by Annie Seaton
‘If you can’t look after yourself, someone has to do it, love. I’m cooking here, and when I’m cooking, people eat.’
‘Okay, then. Pancakes.’
‘Ice-cream, too?’ Bill asked with a smile, but she shook her head.
He nodded and went back to the stove. Emlyn followed him in and took out a bowl and the packet of muesli that she’d unpacked the day before. She sliced a banana and opened a small tub of yoghurt, took her bowl over to the bench and booted up her laptop. Her hands were shaking.
Ice-cream.
The email that had arrived from David had ice-cream in the subject line, and she knew exactly what he was going to say to her. She’d managed not to open it so far. Her hand gripped the mouse and she hovered over the ‘delete’ button for a few seconds. With a sigh, she clicked on the message, unable to help herself.
There was no greeting.
It’s late Tuesday night, and I’m sitting out in the barbeque area looking at the sky, wondering if the sky is clear where you are. We’ve had a very warm New Year’s Eve down here, and I walked down to South Bank and sat by the river for a while. I thought back to that day when a pretty dark-haired university student gave me an extra scoop of ice-cream on my order.
Butterscotch brickle. When I got to know you, I found out it was your favourite, too. That was obviously the catalyst that sealed the attraction. Just joking.
I waited for you to finish work that night, because I couldn’t get your laugh out of my head. Do you remember when you dropped the first cone before I reached for it? I remember your sticky fingers brushing mine, and I knew then I was going to marry you. Yeah, I know it sounds crazy for a systems analyst to have that certainty, but I don’t think I’ve ever told you that I had that thought in that moment.
David had waited at the counter after he’d ordered that day and she’d dropped the ice-cream cone as she’d handed it to him, because she hadn’t been able to stop looking at his beautiful eyes. His eyes were hazel, ringed with deep green, and they were surrounded by the most beautiful, lush dark lashes. His hair had been longer in those days and the tumble of dark curls had given him a roguish look as he’d grinned at her.
When she’d finished her shift, sticky and smelling sweet like every variety of ice-cream they sold in the shop, she’d walked along the river, and he’d been waiting for her on the seat near the bridge.
She read on and his email mirrored her thoughts.
I told myself that I’d walk west, and if that was the way you walked home, I’d ask you out. I knew when I saw you coming, wearing that hot-pink apron, that we were meant to be.
Emlyn looked down at the finger where her wedding ring once had circled her finger.
Meant to be.
That was their catchphrase, and they’d danced to the song at their wedding. Maybe what if would have been more sensible for them?
What if David hadn’t stopped for an ice-cream that day? What if she’d finished her shift early? What if Mum and Dad hadn’t talked them into going to Fiona’s wedding? What if she’d listened to David?
Emlyn forced away the lump in her throat and kept reading, despite the heavy feeling that was building in her chest.
I’m sorry I swore at you on the phone, but, Em, it’s taking me a long time to come to terms with not having you in my life. I hope you’re reading this and you’ll let me keep working through getting used to it by sharing my memories with you. It makes me smile, and I haven’t smiled in quite a few months. Anyways, sleep tight and don’t let the bed bugs bite. Not that you’d mind, you’d probably have them under a microscope if the little buggers got into bed with you.
Seriously, keep safe and spare me a thought occasionally. Love you.
P.S. Do me a favour. Just hit ‘reply’ and say you read this. Just so I know you’re okay, alone wherever you are. So I don’t have to worry about you.
Reluctantly, her fingers clicked on the mouse and she replied.
I’m okay, she typed.
Memories. Damn him, they meant nothing. It was the past. It was gone.
They meant nothing. She was going to live in the moment and not dwell on the past. Her hands clenched and her face heated. David was living in la-la land if he thought he could convince her to go back to him. If he thought reminding her of a couple of stupid things like ice-creams and movies would change her mind, he was kidding himself. Maybe the old Emlyn would have fallen for it, but she would never forgive herself, and she had to hold onto that thought.
David was wrong. There was no chance for them at all.
Wrong, wrong, wrong. The words fluttered around and around in her head.
She stared at the screen. If Mum had still been alive, she would have been horrified at how hard her daughter was now. And Emlyn couldn’t bring herself to think of her father’s gentle eyes. She was a very different Emlyn to the one who had once been a vital part of a large and loving family.
Damn you, David Barber.
She wasn’t going to think about any of his bloody times.
Happy or sad.
Work was her focus now. If David emailed again, it would go straight in the trash with the others.
Unread.
‘Bloody hell!’
Her head flew up as a loud cry filled the room. Bill dashed in as Emlyn jumped up, thinking that Larry had burned himself. He was sitting glaring at his laptop.
He looked at Emlyn accusingly. ‘I thought you said there was a satellite connection. I can’t get my email.’
‘Mine came through okay,’ she said. She peered at his screen as Larry brought up the network icon.
‘Hmm. It seems to be down,’ she said.
‘Well, you’d better get it fixed. My phone doesn’t have service here and I didn’t bring a dongle because you assured me there was a decent satellite connection. My work depends on an email connection. I don’t want to lose any jobs. If that’s how it is, I won’t be staying here.’
‘All right, Larry. Settle down. Drink your coffee and pull your head in,’ Bill said crossly.
‘I’ll go up to the house and see what the problem is before Travis goes out to work. I should catch him this early.’ Emlyn glanced at her watch: it was just after six-thirty.
‘Have your pancakes first.’ Bill stood there, a tea towel over his shoulder and holding a plate loaded with pancakes. He frowned as Emlyn lifted a shaking hand and took the plate from him.
‘I’ll have some pancakes, too,’ Larry said.
‘Well, come in and get them. I’m not your slave.’
‘All right.’ He picked up his cup and strode into the kitchen, and Emlyn smiled as Bill raised his eyebrows.
‘Takes all kinds,’ he said.
She managed to eat half a pancake, but it was like cardboard in her mouth. She waited until Bill was out of sight and closed her laptop, before she hurried back to her donga to get the keys to the Troop Carrier, but Bill came to the door and called after her.
‘Take one of the vans please, love. We’ll pack the gear into the Troopie while you’re gone.’
As Emlyn drove out, John and Meg were walking back to the mess, and she stopped to tell them where she was going.
‘Okay. No rush. We’ll head out about nine. I’ve got some emails to send first, so if you can get it sorted that would be great.’ John smiled at her and she couldn’t help comparing his attitude to the arrogant Larry, whom she was fast beginning to dislike.
‘I’ll see what I can do.’
When she reached the old house on the hill, she kept an eye out for the red kelpie, but there was no sign of the cranky dog. The other working dogs were in an enclosure near the shed, but the red one seemed to be allowed to roam wherever it wanted. This time she drove through the gate, and she could look down the hill at the shed where Travis had filled up the Troopie. There were a couple of utes parked down there, so she assumed they hadn’t gone out to work yet. She parked the car and walked across to the stairs. The front door opened just as she put her foot on the bottom rung.
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br /> ‘Emlyn?’ Travis walked down with a cup of coffee in his hand. ‘Everything okay?’ he asked with a frown.
‘Yeah. Not a major problem. Just the internet’s not working.’
‘So that password was wrong?’ He sipped his coffee as he reached the bottom step where she waited.
‘No. That’s fine. It’s been working. It’s just dropped out overnight.’
‘Ah. It does that sometimes. Seems to be if there’s a lot of cloud cover, it resets itself. Or so Joel tells me. He and Gavin are our IT experts.’ Travis yawned and glanced back upstairs. ‘I’ll get him to fix it as soon as he’s up. I wouldn’t have a clue about it, only what I hear him say. Would you like a cup of tea or coffee? I’m pleased you called in, I wanted to have a bit of a chat.’
She nodded. ‘Coffee would be great, thank you.’
‘Milk, sugar?’ Travis asked. His hair was standing up in tufts and he looked tired.
She shook her head. ‘Black with one. Thanks.’
‘Wait here,’ he said. ‘The pot’s fresh. I’ll be back in a jiffy.’
Emlyn looked around as she waited. The sky was still heavy, and she hoped it didn’t break before they got the equipment into the tubes. The green season was not what she’d anticipated; she hadn’t realised it could be as wet here as it was over on the coast in the summer.
Travis returned and passed her a large mug of coffee. She closed her eyes and inhaled the fresh aromatic brew.
‘Real coffee?’
He nodded. ‘Yes. There’s no decent coffee shop within two hundred miles, and it’s one thing I learned to love when I was at university.’
She must have looked surprised.
‘Dad insisted that both Gavin and I went to university. I did agriculture at Gatton, and he started an economics degree.’
‘Started?’
Travis pushed himself off the post at the bottom of the stairs. ‘Come down to the shed. I’ve got a bit of an office in the back there. Oh, and Joel was awake. He’s reset the connection already and it’s working here, so it should be fine over at your camp.’
‘Thanks.’
‘Do you have time for a bit of a chat?’
‘Yes. We’re heading out around nine.’
‘The rest of the team’s settled in?’
‘Yes, they got here yesterday morning and we’re doing an exploratory walk today.’ She looked up at the sky with a frown. ‘Do you think it’s going to rain again?’
Travis shook his head as they walked down the hill to the shed. ‘No, there’s no rain in that. I think it’s going to be a dry run by the look of the long-range forecast and the weather maps.’ He laughed. ‘You know, that’s the only thing I ever use the computer for. The boys call me a dinosaur.’
Emlyn smiled back at him. ‘I couldn’t cope without being connected.’ She wondered what had changed his attitude—or whether he wanted something. Travis was being extremely pleasant and friendly. Coffee and chat about the weather, and not a taciturn expression in sight.
They reached the shed, and he walked across to a door that she hadn’t noticed before. As he held it open, a flash of red shot across the dirt floor and she jumped back as the kelpie ran towards her, yipping and teeth bared.
Emlyn screamed and pressed herself against the wall as the dog jumped at her. The coffee mug dropped to the floor as she tried to push it away, and she closed her eyes, waiting for the sharp teeth to rip through her jeans and into her leg.
The door shut and all was quiet. Warmth ran up into her neck as gentle hands held her shoulders.
‘It’s okay. He wasn’t going to hurt you. He was just saying hello.’
Her hands shook as she opened her eyes and put her hand up to her mouth. ‘It didn’t look like that to me. His lips were curled back.’
‘He was smiling. Bits is a happy dog.’
She shook her head. ‘I can’t handle dogs. I was bitten when I was a child and I’ve never forgotten it.’
Travis held her firmly. ‘I’m sorry. You’re shaking like a leaf. Next time I’ll make sure he’s not around.’
Emlyn drew in a shaky breath as he reached up and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. She was so rattled by the kelpie she didn’t care if he saw her scarred neck. His eyes held hers and he didn’t comment.
‘Take a few deep breaths in and out.’ His tone was even, and she relaxed a little.
Gradually the shaking eased, but Travis continued to hold her shoulders. The warmth of his hands was soothing. It was a long time since anyone had held her close.
‘Thank you. It was kind of you to look after me. I’m sorry for overreacting. I’ve been a bit—’ Emlyn blinked, and her voice trembled as tears filled her eyes and threatened to spill over. ‘A bit—’
‘A bit …?’
‘Just a bit fragile lately.’ The first tear rolled down her cheek and she lifted her hand to brush it away. Travis beat her to it. He wiped it away with his thumb before he pulled her close.
She leaned her head against his shoulder and closed her eyes again as they stood without speaking. His T-shirt was soft beneath her cheek and it smelled clean and fresh. His hand stroked the back of her hair.
Eventually he pulled away. ‘I hope you don’t think I was being too forward. I just thought you looked like you could do with a friendly hug.’
Emlyn stepped back and was able to smile. ‘A friendly hug was nice, and long overdue. Thank you. I’m okay now and I feel a bit silly.’
Travis shook his head. ‘Please don’t. We all have our own issues to deal with. It’s been a long time since I’ve held anyone.’ His words echoed her thoughts and they both stood there quietly, but the silence wasn’t awkward. ‘Life can overwhelm us all at times.’ He moved across to the desk and gestured to the chair. ‘That’s why I wanted to pick your brains about an idea I’ve had. Come and sit down.’
Emlyn picked up the coffee mug. Splatters of dark liquid stained the old rug that covered the wooden floor.
‘Don’t worry about that. It’s fine,’ he said.
She carried the mug across to the desk and sat down. Travis sat back and observed her.
‘I hope you don’t mind me asking you to help me out.’ He picked up a pen and tapped it against the desk. ‘Things have been tough here for a long time. Lots of things you don’t need to hear about, but financially we’ve just been keeping our heads above water. I’ll be honest. I didn’t want you all here poking around in the tubes, but yesterday we had a bit of bad luck with our breeding stock. I can’t afford to replace them. It’s going to make things really tight, so last night the boys and I had a good heart-to-heart about what we can do.’
Travis paused and looked past her, his face grim. Empathy flooded through Emlyn; it pulled her out of her single focus on herself.
‘Before Alison left, things had got really tough, and we’ve stumbled through good times and bad. We had an offer from a gold-mining company last year and I refused point blank to consider it. Gavin was keen, and he was very disappointed when I said no.’
‘How long since Alison and Cassie moved away? And the boys?’ she asked softly.
‘Just over a year ago.’
‘I’m sorry. That would have been extremely hard for you.’
‘Hard? Bloody unbearable. I lost my life partner, my twin boys and my baby girl in one hit.’
Emlyn leaned forwards, focusing on Travis’s words. A ripple of discomfort had shuddered through her, but she pushed it away. ‘Tell me to shut up if I’m out of line, but can I ask what happened?’ The need to comfort him was strong. From her own experience, maybe she could help him with closure. She was a fine one to try to offer comfort, but seeing something through fresh eyes might help him.
He lifted his face and his eyes were bleak. ‘That’s the thing. I didn’t see it coming, and I still can’t understand why.’
Emlyn took her time answering and then she spoke slowly. ‘Sometimes, just sometimes, a woman knows that it’s better if she goes. Bette
r for everyone. You have to trust Alison to know that she thought she was doing the right thing. You seem to have an amicable relationship now, though?’
‘We do, most of the time. For the sake of the kids. I know she was unhappy with how much effort I put into the place, but to provide a decent life for them, I had to spend a lot of time out on the station. You’ve probably noticed that Gavin doesn’t do a lot. He’s always been lazy, and he’s become even worse over the past couple of years. He barely pulls his weight, but he’s still entitled to his financial share.’ Travis sat straight in the chair and put the pen on the table. ‘Look, I’m sorry. I’m really dumping on you. All I intended was running a proposal by you.’
‘Go ahead.’ She waited, but Travis held her gaze, his expression curious.
‘First, can I ask you something personal? Tell me to mind my own business, if you want.’
Emlyn steeled herself.
‘You said you were fragile, and you seem unhappy. I noticed it the first day I met you. I’ve dumped my problems on you. I’m always happy to provide an ear if you need one.’
As much as she was tempted, Emlyn shook her head. Her issues were very different to whatever had caused Travis’s problems.
‘I’m fine, thank you. I’ve had a bit of a hard time over the past year or two, but I’m working through it. And the opportunity to be here in the tubes is amazing. If I ever do need to talk, I’ll remember your offer, though.’ She injected as much enthusiasm into her voice as she could summon up. ‘So, what did you want to ask me?’
‘There are a couple of things.’ He paused and looked at the window. ‘I don’t usually talk to people, or put it this way, I don’t have anyone to talk to much these days. I know that sounds a bit needy, but since Alison left I’ve become a bit of a loner. I’m sorry I was so rude and cranky when you arrived. And on New Year’s Eve, too! Talk about a great start to the year!’ He laughed, but there was little mirth in it. ‘My social skills leave quite a bit to be desired. The poor boys cop it, but they’re used to me. And Gavin … well, that’s a whole other story. He’s never really grown up.’ Travis took hold of the pen again and cleared his throat. When he raised his head and their eyes met, his brown ones held the same neediness that formed her core.