I knocked and no one answered.
I waited and then knocked on the door again. Louder this time.
Still no one answered.
Panic rose up like a storm inside of me, and I repeatedly hit the door with both fists.
He had to be in there! I didn’t imagine him!
“Answer the door!!” I screamed.
I heard a sound behind me and jumped.
When I looked up, I saw Ben.
“Honey, stop…no one’s there,” he said softly as he came up the porch and put his arms around me. I jerked away from his grasp and beat on the door some more.
“Claire! That’s enough now. This house is vacant!” he yelled.
I looked at him and then looked back at the darkened house. I was defeated.
We walked back together in silence toward our own house, lit up like a lantern in the night, leading us home.
When we climbed into bed a little later, Ben rolled over and looked at me.
“Is there anything you want to talk about?” he said as he gently brushed a stray hair from my face.
I answered with a sharp, “No.”
Ben rubbed his cheek, clearly frustrated.
I flipped over, turned my back on him, staring at the wall, regretting my tone.
I had no reason to be angry with him. None of this was his fault.
But still I stayed with my back to him.
He lay there for several minutes, not saying a word, and then rolled over himself. And soon, I could hear his soft snores.
I tried to sleep, but kept tossing and turning. My night filled with nightmares of trying to save Ben from some sort of death. Different scenarios playing out in my dreams. It was always up to me to save him, and I never could.
I never made it to him in time.
When the sun finally rose, I got up, emotionally drained and physically exhausted.
I pulled into the parking lot at the Arts Center and parked near the entrance. Part of me wanted to leave and part of me wanted to stay. I sat in the car, looking at the window as people drifted in for their 10:00 am classes while the morning’s golden light filled the day.
Finally, I opened the car door and got out.
As I passed through the covered walkway leading to the building, I could see a tiny sparrow nesting in the rafters. She flitted and flew back and forth over my head, gathering materials for her home. As she worked, a flash of blue caught my eye. A Blue Jay perched nearby, watching her. A predator. A danger to her home. Seemingly to notice it at the same time that I did, she squawked voraciously and charged this bird, much larger than herself. Fortunately for her, the large jay flew off. I marveled at how she had no concern for own well-being. Her main objective, to protect her nest.
I could relate.
Once inside, I stood in front of my canvas with brush in hand, staring off into space. I must’ve stood that way for a while because Amanda came by and asked me if I was okay.
I nodded to reassure her, knowing the real truth. I looked up from my still blank canvas and saw Sarina. She looked up too and smiled in my direction.
A strong impulse came over me. One that I had never explored before. I watched Sarina as she began working on her painting again and wondered.
Should I talk to her? Should I ask her about the dream? About Ben? I mean, after all, she is a psychic.
She looked up again, sensing my eyes on her, and I looked away quickly, my cheeks instantly reddening.
I deliberately took paint to the canvas in front of me, laying out a blue and green washed background in an attempt to keep busy until class ended.
When it was over, I stopped Sarina as she passed by me.
“Would you want to get a cup of coffee with me?” I asked, trying to hide the truth in my eyes.
She looked at me warily for a moment and then smiled.
“Sure, that would be nice,” she responded. “When were you thinking?”
“Now…” I looked at her hopefully.
She looked down at her watch and shifted.
“I have an appointment in thirty minutes…” she paused as she studied my face. The anxiety I was hiding betraying me.
“But I think I can reschedule it…”
I let out a sigh of relief and had overcome to the urge to hug her.
We agreed to meet at The Coffee Beanery, just two blocks away. The coffee shop was small and run by locals. I liked it because it wasn’t one of those big chains. There was a quality to their coffee that you couldn’t find at the mainstream places. This was the place where I always picked up my pre-class lattes. They knew me well. My order would already be being prepared before I even reached the counter on most days.
I walked inside ahead of Sarina and sat down at a table for two. I twisted my keys in my hands over and over again as I stared up at a piece of folk art hanging over the table. A tree with a large trunk and spidery limbs, exquisitely carved from dark maple wood, laid over slats of whitewashed planks. Reminding me of the tree in our yard.
I kept glancing out the window. There was no sign of Sarina.
I didn’t know what I was going say to her.
What do you say to a psychic?
Soon she appeared, and I saw her as she came in. As the door closed behind her, a gust of wind slipped in and tossed her curly hair up. Her flowy skirt twirling as she stepped inside. Her movements nimble and graceful.
After she ordered a coffee, she came and sat down at the table with me.
“Thank you for agreeing to meet me.” I looked down, feeling my cheeks burning again.
“Of course, you seemed like you needed a friend.” Her voice kind and soothing.
I noticed how her skin was pale in stark contrast to her brown eyes and dark hair. She put her hand to her face to push back a stray hair, and her rings flashed in the fluorescent lighting.
I wanted to speak, but I couldn’t find my voice. Apprehension was silencing me.
“What did you want to talk to me about?” she asked gingerly, almost seeming to sense my dilemma.
She wasn’t at all like I expected. Not that I knew what to expect from a psychic.
Suddenly the words came. Bursting forth like a broken dam. I told her about everything that had happened since Mandi’s birthday, in great detail. I hadn’t expected to say so much.
She sat quietly for a moment taking it all in, sipping her coffee, before she spoke.
“What I really think is that you are beginning to develop intuitive abilities. These can be very scary at first, but you can’t let fear get in the way. You have to trust yourself and follow your inner wisdom. This is truly a gift, but only if you use it wisely.” Her eyes fixed on mine.
“I don’t want this so-called gift. I didn’t ask for this. Honestly, I just want it to go away. My life has been so confusing and stressful ever since this started.” I meant every word but was embarrassed by my impulsive response, especially considering her line of work.
She hadn’t seemed to take offense. She reached across the table and patted my hand.
“There’s a reason why this is happening to you, Claire. I can’t tell you why it’s happening. I just can tell you there’s a reason for everything.”
Ben’s face immediately came to my mind.
This all started when I thought he was dead. Was that the reason?!
“Sarina, please tell me…is my husband going to die?” The desperation in my voice was impossible to disguise.
She closed her eyes for a moment, and when she opened them again, she smiled gently.
“Claire, I don’t see anything to indicate that your husband is going to die, but I cannot give you any guarantees. I am not God, my dear.”
I took in a deep breath and sighed. That was enough for me.
I looked at her, tears filling my eyes. “Thank
you so much, Sarina.”
Her face suddenly took on a serious look, and she began to speak again.
“I will give you one word of caution. If events continue to match the pattern of the dream you had, I would pay very close attention. Don’t ignore the signs when they are there.”
Before I could say another word, she stood up.
“See you next week in class!” she said as she turned and left the coffee shop.
The bell on the door dinged as she closed it behind her.
I sat at the table alone, reeling.
Don’t ignore the signs? I had no idea what she meant by that. What was I supposed to do?
The events were matching the pattern… and I was helpless to stop any of it.
Chapter 14
The days after my talk with Sarina were filled with dread and apprehension. I was looking for a monster around every corner. Everything made me jump.
And Ben was always giving me the side-eye. He knew something was up, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. I wasn’t doing anything in particular that he could say was wrong, but I definitely wasn’t myself and he knew it.
I couldn’t tell him what was going on with me, and I especially wouldn’t dare tell him about my talk with Sarina. Ben was a skeptic, at best. He grew tense around the subject of spirituality. He didn’t believe in any power outside of himself. The experience with his dad and the faith healer had soured him permanently.
When Oliver’s toe burst through the right foot on his dinosaur pajamas, Ben and Grayson laughed at Oliver wiggling his toe out the hole…and I cried. Ben thought it was because I was sad Oliver was growing up.
If he only knew the real reason…
I refused to let it be another foretelling, so I took the pajamas and sewed the hole back up, only for his toe to pop right back out the next day. And I cried again.
Could I not even change something this small? Was I completely powerless?
I filled my days with busyness to avoid thinking about my dream, filled with a desperate sense of responsibility that I had to keep watch over everything happening around me, so nothing could go wrong.
And strangely enough, the nightmares stopped.
But my compulsion did not.
I struggled to recall the events that happened in the dream, but most of the details were fuzzy, with only a few sharp images remaining.
Terrible images. Painful images…of Teddy going missing…and Ben dying.
Thank God, neither of those things had come to pass… but the terror…the nagging fear of it looming over the horizon…was just about more than I could stand.
Thinking about the man next door became an obsession. Watching, waiting for him to reappear. His crystal blue eyes searing my mind. While the words he spoke swirled around in my thoughts. “…You can’t stop fate…Death is coming…”
Every time I was in the front yard, I would look for him, but he never appeared again.
Where did he go?
It seemed impossible that he didn’t exist. I remembered his voice…and his crystal blue eyes so distinctly. Unique and intense.
I found myself trespassing on his property, repeatedly. Hoping to catch a glimpse of him again. To solidify to myself that he was real. My quest went unanswered.
In a desperate attempt for answers, I accosted Mrs. Parks. She was checking her mail when I spotted her. I moved quickly across the yard, bare feet on grass, to talk to her.
As soon as she saw me, she moved quickly to get back inside, not interested in conversation. I called out to her as she shuffled away in fuzzy pink slippers.
I caught up with her just as she reached her porch. A rounded portico.
“Mrs. Parks, I am so sorry to disturb you.” My words choppy, out of breath.
Her face, cold and taut. There was no hiding her displeasure in my company. Her hair was snow white, cut into a chin length bob that curled perfectly under her chin. The lines on her face, deep and trenched. Her eyes a deep brown, and from her facial structure, I could tell she was a beauty in her day. On her face she wore thick-lensed glasses with an oversized frame. She pushed them up on her nose as she studied me warily. My eyes went to her floral housedress, slightly askew. She straightened it right away as if she had read my mind.
“What do you want?” she asked curtly.
“I wanted to ask you about the man across the street.” I glanced over at the old man’s house as I spoke.
“I don’t know any men around here,” she said, as she turned to walk away.
“The man…the man who lives next door to me,” I said as I followed her onto her small portico. There was barely enough room for the two of us.
She turned and eyed me narrowly. “What man?” she said coarsely.
“The man who lives to my left, in the white house with green shutters.” I pointed back across the street.
She looked at me with uncertainty and then eyes drifted over to the old man’s house.
Her face immediately softened.
“Are you talking about Ed?” There was a tone in her voice that hadn’t been there before.
“Actually, I don’t know his name…” I answered.
“Ed has been dead for ten years, young lady. He was my…my friend…and now he’s gone.” Her voice crackled as she spoke.
Her eyes glistened with a far-off look. Lost in time. And then they filled up with tears.
“He had the most beautiful crystal blue eyes…” she trailed off, still lost in memory.
Every hair on my body stood on end.
She continued to mumble to herself as she went inside and closed the door behind her. I stood on her porch looking at her closed door, red and faded from years of sunshine.
The rush of shock gave way to a deep sense of uneasiness.
Crystal blue eyes?
That was definitely him….and he had been dead for ten years.
The days were long and the nights were longer. I still wasn’t sleeping well. Images of the old man’s crystal blue eyes filled my mind every time I tried to fall asleep.
Fatigue and paranoia didn’t make the best combination.
And then the day arrived, where I came completely unraveled.
“Oliver! Come play outside with me!” Grayson called out. His voice echoing through the house. I walked around the corner and saw him, with the back door standing open.
“Grayson, shut that door, we don’t want Teddy to get out,” I told him, remembering my dream.
But it was too late.
Just as Grayson stepped forward to close the door, Teddy darted right past his legs and out into the yard. Disappearing out of sight immediately.
I pushed past Grayson and ran out after him.
“Teddy!” I called out desperately. My heart in my throat. Not wanting this to be real.
It was almost as if he had vanished into thin air. We searched the neighborhood, under every bush, car, and porch. Ben got in the car and drove around for hours looking for him as I walked the sidewalk with his food, calling out his name.
We never found him.
Now, the fear of losing Ben was all consuming. I was barely functioning. When Ben said he needed to talk to me, I knew he was concerned for my stability. I could hear it in his voice.
We sat down on the patio together. Ben opened a bottle of wine and poured us both a glass as I sat in the chair, knees drawn up to my chest, not looking at him.
The night was magical, though I didn’t notice. Crickets chirped in the distance as a steady breeze blew around us, keeping the mosquitos at bay. String lights dangled overhead, twinkling against the dark sky.
We sat together in the quiet of the night.
Ben finally broke the silence. “Honey, please tell me what’s going on with you? You’ve not been yourself over the last few weeks. I know that Teddy runnin
g away really hit you hard, but I am concerned about you. I want to help.” His voice soft and pleading.
“What do you mean, what’s wrong with me?” I snarled.
I wasn’t mad at him. I knew that, but the emotional twister was touching down, and he was in the path of the storm.
“If you’re feeling overwhelmed…we could hire some household help. We could afford it. Maybe somebody who could come in a few times a week. Help with the house. Help with the boys…” he trailed off.
“What are you saying, Ben?? That I’m not a good mother? That I am not taking care of your house?” My voice unrecognizable, even to me.
“God, no…I just want to try to help you feel better…” His voice was still soft, but I could see I was pushing him too far. His face flushed with anger, but I couldn’t stop myself.
“You want me to feel better? Really?! That’s the most absurd thing I have ever heard! You don’t give a damn, Ben! You’re never here. You are always working! When you are here, you’re not really here! Why don’t you just put in a bed at work and stay there?!”
I knew none of that was true, yet it was spewing out of my mouth uncontrollably. I wanted him to be angry too. I was angry. Angry at what was happening. Angry at how I had no control over my life. I wondered if I ever had any choice at all!
Was this God’s cruel plan? To force us to walk footsteps that we didn’t choose?
Leave us helpless?
Resentment seethed out of every pore.
“Are you kidding me right now?” His face twisted, anger unleashed. “After all I do for you?! This is how you’re going to treat me? I bust my butt for this family. I give everything to you and I ask for nothing in return. How dare you, Claire? Who the hell do you think you are?”
He stormed inside the house and slammed the door behind him, silencing the crickets.
The late spring moon was high in the sky, with only the sound of night lark calling nearby.
The Moments Between Page 14