Ari, if you need space, I understand. These last few weeks have been tough for you and confusing and although I couldn’t be happier about our relationship, I know that hasn’t been easy either. But the house feels empty without you and so do I. I miss you already. And I need to know you’re safe. Please tell me where you are.
I hate where my mind goes when I try to think of where Ari has gone. It’s the last place I want to be right now, but I get in my car and drive to Alex’s.
His garage is open when I arrive, and he’s behind a washing machine that’s been pushed away from the wall. When I walk up the driveway, he looks up and laughs, pointing a wrench at me. “You got balls. I’ll give you that much.”
I stop at the edge of the garage. “Is Ari here?”
“Shit, man, you lost her already?”
I glare at him and he shakes his head, turning his attention back to whatever he was trying to do. “Just answer the question and then I’ll leave.”
“I tried to warn you, bro. She’s a handful.” He pulls the hose from the wall and drapes it across the top of the machine. “Ari had issues but we worked.”
My patience running thin, I step in and walk toward him. “If by work you mean pushing her around, bullying her, that’s not a relationship.”
Alex’s mouth pulls tight and I can see his jaw flexing. We stare at each other for a few moments before he raises the wrench in front of him and sets it down on the washer between us. “Look, man. I don’t want any trouble. I’m turning my life around so—”
“Then tell me where she is.”
“Hey, if she were here, I’d love to tell you I fucking told you so. She’s not…and I’ve got work to do.” He gestures with his head to the outside.
I believe him so I leave without another word. In the car, I’m having déjà vu, reminded of the last time I went looking for Ari and found her in that bar. I can’t believe she’d be there but I look anyway. Then I spend the next hour driving around, thinking about how I can make things better for her. For both of us. We belong together and I know she feels it in her heart. She just needs to acknowledge it in her brain.
I finally realize I’m wasting my time and decide to head home in case she comes back. As I sit on the couch and stare at my phone and the text Ari hasn’t answered, a thought hits me. After Ari disappeared that first time, I checked her phone when she was in the shower. The only contact listed was Kiki, so I took down her number and put it in my phone. It’s worth a shot so I look it up and tap to dial.
“Hello?”
“Kiki, hi. This is Mason, Ari’s friend.”
“Is she okay? How’d you get this number? Did Alex—”
“No, no. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you.” Her panicked tone has me up and pacing.
“Then she’s okay?”
What did I get myself into? “I think so. I mean yes.”
“Well which is it?”
I take a breath and regroup. Ari’s obviously not there but now I have to see this thing through. “Kiki, do you know who I am and that Ari’s been staying with me?”
“I do. Ari’s my girl. I’m sure she’s told you about me too, which is why you called me.”
“Ye-ah.”
“So, what did you do?”
“Honestly, I don’t think I did anything. It’s a long story but Ari took off and told me she needed time to think.”
“Yeah she does that sometimes.”
“I figured maybe she’d gone to see you, but I guess you haven’t heard from her?”
“Sorry, no. I can try to text her, though.”
I run my hand through my hair. “I’d appreciate that. I don’t want to pressure her, but I need to make sure she’s safe.”
“You care about her.”
“I really do. I’m sorry I bothered you.”
“Hey, if it’s any consolation…the things she’s told me about you…the way her voice is when she talks about you…you mean a lot to her.”
I let out a breath of relief. It’s enough for now, to settle my nerves and give me some hope that Ari wants me in her life. “Thank you for saying that. Please let me know if you hear from her.”
“I will, Mason. You do the same. Please.”
“Of course. Bye.”
Part of me feels helpless and angry that Ari put me in this position. It wars with the part of me who says to let go of my control issues and understand Ari is a grown woman. She kicked the shit out of that guy who attacked Megan. She’s lived on her own. She’s dealt with real life more than most people. “Maybe she’ll come home tonight,” I say to the empty room. Because, dammit, this is her home.
I grab a beer and lean against the counter, still feeling like there’s more I can do. Halfway through my brew, I realize it’s not what I can do for Ari, it’s what I can do for myself. The last few weeks, Logan and I have bonded over this new house-flipping project. If there’s anyone I want to lean on right now it’s him.
I down the rest of my beer and pick up the phone to text Logan. Can you talk? I could use your wisdom and advice. Thirty seconds later, my phone rings and it brings a smile to my face. I answer and just hearing his voice I feel better. I know it really doesn’t matter what kind of BS he tries to give me or even if he wants to say I told you so. Talking to Logan always grounds me, even when I’m the one giving him advice. I need my younger brother, and I’m grateful for the simple fact that he’s here for me.
We talk for almost an hour and I appreciate that he doesn’t say anything negative about Ari. He knows how much I care so he’s only supportive and reassuring. We end by making plans to meet at our new property first thing in the morning. He’s got a lot of plans for fixing it up and there’s no reason to wait. Logan has been pulling his weight, purchasing supplies, and doing whatever necessary to get this off the ground and ready to roll.
Though I feel better after talking to him, I hate the quiet that greets me when I hang up. I grab another beer and wait on the couch, watching the door until the room grows dim and my lids close over my eyes.
Chapter 22
Ari
The bus pulls up to the stop not one block from my destination. My body aches, having been awake most of the night, but my brain is exhausted from the endless internal debates. I still haven’t come up with a solution to any of my problems, which is why I ended up here. It wasn’t yet 7:00 a.m., so I expected the church to be locked up tight. Still, I found myself checking the door and to my surprise and relief, it was open.
I’d spent a good part of my childhood in places like this with my mother and even made some visits after she died. But after I moved in with Alex, I lost some of my faith, which is why I’m overcome with both guilt and comfort as I walk down the aisle and slip into a pew right in the middle of the empty church.
I take a moment to simply enjoy the beauty and peace of the chapel. I marvel at the awe-inspiring high ceilings, the intricate cross with backlighting, and the arched in-set windows.
When I finally bow my head, I start with contrition, asking for forgiveness for everything from my absence to my weaknesses. I ask for guidance, strength, and then I speak to my mother. I can hear her voice in my head, scolding me for my doubts. She always told me I was stronger than I think.
I must have started speaking out loud at one point because a voice says, “Perdóname, hija mía. (Pardon me, my child)”
I gasp and look up to find a white-haired man wearing a white robe with gold accents. “Oh, you startled me. Tu hablas español?”
“Well, I learned a few phrases, but since your English sounds better than my Spanish…” He smiles and gives me a single nod.
“Is it all right I’m here so early?”
“It’s why the door’s unlocked. May I?” He points to the bench I’m seated on.
“Of course.” I turn my body toward him and slide down a touch.
He sits on the end to leave space between us. “Between you and me, I’m supposed to keep it locked until eight thirty, bu
t I don’t like to put a time limit on doing God’s work.”
His puffy cheeks and squinty eyes make the corners of my mouth bump up. “I appreciate that.”
“If it’s privacy you want, I can give you that. But you look like you could use a little something more…”
“You’re right but honestly, I’m not sure what that is.”
“Well you’re saving me from some dreaded paperwork, so if you’d like to tell me what’s happening in your life to bring you here, I’m all ears.”
His gentle tone and kind eyes speak to me, bring me comfort in a way I imagine a father would bring. So, I lean back against the bench and tell him my story. And in the end, he tells me what I already knew. That I need to be right with myself and with God before I can be right with someone else.
I ride the bus back to the Ventura area and then walk the rest of the way to Mason’s, taking the time to flesh out the words I’d tell him. My heart aches at the thought of putting the brakes on our relationship. Which tells me how much I truly care about Mason. He’s everything I ever dreamed of in a man and more; he’s all I didn’t know I needed and wanted. He makes me want to be a better person. And he deserves more than what I’ve been giving him. I can only hope he’ll wait for me to get my life together the only way I see possible right now—moving in with Kiki.
When I arrive at the house, Mason isn’t home, which is probably good for now. Kiki and I texted on the way home but we still haven’t firmed up the plans to get me to her house. I understand it’s not easy with a little one and a baby daddy who comes and goes, so I told her I didn’t mind taking the bus. I thought about asking Justice. Looks like he’s going to get an A in his class thanks to me but I decide against it, instead sending him a text to say I’m leaving but that I’d help him via phone anytime. I’ve really grown to like that guy and I’ll miss his sweetness.
I pack the few things I have, clean up the room, and then stare at the unfinished project I had lying on the floor. It was to be a gift for Mason. I suppose I can still finish it and send it to him. My heart sinks at the thought. Maybe I can actually use it as a reason to see him. The selfish thought quickly leaves my mind when the doorbell rings.
I can’t imagine Mason would have forgotten his key but still, I check the peephole. Dammit, what’s he doing here? The thought crosses my mind to ignore him, stay quiet until he leaves. But if Alex is here for me then he’ll only come back again and again. And if he’s here for Mason, then I need to find out why and stop Alex from causing problems.
“What do you want, Alex?” I say through the door, remembering Mason asked me not to see him again.
“I need to see you, Ari.”
“Sorry, no. Unless you brought my things, please just go.”
“Can you just let me in for five minutes? If I could just tell you—”
I snap the door open and glare at him with my hand on my hip. “Didn’t we say all that needed to be said last time?” My tone is annoyed but fear is more present—not of Alex but Mason. It’s not my fault he’s here, but I can’t have Mason find him here.
Alex pins me with pleading eyes and it only takes a few seconds to see the image of the man I first met and cared about—a little harder, a little broken down, but there, just beneath the surface. “Can we talk…please?”
Resigned, I sigh and weigh my options. Then I close the door behind me as I step out. “It has to be out here.”
“That’s fine. I only need a few minutes.”
We sit on the low brick wall just like we did last time he was here.
I watch as he stares at his hands, and my heart lurches when I see a droplet of water land on his thumb. He swipes at his eye and looks at me. “What the hell did I do to us?”
This is a voice I haven’t heard in months. “It wasn’t just you.”
“It was me who took us down that road. It was me who caused all the fights.”
I shake my head. “Not all of them.”
He grins. “Verdad…” He looks out to the street as if recalling a memory. “Remember when you wanted a puppy, and I told you I was allergic.”
“And then that cute little stray pug showed up.”
He scoffs. “Right. We both know you got that puppy from the family down the street with all those kids.”
“I couldn’t help myself.” The memory makes me want to smile but I know I can’t get too comfy out here with Alex.
We are both quiet for a few moments and though I’m still not sure why he’s here, I’m glad. I need to forgive. To get rid of my animosity. I think I’m ready for that.
“I know I said sorry last time I was here, but I’m at the part of the program…”
“You’re doing AA?”
“Yeah, I told you. I’m turning things around. No more drinking either. And so it’s not just about apologizing. It’s making amends and part of that means making sure you’re good…happy.”
Sharing his heart touches me but it also saddens me that I don’t know the answer to that question. “I’m doing…good. At least I’m heading in the right direction.”
Alex hops off the wall and faces me. He takes my hands in his and I let him. “I know I broke us. And I know I can’t change the past…but if there’s any chance for us, I have to at least know.”
My eyes sting and my heart breaks a little, but I also want to make myself clear. “I forgive you, Alex. But I can’t… I’m just—” I’m relieved by the acceptance on his face so I’m hoping I don’t have to say anything further.
“Hey, I get it. I just want you to be happy.” He kisses my fingers. “You love this guy, don’t you?”
His words catch me off guard but I find myself nodding. I do love Mason and I’m pretty damn sure he loves me too. He was going to tell me the other night. I’m sure of it. Is it possible I’m making a mistake by leaving? In that moment, I have a tiny bit of hope, so I say the words out loud to make them real. “I do love him.”
“Okay, mi petarda.” He tilts his head and gives me a serious look. “Then let’s go get your shit from my car so you can live happily ever after with your prince.”
I gasp. “Really?” I jump off the wall and into Alex’s arms, excitement and hope filtering through me. My elation lasts for about two seconds when I hear a familiar agitated voice and feel Alex pulled from me.
“Get your damn hands off her!”
I stumble backward and when I regain my footing I yell. “Justice!”
He’s got Alex by the shoulders and takes him down to the grass.
“Get the fuck off me, man,” Alex yells. Justice has height and weight on Alex, but Alex is scrappy and strong. He yanks an arm up and it catches Justice under the jaw.
“Please, stop!”
They clearly aren’t listening to me and the two pop up and continue to grab at each other. Justice swings and hits Alex on the side of his face. I step closer and try to separate them. “Justice, he wasn’t doing anything.”
When Justice looks at me, confused, and breathing hard, Alex takes the opportunity to return with a punch of his own, sending Justice stumbling backward. He trips over the border of the grass and falls on his ass. I run to him and kneel down. “Are you okay? God, idiotas!” I look over to Alex to make sure he’s not coming back for more and I gasp. Mason tackles him from behind.
I glare at Justice. “Don’t you dare move!” I jump up and run over to where the other two are now rolling around in the grass, exchanging punches. “Dammit, you two! Stop! This is all a big misunderstanding.”
I’m about ready to kick the crap out of the both of them, but I also don’t want an errant fist to land on my face. My heart is racing as I glance around the yard. I see Justice defies me by getting up, but I don’t know if he’s going to do more harm than good, so I run to the side of the house. I grab the garden hose and drag it back with me, where I proceed to spray the fighting wild dogs.
Mason rolls off Alex and collapses onto his back. “Turn it off!”
I let off the le
ver but leave the nozzle pointed in their direction.
“What the hell, chica loca?” Alex says.
Justice stands next to them, only the bottom of his jeans wet. “Yeah, you’re a little crazy, Ari.”
“Me? You dumb asses don’t even know why you’re fighting.”
“What the hell is he doing here?” Mason asks, still trying to catch his breath.
“Chill, man. We were just talking.”
“That’s not what I saw,” Justice chimes in.
Mason shoots Justice a look and gets up. “What did you see?”
“He was holding her.”
Mason’s angry gaze turns to me and I avert my eyes. “What are you even doing here?” I say to Justice.
“You think I’d let you leave without saying goodbye?”
“Leave?” Mason steps closer to me and I can no longer avoid his eyes. Pain and confusion fill his gaze. “Ari, what is going on?”
Alex takes that moment to stand, though thankfully he stays where he’s at, wiping a mix of water and blood from his face. “Looks like I’m the only sane one here who knows what’s going on. You damn putos are lucky I’m not going to press assault charges. Ari, tell them how I didn’t do shit. We were talking and then she hugged me because—”
“Because he brought my stuff…and he’s giving me a ride to Kiki’s.” I look at Alex with pleading eyes, and it only takes him a moment to catch on and nod.
“If that’s what you really want. Listen, I have some spare clothes in my trunk. I’ll wait for you in the car.”
I nod my thanks and turn back to Mason, the pain I’ve caused evident on his face. “Can we talk a minute?”
We both look to Justice who shrugs, looking confused by this whole thing. “I’m going to go inside and get cleaned up.” He walks toward the door, shaking his head. “Better be something besides dinner jackets for me to wear.”
Mason ignores him and when Justice disappears inside, the pain in his voice hits me square in the chest. “Why is he here, Ari? And, why was he holding you?”
I take a beat to make sure I’m careful with my words. I hate this as much as he seems to, but I have to do what I think is best for both of us—but mostly him. What just happened only confirms that my presence in his life is a disaster for him and his family.
Broken Bridges (Bridges Brothers Book 2) Page 17