Stella
I sleepily reach out and search for Kruger’s warmth. My eyes open wide when I feel an empty space in the bed where he should be. Looking over at the bedside clock, I become panicked when I see that it’s three o’clock in the morning. “Where the fuck do you need to go in the darkness of night, Kruger?” I wonder out loud.
Knowing there’s no way I’ll be getting back to sleep any time soon, I look over and notice Jaggar’s rise and fall of his chest as he’s in a state of slumber. Getting up to head downstairs and grab me a glass of ice cold water, I grab the key to the room that Kruger gave me earlier that morning and lock the door securely behind me. Not that I don’t trust every member of the MC, but lessons have been learned of betrayal and I’ll take no chances where it comes to my child.
Quietly creeping my way down the stairs, I hear two voices that I instantly recognize. “What the fuck are they up to and where the hell are they?” Charlee tries to contain her anger as she asks this question.
“I was wondering the same damn thing,” I say as I make my way further into the room where she and Cameron are relentlessly pacing back and forth. The carpets are gonna be bare where they’ve been walking back and forth in a pattern. Passing each other, stopping only long enough to give each other misery looks that mimic the other’s.
“What took you so long?” Cameron asks me as she twirls around and looks at me.
“I was sleeping. Kruger wore me the fuck out,” I smirk as I say this to them.
“It must’ve been planned then,” Charlee hisses out, “because Country couldn’t seem to get enough of me last night. We hadn’t had a round of endless sex that way since we first got together. I just thought he desperately needed me, but now, I’m thinking that it was his way of ensuring I’d stay deeply asleep while he prowled his way through the night.”
“Um hmm…” Cameron agrees with her assessment which causes my hackles to rise.
“I thought we went at it for hours because he needed me as badly as I needed him!” I angrily shout out, then clamp my hand over my mouth not wanting to wake anyone up who’s still asleep.
“Don’t stress over it, Stella. There is not one man left inside,” Charlee grits out.
“You checked?” I ask, knowing that we aren’t supposed to intrude on the members’ personal spaces.
“Damn fucking straight we checked,” Cameron states with a firm tone. “I can’t believe they’d all take off and leave us here without uttering one word to us about that fact that they’d be scampering off in the middle of the damn night.”
“Same,” Charlee angrily agrees. “Country knows that I have this radar that goes off if he’s absent from our bed.”
“If they’re on club business, we would’ve understood. What’s with all the secrecy?” I ask no one in particular.
“Well, I’m gonna wait right here for Country to return,” Charlee states, pointing to the ground beneath her feet.
“Well, if that’s the case, we need a good stiff drink and something good to watch on the television set.” Cameron announces and Charlee and I both agree with what she said. I for one, wouldn’t mind something warm to coat my insides while waiting on Kruger to return. Maybe, just maybe it’ll settle my two friends down before their men reappear. I’m not so mad at Kruger as I am worried. He should’ve at least woken me up and gave me a kiss in case something goes wrong.
Charlee walks behind the bar and makes three shots of straight vodka for us. In separate cups, she brings us some orange juice to chase the shots with.
We shoot the strong liquor and follow it up with the chaser. We find some stupid ass show on about people living in the wild butt ass naked.
Stupid fucks.
Don’t they know that there are things living in the wild that don’t belong in the same space as them? Especially while they are in the buff, nude as the day they were born; because things have a tendency of crawling up holes that they shouldn’t inhabit.
Gross.
Kruger
We’ve been in the ice shed for hours interrogating Janella. She’s been loyal, not to us, but that Jamie asshole. I know this is payback for the way she was discarded from the club, but she chose the wrong damn side. She should’ve ran far from here and never shown her face, now, she’s going to be paying the ultimate fate from that wrong decision.
We haven’t been going easy on her. She’s been blindfolded, waterlogged, we’ve compromised her breathing by holding her mouth closed with our hands and clamping her nose. She’s nearly cracked a time or two, but the more time we give her between bouts of punishment, the more she stubbornly sets her shoulders and resolves something in her mind. I’d like to know what’s more scary about this Jamie fucker than we are to her.
I’ve been sitting back, watching my brothers with her, biding my time until she’s had enough. This last round of torture from Gunner has her spiraling and sputtering out excuses. Bullshit things, thinking that if she throws out the ‘woman’ card we’ll give her some mercy. But I’m the one who has been given the final decision where she’s concerned, and I am not feeling forgiving when it comes to her.
I don’t give a fuck that she’s weeping or that she’s full of bullshit lies that any other man would give into her pitiful cries. I’m not your normal man, I’m a fucking biker whose woman’s been hurt by another… one we trusted and allowed into our club. We fed and clothed this bitch, she never wanted for anything while in our care. We protected her and offered her sanctuary against the outside threats, yet she’s the one who thought she was better and could get away with childish games.
She not only attacked a prospect, a future brother, but she provoked the old ladies at every turn. No, I don’t feel sorry for her, I don’t pity her, I fucking hate her. Her tears, her whimpers, don’t settle deep inside, they don’t sway me in wanting to give her a pass in any way.
“Please, I swear I don’t know anything! I didn’t even help them take Stella. All I did was tease her a little,” Janella pleads hysterically.
“Did this bitch seriously just say what I think she did?” I ask the room at large. “I can’t believe the audacity you have to sit here and try to play and manipulate me and my brothers!” I roar out at her as I step away from the wall.
“No more!” she wails out, causing my ear drums to want to burst from the high octave she’s using. “I swear, I’d tell you if I knew where he was.” Her promises don’t mean a damn thing to me or my brothers. We’ve heard all of her excuses; we’ve listened to all of her ramblings.
I. Am. Done.
Completely and utterly done.
“If there’s nothing else you have to share with the class, then it’s time for you to bid your farewells,” I inform her as I draw my pistol from the back of my jeans where I’ve had it tucked away. The fear of her cries as my bullet leaves my chamber gives me a brief case of satisfaction.
20
Stella
Okay, we have imbibed a little more than we intended to. But every time someone on the show did something utterly stupid, we took a shot. And there were a lot of stupid moments from these men and women. My toes are tingling from the alcohol and we are laughing hysterically when the men come walking into the clubhouse at five o’clock in the damn morning. I’m buzzed, but I’m not drunk… I didn’t want to overindulge in case Jaggar woke up and needed me.
Fuck, I’m a horrible mom!
“Holy fuck, it smells like a bar in here,” Country states as he walks up to Charlee with a twinkle of amusement on his face.
“We didn’t mean to,” Charlee cries out. “We all woke up and you were gone, we decided to wait up for you. We put on this show that I swear has stolen some brain cells just from watching.”
All of the men laugh at her statement, but it’s one I wholeheartedly agree with.
My eyes scan Kruger from top to bottom to reassure myself that he’s whole and okay. When I spot some small traces of blood on his clothing my eyes widen at him in question. He nods at me
indicating that everything is alright so I let it go… for now.
“Come on, sweet Stella,” he says to me holding his hand out. I inspect it for blood; satisfied that it has no traces of blood, I accept his offering and place my hand in his. He pulls me up to my feet and laces our fingers together. “We’re outta here,” he announces as he tugs me behind him.
I moan out in despair once we reach our room, “Jaggar’s gonna be up in an hour and I’m a mess.”
“I’ll get up with him, change his diaper, give him his bottle, and tuck him back to sleep. By the time he gets up for a second time, we should both be recharged and ready to begin the day,” Kruger says to me as he pulls his key out and unlocks the door. “I need a shower first, wanna join me?”
“Yes, definitely.” I nod my head resembling one of those dolls that people place on their cars dashboard.
“You alright there?” Kruger amusingly asks me.
“I’m fine, just slightly buzzed. We all stopped drinking a little over an hour ago when we’d realized we’d overdid it,” I say, holding my fingers slightly apart from one another.
“Are you feeling up to a little play time?” he inquires and immediately my libido jumps aboard.
“That’s the hope,” I giggle out.
“We need to practice making Jaggar a little brother or sister,” he announces causing me to dig my feet into the carpet of our bedroom.
“Say what now?” I almost shout out until I remember our son is sleeping in the same room. “Care to say that one more time? I think I misunderstood.”
“I should’ve brought this up a little smoother. I missed it all with you being pregnant with Jaggar. I want to experience it all with you. I want to be there to rub your belly down with lotion, massage your feet, rub your sore muscles, attend doctor’s appointments, the delivery— I wanna be there for it all.”
“Kruger,” I whisper as my eyes become blurry from the liquid tears that are forming. “I wanna give that all to you too.”
“I know Jaggar is still young, but I’d like to give him a sibling he can grow up with. I want them to be close in age, he deserves to have that best friend for life.”
“Kruger, you do realize that siblings fight and feud… right?” I don’t want him thinking that things are going to be a fairytale world. Siblings disagree, they don’t speak to one another for weeks at a time sometimes.
“I didn't have that Stella. I didn’t have anyone I could confide in and share the problems of the day. Someone to conspire with against my parents, play pranks with at school, help each other with homework. I always longed for that,” he admits.
“Then I guess we should get started giving Jaggar the life we foresee for him.” I have a sibling; one I miss very much. But we both went our separate ways when we ran from our home.
Star, my little sister, and I grew up with a pedophile for a father and a mother who never believed her man could do any wrong. She’d choose him over us any day of the week. When we ran, I was seventeen and Star was fifteen. We didn’t want to go into the system, we knew if we stayed together there’d be more of a risk of us getting caught. And if one of us was forced back, we didn’t want the other to suffer the same fate.
We divided.
We conquered.
We lived our own lives… separate from one another.
Lord do I miss her.
“What put that soured expression on your face, baby?” Kruger asks as he prepares our shower. Through my wonderings, I never realized that we’d even made into the bathroom.
“I have one more story to share,” I tell him.
Kruger
“Lay it on me, baby.” Whatever it is, I don’t like that look that formed on her face when she shared this. “You can tell me anything.”
“It’s not something I’ve been hiding, it’s just something I never talk about,” she insists, but by the haunted look she’s carrying in her eyes, I instantaneously know that there’s someone else whose blood that will be coating my hands.
“My dad, he was a different breed of monster compared to yours,” she begins, and the way she starts off, has my hackles rising.
“Care to explain that?” I ask, our shower all but forgotten. She’s plopped down on the lid of the toilet, and I crouch down in front of her. I want to look her in the eyes while she shares what her childhood nightmares stemmed from.
“He was a pedophile, a child molester. He preferred girls, didn’t matter what age they were. He wanted young, virginal girls who he could scare into hiding his perusal from their parents.”
“How young are we talking here?” I ask, my stomach turning with bile that wants to expunge itself.
“Too young to have experienced their first menstrual cycle,” she supplies and I see motherfucking red. “But not any older than fifteen, except when it came to his own children.”
“The fuck are you saying?” I roar out, then get upset with myself when I see her flinch. “Sorry, baby, please go on,” I say in a much calmer tone this time.
“The first memory I have of him sneaking into my bedroom was when I was six or seven, I don’t remember exactly, but it was somewhere in that age frame. I was so scared when his fingers traced my skin, I felt sick and knew it was wrong, but he told me it’s how a daughter shows her love for her father. I was confused, and didn’t want him to think I didn’t love him so I let him continue. I threw up every time he’d leave my room. I thought there was something wrong with me at first, until I realized that my friends didn’t have to show their dads the same type of love. It continued for years, and then, he started seeking out Star more than me. At first I was relieved, but then I’d see my sister break down and I felt bad, so I started pretending to be jealous of his time with her. He still went to her here and there, but mostly he stayed true to me.”
“Baby, what happened to your sister? And what did your mom say when you told her? You did tell her, right?” I need to know, for her, for me… I just need to talk about anything other than that child molester’s hands on my old lady.
“We told our mom; she called us liars and forbade us from ever talking about it. She said there was something wrong with us, that we were bad daughters and that we’d been tainted. She told us the devil himself must’ve sired us, because God wouldn’t have given her liars who’d ruin their family with lies. We never told anyone; we were too scared that we’d be separated from one another. Star was all I had and I wasn’t willing to lose her and she wasn’t willing to be away from me. He’s never paid for his crimes against young girls as far as I’m aware, I know that when Star and I ran, he hadn’t. I haven’t kept track, but I’m sure he’s got away with it still.”
“Where’s your sister now?” I ask her, wanting to know if she’s still alive or if something awful happened to her.
“I don’t know,” she cries out, cupping her hands over her face. I slowly lift my hands up and remove hers.
“Baby, I need you to tell me why you don’t.” I’m trying to be gentle with her, but my body is on the edge of a cliff, and I’m sinking my fingers in, trying with all I have to not fall off.
“We thought we’d have a better chance of not being caught if we separated from one another. We figured that if one of us was caught and sent back home, or ended up in a foster home, that the other one wouldn’t suffer the same outcome. We’d faced enough doomsday experiences to last us a lifetime, but we wanted to save the other one if possible.”
“How old were the two of you?” I ask, with clenched fists.
“I had just turned seventeen and Star was fifteen. I was scared to death to let her go her own way without me there to help keep her safe, but she insisted that she knew how to take care of herself. All of these years I’ve worried and thought about her.”
“I want you to give me her full name, baby, and any other information you have on her.” I’m gonna look into this and use all of my contacts to see if we can find her.
“You’re gonna find her for me, aren’t you?” she asks
.
“I’m gonna give it everything I’ve got,” I truthfully answer.
“Thank you,” she whispers.
“Anything for you, sweet Stella.”
21
Stella
Our shower ended up being a very cold and extremely quick one. By the time we stepped foot underneath the spray of water, it was already at frigid temperatures. I didn’t wash my hair, I was afraid of catching a cold, but I spent most of my time scrubbing Kruger down. He had some crusted blood on his neck and hands, which I made sure were squeaky clean before we exited. I’ve placed his clothes in a trash bag that was under the sink, and as I finish, Jaggar lets out a wail.
“Is it that time already?” I ask my old man.
“Looks that way. You finish drying off and get dressed and I’ll go get our boy,” he says as he walks out the door and I hear him talking to Jaggar. He never uses a baby voice where it comes to our son, he talks to him normally, as if he’s grown and understands every word he shares.
All of us women do use that baby voice, it’s funny when you think about it. The difference between a mother and a father.
When I finally join them, Kruger is feeding Jaggar his bottle, but what’s the perfect picture in my eyes, is the way Kruger is fast asleep while doing so and our boy is looking up at his father in admiration. His tiny fists are clenched on his bottle, but his eyes never waiver from his daddy.
I walk over and whisper out Kruger’s name, I don’t want to startle him as I take our boy from his arms. I know my man, and his instincts to protect his young would have him coming up swinging. I’d prefer to not be on the receiving end of that act.
Shattered Trust : DreamCatcher MC Page 14