by Tara Pammi
“You copied them?”
“Yeah, well, I wanted a quick reference. I’m not good with explaining spatial orientations.”
Farah cleared her throat, almost choking on laughter. “How did this lead to a lifetime’s debt?”
“Well, I tried one of the positions and ended up on my ass. So I shifted strategy and decided to invest in toys. I owe you at least three orgasms.”
“So we’re keeping tally now?” Farah asked, and then burst into laughter.
She didn’t give Star Bells time to react or feel bad. Gently pushing Tara onto her back, Farah covered her body with her own. She straddled her hips, weight on her elbows, and looked at this girl who kept surprising her at every turn.
Tara’s eyes seemed impossibly large in her face.
Farah pushed away a stray curl from Tara’s brow. “We don’t have to use those toys today or contort ourselves into strange positions. Not that I don’t want to try them some other time. But tonight, I just want to touch you, and kiss you and lick you and taste you…And I want you to do all those things to me too. I just want to go to bed with you by my side. Wake up with my arms around you tomorrow morning. You get me all damp and ready just by looking at me.”
Vulnerability and affection shone in Tara’s eyes as she nodded. “You forgot fingering,” she whispered, raising her head and swiping her tongue at Farah’s lips.
Farah licked up all the sweetness and affection Star Bells offered her. “So you like my fingers inside you?”
“God, yes. And your mouth on me.”
“Noted. How about I tell you one thing that I really need to climax?”
“Yes, please,” Tara said on a shallow breath.
“I need lube and one or two fingers. Your mouth on my breasts… and I like it a little fast and rough.”
“Got it, babe. I want to see you come. First, I mean. And then me,” she added hurriedly. In case Farah misunderstood that her little horny bunny didn’t want to come. “You know what gets my motor going.”
“Yes, Star Bells. Last but not least,” Farah whispered and then bent down and kissed the girl who was stealing away her heart, piece by tiny piece.
Farah had stopped fighting this long before she had even understood it. She also knew that she was fast heading towards the day when she would have to say goodbye. Sooner than she had first thought. When this stolen pocket of fantasy life would come to an end. That realization coated her kisses with an urgency she couldn’t shed. She thrust her tongue into Tara’s mouth, loving the taste of her.
Tara pushed herself into the kiss with her entire being, like she always did. Farah had needed this so much. And not just this last year. But always. She had needed a girl who would make her laugh, who would demand every bit Farah had to give. And she did have a lot to give to the right person.
Opening oneself up to the possibilities of life was an adrenaline shot unlike any other.
The kiss lit up every nerve ending inside Farah as if there were numerous little charges placed inside her body. Fingers in Farah’s hair, Tara licked and nipped at her lips. “I know you’ve got sexy, strong arms, babe, but all the way please,” she whispered. Her thighs fell open around Farah’s hips, welcoming her.
Farah let her lower body fall onto Tara’s.
The full body contact sent a shiver through both of them. Farah’s lips tingled from their rough tangle. Her breasts were achy and heavy. Tara’s hands descended to Farah’s butt and the kiss went from soft and hungry to wild and fierce from one breath to the next.
“Can I touch you?” Tara demanded, her mouth dark red, her hair spread out over the white pillow.
“Yes, please. Everywhere.”
Farah helped her pull her t-shirt off. She wasn’t wearing a bra.
Her eyes wide, Tara cupped her breasts with a reverence that drove Farah mad. They barely filled Tara’s palms.
“Like this?” Star Bells whispered, her thumbs drawing mindless circles around the aching tips.
“In your mouth,” Farah begged.
Tara obliged immediately. Her mouth was a wet cavern around Farah’s nipples, her tongue stroking softly but relentlessly. Farah rubbed herself against Tara’s sex in a desperate bid for more friction. God, she needed to come fast. A groan left her mouth.
“Give me instructions, babe,” Tara whispered, in between pressing the tip of her clever tongue against Farah’s nipple. “I swear I can do a much better job here than in math.”
“Tug on them, with your teeth.” Desire was a naked demand in Farah’s voice.
Her pupil applied herself diligently. Farah felt the soft tug of Tara’s teeth around her nipple, and the sensation went straight to her sex. But she needed more. More than this.
“I know what I want,” she said, and Tara looked up.
Farah grabbed the notebook of stick figure sex positions and flipped to the page that had caught her eye. Star Bells had very diligently copied what Farah assumed were difficulty ratings. This one had two stars but that wasn’t why she wanted to try it.
Tara scooted up until her back was leaning against the headboard. Her hands landed casually on Farah's belly. Farah bit her lip as she moved her fingers up and down her belly to her breasts then back down as if she couldn't help herself. “That one needs a tub, babe.”
“This bed is our tub.” Farah liked the widening of Tara’s eyes. She liked herself when she was with her. “I don’t want your hard work to go to waste," she said with a wiggle of her brows.
Then she looked at the damp patch on Tara’s panties and swallowed hard. Her body was demanding release and yet, all she wanted was to bury her head and lick up all that wetness. She pushed into the gap between Tara's thighs and cupped her sex gently. Bending, she kissed her deep and hard, letting the kiss speak of all the things she couldn't put into words yet.
"You can wait?" she whispered against Tara's lips.
"Yes. Now off with those panties. I want to see you, Farah. Touch you, feel your bare skin against mine. You have no idea how much."
"Off with your clothes too," Farah demanded, a silky pout to her voice. "I want to feel you all around me." She took the crooked hem of Tara's t-shirt and pulled it off. Her soft gasp sent gooseflesh rippling across Tara's bare breasts. Still kneeling between her thighs, Farah pressed her face into the generous cleavage.
"Your heart is thundering," she whispered.
"Because you're so hot, babe. Now turn around and settle down into that pose please. I want to make you come. Hard. Fast."
Within seconds but what felt like a thousand breaths, Farah settled herself between Tara's thighs. She felt the rub of Star Bell's breasts against her back and the slide of her thighs against her hips. Tara was like velvet silk around her and Farah rubbed against her like a cat.
Star Bells rewarded her with a groan and those clever fingers strumming all over Farah's skin. From her nipples to her shoulders to her belly to her hips – who'd have thought hips could be erogenous? –Tara sent her fingers on a quest all over Farah's body. There was not an inch of flesh she didn't rub or a patch of skin she didn't caress. All the while, her tongue licked the arch of Farah’s neck.
Farah buried her face in Tara's arm, her entire body shivering with need now. "You're good at this, Star Bells," Farah whispered, moving her thighs restlessly. While her fingers dipped lower and lower on each journey south, Tara still hadn't touched Farah where she desperately needed her.
And then they were there, gently tracing her labia. Going deeper in concentric circles around her clit, while her fingers scissored around Farah's sensitive nipple.
Farah jerked at the multiple sensations coalescing into tighter and tighter circles in her lower belly, when Tara grazed her shoulder with her teeth. "I swore to myself that this would be one thing I did perfectly, babe. So while you were gone, I've been reading and prepping and learning how to build pleasure. I even tested myself. On myself."
Farah laughed and sobbed as finally Tara's thumb reached her clit. "Te
ll me, babe, what you need," she whispered at Farah's ear before licking the rim of her ear.
Farah was writhing and shaking now, enveloped in the silky warmth of Tara's body. A sob built inside her as her climax shimmered just out of her reach. "Inside me, please, now," Farah demanded, all polite inquiry gone from her voice. "Fuck me, Star Bells."
And then the sunshine girl did as she asked. Farah waited with bated breath as Tara squirted lube onto her fingers. And then she thrust inside Farah, with one finger first and then two. Slowly at first, gathering up all the dampness at her core. “Fuck, you’re hot and tight, babe,” Tara whispered with awe in her tone.
“Faster, Tara. I want to come. Now.”
Star Bells not only complied but kept her palm grounded against Farah’s pelvis, providing counter pressure to her fingers. She built up a rhythm that drove Farah wild. All the stimuluses added up, turning Farah's body into a tuning fork vibrating with need.
Then she looked up and Tara looked down and her mouth took Farah’s in a hard, biting kiss. And Farah came, hard and fast, pleasure fragmenting her into a thousand pieces.
Star Bells caught her as she fell to the ground again, through the aftershocks, through the litany of her name on Farah's lips. And she put Farah back together again with her soft kisses and gentle fingers and tender kisses. Different but better.
Farah wiped at the dampness on her brow and turned around.
Tara smiled, something like a damp sheen in her own eyes. “Thank you for sharing this with me, Farah.”
Farah leaned into her until the tips of their noses rubbed. "You get an A+, Star Bells."
Wrapping her arms around Farah, Tara laughed. It was like being covered with a cozy blanket. They slid down on the bed until they lay on their sides, facing each other.
Naked and intimate and warm...Farah thought she could stay like that forever. Words lingered on her lips but she held them back. She felt Tara's fingers on her hip, shaking her gently. "Farah?"
Farah brought Tara's hand to her mouth and pressed a kiss to her palm. "Hmmm?” she said drowsily.
“How much of a rest do you need before…?”
Farah laughed. It felt as if this laughter came from deep in her soul. From the very place within her where Star Bells was lodged forever. “You know, I’ve never connected sex and laughter in my head. You are amazing, Star Bells,” Farah whispered before pulling Tara closer. “Move up,” she demanded.
When Tara complied, Farah buried her face in Tara’s tits and sent her fingers on a quest. Star Bells hitched her leg on top of Farah’s thigh, nicely opening up for Farah.
“Look at me, Star Bells. Don’t close your eyes,” Farah whispered as she lifted Tara’s breast to her mouth and kissed it reverently. And then she watched as the girl she had fallen in love with fell apart.
It was like watching fireworks in the sky, but even better.
Twelve
Tara
“Wake up, Star Bells.”
I fake-moaned, fluttered my eyelashes coyly – or what I thought was coy – and nuzzled into some body part of Farah’s. By the long, toned muscle and the bony hip, I realized it was the intersection of her thigh and hip. “I’m all sexed out, babe.”
This however was not an exaggeration.
Here was another milestone where my horny ass could say I was all sexed out and mean it.
We had finally tried the Magic Wand – or was it the Fairy Wand or Horny Wand? –last night. On me, to be exact. I had new respect for smooth, vibrating things that penetrated me while my girlfriend watched me with lust blazing in her eyes. Farah’s arousal seemed to stem from the simple fact of how hard and how frequently she could make me come. Of course, I should’ve guessed my grumpy math genius would get all scientific and super competitive with herself.
“Tara?”
“Leave me alone, Farah,” I muttered, my limbs and spine feeling like Jello.
I also didn’t want to emerge from the weekend-long privacy we’d had in my bedroom in the basement. My parents would be home in a few hours from wherever they had disappeared to on Friday night.
"This is important," Farah said, nudging me again.
I hadn't forgotten even for a second that we were driving down to see family friends in Portland early tomorrow morning and that Farah had refused my parents’ invitation to join us.
Which meant I had about twenty hours before we drove off and I didn't see her for three days. Then it would be the New Year and then she would be gone. I didn't know when exactly she was leaving, and I’d been too cowardly to ask for the exact date.
Not until I’d come up with a dignified exit strategy. No clinging, no crying, no big, dramatic declarations.
"What's so important, babe?" I asked, wrapping my arm around her midriff.
"We never checked your examination results," Farah said softly.
"The what now?"
Her fingers pushed away my hair from my forehead and gently traced the curve of my brow. "Your grade, Tara. You forgot to check whether…"
Sleep left my eyes and my body as quickly as if someone had splashed me with a bucket of ice-cold water. I dislodged her hand from my head and pushed back up into a sitting position. I pulled the duvet up around me as if it could afford me some kind of protection or help me continue the illusion that things like grades didn't matter anymore.
Only then did I look up.
Farah looked as if I had pushed her away. I realized that I was acting a little too weird, even for myself. "Tara, are you–"
"I didn't forget," I said, feeling all kinds of hot under the duvet. It was shame, I knew. How stupid was I to simply think she’d forget about it and I could cruise in happy la-la land?
"We can check together," she said, reaching for her backpack that sat on the floor. I didn't miss the fact that she'd been on her laptop for long hours yesterday and the day before. But since I'd been catching up on some editing work and shooting new ideas, I hadn't cared. Even the romantic in me was surprised how seamlessly we fit into each other’s lives.
"I can even help you talk to your–"
"Stop! You don't get it." I took a deep breath and tried to make myself sound less...accusatory. More normal. Was there a normal where you didn't check the most important grade that would dictate your future? "I didn't forget, Farah. I just decided not to check it until…" I shrugged even as her frown deepened, "for a few days.” Until she exited my life, to be specific.
"What? What do you mean you do not want to check it for a few days? That does not… That is…" She looked back up at me. "Help me understand this, Star Bells."
Something about the way she said my name made my shame that much hotter. I knew I was being emotional and contrary and a coward on top of everything, but I just couldn't handle it if I had failed again. "You're the genius. What’s so hard to understand that I don't want look at my grade right now?" I said and then regretted it instantly. I slapped my forehead with the heel of my palm. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I'm being such a bitch right now."
"You're not and even if you did it's okay. Tara, more than anything I want to be your friend. I want to be someone you can confide anything and everything in. I want to be someone with whom you don't always have to be at your best. How I feel about you… It does not change, it's not conditional on how you act. Or how you talk to me."
How could she say all this when she was going to leave in two weeks? How could she sound as if this was permanent? But there was only one crisis I could deal with at this moment. That’s why I had shoved my future crisis aside.
I swallowed, but I couldn't do anything about the hot prickle of tears knocking behind my eyelids. I didn't deserve her. No, I didn't want to think like that and yet… "It's not like I have a college waiting to sweep me up as soon as I pass this course, right? So I thought why not give myself a few days where the possibilities could be either this or that. You know, like that Schrodinger guy's cat?" I said, determined to not lose my shit right now. This entire distraction
was so that she didn’t see what a hot mess my life was. "That's what that means, doesn't it? If I don't log into the website and check my grade, I could have passed or failed. See, I did understand that concept very well."
"Stop! Stop talking about yourself like that. Don't do that," Farah sounded angry like I’d never heard her before. If I thought she would just leave me to my misery and walk out of the toxicity I was spreading in the air, I was wrong. Farah crawled closer to me on the bed and took my hand in hers, tightly squeezing it. "Have some faith in yourself, Star Bells. You worked hard–"
"But I always work hard, Farah. Always, ever since I was a kid. Ever since I realized I was the…not-so-bright child of two extremely smart people. I've always given everything I had to that fucking subject. I just… Something's missing in my wiring and I just don't get it."
She nodded, squeezing my fingers so hard that they felt numb. But I liked the numbness. I concentrated on the numbness to cut the misery rising through me.
"Then isn't it better to just face that you are not good at maths?” Farah said. “It is not the end of the world."
I nodded, barely stopping the deluge of tears rising in my throat. "I know that. I do." I smiled or at least tried to. "I have plans upon plans, flowcharts that you would absolutely love, for all the scenarios based on that grade. It's just that…" I scooted closer to her and dipped my head until it rested on her shoulder. "I don't want to be the girl who failed some basic algebra class in your eyes. I don't want how you see me to change."
Farah's forehead touched my shoulder. Her arm came around me and she enveloped me in warmth and affection. We stayed like that, interlocked, our breaths mingling.
"Where do you get these ideas?" Farah’s thumb traced my jawline not quite gently, as if she wanted to dig those words into my skin. "Nothing you do or say will change how I see you. I said that… Tara, I said that to you even before we talked about this. Do you not believe me?"