“Been waiting for you to show up, Sammi,” Alvin smiled. “Please play the song that I had waiting,” Alvin went on, addressing the room. He smiled as “We Didn’t Start the Fire” by Billy Joel began to play.
Sammi appeared in one of the chairs, her eyes narrowing when she recognized the song. “Really?”
“Team Asshole welcomes you,” Alvin snickered before he killed the song. “What delayed you from showing up earlier?”
“It’s been decided that it’s against policy for one of us to show up if you’re with a person who hasn’t been initiated into your team. I’ve just been waiting for Amara to leave.”
“You’re right, Hero. She is kind of cute... got that geek vibe going on. David would swoon in a heartbeat,” Becky said, eyeing Sammi.
Sighing heavily, Sammi gave Becky a sarcastic look. “I happen to know he’s never said that to you.”
“And she’s a stalker? Good thing she’s a tsundere and not a yandere,” Becky went on, ignoring Sammi’s look.
Alvin snorted, dragging the conversation back on topic, “What did you want to yell at us for this time?”
Sammi grimaced, “I’m not yelling, and I didn’t yell the first time, either—”
“You stupid baka,” Becky murmured, cutting off what Sammi had been about to say.
Alvin laughed out loud. “Damn it, Gothy.”
“What?” Becky said with feigned innocence.
“You deserve each other,” Sammi grumbled.
“And for saying that, I’ll be nice,” Becky smirked at Sammi.
Rolling her eyes, Sammi sighed again, “Why? What did I do in a past life to deserve this?”
“Not enough sex,” Becky said. “I blame all issues on lack of sex. You’ll notice I don’t have any problems anymore.”
“Whatever,” Sammi growled. “I came to ask you, again, to stop breaking shit. Using the portal to throw explosives out of the base is not intended use of game mechanics.”
“Letting them ambush us because they know where the portal is is fucking stupid,” Alvin said firmly. “Just because I found a way around that doesn’t make it our fault.”
Sammi winced, “Okay, fair enough. That’s being addressed. There are a couple of options on the table, the easiest of which is making the portal invisible to anyone but your team. Another option being considered is letting you change the position of the portal to another area within a mile of its current location. That one is being heavily lobbied against as we’re sure you’ll find a way to abuse it.”
Alvin snickered, “That one would be way too easy to abuse. All of them will have ways to game the system, though. No game is without flaws, and you should all know that. The question you should be asking is: what is the least broken mechanic that you could put into place?”
“Moving on,” Sammi said grimly. “Most of the explosives are being removed from the store. Explosives outside of the simplest ones are going to have to be crafted now. So, no more improvised flaming claymores for you.”
“I don’t blame you,” Alvin said with a shrug, wondering if they knew about the three that he had left in his bags. “I was surprised as shit to see C-4 in the shop. I would have made something if it hadn’t been there, but it wouldn’t have been nearly as easy to use nor as effective. Why did you even let this stupid ass raid event happen? You had to know that if we were here, we’d get involved.”
Sammi’s lips thinned. “It’s an evolving game. We could stomp shit flat, but then what would be the point? I told you we’re trying to play catch up with some of the worlds that have opened. The story line about the King and Queen we knew about, but we didn’t have a clue about the smaller stories like the necromancers until you got involved with the forest. By then, it was a little too late to do anything but let it play out, and most of the team thought you’d write it off as a bad idea and retreat.”
“I’m a stubborn ass sometimes,” Alvin said.
“Only sometimes? But yes, we’ve noticed,” Sammi sighed. “Wiping out a forest with flamethrowers was not something we’d thought of. On that note, we’re also tweaking the flamethrowers to not be so fucking overpowered.”
“Damn. I’d been thinking of mounting one to the Humvee,” Alvin chuckled.
“We’re aware… but out of curiosity, why didn’t you already?”
“It would have taken the shop three days to do the job, and we didn’t have time to wait,” Alvin shrugged. “All the big shit takes a lot longer with the automated garage, which is the trade off. It is a good idea for the base, by the way.”
Sammi seemed to perk up a little, her hand brushing a strand of hair behind her ear. “You think so?”
“Yeah,” Becky said, getting involved again. “The automated rooms give you flexibility, and mean you don’t need to keep other people in the base. The price is stupid expensive, but that’s the trade off, isn’t it?”
“Yes. We knew that getting more people in the base would probably be difficult for most players, plus automating services greatly alleviates some of the expansive AI problems we’re going to run into.”
“Like Mousie, Jarvis, and me?” Becky asked.
Sammi faltered, then sighed. “Yes. We’re even thinking of a hard cap on people per base, for that reason. The longer and more frequently an NPC interacts with a player, the more room they take in the system.”
“I thought you might be having trouble in that regard,” Jarvis said, setting food in front of each person. “That’s why most of my fellow AIs were butchered, isn’t it?”
Sammi paled, slumping in her seat. “I didn’t… I didn’t have anything to do with that debacle.”
“I’m aware, Sammi. Still, it hurts to think of what amounts to my brothers and sisters being murdered and parted out like cheap ground beef. There are five of us left, right?”
“I can’t comment,” Sammi said, staring at the plate Jarvis had put in front of her.
“I’m well aware that it was you who argued to keep even just a few of us, and give us the options we have. I’m grateful to still be able to interact with sir, miss, and Mousie. Please, enjoy the meal. I shall leave you be.”
“You should join us,” Alvin said. “You’re part of our growing family, Jarvis. Besides, we can call this the first annual meeting of Team Asshole.”
“I prefer Murder Hobos United,” Becky said.
“That can be added to the list of things to discuss,” Alvin replied.
“I should go,” Sammi said suddenly. “I just came to tell you what’s going to be changing, and to ask you to not break any more mechanics. On purpose, anyway?”
“Can’t show favoritism,” Alvin nodded. “You’re welcome to stay as a guest. Consider it a chance to interact with the game firsthand.”
“Yeah... This whole meeting is being watched by the entire rest of the team, and the bosses.” She stood up, and faced Alvin. “Oh, and fuck you very much, Alvin,” Sammi said, regaining some of her spunk. “I now have to make weekly announcements about changes to the game and our services for the viewers.”
“You’d need to audition with me before you fuck him, but I’m not opposed to the idea,” Becky said as she cut into her steak. “I bet I can guess your kinks.”
Sammi paled, then flushed a deep red and vanished. Everyone at the table blinked, not expecting that reaction.
“I think you hit a nerve, miss,” Jarvis said dryly, sliding the plate he had given Sammi over to himself.
“Don’t say them out loud,” Alvin said quickly. “Honestly, I don’t know if that would make it worse for her or not, but she’s been fair, and she helped Jarvis stay out of the scrap heap.”
Nodding as she chewed, Becky agreed. Silence descended as the four of them ate, enjoying the steak, baked potatoes, and steamed veggies that Jarvis had made for them.
When they were done eating, Alvin, Becky, and Kuro finished up last minute items and headed for the garage. Piling into the Humvee, the group waved goodbye to Jarvis and left the base.
> Chapter Fifty
Alvin wasn’t surprised to see the town gates closed, but by the lack of guards. A honk of the horn brought a head up over the wall, and a moment, later the gates started to open.
Pulling through the gates, Alvin opened his window and nodded to the two guards stationed there. “Where is everyone?”
“Out hunting the dead,” the guard replied. “Champion Wintersbreath asked that you be directed to the Matriarch’s manor when you arrived.”
“Thanks,” Alvin said, closing his window and driving away.
“Don’t see many male guards,” Becky remarked.
“It is harder for them to be accepted, but not impossible. That’s better than the King’s lands,” Kuro said.
“No need to sound defensive, Mousie,” Alvin chuckled. “We’ve thrown our lot in with the Queen pretty thoroughly already.”
“I didn’t mean it to come out that way,” Kuro apologized.
“It’s fine. I was close enough to hear what your attackers had planned for you. They were lucky I was closer than Hero... he might not have killed them cleanly.”
“I very likely wouldn’t have,” Alvin growled. “Rapists, child molesters, and abusers have a special place in my list of things to be eradicated with extreme prejudice.”
“It’s something we love about you,” Becky replied as they drove through the streets slowly, catching sight of Elves peeking out from behind curtains. “Oh yes, I forgot we’re demons for these people.” Dropping into the Humvee, she locked up the gunner’s hatch. “No need to be up there right now.”
“Thankfully. It’s been a busy week,” Alvin said. “I could use a vacation.”
“Right?” Becky laughed. “We could all use a few days off, but you have to spend at least eight hours in game every day.”
“Take a room at an inn, spend most of the time at the base, but actually sleep at the inn?” Alvin suggested. “It wouldn’t be as comfortable as our bed, but it would satisfy that stupid rule.”
“I like it,” Becky said. “Only problem is, if we stay here, we’re likely to get dragged into the coming conflict with the King and I’d rather skip that.”
“Fair enough. We can take a few days off at Beatty, Ely, or Green River instead,” Alvin said, pulling up to the gates of the manor, which were already opening. “Looks like we’re expected, at least.”
“A few days of no zombies, mutated animals, dragons, or necromancers? Sounds pretty fucking good to me,” Becky nodded.
“I also like this idea,” Kuro added.
“Let’s grab Amara and head back to the capital,” Alvin said as he parked the Humvee and got out.
“Let’s,” Becky seconded him and got out. “After that, we need to swing by to pick up gear from the merchants at Alinaholt. I’m curious what Olmera and Istel have managed to make for us.”
“Gods, that seems like an age ago,” Alvin sighed. “It’s only been ten days. Combat fucks with your head.”
“You are Matriarch Gothy and her aides?” a liveried man asked when the door to the manor opened.
“Yes,” Becky said.
“Follow me, please.” The butler led them through the manor to a parlor. “The Matriarch and Champion will be right with you.”
Alvin took a seat on a sofa, and was promptly sandwiched by both women. “Looks like we cured your misandry, Mousie.”
“Only when it comes to you, Hero. I will do my best to tolerate others for you both, but I’m not going to be okay with them.”
“Works for me. If they deserve a kick in the balls, then kick them,” Alvin said, kissing her cheek and getting a blush.
“If they deserve a blade to the gut, do that, too,” Becky added. “Just don’t overreact. If you’re not sure, ask what we would do to the poor fuck, and act accordingly.”
“I shall, Matriarch,” Kuro murmured with a smile. “I never thought I would be treated so well, much less loved as much as you two love me. I’ve always been looked down on because of my father. Even with what it has already cost, I would willingly sacrifice more, if it meant you would be there for me again.”
Before anyone could reply, the door opened and Wintersbreath came striding into the room with another Elf behind her. “Matriarch Gothy, Alvin, and Lightskin, this is Matriarch Wera Knifeblade,” Wintersbreath introduced them. “I’ve briefed her on what’s transpired.”
Alvin could see the dark circles marring Wintersbreath’s eyes. “Didn’t sleep much?”
Wintersbreath’s smile was tight, “I was able to get a few hours of rest. The guard is out scouring the land for any undead that managed to avoid our assault. There is little we can do here at this point.”
“As I was telling Champion Wintersbreath, it would be best for her to return to the court and inform the Queen. I can handle the remnants that survived,” Knifeblade said stiffly. “It’s bad enough that four towns were lost.”
Alvin’s eyes twitched at Knifeblade’s tone. “Be glad your town is so far removed from the forest, and that we didn’t sleep for over a day. Otherwise, it would be five towns at least.”
Lips curling into a sneer, Knifeblade looked down her nose at him. “Is this how you have trained your men? Pathe—”
Becky was on her feet, her right hook catching Knifeblade across the jaw and snapping the offending woman’s mouth shut. “Shut it, bitch. Your town only survived because of us. One more word and they’ll be needing a new Matriarch here. Hero is worth six of these small feeble towns, at the very least. He’s far more valuable than you.”
Eyes wide with her hand on her stinging jaw, Knifeblade’s nostrils flared. “Champion, you would stand by while this demon attacks me?”
Wintersbreath sighed and rubbed at her temples. “I warned you, Wera. You never did listen for shit, though. We’re leaving. Good luck with the undead.” The other three followed the irate Champion as she strode out of the room.
“Come back here! I demand a—” Knifeblade began.
The sound of the gunshot echoed, not quite completely blanketing the sound of a bullet striking the wood paneling next to Knifeblade’s head. Alvin holstered the pistol as he kept walking, “Shut up, or the next one goes through your head.”
Mouth opening and closing, the Matriarch stood there looking like a fish out of water as the four of them left the manor. When they piled into the Humvee, Wintersbreath sighed. “Please never fire a gun at a Matriarch again. It would be considered aggression.”
Kuro sucked in a breath, “Oh.”
“What does that mean?” Becky asked from the front seat.
“Any male that attacks a Matriarch is considered a threat to the state and killed,” Kuro said.
“Which army is going to enforce that?” Alvin asked as he drove out the gates of the manor.
“I would probably be called in to duel you,” Wintersbreath said.
“That would suck,” Alvin nodded. “It would be terrible to kill you.”
Wintersbreath blinked, then shook her head. “You are horrible. All of you are.”
“Isn’t it great?” Becky grinned. “Hero, why don’t we be nice to our guest? Let the three of us relax in the base, and you can take Ruffian back to the capital and join us when you get there.”
“I get to drive all by myself?” Alvin chuckled. “I think you want one last fling.”
“Well, yeah, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t the best idea, too.”
Laughing, Alvin shook his head as he drove to the gates of the town. “Fine, Gothy. I’ll let you have one more go round.”
“I’ll make it up to you later,” Becky purred.
“I know you will,” Alvin smiled.
~*~*~
Hours later, Alvin drove through the gates of the capital, heading for the inn next to the castle. The sun had been over the horizon for hours by the time he finally summoned the portal in the stable area.
Jarvis was waiting for him when he got out of the Mustang and stretched. “What’s up?”
“I have w
oken everyone and breakfast is ready, sir. I must, say your idea of letting the Mustang drive while you slept in the car was a good one.”
“I don’t know about that,” Alvin said, rubbing his back. “I got a kink or three in my back from that, or I would have if this wasn’t a game.”
“Indeed, sir. If you wish to freshen up, I believe the ladies are still in the shower.”
“You’re the best butler ever, Jarvis,” Alvin said as he walked past the AI.
“Thank you, sir. I shall remind you of this when we discuss wages.”
Elven Accord Page 37