by Nicki Rowe
“You look at your necklace alot,” my mother says, coming into the kitchen. “Where did you get it?”
“Wally gave it to me for Christmas.”
She stiffens and turns. “I know I’ve been hard on you, Gideon.” Her eyes are red rimmed. “I’m going to try to be better. I’ll try to be more supportive of your relationship with this...Wally.” She pours some eggnog into two cups and hands me one. “Amber says he’s really kind.”
“He is.”
“And you’re happy?” She asks, patting her blond hair down the way she does when something makes her uncomfortable.
“Deliriously.”
She nods. “Alright.” She pats my hand, looking at me with some sort of emotion I can’t decipher. “You know that’s all we wanted for you.”
“I know,” I say. I don’t want to argue with her.
I watch her leave, feeling like a weight has been lifted from my chest. I can’t help but feel like this time something really has changed with me and my mother. I can hope for it anyway.
~*~
I find myself back in the kitchen the next morning--sitting in the same spot but eating eggs instead of drinking eggnog. Benjamin comes in, grumpy and sullen as always. He grabs a cup of coffee and leans against the counter.
“That’s some necklace.”
“Why does everyone give a shit about my jewelry choices all the sudden.”
“Because you don’t normally wear necklaces.”
I open my mouth to argue, but find that it’s true. I have never worn a necklace. Wally had suggested I don’t wear my collar while I’m in Baltimore, but I need it. I feel naked and incomplete without it.
“What does WP stand for?”
“None of your business, Benji.”
He scoffs. “Mom said the guy you’re seeing gave it to you.”
He reaches out to touch the chain, but I rear back. “Don’t touch.”
It’s not that I think he’s about to touch something sacred, I don’t give a shit who touches my collar as long as they respect my relationship with Wally, but I know Benjamin won’t respect it. He’s a judgemental asshole.
“Why are you acting so weird?”
“Just don’t touch it.”
“Why are you being such a dick? W.P. Isn’t that guy’s name like Wallace or something.”
“Walter.”
“Walter,” he scoffs again. “So, what? This is like some weird ownership thing?”
“No. A collar is like a commitment.” As soon as I say the words I know I had fucked up. Benjamin’s face turns twenty shades of red and he slams the coffee mug on the counter.
“That’s disgusting, Gideon! He owns you?! You wear a collar like a dog?!”
“Fuck off, Benjamin! You don’t know anything about it!”
“Take it off, Gideon!”
“No! Leave me alone!”
“Fine! If you won’t take it off, I’ll do it for you. I’m getting a bolt cutter. We’re getting that thing off of you.” He walks out of the kitchen.
“I will literally punch you in the face if you come back with a bolt cutter!” I yell after him.
But I sink against the counter, knowing my family won’t understand. Wally was right, I should have gone without my collar for the week. I mentally brace for the onslaught of judgement, hatred and aggression.
“Your brother is an idiot, Gideon. Don’t worry about him.”
I turn to see my Aunt Noreen coming into the kitchen. She settles onto the bar stool next to me. She reminds me of those classically beautiful woman in old movies, like she should be in a jazz club, singing about long lost love, but she dresses from the clearance rack at Macy’s and swears more than a sailor.
“That’s true,” I say, “but I know this is going to be a big deal for them. They won’t understand how much it means to me.” My hands comes up and play with the lock again. I don’t even realize I’m doing it until I see Aunt Noreen’s soft smile. “This collar is a symbol of Wally’s love for me. Please, tell me you don’t agree with Benjamin.”
“I don’t. You remember my friend Sylvia?”
“Sylvia? Really?”
“She may look like a crazy cat lady, but that woman has seen more action than me and your mom combined.”
I snort. “I did not need to know that.”
She shrugs. “I’m not gonna judge you, kid. I’ve been around, seen some shit, but your family isn’t going to let this go. They’ve always been judgmental assholes.”
I laugh at the fact that her words mirror my earlier thoughts. “Mother and I have been making amends, this is going to ruin that.”
“Talk to them, Gideon. Maybe one day they’ll understand.”
“I doubt that.”
Footsteps cut off whatever she’s going to say. My parents, brother and sister come into the kitchen, and Aunt Noreen stands from the stool and goes to my side, placing a hand on my shoulder. Amber goes to my other side, wrapping her arms around me.
“It’s wrong,” Benjamin says, coming closer. I’m happy to see he didn’t find bolt cutters. “We have to remove that thing from your neck.”
“Gideon!” my mother shrieks. “What is the meaning of this? Benjamin says that man treats you like some sort of dog!”
“Oh my God.” I roll my eyes. “Broaden your narrow minds for a second. I’m part of the kink community--I won’t go into all the details--but Wally is my...dom.” I had almost said Daddy, but I definitely did not want to add that can of worms to this fire. “Sometimes doms collar their subs as a symbol of their love and commitment. I’ve been wanting a relationship like this for a very long time. I love my collar.”
My father’s face looks like he had just smelled something foul. “We’ve overlooked your behavior, Gideon, but this--this is just wrong.”
“It is not wrong!” Tears are sliding down my cheeks. “Everything you guys are thinking, I have heard: It’s wrong, being this way makes me sick, it’s unsafe,” I heave in a breath,” but that’s where you’re wrong. Kink is about safe, sane, consensual sex. Being with Wally makes me happy, and I refuse to let you guys make me feel bad about it.”
“He’s brainwashed you!” my mother squeals. “Benjamin, get that thing off of him!”
Benjamin comes closer, and I lean back as far as I can away from him. “Back the fuck up, man!” I yell, my fist balling at my side. “Get the fuck away from me, Benjamin!”
And then Amber is in front of me, blocking me from Benjamin. “How dare the three of you! You’re scaring Gideon! This is what he wants!”
“Ames,” Benjamin pleads with her, “you don’t understand.”
“No! You don’t understand! Gideon is happy, and I met Wally. He’s one of the nicest people in the world, and the way he looks at Gideon you can tell he thinks the sun rises and sets with him.” She huffs, blowing a strand of hair from her face. “And you want to take that away from him? What does it hurt if he wants to wear a collar?”
“It’s wrong to want these things, Gideon,” Mother whispers. “The bisexuality I have come to terms with, but this--this isn’t normal.”
I look at her over Benjamin’s shoulder. “It may not be ‘normal’ or work for everyone, but it’s what’s normal and works for me.” I look at Benjamin. “I may give you shit, but I have never judged you. I’ve never tried to make you change, and it breaks my heart that you would try to change me, to take away something that means so much to me.” He has the decency to look remorseful. “This,” I tug lightly on my collar,” is what I want.”
“GET OUT!” My father roars, breaking whatever moment I am having with my mother and brother. “You are not to bring that sickness into my house!”
“Fine!” I look at my mother. “Call me when you are ready to start over again. I-I want a relationship with you, Mother.” I yearn to hug her as tears slide down her cheeks. “I really do.”
I look at Benjamin as I depart, he’s looking at the floor, his hand working over his neck. He doesn’t meet my ey
es, and I feel the fight has gone out of him. I hear more shouting coming from the kitchen as I climb the stairs, Amber and Aunt Noreen are begging my father to let me stay through Christmas. I’ve reached the top when I hear someone begin to ascend. I look down to see Amber.
“If you’re leaving, then I am too.” Her voice leaves no room for argument.
Chapter 26: Wally
The movie had just started when I hear a knock at the door. I stand with a cookie dangling from my mouth and open the door to find Gideon on the other side with his eyes puffy and red like he had been crying.
“I thought you weren’t coming back until the twenty-seventh.”
“Apparently, I’m depraved and sick,” he replies, letting himself in and dragging his suitcase behind him.
“Let me guess, they found out about the collar.”
He snorts. “My brother actually tried to take it off.”
Inside I’m fuming, hating that his parents don’t see the confident, successful man I see, but I keep my anger in check and gather Gideon into my arms. “I’m sorry, baby.”
“Doesn’t matter,” he says, pulling back to kiss me. “You taste like eggnog and alcohol. I want some.”
I laugh and kiss him again. “Get settled, baby. I’ll bring you some.”
I go into the kitchen and pour some eggnog into a cup for Gideon. When I come back into the living room, my boy is laying on the couch, a cookie in hand and watching TV.
“What is this?”
“An eighties Eddie Murphy classic.” I hand him his eggnog and sit on the other end of the couch, pulling his feet into my lap. He nudges me with his foot, getting my attention and I look at him. “What, baby?”
“I think this should be our Christmas tradition for here on out: just you and me, cookies, eggnog and a shitty movie.”
“This movie is not shitty.”
“I’m sorry, Daddy, but it’s shitty,” he argues which makes me laugh, “but you’re shitty taste in movies is one of the many reasons I love you.”
“I love you too, my boy. Now shut up and eat your cookie.”
Books By Nicki Rowe
The Marks Brothers Series
August
Gabriel
Dustin
The Boys of Glensville Series
Diego
Caleb
Mason
Alex
Anthony (Coming soon)
One More Shot Series
Wally and Gideon
Michael (Coming Soon)
Marshall Siblings Series
Gideon and Wally
Benjamin (Coming Soon)
Immortal Lovers Series
Freeing the Dragon (Coming Soon)