too much.
I feel him spilling into me as all of my desire coils into that tight little ball of ecstasy.
I don’t know which of us cries out. All I know, is that the sound is exactly what I feel.
The world is a pinpoint of bright swirling sparks and I know I’ll never get enough of him.
His breath is a stutter against my neck as he lifts himself onto his forearms. “I’ve never come that hard.”
“And you probably won’t again.”
I’d heard stories of men blowing both of their loads at once during bonding, but I hadn’t expected to experience it.
“I’m a mess.”
“You’re perfect.”
Kissing him, one last, lingering time, I slip from the bed and into the bathroom. When I come back, negligee back in place, D has put the bed back together. He’s reaching for me, and I go to him.
The lights flick off as soon as my knee hits the bed, but I don’t need to see as he pulls me to him.
“You’re mine now.” I whisper against him.
“I always was.”
At some point, as we come down, satiation takes over, and I don’t realize we’ve fallen asleep until something rouses me. D, muttering in his sleep.
Hours have passed.
He’s slumped against me, head pillowed on my shoulder, one hand lax on my chest, cupping my breast.
Muscles I’d forgotten I have are sore, and the room around us smells like the glorious aftermath of sex so passionate….
D stirs beside me, rolling on his back. His cock is hard, and I consider….
He’s mine now, and I’m his.
EIGHT
DRIFT
I wake as Kimba takes hold of my cock, sliding it against herself, and then, with one small correction, she slips me inside her and slides down my length, taking all of me in as she straddles me.
The warmth of relief is replaced by a hot wash of lust.
Part of me was worried I’d dreamt it all.
I slide my hands up her legs, to gently hold her hips. She’s doing all the work. I’m just here to support her.
There’s no possible way to describe what I feel through the bond.
It’s one thing to know. It’s another to know.
No explanation could have prepared me for this.
She’s everything I have ever wanted… and she’s finally mine.
As she rocks and rises over me, I try to fathom how I possibly got this lucky. How an attempt on my life gave me something so precious… someone worth living and dying for.
“I’m going to have to teach you how to focus.” Leaning down, squirming on top of me, she presses her beautiful full lips to mine, kissing me so deeply, I forget what was distracting me. When she pulls away, her lips still brush mine. “The only thing you should be thinking about is filling my pussy with come.”
I twitch inside her, and the burble of joy and ecstasy that filters through her into me, makes me twitch again.
“You’re mine now.” I repeat her words.
“Yes.” The word is a breath in the cool air around us.
Nails scraping my chest, she rides me, and her silhouette is the sexiest thing I’ve seen in my life.
“Keep thinking those thoughts, and I might blush.”
She can’t hear them, but she can feel them. Just like I can feel the building desire in her.
She’s mine.
“No one else
can have you.”
She laughs, but it’s a sharp agreement that courses through me.
“There’s no one else I even wanted to touch. I’ve wanted you from the first night I met you.” She rocks forward, eyes closing. “I wanted to take you into my mouth, drink you in.”
“And now, you have me, you can do everything you want… anything.”
“Good. Because I plan on taking you every way, everywhere, I can think of.”
I want that too.
“I have no idea how we’re ever going to make it to one of those other places.”
I’ve imagined her on every surface in this room. Imagined her in the middle of the war room floor, flirting with the danger of discovery.
My fingers tighten on her to keep from bucking her off so I can drag her to the dresser on the far side of the room. It would place her pussy at the perfect height for my cock.
“I Like when you think about fucking me.”
Our lust is on a feedback loop and even though it’s a slow and steady ride, each rock of her hips—each thrust of mine—builds, and when I adjust my grip so my thumb can snake down…
The moment I press her clit, the sensation hits me, and I come before I even realize I was that close.
That feedback loop pushes her over the edge too.
She slides down my body, lips leaving a warm trail, until she takes me in her mouth. I don’t last long this time around either.
She cries out as I come.
“God,” she’s breathing heavily, chest rising and falling against me. “I didn’t realize it would get me off that well.
She collapses over me, and I roll her. Again, trying to be gentle. It’s been four years. I don’t want to hurt her, and she’ll feel it in the morning.
“Some bondmates don’t leave their homes for months after they mate.” She says.
“I can understand why.”
She chuckles as she disappears into the bathroom again.
I can understand why a man would want to closet himself away and live inside her.
I’m barely awake when she comes back, but I cradle her to me and drift away, trying to relish every new emotion from her.
NINE
DRIFT
I’d heard rumors that leading a normal life after bonding was difficult—at least for the first few months—but I hadn’t realized exactly how hard it, and I’d, be. A year of abstinence has only made worse.