Cowboy Kind of Reckless

by Becca Turner

“The same way I loved discovering I had brothers? Trust me, it came as a shock. I was angry and felt betrayed. Especially when I found out my grandparents left a ranch to these two. It didn’t seem fair. Joy might feel the same way.” She hated the new worry pressing on her shoulders. For once it would be nice to relax. But she couldn’t do that until she knew Joy would be all right.

  “It’s Jody’s choice. Don’t push her into anything.” Luke frowned at Jessi. “It’ll be okay, no matter what she decides.”

  God, I hope so. Jody leaned into Nolan’s touch. “Thanks, Luke. It’s just that coming here and finding out that I had so much family was overwhelming. I don’t want to do that to her. Not right now.”

  “See? You care about her and her feelings. That’s what’s important. I’m sure Danica and Brandon will appreciate that.” Nolan patted her back. “Joy’s lucky to have them, but I think you would’ve been a great mom.”

  “Guess we’ll never know.” She twisted the hem of her t-shirt. “I wish things could be different for us.”

  “Hey, it’s not your fault. Sometimes lousy things happen.” Nolan touched her face. “It doesn’t change the way I feel about you.”

  “Are we missing something?”

  Leave it to Will to interrupt.

  Jody turned to him. “Nothing major.” She wouldn’t be jealous of Jessi for having a beautiful son. Or of Faith for her two happy, healthy kids, and another one on the way. It wasn’t fair to them for her to feel that way. They were good women who deserved their families. Everyone had difficulties. Every person on the porch could testify to that.

  Nolan looked down, then at her. “Tell them. No more secrets, right?”

  Four sets of concerned eyes made her feel like she’d gotten stuck in quicksand. “We won’t be having children.” She explained about her hysterectomy. “It kind of sucks, but Nolan has a niece and she’s about to have a little sister. I have Bear, Shep, Dusty and pretty soon Huck, so it’s not like we don’t have plenty of kids to love.”

  Will cleared his throat. “Maybe you could adopt.”

  She met Nolan’s gaze. “Let’s get over the shock of me not dying, get through Joy’s possible surgery, and past the honeymoon stage. There’s no rush.”

  “None at all.”

  Nolan’s words came out strong, but a flicker of sadness touched his eyes. The man was practically a saint for putting up with all of her troubles. It made her love him so much more. All she could do was show him how much he mattered to her.

  Will made a choking noise. “It’s disgusting the way they look at one another. Damn good thing they’re married, because if I saw him looking at our baby sister like that, I’d either have to get the shotgun or find a place to hide the body.”

  “No, you’ve never looked at Jess like that.” Luke snickered. “Have you already forgotten how miserable you were when she went to Broken Arrow and left you with me?”

  Will’s face pinched. “I think you’re thinking of someone else.”

  “Mmm, no.” Luke shook his head. “It was you. The goofy looking one with the moon eyes every time Jessi came around.”

  Will scowled. “Get over here so I can knock some sense into you.”

  “Don’t make me hide behind my pregnant wife.” Luke stuck out his tongue. “You see this, Jody. This is what you missed out on growing up. Don’t be sad about it.”

  “You two don’t make me want to bring Joy here.” She rolled her eyes. “Can you try to be on your best behavior so her parents don’t think you’re savages?”

  “We’ll be here to make them behave. Don’t worry about a thing,” Faith promised. “I mean, that leaves the kids running wild, but they’re better than Luke and Will any day.”

  “I’m wounded.” Luke pressed his hand to his heart. “I’m a perfect gentleman. Always.”

  “You’re fine on your own. It’s when the two of you get together that we have trouble.” Jessi shook her head. “They’ll be fine when Joy gets here. You have our promise. Doesn’t she, Will?”

  “I suppose I’m not getting laid if I put one wheel out of line?” He arched a brow at his wife.

  “You suppose right.” She patted his leg. “So be a good boy for one afternoon.”

  “Well, since it’s for the kid, I guess.” He sighed. “And because I want sex.”

  “Overshare.” Jody held out her hands. “Please stop.”

  But talking to her brothers and their wives reassured her. Maybe the Severns wouldn’t regret coming out here. Showing them around might even be fun.

  She managed to smile, but her stomach still tied itself in knots as she imagined Joy’s disappointment in her.

  * * * *

  Fall weather dropped on Swells the day before Joy’s visit. The wind held a chill, but the temperatures were perfect for sitting outdoors. Jody dressed in a long-sleeve western shirt and new dark blue jeans. She took extra time fixing her makeup and hair, then chastised herself silently for it. Like Joy would care about what color eyeshadow the woman who’d given her away wore.

  All the way to the Tumblin’ B, she kept an eye on her phone in case the Severns changed their minds about coming. Nothing popped up but a couple of notifications from apps. Nolan shook his head every time she let out a sigh.

  She’d insisted they get to Will and Jessi’s early to help set up. It was supposed to take her mind off worrying, but she couldn’t keep her gaze from the road. No matter how many trips she made from the house to the backyard, she couldn’t help watching for strange cars.

  When a cranberry colored sedan rolled into Will’s driveway, her heart jumped like it might explode.

  Nolan came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist. “You’re going to be okay no matter what happens.”

  She licked her dry lips. “I guess so.”

  The rear passenger door opened before the others. A small girl with dark hair slid out of the back. She wore a pink shirt with a glitter-covered unicorn on the front. Her pink leggings had little yellow horse shoes all over. Her tennis shoes lit up when she took a step away from the car.

  If she’d spotted Joy in a store or a restaurant, Jody would have known her immediately. No denying she looked like Jody and a little like Will. Like their father had.

  Jody’s knees weakened, but Nolan pulled her against him.

  “Breathe,” he whispered in her ear. “She’s beautiful, huh? Just like you.”

  She couldn’t do anything except nod. Joy was petite and it only enhanced her fine features. The point of her chin definitely came from her real father. And her ears. The poor kid.

  The front passenger door opened and Danica stepped out. Brandon followed from the driver’s side a moment later. They flanked Joy and took her hands. Danica waved at Jody, but Brandon couldn’t because his other hand was occupied by a covered pie tin.

  “Geez, Jody, smile at them. You look like a statue.” Nolan poked her side. “Come on. She’s going to think you’re weird.”

  He wore his naturally charming smile and before the Severns reached them, Nolan stepped around her and offered his hand to Joy.

  She stared at it a moment with solemn, dark eyes. Then she let go of her parents’ hands to take his. “Are you Luke?”

  “No, I’m Nolan Locke. Jody’s husband. Luke’s inside with his wife and the rest of the family. He’s excited about you coming here. We were squaring things away out back before you guys got here. We’re really happy to meet you.”

  Jody’s throat ached with the effort of holding back tears. Her daughter, such a tiny, powerfully loud thing the first time Jody had held her, had grown up a lot. Faint shadows circled her eyes and she was on the thin side, but she didn’t appear weak.

  “Nice to meet you, Mr. Locke.” Joy smiled at him, then looked at Jody. The smile faded before she turned to Danica. “Mama?”

  Danica nodded. “Go ahead and ask him.”

  Nolan raised a brow. “What is it, sweetheart?”

  “Are you a real cowboy?”

&nb
sp; Nolan laughed. “Yeah, I’m a real cowboy. A two-time national champion heeler. I mean, I’m part of a team. My brother and I rope steers. We have a ranch too, kind of like this one. I’d love to show it to you someday.”

  Joy smiled at him. “Do you have horses?”

  “What good is a cowboy without his horse? Mine’s name is Bourbon. He lives in a stable with my brother’s horse, Jacko, and my niece’s horse, Misty. Jody’s horse is there too. His name is—”

  “Splash.” Joy raised her gaze to Jody’s. “We saw you one time. You were doing tricks. Mama took me to see the rodeo.”

  Surprised, it took Jody a second to answer. “Really?”

  “Mmm-hmm. You were really good.” Joy’s eyes widened. “I thought you’d fall off, but you didn’t. It was so cool.”

  She thinks I’m cool. Jody’s stomach fluttered. “I’m glad you liked it. If you come see our ranch, I bet Splash would love to show off for you. He’s great with kids.”

  Joy’s face fell. “I don’t know if we can. I’m sick.”

  The bluntness shocked Jody. She longed to pull Joy into her arms and hug the worry away. “I know. Your mom and dad told me about it, but maybe you’ll get better. Don’t stop believing that.”

  “I won’t get better. Not without a kidney. Daddy says the donor line is really long and you can only get one if someone dies. That’s too sad, so I can’t even wish for one. Unless someone just gives it away, but that’s hard to do too.” Joy sighed. “But…but thanks for inviting me.”

  The screen door slammed and everyone turned their attention to the porch.

  Luke came down the ramp, practically jogging. “Hey, you must be Joy. And Joy’s mom and dad. Hi, everyone.” He turned his thumb toward himself. “Luke, in case you couldn’t guess.”

  Brandon offered his hand. “Hi, Luke.”

  Luke shook Brandon’s hand with enthusiasm. “We’re glad you guys made it. Thanks for coming all the way out. It’s a little drive. If you want to come in, we’ve got cold drinks and appetizers. I want you to meet my wife too. She’s inside. She’d have come out, but she’s almost ready to give birth to our son.”

  “Congratulations,” Danica said. She stroked Joy’s dark hair. “You must be excited. Your first?”

  “My first, her third. I got some practice handling the bigger kids before Huck makes his way into the world, but yeah, I’m nervous. The poor kid might look like me.” He grinned. “Come on and meet everyone else.”

  Jody and Nolan fell behind as Luke led the Severns inside.

  “You okay?” Nolan squeezed her hand. “Wow, she looks just like you. I can’t believe how pretty she is.”

  She released a deep breath. “Yeah, wow. But I see some of Kix in her too.”

  “Wait, wait, wait. Your ex-boyfriend’s name is Kix?” He made a face. “What kind of name is that?”

  “Uh, well, there is a certain country and western artist named that, but you know, I didn’t really stop to ask him why he had such a weird name. He liked motorcycles and leather and at the time, I was into it.” How stupid she’d been.

  “Boy, I’m glad you grew out of that phase. I’m not buying a motorcycle.”

  “Good, because he used to scare me shitless when we rode that thing.” She shuddered. “I’m perfectly fine with four wheels or four hooves beneath me.”

  “Let’s go in before Will tries to charm them with some of his weird humor.” He tugged her hand.

  Jody shuffled toward him. “Do you think she likes me?”

  “I think she thinks you’re awesome. Did you know Danica took her to see you ride?”

  “No, I didn’t have the first clue. When and where had it been? She couldn’t remember seeing either of them. “I can’t believe it. She must not have wanted to make Joy ask questions, because they didn’t approach me.”

  “Well, are you going to tell her?” His blue eyes darkened with concern. “I know it’s been bugging you.”

  “Should I?” She glanced toward the house. “I mean, I want to, but at the same time…I’m cool in her eyes right now.”

  “Up to you, baby. I’m good with whatever you decide.” He pulled at her hand again. “You sure can’t tell her if you’re rooted to the ground out here. Besides, you need to get to know her. She’s here. You’re here. Talk to her. That’s the idea of this meet up, isn’t it?”

  “Yeah.” She forced her feet to move. “Stay with me, okay? I need you.”

  “Right here. Now and always.”

  With her fingers entwined in his, she felt a little stronger. Like he was giving her the courage to go into the house and talk to her daughter.

  When they got inside, the kids had already corralled Joy and taken her outside to the swing set.

  Brandon met Jody’s gaze. “Hey. Thanks for inviting us.”

  Jody gave him a nod. “My pleasure. I mean, I kind of forced Will to accept that I’d be using his house for this. And poor Jessi. I steamrolled right over her.”

  Jessi shrugged. “I thought it was a great idea.”

  “How is she really?” Jody accepted a can of cola that Nolan brought to her. “She seems to be pretty aware of what could happen if she doesn’t get a kidney.”

  “We didn’t want to lie to her. We did tell her that Luke might be able to help and that’s why we came today. I had to take her in for blood tests, so she understands something might happen. She’s been doing dialysis three times a week for the last few months. It’s been stressful.” Danica pushed a piece of cheese around a paper plate with a pretzel stick. Her gaze went to Luke. “You can’t imagine how much we appreciate you trying to help. It’s like a miracle.”

  Luke’s face colored a little. “I’m glad to help as much as I can. She’s yours, of course, but she’s still my niece. I hope someone would do it for me if it came down to that.”

  “I can’t apologize enough for ignoring you.” Jody’s chest tightened. “I knew I couldn’t donate a kidney to her. It was killing me.”

  Nolan stepped forward. “Jody had a health scare too. We’ve got a good idea of what you’re going through when you think you might lose Joy.”

  “Are you all right now?” Brandon’s brow furrowed. “We’re not intruding when you should be resting?”

  “I’m fine. Better than I have been in a long time.” Thanks to Nolan, really. If not for him, who knew where she’d be.

  “I hope you’re hungry. We made a ton of food. Someone’s got to eat it all.” Jessi gestured to the back porch where a table held an assortment of covered dishes. “No time like the present.”

  Jody wasn’t sure she could choke down anything. She’d barely touched the cold drink in her hand. Sitting through a meal seemed impossible.

  “I need to tell her. If it’s still all right with you?” She looked between Brandon and Danica.

  They exchanged a glance. Then Brandon nodded. “We talked about it. We’re okay with it. Are you going to do it now or…”

  “Before I lose my nerve.” Jody set her cola aside. “I don’t know what I’m going to say. Nothing I’ve thought of seems good enough. It all sounds like pathetic excuses.”

  “You’ll say the right things,” Faith said. “It’ll be a relief to get it off your chest, won’t it?”

  “I think so.”

  Out in the yard, Dusty was pushing Joy on the swing.

  “Let me get them up here.” Jessi went to the door. “You two can use the house or the front porch or wherever you want.”

  The kids came running when Jessi called. Joy went straight to her parents and started to reach for a carrot stick, but Danica stopped her.

  “Jody has something she needs to say to you. We’ll be right outside if you need us. We love you, okay, baby?” Danica’s voice came out a little broken.

  “What’s wrong, Mama?” Joy’s dark gaze darted between Danica and Jody. “Am I in trouble?”

  Brandon jumped in. “Not at all. Just listen to Jody and if you have questions, we’ll figure out answers together.�
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  “Um, okay.” Joy watched everyone file out of the kitchen. Her little shoulders were stiff when she faced Jody. “Hi.”

  “Want to sit with me in the living room? The couch in there is pretty comfortable.” Jody gestured that direction. “I hope I’m not freaking you out. I know this is kind of strange.”

  Joy followed her to the couch. “I don’t know what’s going on. How come everyone left?”

  “So we could talk for a minute.” Jody sank onto the couch cushion. As much as she wanted to sink through the floor, that wouldn’t happen. “Hop up here with me.”

  Joy settled in and stared hard at Jody.

  “So, when I was a lot younger, I used to live in Stillwater, like you do.” Jody twisted the horsehead pendant on the chain. “I lived there with my dad. Um, my mom lived here with Will and Luke. They’re my brothers.”

  “I like your necklace.” Joy reached out to touch it. “It’s pretty.”

  Her stomach clenched as her daughter’s small fingers captured the charm. “Thanks. It was a gift. To tell you the truth, your mom and dad gave it to me.”

  Joy let the pendant go. “Were you friends before?”

  “We were sort of friends. We made a deal.”

  “What kind of deal?” Joy crossed her legs Indian-style. “When you make a deal, it’s like a promise. It’s not good to break it.”

  “No, it’s not. We made a deal…because I was going to have a baby and your mom and dad wanted one so bad. They helped me out with medical stuff and when I had the baby, I-I let them keep her.”

  Joy’s mouth opened, then closed. She looked away to a wall where a school photograph of Bear hung.

  “I wasn’t very old when the baby was born. I didn’t have a job or any family who would help me. It seemed like it was best to find someone who could love my baby so much.” Her voice cracked. “But it was one of the hardest choices I’ve ever made.”

  “You’re my mom. That’s why you’re telling me. ‘Cause…” Joy’s eyes widened and her eyes darted around. “’Cause I’m sick.”

  “That’s not why. I’m sorry you’re sick. When you were born, you were beautiful and pink. So healthy. And you were loud. I’ve never heard a baby cry so hard. For just a couple of minutes, I got to hold you and I fell in love, Joy. If there had been any way, I would’ve taken you out of the hospital and dedicated my life to loving you. But I just couldn’t.”