“You know…” Kiss. “We could always…” Kiss. “Just take this as…” More kisses. “A sign.”
“A sign for what?” he breathed.
“A sign that maybe we could just be…” One long, especially passionate kiss with tongue and teeth. “Spontaneous.”
“How?”
His mouth on my earlobe, my neck, my jaw. His hand between my legs, gently rubbing. Lightning behind my closed lids. “Let’s just have sex without a condom and…see what happens.”
He stilled.
One heartbeat. Two. He seemed to remember himself and his hand twitched just a little bit.
“You mean…?”
I turned my head to look into his face. “Why not?”
My hands were on him, moving across his flat, hard stomach, those bumpy abs I loved so much. I gripped him in my fist, sliding my palm along his length. His lids fell, and he sucked in a shaking breath. “You aren’t fighting fair.”
“I’m not fighting. I just want you inside me.”
“Fuck, I want to be inside you.”
My mouth slid across his chest, took in a nipple and teased it gently with the edge of my teeth. His fingers sifted my hair, pulling at it. “You are a witch, a temptress.”
“Nope, just a woman who wants her husband to fuck her—hard.”
In seconds he had me flipped on my back, and he was wedging himself between my legs, moving over me like a thunderstorm, wreaking havoc on my senses, with his hands, his mouth. His cock pushed against my entrance.
He shoved himself into me so quickly and hard that I cried out. But he didn’t seem to notice, already driving himself into me with violent crashes, needy, hungry—as starving as I felt.
“Fuuuuck you feel so good. Oh my god, Emilia,” he groaned against my neck. His length and girth inside of me, hard and ungiving,
I threw my head back, feeling that familiar rise toward orgasm, the pleasure seizing me by the throat and dragging me along with it. Behind my closed lids, I saw stars flare in conjunction with the swivel of his hips grinding against mine. I clamped onto his lower back, and ground my hips in answer—a call and response.
“Harder. Fuck me harder,” I rasped against his neck, and then as if to punctuate my please, I sank my teeth into his neck. He grabbed my wrists and pinned them on either side of my head and leaned up on them, hovering over me to gain leverage. When I looked into his eyes, it was like seeing the eyes of a starving wolf staring into the face of his prey.
Our eyes met in that moment, and I couldn’t breathe from the intensity of our connection. Suddenly my body arched against his, the orgasm overtaking me with a sudden force I hadn’t expected. He slammed against me and explosions of pleasure erupted from my core, spreading in shockwaves all over my body.
“Adam, oh, oh yes.”
It kept going. And I was stunned, breathless and shivering beneath him as he continued his relentless pace, releasing my wrists and pushing up on his arms until—
He slipped out of me, and after a beat, he stiffened. He came against my thigh. With a rough growl, he let out a long breath of release.
I blinked, trying to examine this feeling. Sure, it had been impulse to ask him. We hadn’t discussed this since right before our wedding. But somehow in this moment, the possibility had seemed so right, and even… exhilarating.
I wanted this… it felt like time.
And though I wasn’t terribly surprised that Adam had pulled out, I had to admit that I was disappointed.
We didn’t talk for a long time, only held each other in the dark, our sweaty bodies turning chilly. When he finally rolled off of me, instead of leaving the room immediately to avoid the impending discussion, like he might have done in our earlier days, he turned to me instead.
“I’m sorry,” he rasped.
I turned to him, putting a palm against his whiskery cheek. “Why on earth are you apologizing to the women you just made come so hard she saw stars?”
He took in a deep breath and released it again, his breath still faster than normal. And he watched me, examined every inch of my face. “I know what you were asking.”
I nodded. “Of course you did. You know how babies are made.”
He swallowed, then shook his head. “I can’t—I mean I couldn’t. I can’t be spontaneous with this. There’s just so much—”
“Shhh.” I pressed my thumb to his lips and he automatically kissed it. “It’s okay. I’m not mad. It was spontaneous. But I understand. To ask you do make this decision on a lark because you wanted sex was asking you to be something you can’t be. I know the man I married. I know you don’t work that way.”
He lowered his head and kissed my temple, the tops of my eyes through my closed lids. “I love you so much.”
“I know.” I laughed, giving that old Han Solo response we used to enjoy exchanging back in the day. I rested in the nook of his arm, my cheek pressed to his chest and I couldn’t shake this feeling… as if making that impulsive suggestion had opened a Pandora’s box of yearning desire within me.
I kissed his chest. “Adam?”
“Yes?”
“I really do want to have your baby. And, to me, it feels like we’re ready.”
He blew out a breath. “Emilia. The idea crossed your mind fifteen minutes ago. How can you—”
“It was a sudden suggestion but it’s been at the back of my mind for years, you know? Since our loss… I really want us to try again.”
“But the risk—”
I met his gaze, stared deeply into his eyes. “I promise you I will always be honest with you. And yes, there is a risk. But there’s always a risk. For everyone. It might not be cancer or whatever. But risk is always there. It’s life, Adam. And I want to live it. I want a family with you.” I took his hand and placed the flat of it against my stomach. “I want to feel your child growing here. Or if that’s not possible, to build a family in another way. But I want us to be parents because I think we’d be pretty fucking amazing at it.”
Another long silence where he was impossibly still, like a statue. Then he brushed my cheek with the back of his fingers. “Let’s sit down and have a serious conversation about it when we get home.”
I bit my lip. Was he stalling again? But how to bring that up without a confrontation?
He seemed to read those thoughts in my eyes.
“I’m not putting this off. We’ll have that discussion, I promise you. You can put it on the calendar. But you know me. I need research, data, medical opinions. Best practices—”
I bust out laughing. “Oh, I think we have the ‘best practices’ part down quite well already.”
For the first time since I’d proposed us having unprotected sex tonight, he laughed, too. “We do that part incredibly well, that’s true.”
I placed my hands on either side of his head and stared into those fathomless dark eyes. So serious. So responsible. So intent on keeping me absolutely safe from any sort of harm. “I love you, husband.”
He kissed me with a smile on his face, then nuzzled my neck in a spot he knew was ticklish. “I love you, Emilia. Always.”
“Mm. We’re a Nat 20, never forget it.”
“Absolutely,” he breathed.
Not long later, we nestled together under the covers. He wrapped himself around me and I listened to him drift off into a peaceful sleep, his breath coming steady and calm. I stared out the window at the glowing mountain scape, basking in the quiet and secure feelings of safety and happiness in my husband’s arms.
We’d been through so much. I completely understood where his fears came from. But fears could be faced—and hopefully, overcome.
As for me, well, I could only feel excitement for what lay ahead of us.
Because easy or hard, we’d pwn it all. And we’d do it together.
Afterword
Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed For The Holidays. Please consider leaving a review at the site where you purchased it. I welcome all honest reviews.
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Web: www.BrennaAubrey.net
The Gaming The System series
Girl Geek (Mia) (click to purchase)
At Any Price (Adam and Mia part 1) (click to download)
At Any Turn (Adam and Mia part 2) (click to purchase)
At Any Moment (Adam and Mia part 3) (click to purchase)
For The Win (Jordan and April) (click to purchase)
For The One (William and Jenna) (click to purchase)
Worth Any Cost (Adam and Mia part 4) (click to purchase)
It was Always You (Jeremy & Michaela) (click to purchase)
For The Taking (Katya and Lucas) (click to purchase)
For The Holidays (Adam, Mia, et al) (click to purchase)
The Point of No Return series
High Risk (click to purchase)
High Reward (click to purchase)
Acknowledgements
A book is never created in a vacuum and mine typically involve a lot of moving parts. And during an exceptionally difficult and trying year for us all, I'm extremely grateful for all who played a part in the making of this one.
So much gratitude for my intrepid and amazing first readers, Kate McKinley & Sabrina Darby, who never complained once when I sent them the very early and ugly first draft, read it, laughed and encouraged me even through all the typos, mistakes and gaps in the story. You push me constantly to make it a better book and you do it so well. I love you ladies! Much thanks to Dayna Hart, a new addition to the team who helped me smooth over the finish product. For the gorgeous cover: Sarah Hansen of Okay Creations, Lindee Robinson of Lindee Robinson Photography and the real couple "stand-ins" for Adam & Mia : Marcus and Elena Filip.
For the Brenna Aubrey book group and the readers who give me life. I'm so amazed by this supportive group of people who look out for each other and stay connected via their love of my books. Thank you for sharing the laughs and the tears and for just being you. Much love to Kelly Allenby--for so much that if I had to list it, I'd need to write a whole other acknowledgements section--running the reader group, reaching out to readers and audiobook listeners, stepping in when I'm too absent-minded or overwhelmed to handle social media, etc. etc. And thank you to early ARC readers for their early deep dives into the material. You're amazing and I love you. For all the loyal Gaming The System readers who've been here since At Any Price and are so invested in these fictional people who walk around in my head: you make it possible for me to be able to continue writing about them and I couldn't do it without you. I hope their continuing story is everything you've hoped for.
For my family... husband, the no-longer-so-little kiddos, I know you put up with a lot, particularly Mom disappearing for long periods of time while she's crashing toward deadline. I guess as teenagers, that isn't such a huge sacrifice anymore LOL. For Mom, my tireless encouragement and unconditional love--it means so much. Love you.
I've had many jobs during my adult life and this one has been a helluva ride. It's by far not the easiest, but definitely the best.
Copyright ©2021 by Brenna Aubrey
All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.
Trademarked names appear throughout this book. Rather than use a trademark symbol with every occurrence of a trademarked name, names are used in an editorial fashion, with no intention of infringement of the respective owner’s trademark.
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events and incidents are either the products of the author’s imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.
Cover Art: ©Sarah Hansen, Okay Creations
Cover photo © Lindee Robinson Photography
Cover Models: Elena Filip and Marcus Filip
20210204
ISBN 978-1-940951-77-5
Silver Griffon Associates
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For The Holidays (Gaming The System Book 9) Page 19