My husband was looking directly at me.
The world fell away, and it was just the two of us standing together in the kitchen.
“What?” I asked him, as the thunder of boy’s feet could be heard on the ceiling above us.
Suddenly, his arms were around me.
“God, Claire…I love you so much. I hope you know that.”
“Where did that come from?” I asked, astonished, wondering if he had been able to read my mind.
“You’re everything to me. You and the boys. I am just so thankful for you. And I’m sorry if I don’t show it like I should…” his voice trailed off.
“Hey, we are both guilty of that….” I said as I looked up into his eyes, sincere with love.
And then he kissed me. He kissed me in a way that I hadn’t been kissed in a very long time. The kind of kiss that instantaneously makes you feel alive. The kind of kiss that makes you feel like a woman.
He turned, walked into the foyer, and picked up his briefcase. Before he walked out the door, he called out, “See you this afternoon, beautiful!”
The door clicked shut, and I stood there listening to the sounds of morning, basking in the wave of happiness that washed over me.
Chapter 6
Dreams.
Tumultuous, captivating, and sometimes frightening, all unfolding in slumber’s rapture.
Flying, soaring over tree tops, dancing with the wind. Laughter moving across the water. Pieces of life entangled with exotic places and unknown faces, reassembled into broken bits of reality. Creeping in the night to bewilder our minds while we sleep.
I had never paid much attention to my dreams before. They were side notes, fuzzy happenstances of the twilight realm. But lately my dreams had become something more. Frantic and intense. Filled with pieces from the dream of losing Ben, resurfacing and intertwining into hazy nightmares.
When the morning would come, moments of the images from the night before would come back in swirls, glimpses and strange disconnected details.
Then, slowly drifting away as the day unfolded.
The early morning sun poured in through the window, and I put my head on Ben’s shoulder. Waking slowly, from another nightmare filled sleep.
It was still early and the boys were sound asleep. He ran his fingers along my shoulder softly, tickling me a little. I heard him sigh and I snuggled in closer.
“I was thinking about working in the yard today. The weather has been so nice and the flowerbeds have been begging for my attention,” Ben’s voice soft and throaty from sleep.
“How about the boys and I help?” I offered.
“I was hoping you would say that,” Ben said as he pulled me in even closer.
I felt secure, wrapped up in blankets and his love, as the images of the night slipped completely away.
Before long the boys were there bounding onto the bed. Ready for the day to begin.
After a few minutes, I got in the shower as Ben took the boys down for breakfast.
The hot water invigorated my body, making the bathroom steamy, as I closed my eyes.
The water ran over my face, blinding me to the world.
There was a tap on the shower door and I jumped.
I opened my eyes and saw Ben standing there.
“Is there room for me in there?” he said, his eyes playfully looking me over.
“Wait. Where are the boys?” I asked, nervously.
“They’re watching a new episode of Pat the Dog. A tornado couldn’t pull them away.” He laughed.
I hoped he was right.
He slipped off his boxers and stepped inside. He stood behind me and I closed my eyes, feeling his lips on the back of my neck.
My body electric. His touch precise.
The pulse of pleasure coursed through me. His breath warm in my ear. I turned around to face him as water rushed over both of us. I put my lips on his, enjoying the taste and feel of his tongue in my mouth. Slipping himself inside of me, I instinctually bucked myself against him. He held onto my hips, meeting me with return thrusts. An explosion of fireworks erupted from my body. Leaving us both shaking in its wake. He kissed my cheek, my nose, my lips, as the water shifted from hot to turn lukewarm.
Reminding us we were on a time limit.
But neither of us were ready for this stolen moment to end.
Our eyes were locked. His surged with emotion.
“God, Claire, I love you so much…”
Before I could respond, the water turned ice cold and I screamed.
Laughing, Ben got out to get me a towel.
After breakfast, we loaded the boys up in the car and headed out to the plant nursery and garden center, only a few miles away. This was one of the highlights of the season for me. Wandering down the aisles of plants so deep and vast, it felt as if we were in the center of a dense forest, right here in the middle of the city.
When we entered the greenhouse, I was immediately swept away. Tall potted fruit trees and containers upon containers of pink, yellow, and purple blooms surrounded me.
A fine mist hung in the air, the smell of damp soil riding on it. The very whiff of it made me want to be elbows deep in the garden. I half wondered if they planned it that way so you couldn’t leave this place without a cart full of plants.
Ben pushed the dolly cart around with the boys sitting proudly on top. I looked at all three of them, wearing baseball caps and black Nike tennis shoes. My guys, I thought happily.
My boys, little versions of Ben, with their good looks, dark hair and tanned skin. Their father made over. Except for their eyes. They both had my brown eyes with the familial yellow flecks. I was glad to know some part of me was put into their genetic makeup, but then again, I couldn’t complain if they looked like their father. He was a beautiful man. Even after all this time, my heart fluttered when I looked at him. Especially after a morning like this one. The memory of our shower together made my cheeks instantly flush.
I had trouble choosing what plants to bring home. The choices seemed to be limitless. There were jasmine flowers, hibiscuses, roses, daisies, and lilies. There were climbing vines and flowering bushes. Not to mention the many varieties of trees and evergreens.
It was always hard for me to narrow down my choices, and I always left with more than I actually needed. This time was no different. Even the boys had picked out their own flowers to bring home and a set of windchimes to boot.
After we loaded our treasures into the car, we headed home. Only stopping at Frank’s Pizzeria to pick up a pizza for our lunch. Saucy and delicious, authentic Italian goodness. A regular go-to for us.
After eating, we all headed outside to work.
With a symphony of bees humming, birds singing, and a warm breeze blowing all around us, Ben and I laid our plans in motion. While the boys sat happily in the middle of a clover patch trying to find a four-leaf treasure.
Ben began raking the fallen leaves, but once the boys saw him, they jumped into his piles over and over again, destroying them. For some reason, Ben didn’t seem to mind their disruption. He just kept looking over at me, smiling.
I distracted the boys by getting them started on planting the flowers they had chosen. We had given them the flower bed that went around the large elm tree in our backyard for their plantings. Happily, they went straight to work.
While they were busy, Ben was able to finish raking the yard, and I cleaned out the bird bath and weeded the flowerbeds in the front yard.
When I walked back around where the boys were, they were covered in dirt from head to toe.
“Look, Momma! We did it!” Oliver called out.
Grayson rolled his eyes. “He crushed most them,” he said, not hiding his disappointment.
I looked at the flowers partially in the dirt and partially out. Stems and petals crushed.
&nbs
p; And I smiled.
“Looks like you fellas worked pretty hard here!”
Grayson shrugged as Oliver bounced up and down.
I looked at Grayson and whispered, “How about I help you neaten these up?” He shrugged again.
“Boys,” I said, my face poised in mock seriousness. “I need someone to catch all those lady bugs that have been flying around the patio. Do you know anyone who could measure up to that job?” I looked around the yard, purposely avoiding looking at Oliver.
I made eye contact with Grayson and winked.
“Me, me, me! I can do it, Momma!” Oliver exclaimed.
“Ah, yes, I think you are just the man for the job,” I told him as his face beamed with enthusiasm. I grabbed a bug catcher and sent him out to work while Ben refreshed the mulch in all the flower beds, and Grayson and I did right by his plantings. By the time we were finished, Grayson was smiling ear to ear, and Oliver was exhausted from his chase.
“I didn’t catch any wady-bugs, Momma.” he said as he handed me his net.
“Hey, it’s okay! You tried and that’s what really matters!” I said as I kissed the top of his head.
I took the boys inside and gave them a bath. Washing off layers upon layers of dirt.
Afterwards, Ben settled them in the living room to watch a movie.
I went into the kitchen, intent on whipping up some chocolate chip cookies.
As I mixed the dry & wet ingredients, I was filled with a deep satisfaction. My heart surged with love, filled with vast expansions of joy, just from the simplicity of life.
Teddy wound himself back and forth between my legs purring as I licked the mixing spoon, savoring the buttery sweetness.
Just as I added the chocolate chips to the batter, Ben came into the kitchen. “What can I help with?”
“I just need to figure out what to put them on when they come out since we don’t have a platter anymore,” I told him.
Ben looked at me strangely for a moment and then walked to the cabinet over the refrigerator. He slowly pulled out my white platter and held it up.
“You mean this platter?” he questioned.
I stopped in the middle of forming the cookie dough balls and just looked at him.
“That platter got broken…I thought…” I stammered.
My mind was muddled. Didn’t it get broken??
I squinted, thinking harder.
“Looks fine to me.” He laughed.
He sat it down on the counter next to where I was working.
“I swear that Oliver pulled that down off the counter and it smashed on the floor….” I continued.
“Crisis averted!” he joked.
I nodded, not convinced.
“You need anything else, beautiful?” he said as he walked up behind me and kissed the back of my neck.
I could feel a rush of warmness that spread all the way through me.
He wrapped his arms around my waist and looked over my shoulder as I tried to finish forming the cookies. It was a little more difficult to work this way. Usually, I would’ve sent him off to busy himself while I cooked, but it felt so good to have him here like this. I wouldn’t dare send him away.
I finally got the cookies prepped and put them in the oven. Ben went into the living room and sat down with the boys to finish watching The Incredibles, a family favorite. The boys watched it at least once a week. They were obsessed with anything superhero.
Before long, the timer went off and I pulled cookies out of the oven, inundating the entire house with the soothing aroma of vanilla and chocolate.
I set them out one by one to cool on the platter. They were picture perfect. While they cooled, I went in to finish the movie with the boys and Ben. They were snuggled up, one on each side of him. I watched as Oliver’s heavy eyelids opened and closed, fighting sleep. He didn’t want to miss one moment of the story.
But as soon as the movie was over, he was wide awake again, and there was a stampede of little feet rushing into the kitchen. The cookies were calling to them.
I followed quickly behind so I could get the platter down from the counter. But before I could get there, and almost as if it were happening in slow motion, Oliver stood up on his tippy toes and reached up to grab a cookie, just out of his reach. And when he did, he pulled the whole platter down with it. It smashed all over the kitchen floor, the sound ricocheting off the walls.
Oliver’s wails soon filled the kitchen.
I had seen it in my mind’s eye, and I knew he was going to pull the platter down, but it all happened so fast. Before I could call out.
For an instant, the whole scene had a nightmare quality about it.
Ben ran into the room and looked at me, his faced washed with shock and bewilderment. After a few seconds, he quickly ran to Oliver’s aid. Ben picked him up, dusted him off, and held him close. The shock of the smashing sound and the loss of the cookies was more than Oliver’s five-year-old heart could bear. He sobbed in his father’s arms.
I numbly got out the broom and swept up the broken platter and ruined cookies as the scene replayed in my mind.
Both the boys were moping over the lost treats, so Ben loaded them back up in the car and took them to the grocery store bakery for some fresh chocolate chip cookies.
After they left, I walked outside and sat on the back patio, feeling numb. I watched absentmindedly as butterflies flew around the garden, landing on our freshly planted flowers.
I replayed the event over and over again in my mind as the newly hung windchimes dinged softly over my head.
How had I known the platter would be broken? Something else from the dream? It had to be!
And as quickly as the questions entered my mind, an uneasiness settled deep into my bones and cold distinct fear began to take ahold of me.
Ben never mentioned the platter to me. He acted as if nothing unusual had happened. I tried to ignore it too, but I couldn’t get it off of my mind. As I slept that night, I kept dreaming of the moment the platter smashed on the floor, over and over again. It roused me from my sleep each time it hit the floor.
Finally, I gave up on sleeping and quietly got out of the bed around four in the morning. I tiptoed downstairs and made myself a cup of tea. I took the tea into the playroom and turned on the computer.
The quiet of the night surrounded me. Every sound amplified. The wind rushed through the trees outside, making a roaring sound, and I could hear the echo of a hoot owl in the distance.
I sipped on my tea and searched in Google for premonition type dreams. In my mind, this was the only explanation of my knowing about the platter and the slide accident before they actually happened.
The search results confused and frustrated me even more.
I turned the computer off and sat in the darkness. I was at a complete loss.
Maybe I’m making too big a deal of this?
I sat numbly lost in thought, turning the lamp on the desk off and on, again and again. The soft yellow hue filling the room, only to be quickly pushed away by the darkness again.
When the sun finally came up, I heard Ben’s footsteps coming down the stairs.
“Claire?” he called to me.
I went to him and wrapped my arms around him. He hugged me back.
“Are you okay, honey?” he asked tenderly.
“Yes, I’m fine. I just couldn’t sleep…”
I didn’t want to tell him the truth. How could I tell him what I was going through? He wouldn’t understand.
Ben was too practical. He would never believe that it was anything more than a coincidence. After what happened to his dad, Ben did not believe in anything outside of the normal, predictable world.
And I had already spent too much time worrying about my dream.
…and Ben was fine.
Everything was re
ally fine.
At least, that’s what I kept telling myself, trying to ignore the darkness in the pit of my stomach.
Chapter 7
Easter weekend slipped up on me before I even realized it. Mom had invited us to come over to her house to celebrate. She was cooking a big meal and wanted all of us kids there. We didn’t usually celebrate Easter together, so I was surprised by her invitation.
But lately Mom had been on this kick, saying we didn’t see each other enough. So, when she invited us, I wasn’t going to be the one to disagree. Especially when Mandi and her husband Lewis had already agreed to come. Not to mention my brother, Jonathan, was actually coming too.
I knew Mom was lonely. I was always encouraging her to get out and make some friends. She had made a few at her bridge club, and she also attended a book club once a month. But, honestly, it wasn’t enough. What I really wanted her to do was find a man to spend some time with. But she was completely against it. She had not dated anyone since the divorce.
Time’s gone by. Mom’s heart long cold, made bitter by disappointment.
I could remember when my parents were still in love. Standing outside my room after tucking me in for the night, kissing under the orange glow of the hallway lights. Whispers of their love rushing in and surrounding me. We were all happy then. Our lives, filled with joy and laughter. Abundant and running over.
I dressed the boys in matching white shorts, light blue shirts with blue and white striped suspenders and bow-ties. I combed and parted their hair to the side and stepped back to look at them as they grimaced at me in return. I sighed and snapped a picture with my phone just as Ben came around the corner.
“Whoa, those are two handsome young men right there!” he exclaimed.
He walked up and high-fived both of them as wide grins spread across their faces.
I looked at Ben, wearing a t-shirt and gym shorts.
“Ben?” I tried to hide the irritation in my voice.
He looked back at me expectantly, feigning ignorance and holding back a smile.
The Moments Between Page 7