I move towards the bed and sit down, facing the door to the bathroom just as it opens. At first, she doesn’t see me as she walks out looking down at her short towel as she ties it around herself. Her very sexy legs in all their glory make me want to stroke my fingers over them.
“Oh!” She gasps as she looks up and sees me. “You frightened me. I didn’t know you were back.”
“I came to see how you were doing,” I say as I see how tightly she is holding the towel around her. “And to finish our conversation.”
She tenses and then takes a step back and shakes her head. “I’ve already told you, there isn’t much more to say.” I can tell by her tenseness and her voice that there is much more to say, and I’m not leaving here until I know it all. Standing, I walk towards her, and she takes another step back.
“I’m not leaving here until you tell me everything.”
She pales. I wish I didn’t have to prod the information out of her, but this is the only way to find out what is holding her back. I know I’m resurrecting old demons and that this can either help us go forward or make it worse and close her off entirely.
“Don’t do this,” she whispers. Her eyes are haunted, but I know that if I give in now, we will never get past this. I place my hand on her shoulder and feel the tremors coursing through her body. She is really frightened. This scarring really has her worried.
“Ruby, if you tell me, then you won’t need to worry about it any longer. Sometimes things seem worse than they really are.” I know this must be difficult for her, and I understand that I’m the first man she’s let herself get close to after her rape, but we need to move to the next level with our relationship. I know we are attracted to each other, but we can only truly be together if we get over this obstacle. “Let me in,” I say, and tear fill her eyes.
Suddenly, she does the unexpected and lets her towel drop to the floor. My first reaction is of awe when I see her breasts, but then I tense, and the horror of what she was hiding fills me. The fury that follows is so blinding, I don’t know if I can control it. The scarring on her torso and hip have me stepping back, my eyes looking at the words engraved in her skin. Vengeance, bitch, slut. The words jump out at me until that is all I can see. I can feel the blood pumping in my body with the fury running in my veins. Besides the words, the scars that crisscross speak of the excruciating pain she must have suffered at the hands of that motherfucker.
I can’t be here. I can’t show her the horror of what I’m seeing, the horror of knowing what she went through, of what she is still going through because of what that sick fuck did. “Thank you,” I state as I turn and leave. I hear the coarseness in my voice, but it’s the best I can do, because all I want to do is shout and rave at the unfairness of this happening to someone like Ruby.
I make my way towards the gym; I don’t know who I walk past, or anything around me, for that matter, because all I can see is the horror on my wife’s body. When I enter the changing area, I take a seat on the bench before my locker. Leaning forward, I place my head in my hands as my elbows rest on my legs. I don’t know how long I sit like that, but the next thing I know, Vlad is sitting next to me.
“What’s wrong? Apparently you’ve been here for a while like this,” he says quietly, my brain still a riot of horrid thoughts as I imagine every possible horror Ruby went through. I don’t know if I can articulate the fury of my thoughts. He doesn’t ask anything else but just sits next to me in silence, waiting for when I’m ready.
“I have so much fury coursing through my body. I feel like I’m going to explode,” I state, my voice coming out rough and angry.
“Shall we go a round in the ring?” Vlad asks. He is a professional boxer, and most times, Nik practices with him. When Vlad punches you, you know you have been punched. Maybe that’s what I need to try to get some of the fury out.
“Yeah.” I stand and proceed to change into my gym clothes that are in my locker. I walk out of the lockers a few minutes later to find Vlad already in the ring, waiting for me. As soon as I’m in the ring, we start going at each other. It’s as if Vlad understands what I need. He doesn’t hold back, and neither do I until Alexei comes in and commands us to stop.
“What the fuck is going on here? Are you two trying to kill each other? Look at you,” he says angrily. “I don’t like being called when I’m about to go to bed,” he mutters. Climbing into the ring, he comes to stand before the two of us as if we’re children. “Everyone leave,” he calls out, and immediately the men who were standing around watching the fight start to make their way out of the gym. He’s not happy; I can tell by the scowl on his face.
“I’m waiting,” he says when the three of us are alone.
“There’s nothing to say. We were practicing,” Vlad says as he shrugs his shoulders.
“Don’t give me that bull. That wasn’t practicing. You have been going at it for a while now, and I want to know why,” Alexei says to Vlad. “And you, what the hell is going on? You always keep your cool. The man fighting just now was out of control, fighting for blood.”
“I needed to get rid of some frustration, and Vlad was willing to help,” I say.
“Is there a problem between the two of you?” he asks as he looks from Vlad to me and back to Vlad.
“No. Relax, Alexei. We were just getting rid of some frustration,” Vlad says as he shrugs and then winces.
“I’m the one fucking frustrated now. I don’t want to see you guys going at each other as if you’re wanting to kill one another. If I get called again because of this, I’m shooting both of you. Do you understand?” With that warning, he turns and descends from the ring, but before leaving, he says, “Nik called. Boris did blabber, but nothing that can be used to prosecute us. He had an accomplice, John, but apparently John only knew to warn him about what we were doing and not what Boris was up to.” With that said, he looks up and down at us again and shakes his head before he turns and leaves the gym.
“Fuck, he’s right. I think you cracked a rib,” Vlad says as he walks towards the ropes. “You want to tell me what has you wanting to kill me?”
“I’m sorry,” I mutter as I make my way out of the ring. When we are both in the changing room, I take my seat once again. My body is starting to feel like it has gone through the grinder, and by the way Vlad is moving, I would say so is his. Looking up at Vlad, I see his concerned look. Vlad may be a hothead and even an asshole sometimes, but one thing about him is he is true to those who are true to him, and there is no one better to have your back than Vlad.
“Ruby was raped when she was in Russia.” I see Vlad’s shock.
“Fuck,” he says, and sits down next to me.
“I knew this when I met her, as your father updated me on everything she had gone through, or so I thought.”
Vlad sits up straight and looks at me, confused. “You knew she had been raped?” I nod. “So what didn’t you know?”
“I didn’t know how bad it had been.” At this, my voice breaks, the hurt and impotence I feel at this situation surprising me. “I saw her body today. He fucking carved words into her skin.”
Vlad stands and starts to pace. I can see the anger at the injustice of what was done to Ruby coursing through him. “Is he dead?”
“Yes, but I fucking wish he wasn’t,” I confess. “How can I fix something like that? How can anyone?”
“How did you see it? Because I’m guessing you haven’t slept with her if it was the first time you saw her body,” Vlad asks as he once again takes a seat next to me.
“I insisted that she tell me what is keeping her back. I knew about the rape, but I also knew she was comfortable with me and wanted me close. I didn’t understand what she was afraid of.” I want to shout at the injustice when I think of her face when she dropped the towel for me. The absolute despair on her face. “She showed me, and I fucking wish she hadn’t now, because I don’t know what to do.”
“What did you say?”
“Thank you, and
then I left.”
“What? She fucking opens herself up to you and then you reject her by leaving.”
I tense. “I didn’t reject her; I was so blinded with fury at what was done to her that I wanted to kill. I didn’t want her to see my anger. She is beautiful no matter what was done to her skin. That fucker didn’t win,” I say, my anger once again evident in my voice.
“Really, do you think she understood that? She showed you, from what you say, the atrocities that were done to her body that has her hiding herself away.” Vlad rubs at his face in frustration. “You walked away without appeasing her that it doesn’t matter—that what was done is okay? What do you think she is thinking?”
I feel my whole body freezing in shock and then erupting in anger. What the hell is wrong with me?
“I have to go,” I mutter as I stand, wincing at the pain in my body.
“Maybe take a shower first and change, or you will frighten her,” Vlad says, but I can’t let her think that I rejected her because of what was done to her. I need to go let her know that it’s okay. I need to show her that she is beautiful, show her that the bastard didn’t win.
RUBY 12
When he walks out, I stand in shock. What did I expect? I know it looks bad, but deep down, I hoped that maybe he wouldn’t care about the scars and care more about me as a person. My heart feels like there is a vice tightening around it. Even though I knew better, I was secretly hoping that I could have a normal life, that someone would finally see who I am and would like what they saw. I know I can’t blame him; I hate looking at my body. How can I expect someone else to accept it?
Leaving the towel where it fell, I walk towards the bed and sit down. Maybe I should leave. I can’t tie him down to someone he can never accept. From what I have come to know about him, he sticks to his promises, but how can I expect him to keep to a promise of our marriage, a promise to never look for someone else? I can’t. He has a right to have a normal and happy life, but I can’t be around to see him going to other women, knowing that he has been with someone else when I want him all to myself.
I don’t have the right to ask that of him. I don’t have the right to ask anything at all. I was lucky to have him as a protector, lucky that he has been good to me. Looking around at my room, I feel a loneliness fill me. It’s time that I stand on my own two feet, time that I squash this silly dream that maybe Dimitri would come to want me. I feel the tears running down my cheeks, but I ignore them. I don’t know where I can go. I’m in a strange country where I don’t know anyone. First, I need to dress, and then I can start to think of a way out of here. That will be the most difficult part, as Dimitri will be informed the minute the main door is opened.
I hurry to dress, looking around for something I can store some of the items I have purchased so that I can take them with me. I can buy everything again, but I would rather have things with me until I get settled. As soon as I have everything I need and am fully dressed, I head towards the lounge. Maybe if I switch off the main switch, it will switch off the electricity to the security system on the door.
Walking towards the kitchen and the electrical board, I quickly pull down the main switch, and instantly, I’m in darkness. Hurrying towards the main door, I quickly open it and look out, only to find a man standing on the other side of the door, looking as surprised as I am.
“Do you need something, sweetheart?”
I jump in fright and hide my overnight bag behind the door before he can see it. “I was just checking if the electricity was on outside, as everything is dark inside,” I say quickly, and take a step back. As I start to close the door, the man holds out the palm of his hand and stops me.
“I can check for you,” he says, and looks past me at the darkness that surrounds me.
“No, it’s okay, but thank you. It did this the other day. I should have just checked the switches immediately.” I quickly close the door when he nods and takes a step back, lowering his hand from the door. When it is firmly closed behind me, I lean against the wall and breath in deeply, my panic at being so close to a man starting to overwhelm me.
How do I expect to make it without Dimitri to protect me? Just the thought that he’s around has calmed me. When did I start feeling like this? I know I felt safer with him, but when did I start feeling this complete sense of safety with my husband?
Going out into the world with no one to lean on when I need it has me wanting to shout and scream in despair. I can’t leave unless I walk past the guy standing guard outside, and I doubt he will just let me dance out of here. I have no other option but to wait for Dimitri and convince him to let me go. I would ask Jade, but she will be sleeping by now, and besides, I know how the Bratva work. I don’t want any harm to come to her because of helping me. I know Dimitri would be relieved if I left, but I know that because of the promise he made, he will search high and low for me if I leave without his consent. Therefore, the only way I’m going to free both of us is by getting his approval.
Once the electricity is back up, I head towards the couch and sit down to wait for him. I know I should maybe leave this for tomorrow, but I think it’s better to get this out of the way as soon as possible. To be honest, I don’t think I can stand to be in the same apartment as Dimitri and know that he doesn’t find me attractive anymore. Leaning my head back, I close my eyes. If only my parents were still alive. I yawn as I feel a heaviness descend and my body start to succumb to slumber.
The next thing I know, I am startled out of a deep sleep when I hear voices, and the door is closed with a quiet but firm click. Opening my eyes, I see Dimitri heading towards the bedrooms. Because I left the light in the lounge off earlier, he can’t see me lying on the couch until I gasp at what I see. His eyes are like lasers staring into the darkness until he makes out my silhouette.
What has happened to him? I can see the bruise on his cheek from where I’m sitting, as he’s standing directly below the light. There is a cut above his right eyebrow, and he was walking stiffly, as if his body is in pain. It’s the first time I see Dimitri in anything but a suit. His black T-shirt has a tattoo peeping out from under his sleeve. His muscles that don’t look as prominent when in a suit are bulging, and my fingers are itching to travel up his arms just to feel the promise of strength that they portray.
“I thought you would be in bed by now. What are you doing there in the darkness?” His voice is gravely, just the right texture to lull a child to sleep. At my thoughts, I tense, a knot forming in my stomach.
“I fell asleep on the couch. What happened to you?” My voice is barely a whisper, but the emotions coursing through my body are choking me. Nothing can get me ready for this. I need to do it, but everything in me doesn’t want to go.
“Nothing special, just working out with Vlad.”
“That’s a workout? You guys really take it seriously.”
He shrugs and then winces, which tells me that he’s putting up a macho front like most men like to do. He makes his way towards me, not bothering to switch on the lights as he approaches.
“I need to talk to you,” I say, and even I can hear the nervousness in my voice.
“I have something to say first,” he says as he lifts his hand and passes his fingers through his hair. I can feel my heart racing. Is he going to tell me that he came to the same conclusion as me and that he will have to let me go? Even though that is what I am going to suggest to him, I can’t help wanting to beg him not to do it.
“Thank you for having the courage to show me your body earlier.” I can feel my body tensing. I was right; he is going to tell me to leave. “I’m sorry I left like that, but I was so angry at what was done to you that if I hadn’t left, I would have scared you.”
My eyes fill with tears, and no matter how much I try to keep them back, one rolls down my cheek.
“No, no, don’t cry.” He lifts his index finger and gently rubs the tear away.
“It’s okay, I understand.” I wish I were stronger. The last thing
I want to do is show him how this is destroying the last ray of hope I had, but it’s not his fault. It’s not even Chris’s fault. This is all because of the world I was born into. “It’s easier like this. You can do your thing, and I will go my own way.”
His hand drops from my cheek as he takes a step back, his arms crossing over his chest. “What the hell are you talking about?” I can see his eyes boring into me in the dark. He doesn’t seem happy. Am I mistaken? Isn’t this what he was referring to?
“Me leaving. I know you won’t want to stay married to someone like me. I don’t blame you. It’s okay. I know how horrible my body looks with everyt—” One minute he’s standing a step away, looking at me as if he wants to strangle the breath out of me. The next, his arms are around me, and his lips are over mine. At first, I’m too shaken to respond, but as his kiss deepens, I relax and let myself be taken by this man’s passion, by his magnetism.
Soon, I am breathless. I have never been kissed like this before, as if my very soul is being possessed by Dimitri. His arms lower around my waist, and then he pulls me against him with a jerk that turns me on like I never thought I would be turned on before. I can feel my knees weakening as I lift my arms around his neck, my fingers entwining in his short hair.
After what feels like an hour but couldn’t have been more than a couple minutes, he lifts his head, but his arms continue to hold me against him where I can feel his very impressive hardness jerking against my abdomen. “You’re not going anywhere. You are mine.” With that, he kisses me again, but this time, there is a possessiveness to his kiss that gives support to his words.
“I have told you this before. Listen well, because I’m not going to repeat myself,” he says just a breath away from my lips. “You are my wife. As such, you will remain by my side. What was done to you does not define who you are. These!” He suddenly jerks up my T-shirt, which has me tensing, but he doesn’t let me step back. Instead, he places a hand over my stomach as he continues looking deep into my eyes. “These are just scars, and I have them too.”
Mayhem: Bratva Fury (book 3) Page 9