by Morris, Liv
While little angel Esmé slept a few feet away dreaming sweet baby dreams, her very own father rejected her without a thought. I prayed it was a knee-jerk reaction and not Lucas’s true heart, but all I knew so far was his ability to be two people. One I could fall in love with. The other I loathed.
22
Lucas
“What are my choices concerning the child?” I asked my attorney as we moved to sit on the couch. Shit, I’m a father.
“I’m not an expert in family law, especially in California where the child was born. But, generally, you have few legal options, because you can’t fight a certified DNA test. Hell, they send people to death row with them,” Sloan said. “For one, the financial responsibility of raising Esmé will fall at your feet. No court will let you escape from this obligation. Expect the requirements to be high with your degree of wealth.”
“I’m willing to support her. That isn’t an issue for me.”
“Then the true question is a moral one really. How much do you want to be involved in your child’s life? Do you want to try for some type of custody sharing? Splitting the child’s time between both parents. Or do you want to forgo custody all together and just pay child support, more an absentee father? Whatever you decide, I’ll find the best family attorneys to handle it for you.”
Sloan laid out all the choices. The easiest and quickest one spoke to the dark side of humans. Money. Lots of cold hard cash paid to have the role of being a father disappear from my life. I could give Coco enough money to live a well-suited lifestyle, even buy her a house in a posh part of Los Angeles like Beverly Hills. The nannies and best private schools would be available to the child, plus I’d provide a college fund.
Trying to decide which direction to take, I remembered Rodney Thomas, a loner friend in college. One night, he’d gotten shitfaced and had told me about his father. He’d hated him more than I did mine, which was saying a lot.
His mother was a mistress to a wealthy man and found herself pregnant after being with him for five years. He’d told her many times he’d leave his wife for her, but never did. My friend’s mother ended up raising him alone with a large payoff for her silence.
Rodney’s father never even sent a birthday card or present. The only gift he gave him was a healthy trust fund when he turned twenty-one. Rodney planned on taking the money out and burning it in a bonfire. I didn’t know where Rodney was today, but I hoped he was okay.
Could I be a cold, heartless bastard like Rodney’s father—willing to reject a child who had no part in the mess I helped create with my selfish desires? The answer was clear to me. For once in my life, I had the chance to do the right thing when the unexpected happened.
“Find Coco, Sloan,” I still couldn’t call her by her real name. I’d have to work on that. “I want to talk to her, open up communications about shared custody. I won’t be just a man who signs a check for things in her life. I want to be her dad too.”
“I’ve known you for a long time, Lucas, and have given you my professional advice for many legal battles, but your decision today makes me proud to be your attorney.”
“Thanks. But I hope this is the last time I’ll need your help for a personal issue.”
“Me too, Lucas.”
After Sloan left my apartment, I escaped to my office needing to collect my thoughts and try to grab back some control of my life. If I was honest with myself, I really believed Coco was desperate and wanted me to help her out of a jam. She never behaved like a gold digger when we were together and didn’t mention money in her letter. The part about me being the father would’ve been nice to know in advance though. I felt like someone slapped the shit out of me.
I knew nothing about babies, so I opened up my computer and typed “3-month-old baby” into Google and hit search. I decided to watch a YouTube video called Baby Basics 101. The baby on the clip was cute, but not as adorable and smiley as Esmé. She was definitely advanced for three months. The narrator suggested speaking closeup to the infant and making eye contact. I had no clue what in the hell I’d say to her besides hello. I was in big trouble.
After the video ended, the next one up was about surviving in the Bermuda Triangle. I had to laugh at the irony in the subject shift. It’s like YouTube was reading my mind and knew I felt lost too.
A notification popped up on the screen. My father had emailed me. He wanted to meet in his office tomorrow at noon. It was a waste of his time, but he didn’t know it yet. I did, however, like the thought of telling him Esmé was my child and I’d include her in my life. I couldn’t wait to see the look on his face.
I shut my laptop and left my office, walking toward my bedroom in search of Maggie and my child. The thought of someone being mine, looking at me to take care of her every need, freaked me the fuck out. I’d take it one day at a time.
Laughter echoed down the hallway, but it wasn’t just Maggie’s. The second giggle was higher, gentler. The kind of laugh that made someone smile. The laugh of a child, pure and sweet.
I stood at my door taking in the view of the laughing girls on my bed. Maggie had a blanket over her head and was pulling it off and saying boo. Esmé responded with short chuckles, while Maggie cracked up each time. If someone told me on Friday I’d be looking at the sight before me today, I would’ve asked if they were off their meds.
“What’s going on in here?” I feigned a gruff tone.
Maggie jumped off the bed and faced me, her eyes wide. She brought a hand to her chest as I stepped toward her, her feet shuffling back with every stride I took forward.
“I just changed her diaper and was playing with her.”
A smile eased across my face, making its way to my eyes. Maggie exhaled a sigh of relief.
“Oh, Lucas. I thought you were mad at me.” She walked forward, placing her hand on my forearm. “Are you okay?”
“I don’t know.” Telling someone the truth about my inner feelings was new to me, but I wanted to be honest with Maggie. “It’s been a fucking wild ride, especially the last few hours.”
“I was in the kitchen when you opened the envelope, but left shortly after. What are you going to do?”
“It depends on you.”
“Me?” Her brows knitted as she looked up at me with her beautiful green eyes. I could get used to having her around for a while.
“Yes, you. Especially after how my child has taken to you.” When I said the unthinkable out loud, labeling Esmé as my daughter, I felt an odd sensation, like something loosening in my chest. The battle within myself to do the right thing was finally over.
“Wait a second, you said my child. Does that mean what I think it does?” Her voice rose with excitement, and her face beamed with joy, even before I could answer.
“She’s not allowed to date until she’s married,” I teased.
“Oh my God.” Maggie blissfully danced around me, flinging the baby blanket in the air like I was a six-foot-two May Day pole.
I pulled her to a stop once she’d gone full circle. “Back to what I was saying, will you be Esmé’s nanny until all the legal issues are settled?” I wanted her beyond that, but would take any time she’d give me.
“Yes.” She jumped up and hugged me. I caught her in my arms, feeling the warmth from the joy radiating off her face. “I’ll do anything to help.”
Slowly, I released her, savoring the feel of her body next to mine. The fresh scent of her perfume smelled like a mix of happiness and sunshine. Perfectly her.
She wrapped her arms around my waist, looking up at me through dark lashes, her green eyes twinkling with something I didn’t want to name. It couldn’t be like this with us. Barclay was right to make me promise. She was every man’s dream—the girl you crushed on in high school from afar.
Still, I wanted to press my lips to hers, let her happiness become a part of me. She had to feel my body reacting to how close she was to me. It was obvious I wanted her.
With all the strength I could gather, I covered he
r hands with mine and brought them in front of us. Though our bodies weren’t touching any longer, the heated attraction still radiated between us.
“Thank you, Maggie.” I raised her hands to my lips, caressing her knuckles with the softest of kisses. This simple brush of my lips felt more intimate than I’d imagined because it came from my heart, not my carnal needs.
The baby cooed in the background, reminding us we had an audience. The moment was broken between us, which was for the best. Maggie was here for the baby—not me.
“Watch her for me. I need to make a fresh bottle.” Maggie skipped out the door before I could protest. I wasn’t ready to be alone with the child yet. I was done ignoring her, but what should I do? Maggie talked to the baby as if she understood every word. I guess I could try that approach.
Esmé squirmed on the bed. Her chubby legs were kicking in the air, but she still had her thumb in her mouth, sucking with all her might. Maggie was right. She was getting hungry.
I sat down on the bed beside the small thing. Her eyes connected immediately with mine. She stared at my face, taking me in, likely wondering where the pretty lady went.
It was my fault too. We’d never been properly introduced. Hell, I didn’t even remove her from the seat Saturday night. Since Maggie walked through my front door, she’d been taking care of the baby’s every need. My response was drinking a bottle of scotch. Not my finest moment.
I reached for one of Esmé’s tiny toes and gently wiggled it. “Hey, little one.” My voice was soft, barely above a whisper. She blinked her lashes as I looked into her version of my eyes. Sure, I had a piece of paper declaring I was her father, but the color of our eyes sealed the deal.
“My name is Lucas.”
I moved closer to her, cupping a hand behind her neck. Her skin was as soft as silk. Her barely there blond wisps of hair curled at the ends. She was perfect.
This was one act in life I couldn’t pretend. There was no plastering on a game face. This was real. A tiny human being needed me to prepare her for life. I didn’t have the strength to lie to myself and believe I was worthy of her. But I hoped to be someday.
“I’m your daddy.” After the words passed through my lips, Esmé smiled up at me with the most beautiful toothless grin. Her entire face lit up like she knew what I was saying to her. If a heart could truly burst with love, mine just did.
23
Lucas
Last night, I did the unthinkable and surrendered to fate. For years, I protected my feelings from the outside world. The image I presented made me appear successful in every aspect of my life. The billionaire playboy who had it all, but nobody knew the real Lucas Shaw—not even me.
I struggled with giving up control, wanting to hang on to the familiar instead of exposing myself to the unknown. The cage I’d locked myself away in had room for only one person—me. And the loneliness was slowly killing me. I hadn’t recognized it until after meeting Peaches. She’d ruined me. Instead of going back to the paid lover routine, I craved a relationship with meaning.
The weight of learning I had a child had slapped me across the face, awakening me to the cold hard facts. I lived my life in a cage locked from the inside, and I couldn’t keep Esmé in there with me. Either I unlocked it and walked out, embracing my daughter, or I gave her away to her mother with a big fat payoff as a goodbye. I chose Esmé.
I’d slept outside on the terrace for the second time since I’d moved to my castle in the sky, skipping the scotch. I’d learned my lesson. The girls had my bedroom while I stared up at the handful of stars breaking through the city lights. It was the best sleep I could remember.
Refreshed and ready to start the day, I straightened my red tie in the perfect, full-Windsor knot. I’d chosen my finest bespoke power suit for the meeting with my father in a few hours. He probably expected me to be sweating bullets. But I had a bullet for him. The day had come for me to slap my trump card down on the desk as he sat on his throne.
I checked on Maggie and Esmé before Jared arrived. They were both sound asleep. Esmé dreamed away in a crib that resembled a mini-domed pop-up tent. Maggie assured me it was made for traveling and completely safe, but we both agreed it would be Esmé’s last night in it. She would have the best of everything from this day forth.
I walked closer to the bed, knowing it bordered crazy stalker territory to watch Maggie in her sleep. But the pull toward her was too great to deny, and surely a quick perusal wasn’t a major crime. It would be the first time I could stare at her beautiful face at leisure.
Maggie’s raven hair draped over her pillow with some covering the sides of her face. I wanted to sit down on the edge of the bed, then run my fingers through the strands and caress the curve of her cheek.
I heard the whisper of Barclay’s warning in my ear, keeping me from giving in to my base urges. Maggie and I on a bed together with me touching her, even in an innocent way, would be lethal.
She began to stir, stretching her arms over her head. The covers fell below her collarbone, exposing her paper-thin white cotton tank. And, of course, she wasn’t wearing a bra. Her shirt was so sheer and snug, it left nothing to the imagination. Her hard nipples pressed against the fabric, full breasts perfectly outlined. God, I wanted to take them in my hands, pull her nipples between my lips. My breathing became shallow.
Hell, I wanted to kiss every inch of her skin. Make love to her until she moaned my name. Feel her come against my tongue. I wanted to ruin her in the best possible way. I grew harder than a teenager seeing his first set of tits, and knew there was only one option, leave the room immediately. Before I could dash out the door, Maggie opened her eyes and smiled at me. The look of sleep wasn’t in them either. There was no blinking away the sandman; she was wide awake.
“You’ve been faking, haven’t you?” my raspy voice said in a stern accusation. There was a glint of mischief in her green eyes.
“Well, I believe in an eye for an eye when it comes to matters of the body.” I squinted my eyes at her, having no clue where she was going with this. “I saw you walking toward your closet after you showered. I really wanted the towel around your hips to drop to the floor.”
She licked her lips, rising up on her elbows. Her breasts were front and center, making me a deer in the headlights. And what spectacular headlights she had.
“I know what you’re doing.” I stepped backward when all I wanted to do was move closer.
She laughed and brought the covers up to her chin. I sighed both in relief and sadness, though every last detail of her wicked tease was etched in my brain.
The doorbell rang through the apartment. Jared was ten minutes early as usual. A cry from the tent crib signaled he’d done the unspeakable and woken the baby.
“My assistant.” I pointed behind me, backing toward the bedroom door.
“Is in trouble.” She motioned to the crib. I turned and left before she moved the covers. I’d seen enough and couldn’t afford to be distracted today. Too much was at stake.
“Jared.” I opened my front door.
“Good morning, sir.” Jared walked inside and stood in the entryway. I closed the door behind him as he shifted on his feet. This morning’s meeting before work was different, complete with an unusual to-do list. One they didn’t teach him at business school.
I sent him a long email last night, outlining what he needed to accomplish today. None of it pertained to Iron Gate. Hell, he wouldn’t be stepping foot in the building until Wednesday. His mission was to purchase everything this apartment needed to accommodate a three-month-old baby and a live-in nanny.
Per our usual setup, I led Jared to my office and sat behind my desk.
“Have a seat.” I pointed to the chair across from me, and he hustled to sit down, relieved to have some direction. “First, I want you to relax. Take a deep breath.”
“I’ll try, but I don’t know the first thing about babies or nannies.”
“Does my apartment look compatible for a child?”
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“No, sir.” Jared shook his head.
“You do know that much, so start there. But don’t turn it into fucking Disneyland. Expense everything to my personal account. I don’t want to blur the lines.”
“Yes, sir. No Cinderella or Snow White.”
“Or that one where that girl sings that annoying ‘Let It Go’ song.”
“Oh, you mean Frozen.” Jared puffed up in his seat, proud he knew something I didn’t.
“See? You’re going to be a natural at this. I expect everything done by five o’clock.” I leaned back in my chair as a look of horror flashed across his face. I tried to suppress my grin, but it was no use. “That would be tomorrow at five. A compatible nursery can’t be built in a day.”
24
Maggie
I sat at the kitchen table holding Esmé in my armsP, feeding her a bottle. I wasn’t sure if she took baby food yet. Some kids did at this age, but her mother didn’t leave a clue. There wasn’t even a record from a pediatrician about important things like shots or allergies. The only thing we knew for certain was the brand of formula Esmé drank.
I’d love to give this Coco person a piece of my mind and maybe my flat palm across her face. Slap some reality into her, even though I’d never hit a person in my life and the only insects I sent to their maker were spiders. But who left a child with nothing more than a bag of diapers and wipes? Try as I might, my mind couldn’t wrap around what this woman did to an innocent child. Not to mention, Lucas. He had a big dose of reality that wore pink and didn’t have teeth.
We had baby essentials delivered yesterday morning. Extra bottles and formula, a mound of diapers, and clothes to last a few days. The pile of baby supplies was scattered all over the kitchen island, counters, tables, and spilled into the living room, which was saying a lot in this cavernous bachelor pad.