Edward buries his face in my hair and inhales, breaking my train of thought. ‘Morning.’
‘Morning, sleepy,’ I reply. I’ve not decided how to tell the kids yet but I’m ready to do it. They might not be happy about it at first but they do like Edward and they have a sort of respect for him that they didn’t get a chance to build with Kate before they knew she was their dad’s girlfriend. I’m hoping it helps but if it doesn’t, time certainly will and Edward won’t stop trying with them.
‘What will you do if my kids really hate you?’
He wraps both arms around me and squeezes me. ‘I’ll just keep trying to win them over. I’ll talk to them, spend time with them doing activities and things. I’ll tell them jokes—’
I crane my neck so he can see my raised-eyebrow expression.
‘Okay, perhaps I won’t tell jokes. You did say win them over and not send them running off into oncoming traffic, didn’t you?’
‘Exhibit A, your honour.’
He laughs a soft, easy laugh. ‘So, you’re telling the jokes now, hmm?’
‘What if that stuff doesn’t work?’
He kisses the side of my neck. ‘It will eventually. I’m impossible to hate long term, I promise.’
‘I don’t know about that, mister,’ I tease.
‘Remember that time we didn’t talk and it caused a lorry-load of problems?’
‘You mean this past week?’
His head moves up and down, sweeping stubble across my chin. ‘Well, the solution was to talk. We’ll talk to them as a team or individuals, whatever the issue calls for, and we’ll listen to their concerns and treat them with respect.’
‘It’s like you’ve done this parent thing before,’ I say.
‘It’s dealing with awkward clients 101.’
I elbow him gently. ‘What you’re saying makes sense.’
‘They’re vulnerable little people who think they know all they need in the world because they’re not aware of adult life yet. They do know all they need for now but this is something that connects their world to the adult world so there are elements of what’s happening here that are incomprehensible to them.’
‘You’ve hit the nail on the head and you’re right. We’ll respect them, we’ll listen, we’ll explain and we’ll give them time.’
‘And we don’t have to do anything until you’re ready.’
I don’t need to think about it any longer. I want to be with Edward; he’s the one for me, for us. ‘Let’s have a few more family dates and in a few weeks, we’ll find a way to tell them.’
‘Whatever you want.’
Chapter 52
It’s been six weeks since Edward and I decided we were going to be together. We’ve eaten lunch together each day, had sleepovers every Saturday and lots of ‘play dates’ with the kids. All three of them love ‘Mummy’s boss friend’. I think Ralph suspects there’s something else going on. I’ve noticed the odd ‘look’ when I’ve mentioned Edward’s name. When we’re all together though, he never acts out. He’s chatty and always wants to show Edward anything he’s been working on, be that a painting, a story he’s written or a computer game. I’m not sure if this is Ralph’s way of giving his silent approval or if I’m reading too much into things. Either way, I’m about to find out.
‘Go to the man for your life jacket,’ I say, gently shoving the children in the direction of the boat rental person.
‘Did you decide to tell the kids about us on a narrowboat so they can’t run away?’ Edward whispers when they’re out of earshot.
‘Not at all. I thought it would be a nice day out.’
Edward raises two disbelieving eyebrows.
The guide escorts us to our vessel for the day and stands at the side ready to help us aboard.
‘It’s okay, I’ve got this,’ Edward says, scooping Ava in the air and dumping her on board. Ralph jumps across unaided and Edward helps me step aboard whilst I’m balancing a rather weighty Henry on my hip. Otis is spending the day with Janey, who’s hoping he’ll help tire her kids out.
Once the rental guy has been through the controls and canal rules, we’re handed the keys and given free rein over the waterways of Cheshire.
‘Mummy, are we going under that bridge?’ Ava asks.
‘I don’t know, honey. We’re just looking at the map now,’ I say. Edward unfolds the map and lays it out on the bench seating.
‘We can head north to Walton Gardens or south to Anderton, where we might get to see the big boat lift.’
‘Gardens are boring. I vote we head south.’ Ralph’s response comes as no surprise.
‘Ava, do you mind which way we go?’ Edward asks.
She’s playing with the hair on her Barbie and gives a shake of her head.
‘South it is then,’ Edward says. Carrying Henry, I follow him up the wooden steps, which lead out of the back of the boat and he starts the engine. I hand Henry to Edward and jump across to the bank, untether us and jump back aboard, then Edward hands Henry back, pushes the thrust (if that’s the right word) and off we go. We’re working in sync without even thinking about it and I like it.
The boat turns sharply towards the opposite bank, so Edward yanks the tiller the other way and the bow starts heading towards the other bank. ‘Careful,’ I scream as we continue zigzagging across the canal.
Edward laughs. ‘I just need to get a feel for it.’
‘Can you get a feel for it quicker?’ I say, not trying to hide my unease.
‘It’s harder than it looks,’ he replies, frowning.
‘Remember, the guide said less is more with the steering.’
‘Mum, what’s going on?’ Ralph says, peeking out through the little door down to the tiny galley.
‘Edward is just getting a feel for things,’ I say, with underlying mirth in my tone. Ralph does that ‘cool’ thing where he sort of raises his eyebrows and nods his approval at the same time.
‘Are we going to crash, Mummy?’ Ava shouts from inside.
‘No, everything is fine.’
Once Edward has ‘a feel for things’, we’re soon navigating the waterway like pros, waving at other boating folk as they pass and walkers on the banks who are almost keeping pace.
‘This is nice,’ Edward says, giving me a smile with depth. ‘I wish I could wrap my arms around you and kiss you right now.’
My insides clench. ‘Me too. But we might have to settle for a cuppa for now.’
I take Henry inside and check on the kids. Ralph is on his DS and Ava is colouring. ‘Come on, you guys, let’s go out front.’
I shepherd the children out and we sit on the wooden benching that fills the bow. The sun is just starting to warm the morning air and the canal water is a deep green beneath the blue sky. A family of ducks look as though they’re about to swim into our path and Ava gasps. We miss them, or they miss us. Probably the latter.
‘I have some duck food in my bag.’ It’s left over from when I took the children to the practice and we had fish and chips but I’m sure it’s still okay. When I hand it over, both Ava and Ralph start throwing it in. The ducks keep up with the boat and Ava laughs with glee when they stay with us a while. I give Henry a handful of food and he chucks it randomly. Half of it hits me in the face so he giggles and so do I.
Later, when I remember, I make some tea. After sorting some snacks out for the kids, I head out the back to Edward.
‘Are you okay out here by yourself?’
He smiles. ‘Yes. I’ve been lost in my thoughts – it’s quite therapeutic.’
‘I didn’t realise that we’d probably struggle to talk to the children if one of us has to drive the boat at all times.’
‘We can moor up, but I’ve been thinking. Perhaps it would be better if you spoke to the children alone. Telling them together might make them uncomfortable and feel like they can’t ask any questions.’
I think for a moment. We had planned to sit them down and tell them together so we could both offer r
eassurance and the kids could ask us both anything they wanted but perhaps Edward is right. If I take them to the front of the boat and talk to them, they might open up a bit more. Edward is still here if they want to talk to him too and when we stop for lunch later, he can talk to them then.
‘I knew there was a reason I liked you,’ I say, winking. ‘I’m going to do it now. Wish me luck.’
As I head down the steps and think about how to start the conversation, I get a dryness in my mouth. Part of me believes they’ll be fine but the other part thinks they’ve been through so much that it’s unfair to burden them with any more change that will upset them.
‘Kids, can I talk to you?’ I say before I have a chance to change my mind. Ralph shrugs and Ava says ‘yes’ brightly.
‘Let’s go back outside. It’s lovely and sunny.’ I’m not sure how effective vitamin D will be in such a situation but experts do say it helps lift your mood.
Once we’re outside and I’m seated with Henry on my knee I can’t seem to find the words. As Ava and Ralph stare at me with wide, expectant eyes, it’s like the words have fallen out of my head.
‘What is it, Mum?’ Ralph asks. He doesn’t seem impatient; he seems worried. Oh God, I need to just say it.
‘Well.’ I swallow. ‘The thing is …’
‘What is the thing, Mum?’ Ralph lets out an exasperated breath. Perhaps he is impatient this time.
‘It’s Edward. And me.’ Ava’s brow crumples in confusion whereas realisation starts to register on Ralph’s features. Before Ralph can respond in words or expression, I carry on.
‘I love you three more than anything in the world, you know that don’t you?’ Ava nods. ‘But Mummy misses having a grown-up around to watch films with when you’re in bed. I’d like someone to chat with and help with the cooking and things like that.’ I’m aware that I’m waffling but the children are still listening intently. ‘Edward and I would like to be a couple. We really enjoy spending time together and he makes me happy but he’s not moving in or anything like that; he’ll just be spending more time with us … if that’s okay with you guys.’
Ralph sits in stone-faced silence. The only sound for the agonising few moments that follow is the bow gently slicing through the water.
‘I like Edward, Mummy, and I don’t mind if he is your boyfriend,’ Ava says, eventually.
I smile warmly. ‘That’s great to hear, sweetheart.’
Henry wraps his sticky fingers in my hair and looks at the passing trees obliviously.
‘Edward’s cool,’ Ralph says eventually, shattering the tension that had built up in my chest.
Those two words mean and say so much more. I don’t want to ruin the moment with a big gush of emotion, so instead, I just say: ‘Good, I’m glad.’
I stand up and hug Ralph, then Ava. ‘I love you both so much and you can talk to me about anything that makes you unhappy. You will do that, won’t you?’ They nod. ‘Okay, I’m going to give you some space and you can come and ask us anything you want when you’ve had a think. Ava, do not lean over the side of the boat.’
‘I won’t, Mummy.’
I head back through the cabin to the back and climb out. Edward is still standing at the tiller, gently manoeuvring it from side to side. Somehow, it keeps us going in a straight line.
‘You look like you’ve been through a tumble dryer,’ he says, eyes dancing mischievously.
I smooth my hair over and roll my eyes. ‘Henry.’
‘How did it go?’ he asks, with more sympathy in his tone.
‘Okay, I think. They didn’t have much to say. I gave them some space to mull things over.’
All of a sudden, there is a scream then a splash. My eyes dart to Edward’s. A split second later, I hear Ralph screech Ava’s name.
Chapter 53
I freeze. My heart has stopped, I’m sure of it.
‘Stop the boat,’ I scream at Edward but he’s already done it. He quickly kicks off his shoes and starts walking around the gunwale. Another boat passes us and the ripples cause ours to bob about, just adding to the jelly wobble of my legs.
‘Stay there, Ava. Don’t panic,’ Edward shouts. He’s almost reached the front. I lean over and see her blonde hair. Her head is well above water thanks to the mandatory orange lifejacket. As Edward nears, he jumps in.
‘Stay there, darling,’ I yell.
The water reaches the Ralph Lauren logo on Edward’s shirt as he wades through the murky water. It isn’t until she’s safely in his arms that I realise I’m holding my breath.
‘I’m going to take her to the bank,’ Edward shouts. ‘The boat is too high to climb back onto.’
I watch with relief as he makes it to dry land and sits Ava on the stone side before hauling himself out of the water. They both look cold and mucky.
‘I’ll try and get the boat over. Hang on.’
Trying to remember the tutorial, I turn the ignition with shaky hands and push the thruster gently so the boat starts to move. I ease the tiller away from the bank and the bow starts to go towards the bank so I pull it back. Somehow, I manage to have the boat parallel to the bank after a couple of tries. Edward comes running over and I toss him the rope, which he secures to a mooring post. He runs to the front and Ralph tosses him the rope from the bow. As Edward helps Ralph jump across, I head down to get Henry, and the bag of blankets I brought in case it got chilly. I grab the bag with our picnic in too because I’ve brought a flask of hot chocolate for the kids.
As I step over to the bank, another narrowboat comes past. ‘Are you all okay? We saw what happened,’ a lady at the helm shouts.
‘Yes, thank you. I think we are.’
‘We have towels and things if you need. It’s happened to us before now. Bet the little one is wide awake now.’ She smiles and somehow, I’m glad at that bit of reassurance that I’m not the worst parent in the world. I thank her again and tell her we’re okay and she sails off.
‘I thought we might as well have a break,’ I say, laying down the picnic blanket and plonking Henry in the centre with his favourite teddy. We sit down and I take out the other blankets and pass one to Edward, who is shivering now, then wrap the other around Ava before scooping her up onto my knee. Her hair is sticky-wet and she smells like stagnant pond water. Ralph pours hot chocolate into the plastic picnic cups I brought and hands Edward the first one. I tense up, waiting for some kind of snarky comment but he just hands him the drink.
‘Mum, I was going to jump in after her but I panicked,’ Ralph says.
‘Oh, honey, I wouldn’t have wanted you to. I should have been the one to jump in but I think I panicked too, love.’
The corner of Ralph’s mouth twists a little then he turns to Edward. ‘Thanks for saving Ava.’
‘It was nothing. I just acted on instinct.’
‘Yes, I second that, Edward. I can’t thank you enough,’ I say.
‘Honestly, please, it was nothing. I would never have let anything happen to Ava. Or Henry or Ralph for that matter.’ He sips his hot chocolate as though what he’s just said was nothing but those words mean the world to me. The fact he’d risk his life, or perhaps not his life but some very expensive-looking clothes, for my children shows he cares for them and that’s all I want. Perhaps Ava wasn’t really in peril. She was bobbing about quite safely in her life jacket, and in fairness we could have probably scooped her out with the big wooden pole thing on the roof of the boat. But Edward jumped right in without a second thought. Even now, he’s sipping his hot chocolate and playing with Henry and not complaining about his soggy clothes.
Ava wraps her little hands around the warm plastic cup that Ralph has just passed to her and takes a sip before making a sound of approval. She then shuffles into a more comfortable position in my lap. ‘Edward,’ she says, ‘Mummy said that you’re her boyfriend because you can help do some of the cooking.’
Edward laughs and glances at me with one eyebrow raised. ‘Oh, did she now?’
�
�Yes, so I want to know what sorts of things you cook?’
The corner of his mouth twitches. ‘Well, my favourite thing to cook is chicken nuggets, chips and beans but there has to be plenty of ketchup.’
Ava gasps. ‘That’s my favourite thing to eat.’
‘Really?’ Edward rubs the stubble on his chin. ‘Does that mean it would be okay for me to spend more time at your house?’
Ava shrugs. ‘Yes.’
‘How about you, Ralph? What do you think?’ Edward asks.
‘I’m okay with it,’ he says. Most people would leave it at that because it’s what they want to hear, but Edward presses further.
‘It’s going to feel different for a while and it’s okay to not be okay if you know what I mean,’ Edward says as Ralph stares into his cup. ‘You might want time alone with your mum or you might want to hang out without me there or maybe we could do some things together. I don’t know how this will work for us all as individuals but I want you to know you can be honest. If you need a break from me being there I can give you space. Whatever you need, just say.’
My body tenses up again and I have butterflies. I’m not sure why this is so nerve-racking. I suppose it’s because I don’t have the magic formula to make this work. If I want it to and Edward wants it to, I’m sure we can, in time, all be happy.
‘There is one thing that’s bugging me,’ Ralph says. Edward casts me a look before turning to Ralph.
‘Okay? You can say or ask anything.’
‘Will I still get to see my dad?’
‘Of course you will. I’m not coming in to try and take his place. Think of me as an extra grown-up around the place,’ Edward says, looking to me for backup.
‘Ralph,’ – I reach over and stroke his knee – ‘your dad will always be in your life. He loves you all so much and nothing will ever change that.’
Ralph nods. ‘Then I suppose I’m okay with this.’ He points, moving his finger between Edward and me.
‘And if ever you’re not, you talk to us,’ I say.
The Single Mums' Book Club Page 26