by Mikaela Bley
‘What? I don’t understand …’
‘Is everything okay? I’ve texted the address to you.’
There was a beep on Ellen’s phone. She looked at the address. Solbyn 2, Stentuna. Hanna Andersson’s address. Alice …
‘Did you get the message? Hello? Sorry, maybe this wasn’t a good idea. But I thought, you’re there and you really want to work … You would have been furious if I hadn’t called. Ellen!’
‘It’s fine, I’m going,’ she said, hanging up.
She sat up, her head spinning. It took a few seconds before she collected herself. She wanted to hurry, but her body wouldn’t obey. It was as if everything was in slow motion.
Her chest ached, and it was hard to breathe.
The ground rocked beneath her, and she was forced to sit back on the bed again so as not to fall. She tried to pull herself together.
Why is this happening?
She closed her eyes, but forced herself to open them again.
‘Death, death, death …’
Breathe, Ellen, breathe, she thought, trying to snap her fingers, but they had gone numb.
Her heart was beating so hard that she could hear it. It was racing. She tried to keep track of the beats, but they got more and more away from her.
ELLEN
2.00 A.M.
She was woken up by someone pounding on the door, and then opening it.
‘Ellen, wake up. Your colleague is here,’ said Margareta, turning on the ceiling light.
She sat up and squinted into the blinding light. ‘What’s happening?’ She looked at the clock and tried to understand how it came to be that Jimmy and her mother were standing in her room in the middle of the night. She pulled the blanket around her.
‘I didn’t have a photographer free, so I drove down myself, and then I got worried when you didn’t show up. I tried to call, but you didn’t answer, so I came here.’
Ellen checked her phone. Twenty missed calls. The penny dropped.
‘How did it go? Did you find her?’
‘Yes, she was hiding in the sandbox at the school.’
‘What is this? Who was hiding? I don’t know what’s going on,’ said Margareta. ‘Are you sneaking around at night, Ellen? Why should you be meeting in the middle of the night? You know you’re not feeling well, and you absolutely should not work.’ Her words were slurred, and Ellen could tell that she wasn’t sober.
Jimmy looked uncertainly at Margareta, as if he were a teenager who’d been caught red-handed.
‘Mum. There was a child who had disappeared, a woman who’s been murdered. What am I supposed to do?’
‘Is that why you’re away during the daytime, and why you’ve been in Stockholm? And here I thought … There must be others who can work on that?’
Ellen stood up. Her legs felt weak, and she wasn’t sure whether they would hold her. ‘Please leave us alone, Mum.’
‘We’ll have to talk about this tomorrow.’ Margareta snorted and closed the door.
Jimmy sat down beside Ellen on the bed.
‘How did you get in?’
‘There was a light on, and I knocked. Your mother answered the door. I think she’s tipsy. You’re a bit alike when you’re intoxicated.’ He laughed.
She boxed him on the arm.
‘So, this is where you grew up?’ Jimmy looked around. ‘A whole fucking castle.’ He shook his head. ‘Is that your parents?’ He pointed at the portraits over the bed.
Ellen nodded.
‘You’re joking. You’ve never had sex with anyone in this bed, have you? You couldn’t have. With them staring down at you? You’d never get me to do that.’ He grinned.
‘So, you couldn’t find a photographer?’
‘No, I called everyone on the list, but …’
‘I don’t understand you. Why are you so cold at work and now …?’
‘I know. Sorry. I get so nervous when I’m around you and then I try to ignore my feelings for you. It comes out wrong.’
‘Like yesterday?’
‘I know, please, don’t bring that up.’
Ellen felt slightly nauseated. ‘I don’t know what happened. I must have dozed off. I took two sleeping pills earlier.’
He stroked her cheek. ‘I don’t think you should work, I don’t think it’s actually good for you. Sorry, I really shouldn’t have called …’
‘It’s not your fault. When the memories get too strong, it’s as if they’re drowning me. I see the things I don’t want to see, remember things that I don’t want to remember.’
She told him about Dr Hiralgo and what they’d talked about, and was astonished at how everything just came out of her. It felt so natural to talk to him. Trust, she thought it was called. So surprising, but so obvious.
Jimmy took her in his arms. Hugged her tight.
‘It hurts so much. All of this. I’m afraid of myself.’ The tears were running down her cheeks. ‘Make it stop. I can’t bear it like this.’
‘I wish I could help you, but I don’t know how.’ He let go of her and looked at her with his big dark eyes. ‘I wish everything was different. Imagine if I could be with you every day. Take care of you.’ He wiped away her tears. ‘I’ll stay here until you fall asleep.’ He gave her a kiss on the cheek and tucked her in. Lay down beside her and held her.
SUNDAY, 24 AUGUST
ELLEN
8.00 A.M.
When Ellen opened her eyes, she was met by Jimmy looking into them and smiling warmly.
‘Good morning. I only meant to stay until you fell asleep last night, but I must have dozed off too.’
It made her warm all over.
‘It’s creepy the way your parents are staring at me,’ he said, looking at the portraits above the bed.
‘Oh, really,’ Ellen said, smiling. She wanted to hug him, touch him, but didn’t dare. She was trying to understand why Jimmy was in her bed, and slowly but surely, she started to remember the night.
He gave her a kiss on the nose. ‘Sorry,’ he said, sitting up. ‘I shouldn’t have done that. I’d better get back to Stockholm.’ He got up.
Ellen sat up in bed. ‘Tell me about yesterday — what actually happened?’
‘They found the girl, it seems she got scared and ran away. Her mother found her in the sandbox at the school. In her hand, apparently, she was holding Liv’s phone. In the course of the search, a stone with dried blood on it was also found out in the field. The police think it could be the murder weapon.’
She nodded. Carola had been right. ‘But how could the girl have Liv’s phone?’
‘Yeah, you tell me. She claimed she found it in the sandbox.’
Ellen didn’t understand at all. ‘Was the dad there?’
‘Not that I saw, but there was a big search party before she was found.’
‘Why didn’t you send a photographer?’
‘There weren’t any available.’ He smiled, shoved his hands into his pants pockets, and leant against the doorframe. ‘Okay, I wanted to see you.’
They looked at each other in silence for a few seconds.
‘Come here,’ she said, even though she knew it was wrong.
‘Ellen …’
‘Come.’
‘It won’t work. I have to leave.’
It felt like nothing mattered any more. She’d already thrown herself off the cliff. Whatever happened now she would fall headfirst. She didn’t want to think about Bianca and Jeanette, or about any consequences whatsoever.
‘Stop biting your lip like that, Ellen Tamm.’ He shook his head, pulled off his T-shirt, and went to her.
His skin was olive, and his chest hairless. She had never felt as attracted to a man as she was to Jimmy. He pulled off his pants, but before he crawled into the bed, he took down the portraits and put
them on the floor.
She was laughing as he lay down beside her.
His body was warm. ‘You don’t know how much I’ve missed you.’ He kissed her carefully.
Ellen’s body was shaking.
‘Relax,’ he said, caressing her cheek, continuing down over her shoulder towards her breasts. He pulled up her singlet and carefully pinched her nipple with his lips.
She closed her eyes and felt her body slowly let go.
ELLEN
9.30 A.M.
‘Good morning,’ said Margareta as they came down into the kitchen. ‘Did you sleep here?’ she asked, looking at Jimmy.
‘Yeah, he slept in the guest room,’ said Ellen, before Jimmy had time to answer.
‘I see. How nice.’
‘Yeah, right.’ Jimmy nodded. ‘Thanks for letting me sleep over. It got so late last night that I decided to drive back in the morning instead.’
‘There’s coffee, just help yourselves. I’m working out in the garden. Have a smell of this amazing coriander that I’ve grown,’ said Margareta, pushing the plant under his nose.
Ellen hoped it wasn’t the one that Didrik had peed on.
Jimmy did as she said, and it looked as if the plant was tickling his face. ‘Um, but, isn’t this parsley?’
‘What? No.’ Margareta smelt it too. ‘I see, yes. Do you know much about gardening?’
‘No.’ He laughed and ran his hand through his hair. ‘I’ve just played soccer on grass, that’s as close as I’ve gotten to a garden. But I enjoy cooking and I like herbs. I’d love a small cup of coffee, thanks.’
Margareta took a cup out of the cupboard and lingered. ‘And how are things with little Bianca? She must be two by now?’
Ellen knew that she’d looked at the list and became self-conscious. It sounded like they didn’t do anything other than talk about Jimmy.
Jimmy looked surprised. ‘Uh, she’s fine, thanks. She’s with my in-laws in Västerås for the weekend.’
Ellen lowered her eyes. What she had ignored only an hour ago now hit her in the stomach so hard that she was forced to bend over so as not to scream.
‘What’s going on with you, Ellen?’ Margareta asked, placing her hand on her back.
‘It’s nothing, I’m probably just hungry,’ she said, even though food was the last thing on her mind.
They sat down around the old drop-leaf table in the kitchen. Margareta set out the cups and poured coffee. ‘Well, what would you like to eat, Ellen? We don’t have that much at home. Unfortunately, I can’t offer a hotel breakfast, if that’s what you were expecting?’
Ellen just shook her head.
‘Ellen isn’t up to working right now,’ her mother continued. ‘I don’t know if you’re aware how she’s been feeling …’
‘Mother!’
‘You have a very nice place here,’ said Jimmy, looking around, and then stopping to stare out the window. ‘It’s lovely with the water nearby.’
‘Oh, you think so?’ said Margareta. ‘Every day, I’m forced to look out at the lake that took my daughter’s life.’
‘Mum! … I don’t think Jimmy should have to listen to that.’
Jimmy put his hand on Ellen’s knee under the table and gave her a calming look.
Margareta continued. ‘It took fifteen years before I went down to the shore again. Now it’s fine. Although I can’t go down without thinking about what happened. Then, it was a little bathing beach, now it’s completely overgrown. Do you remember how we battled to keep the reeds away?’
Ellen nodded, but squirmed in discomfort.
‘The way we toiled. Dug up the bottom and put in sand. It was a lot of work, I can remember. We stopped doing that.’ She shrugged her shoulders and then let them slowly sink. ‘There were a lot of water lilies that we also tried to remove.’
Ellen instinctively gripped the water lily around her neck.
Her mother looked thoughtfully at her. ‘Elsa’s necklace must be somewhere in the mud.’
Her fingers started tingling.
‘I think a lot when I go down there. How life would have been for Elsa if she’d been alive today. It’s not possible to think about everything she’s missed, my girl.’
‘I’m so sorry about what the two of you have had to go through. I can completely understand how you can’t go on after that. Your whole life changes.’
Margareta nodded. ‘Things would have gone so well for her, I’m convinced of that. I’m sure I would have had some little grandchildren by now.’
It hurt Ellen when she saw her mother’s eyes fill with tears. It was a physical pain that throbbed so brutally that it felt like she would fall apart. She put her hands under the table and quietly snapped her fingers.
Jimmy was quickly there and took her hands.
Margareta stared out the window. ‘What would she have looked like as a grownup?’
She shifted her tear-filled eyes and met Ellen’s. Then she stood up suddenly and went over to the coffee. Why was her mother carrying on like this now?
‘Pooh, let’s forget about me. What do your parents do?’ Margareta asked with tears in her voice.
‘What kind of work, do you mean?’
‘Mum, what kind of question is that?’
‘It’s fine,’ said Jimmy. ‘My mum works at a dry cleaner, and my dad runs a construction company in Malmö. They’re from Serbia. Belgrade.’
‘I see. Were you born here?’
Ellen figured that this must be the most exotic thing Margareta had been involved in for a long time.
‘Yes, I was born in Malmö.’
‘I see, yes. Well, I guess I thought considering your name — Jimmy. It sounds Swedish.’
‘Yeah, my mother wanted me to have a Swedish name so that I would blend into society, and then she chooses a name ending in y!’ He laughed.
Margareta laughed, too, but she probably didn’t understand what he meant, Ellen thought. Names ending with ‘y’ had been found to be common among Swedish prisoners.
‘Yes, I’m a property manager myself.’
Jimmy nodded. ‘How interesting. Do you like it?’
‘I’m just joking, but you mustn’t think that a house like this runs itself. It takes time, I can tell you. And my children aren’t always that helpful.’
There was a beep on her phone. It was a text from Agatha.
They’ve got a DNA match on the sperm.
Who? Ellen quickly wrote back.
Patrik Bosängen.
HANNA
11.00 A.M.
Alice had been curled up on her bed, and at first had refused to tell her what had happened the night before. She was afraid, that much was obvious. But finally, Hanna managed to get it out of her. Alice had heard Karl and Bea talking about how Hanna had had Liv’s phone, and so it must have been Hanna who’d killed Liv. Alice got scared that her mother would end up in prison, so she took the phone and hid it. Alice had lied to the police and told them that she found it in the sandbox.
Hanna tossed unmatched socks on the floor and tried in vain to find matching pairs, but nothing added up. At last, she tore out the whole sock drawer, turned it upside down so that everything fell in a big pile on the floor, and dropped down on her knees beside it. The tears were still running down her cheeks as the pieces started falling into place. Bea wanted to have Hanna put away. She was the one who did the break-in, and she must have found the phone in Hanna’s drawer. And Karl had been part of it: he had known that Hanna had the phone.
Her maternal heart broke completely, especially when she thought about what Alice had done to protect her. She picked up a sock from the floor and dried her wet cheeks. Tried to gather the last scrap of energy she had so as to finish packing. She hadn’t gotten a sensible word out of Karl, but could see that he was ashamed. In any case, she h
oped he was.
She heard a car pull up in the driveway and went over to the window to see who it was. It was Stoffe. He had no right to be here. Her anger grew at the mere sight of him.
When Karl called and told her that Alice was gone, Stoffe had fled the scene and taken Bea with him to the city. Hanna had had to handle the police and the ambulance and everyone who joined in the search for their daughter all by herself. Not to mention the worry she had to carry herself. They’d been at it for three hours before Hanna happened to think of the sandbox.
‘Hello, is anyone home?’ Stoffe called as he came in the door.
She didn’t answer and continued to fold the clothes, things just got more and more sloppy. In truth, she should have just crumpled them up.
It didn’t take long before he came into Karl’s room. He looked around the room. ‘What are you doing?’
‘What does it look like?’
‘Hanna …’ He took hold of her arms, and she dropped the jumper she had in her hands.
‘Let me go!’
‘Okay, okay.’ He backed up a few steps.
‘I don’t want you here.’ She picked up the jumper from the floor and pulled at the sleeves to try to make it less wrinkled.
He sank down on Karl’s bed. ‘The police know that Liv and I had a relationship and that the sperm is mine. But they think she was raped.’
‘Well, was she?’
‘How can you ask such a question?’
‘I don’t know what to think any more.’ She thought about Stoffe’s bruises and the scratches. ‘I called Liv’s sister this morning. Your sister-in-law. Mine, too, I suppose. I pretended that I was a friend.’
‘And?’
‘Apparently, she’d never gotten to meet any of Liv’s old boyfriends. Isn’t that odd?’
Stoffe stared down at the floor. ‘They’re going to want to question me and you and Alexandra. They’re also going to swab the two of you and perhaps take your fingerprints.’