by Mazzy King
But that was before I got my heart broken.
When Jaxson left my house Sunday morning, he promised to call me. And later that day, he did. I was worried for him. He said his boss’s behavior was out of the norm, so I thought something might be wrong. Turns out, I was right.
He explained his boss was aware of our relationship, having seen us together, and that he advised Jaxson we not see each other until the trial ended. Optics, and stuff. And the rational part of me understands. The rational part of me also does not want to do anything that might prevent the jury from taking me seriously that Howard Barber is a monster who needs to be locked in a cage. I can’t exist in a world where a man like that goes free…I just can’t. And I won’t.
But the not-so-rational part of me, the part of me that’s all heart and feelings, the part of me that’s light…is shattered by that.
I was prepared to face the hardest moment of my life alone—of course, my sister, who flew in on Monday, and my dad will be there, but I was essentially on my own because they didn’t know the ins and outs of everything. Not until I tell that part of the story.
But when I met Jaxson and we connected, I realized I had someone who got it. Who saw me. Who understood as much as an outsider could what I was going through. He might not have experienced anything like what I did, but he’s seen a lot of ugliness and evil. And I realized I had someone who was truly in my corner, who I could let down my walls with.
And then he backed away.
Intellectually, I understand.
Emotionally, it hurts. A lot. I’m terrified.
And I’m alone—in this bathroom, in my thoughts, in my fear. I’m all by myself.
I walk out of the bathroom on shaking legs. A bailiff stands outside the courtroom door with my lawyer, Julie. She’s a brilliant prosecutor, and I could not be in better hands. I told her I wanted zero press. I did not want my name released to the public. I did not want any cameras inside the courtroom. I have no idea how she made it happen, but while media coverage about him is high, my name hasn’t been printed anywhere.
When I reach her, she gives me a quick hug. “Doing all right?”
I nod. “As much as I can be.”
She squeezes my hand. “I’m going to be right there. When I ask you questions, you just look at me. Just like we talked about. And when the defense questions you, know that I’m going to have your back. I’m not going to let him get out of line with you.”
I know she won’t. I trust her.
I take in a few deep breaths. “Well, it’s now or—”
“Hazel.”
The sound of that voice brings me up short.
Julie glances over my shoulder. “Oh, Officer. What can I do for you?”
I slowly turn around.
He’s resplendent in his service blues, a neatly pressed long-sleeved dark blue shirt, a tie, perfectly pressed trousers. The badge pinned to his chest even looks shiny, like he polished it that morning.
Jaxson has never looked more devastatingly sexy than he does right now. I want to be in his arms so badly I can practically taste it.
He nods politely at Julie. “I was wondering if I could have a word with Ms. Summers for a moment.”
Julie gives him an equally polite nod. “Well, I suppose that’s up to Ms. Summers, all due respect.”
“Ms. Summers?” Jaxson asks softly.
I nod at Julie. “Just—just give me a minute, okay?”
“A minute,” she murmurs, “but not too much longer than that. The judge doesn’t like to be kept waiting.”
She turns her back, and I walk a few steps away with Jaxson. It’s as much privacy as we’re going to get.
“What are you doing here?” I ask, trying not to sound too accusatory. “I thought this was against the rules or whatever.”
He winces, ever so slightly. “I’m here for you, Hazel. You said you needed me here to testify. I’m here.”
“Are you just making sure I’ll go through with what I said?” I fold my arms.
A hurt but understanding look passes through his eyes. “I’m here because I promised you I would be.”
“That was before you decided it was best for you to back away. So what changed?”
He takes my hand. A risky move, considering where we are and who’s around. But I can’t find it in myself to pull away. “Nothing has changed. Absolutely nothing.”
My eyes burn, threatening to fill with tears. Oh, no. I won’t. “I don’t know what that means, Jaxson.”
“It means I love you,” he says in a low voice. “Me loving you was never a question. I hate this, Hazel. All I want to do is be with you, but there’s too much on the line. Your safety. Your happiness. I told you before—I’m not going anywhere. Not until you tell me to.”
“Hazel,” my lawyer calls. “We’ve got to go.”
I nod, then turn to Jaxson.
“Can we please…can we please talk later? Please? When this is resolved, or close to it?” His beautiful hazel eyes are earnest. My hard feelings start to melt a little.
He’s done a lot for me. Made me feel things I didn’t think I’d be able to. Kept promises he made me when…he’s not really supposed to.
He promised to wait for me. I can do the same for him
“Yes,” I say softly. “I’m not going anywhere.”
The smile he gives me nearly takes my breath away.
“Into the lion’s den I go,” I tell him.
He shakes his head. “No. You are the lion. And don’t ever forget that, Hazel Summers.”
He gives my hand a tight squeeze, his thumb caressing the back of my hand.
When I go into the courtroom to face down the man who tried to destroy me, it’s with a roar in my heart.
It’s been a terribly long day. Like…horribly long. And easily the most emotionally trying of my life, all things considered. The lengths Howard Barber’s attorneys went to paint me as the psychopath, claiming to be obsessed with him and orchestrating the whole thing, down to the two girls who found me, to get his attention and pay him back for “breaking up with me,” were absolutely disgusting. There’s a special, extra-hot place in hell for those assholes.
My dad and my sister wanted to keep me company, but the only thing I want right now is to be alone. I just want to cuddle up with Lieutenant Dan and process everything.
I just want to cuddle up with Jaxson.
It feels like a betrayal to my family, but if I were going to be around anyone, it would be him. He provides a different kind of comfort. He understands me.
And I miss him.
I tell my family I’ll see them tomorrow. We’ll be together only until Sunday, so I want to make the most of things with them.
Just not tonight.
When I get home, I change into sweats, a cami, and a loose sweater that hangs off one shoulder. I throw my hair up into a bun and set about fixing the lieutenant’s food. My own stomach grumbles for the first time that day, but I don’t have any food in the house, nothing to make a meal out of. And I’ll be damned if I leave the house again today. For one thing, I’m drained. For another, it’s started to snow outside.
“Guess it’s pizza, then,” I tell my cat, who dives, purring, into his food bowl.
Before I can pick up the phone to order, my doorbell rings.
I immediately pull up my security app to see who’s at my door. It’s a tall, bundled shape holding what looks like a white, plastic bag. I use the app’s microphone device.
“Who’s there?” I try to sound intimidating, like I’m the kind of woman who keeps a piece under her pillow or at least, a butcher’s knife at the ready.
“Jaxson,” the man replies.
Oh, shit.
“I just wanted to drop off some food,” he adds hastily. “I thought you might be hungry. You’ve had a long day.”
“Hang on.” I set the phone down and hurry to the door, unlock it, then throw it open.
He smiles at me, his face almost lost inside his
puffy hood. He holds up the bag. “Napolis. Shrimp scampi.”
I purse my lips. “Is there two entrées there?”
“Two shrimp scampis. So you don’t have to cook tomorrow if you don’t want to.”
I tilt my head. “Why don’t you come in? I mean…can you?”
He nods. “I’d like that, but I have Cookie with me.” He gestures to where his truck is running in the driveway. Cookie is in the passenger seat, ears cocked with interest as she watches us.
“Bring her in,” I tell him. “Stay and eat with me. Please.”
He doesn’t argue, just hands me the bag and hurries back to his car. The snow is really coming down now. It’s the soft, powdery stuff, but the temps will be well below freezing tomorrow, so it might turn into ice soon.
I glance at my cat. “You’re going to have a new four-legged friend in here. Don’t lose your shit, LD.”
He blinks slowly at me. I swear, if he had human eyebrows, he’d be raising one and gesturing to himself with a claw. Who, me?
Cookie seems to be a little timid as Jaxson brings her inside. She spots Lieutenant Dan and freezes. He remains on the counter, studying her, then sprawls out. He’ll come around; he likes to take his time.
The food is still piping hot. “Did you just pick it up?”
He nods, shucking his coat. He changed out of his uniform into a RCPD gray hooded sweatshirt and jeans. “You should eat hot food when it’s hot.”
We sit and eat together. My appetite returns with a vengeance and I finish the whole meal. Jaxson looks pleased.
I pour some red wine and hand him a glass. We sit hunched in our chairs, our bodies angled toward each other, sipping in silence for a moment.
“I can clear off if you want me to,” he says, reaching out to stroke my forearm. “I’m sure you’re exhausted.”
“I am,” I admit. “I’m tired, but I can’t relax.”
He cocks an eyebrow, smiling. “Wait here.”
I watch in surprise as he heads to my bathroom. A moment later I hear the bathtub water running. He pokes his head out and beckons me.
Curious, I follow him, then smile when I reach the bathroom. He’s run me a bath, obviously, but he’s added some of the special, pH-balanced bubble bath I keep under the bathroom sink and lit the merlot-scented candle I keep in there specifically for bathtime. Bubbles create frothy mountains on top of the steaming water, and just looking at it makes me melt.
“Your Grace,” he murmurs, pulling me to him by the waist. “May I help you out of your royal robes?”
“You may.” I giggle, letting him pull my sweater off, then the cami, underneath which I’m wearing nothing at all. His hands drop to my waist and he slowly tugs my sweats off my hips, letting them drop to the floor.
I’m not wearing anything under those, either.
I bite my lip, watching him watching me with a look in his eyes that’s as steamy as the bathwater. I place my hand on his shoulder and push lightly.
“Bend the knee,” I say softly.
His lips curl into a feral grin as he sinks to the floor. He props my foot on the toilet seat, then leans in. He cups my ass for stability while he eats me like I’m on the dessert menu.
I reach behind me and grab the counter with one hand and place my other hand on his head for balance and guidance, gasping with pleasure.
Everything—falling in love with him, needing him, wanting him, the stress of the day, the stress and anxiety of the last couple of months—culminates in one powerful twang of release as I come on his tongue. My legs immediately go boneless and I slide to the floor. He catches me and stands up, cradling me, then helps me into the tub.
“Just relax, now,” he says. He scrubs my back with a loofah until I’m completely relaxed, then ducks out of the bathroom to give me some privacy.
When I emerge forty-five minutes later, I’m wrapped in my fluffy robe that hangs on the bathroom hook and I feel more human. More like myself. I cross the room and straddle Jaxson’s lap.
“So, is it safe for us to be us, again?” I murmur.
“Probably not,” he replies, his gaze fixed on my lips. “But I’m finding it damn near impossible to stay away from you.”
“We don’t have much longer,” I whisper, bringing my mouth to his. “I was the last one to testify. Closing arguments are tomorrow. They could have a verdict before the weekend.”
He kisses me fully on the mouth. His lips feel like coming home—he is home.
His hands drop to my robe’s belt and tug the ends. I’m bare underneath, my skin soft and supple from my bath. He slowly pushes the robe off my shoulders and drags his fingers along the sides of my chests and breasts. The sensation makes my skin tingle, makes my nipples hard, and I lean back as he ducks head to suck them.
I feel him, hard and ready between my thighs. I help him pull his shirt off, then I tug his jeans and boxers off. I bring my mouth to his, licking into his mouth as I sink onto his thick cock, gasping at the sensation of it opening me, filling me.
I ride him slowly, our mouths fused together, his arms tight around me, his body warm against mine.
Yes. Home.
I pull my mouth away only so I can look him in the eyes. “Jaxson. I love you.”
One side of his mouth curls up. “I love you, Hazel.”
Outside, the snow falls and the ground freezes, and the cold tears through those brave enough to weather it.
But here, inside with him, I’ve never warmer, or safer, or more sure of anything as I am that Officer Jaxson Rivers is my hero…and the love I’ve always wanted.
Epilogue
Hazel
New Year’s Eve
I’ve never been to a cop party before. I mean, that’s probably obvious.
But Saint, Jaxson’s brother, and his fiancée, Lyra, are hosting a whole bunch of them at their house for New Year’s Eve. There’s me and Jaxson, of course. And then there’s Saint’s buddy Rhys Hartley, who’s on the SWAT team, and his fiancée Violet Randall, who I realize I know as Violet Sweet because I freaking love her romance novels. Their friend Dominic Black, a vice detective, is there with his fiancée Serena. And rounding out the crew is Jaxson’s old baker partner Gunner Hansen and his fiancée Isla, whose salon I visited recently to get my hair and nails done. She’s amazing.
It seems like the party theme is “cops and their fiancées,” since literally everyone there is engaged. Dominic and Serena’s wedding is in the spring. Saint and Lyra plan to tie the knot early summer. The other couples seem fluid on their wedding dates, but I’ve never been surrounded by so much love before.
The handcrafted cocktails flow, the music is bumping, and the food is beyond delicious. It’s a little crazy this is a cop party. I don’t know what I expected. Maybe for them to all be uniform reading policies and procedures to one another?
The ladies are all so different, but so friendly. A bartender, a novelist, a graphic designer, an esthetician…and me. What am I? I’m a project manager, I guess. I love the corporate world. I love managing projects and bringing ideas from discussion to production. But what am I?
I’m a survivor.
As I look around at everyone, who I suspect based on the bonds that connect these police officers, these heroes, are a sort of family in their own way, I realize they’re sort of like my family too. After all, they love Jaxson…and so do I.
Since the day I testified, he and I haven’t been apart for more than a day. He’s been staying at my house with Cookie more often than not. He even met my sister before she left to go home, and we spent Christmas with my dad and with his family. It hasn’t been long, no. But both our families know we are serious.
The best Christmas gift I received was a unanimous guilty verdict for Howard Barber on seven counts of first-degree murder and one count of attempted murder. He’s going to serve eight consecutive life sentences—one for each of the women he killed and one for me, who he tried to kill.
The second-best Christmas gift I got was a pri
vate meeting in a small conference room in the courthouse with the two little girls who effectively saved my life, and their parents. I’ve never sobbed so hard with total strangers, but we’ve vowed not to be. I got invited to attend the girls’ school holiday concert, and I sat in the front row with their parents with huge bouquets of flowers and only a small handful of people knowing that I wasn’t just an old friend of their mom’s from college.
My gaze finds him where he stands with all the guys, his brother beside him. He’s beaming. His sergeant informed him he passed his sergeant’s exam with flying colors, and to expect that promotion to come inside a couple weeks. It’s all Jaxson’s wanted—to follow in the footsteps of the great leaders before him and manage a crew of talented, caring officers who want to do nothing more than protect and serve, just like him.
He called to tell me that news this afternoon first, before he even called his brother or Gunner.
One minute to midnight, Lyra goes around to shut all the lights off so we can watch the ball drop in downtown Ridge City on TV in all its bright, high-def glory. There was no way we were going to talk a bunch of cops to going to a crowded downtown area, so this was the compromise, and it’s a better one. There’s something intimate about sharing the birth of a new year with friends.
Jaxson comes to stand behind me, snaking an arm around my waist and handing me a glass of champagne.
“What’s your wish for the new year?” he asks me, nuzzling the side of my neck.
I tilt my head back against his shoulder. “Good health for my loved ones. Peace. Continuing to grow in my happiness and find out new things about myself.” I turn my head toward him. “Love. Lots and lots of love. With you.”
“No need to wish for that,” he says, then kisses me. “You’ve got me.”
“What’s yours?” I ask, but just then, everyone begins shouting the ten-second countdown.